Calculation of Potential Mess Quotient

After years of careful data aquisition, I have come up with a scientific calculation that will predict the amount and severity of a mess generated by a kid-centric activity. I will now reveal the calculation so that all parents can safely and with reliability predict the outcome of such activities.

The Calculation

N= # children involved in activity
A+B+C... = sum of ages of involved children
N/(A+B+C....) = average age of involved child
X= number of children participating without a needed nap
Y= complexity of activity on a scale of 1-10, 1 being most complex, 10 being something akin to falling down

Basic formula is like this:( ( (A+B+C....)/N ) X)/ Y

This is only the basic formula. Now we need factor in some additional variables

R = need to hire professional help to undo damage by activity, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the need to call 911
D = the presence of a dog (or Roomba if you are so lucky) to clean up dropping as you go. D = 10 if the droppings are edible,
D=1 if they are toxic to dog and will necessitate a trip to expensive doggy ER.
Q = the number of cuss words the kid-centric activity is likely to cause you to say, if you drop an f-bomb, square this number
S = the number 2 if more than half the children involved are boys, or 1 if more are girls
M = the amount of importance the Mom places on said activity, from 1-10, 1 being 'I don't give a darn' and 10 being 'If this
goes wrong it's going to take years of therapy and thorazine to fix'.

So now the formula looks more like this:

[ ( [R( ( (A+B+C....)/N ) X) /Y]D*Q] )S]/M


If the score is lees than 1000, rethink the activity carefully, plan for the worst and have a large bottle of wine handy.

Good Luck!