Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Weighing on my mind

  Six years, six months and two weeks ago I met my daughter for the first time. She was 6 days old. Teeny tiny and perfect in every way. Much like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day.



  A couple of months ago a story began showing up in magazines and papers around the country. You can read it here: Guatemala Boy Comes Home . In case the link doesn't work, here is the URL
                            http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20686047,00.html

    I wanted to be happy. I wanted to feel like it gave me hope. Instead I was angry. Beyond angry. One. One small child. In six years, only one. Why? Heh, you would think that there was a huge complicated reason why almost one hundred innocent children are not allowed to go to the loving homes waiting for them. Nope, it's simple. Greed. The entities in Guatemala that govern adoptions will not cooperate because they all want the power and the money. They are unwilling to share, so the children and the families continue to suffer.

  Ever since I first saw this story I have not been able to stop thinking about my girl. Undoubtedly she does not remember me. The last time I saw her was when we were bringing Ahren home. That was over 4 years ago. Soon after that they took her form her foster family and placed her in an orphanage. It took me almost a year just to find out where she was living. The orphanage does not allow visits. Heck, they just are not very nice people and they won't even promise me that if I send gifts for her she would get them. Whatever I send they will use in whatever way they see fit, I have no say.

  The magazine article claims that the family spent $80K to bring their son home. Sheesh, we have spent way more than that. If I thought money could buy her freedom I would be forking it out. Ethical? Nope. But if it could bring these precious kids home, then many of us would be willing to push our ethics aside for the greater good. Maybe that family found out who to pay to get their son? If so, they need to share that information with the rest of us and our government's Guat 900 task force. (Did you know our government has been fighting to get our kids home? Yep, they have!)

  Mad. Just plain mad. Pissed. Angry. Mad. No more sad, depressed, patient. MAD!







Saturday, April 27, 2013

It Finally Happened

When you adopt a child you do not always get a child that looks like you, but they feel the same in your heart, brain and very soul. Ahren was always our son, from the very first breath he breathed. I knew, Chris knew it, Ahren knew it and God knew it. The very first time I saw him, he was 8 months old and the first thing he did was hold his chubby little arms out to me. He wanted his mama. 



When you have children that don't look like you, even if they ARE your biological children, people ask questions. Stupid questions. Very, very stupid questions. Kaytee and Ashly are very different. Kaytee looks like a combo of me and her father. Ashley looks exactly (and acts exactly) like my mother. Both have the exact same genetic heritage and yet they are the sun and the moon. A woman once asked me if they had the same father. I told her No, but I wasn't sure about the mother. I walked away as she tried to figure that one out. Stupid question. 


This year at school, one little boy kept telling Ahren that I was not his Mommy. He has seen us at school, parties and the grocery store and he just couldn't wrap his little brain around it. He is 7 years old, so I don't mind it. He just doesn't understand. Ahren tried to explain, but he is also 7 and not the best articulator. This was really bothering him and it hurt his feelings. That did bother me.

Last week I saw this boy with his family (who happen to all look remarkably similar) at the store. I positioned myself and my boys in line behind them at the cash register. Then I called out to the boy and all the boys greeted each other. Once I had the attention, I loudly asked  him if he now believed that I was Ahren's Mommy. You see, Ahren is adopted from Guatemala and looks different but he is still my son and I am his Mommy. The boy said Yes, and the Mom's face turned bright red and she began stammering and sputtering. I smiled at her to let her know I wasn't upset, just helping him understand. She apologized and stammered on about her oldest child looking Indian (whatever that means) and then got out of there as fast as she could. 

Huuray for families with diversity and Hurray for spreading some i information, one 7 year old (and Mom) at a time!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Oh what a week!

  I knew when I decided to add grad school to my busy life that it would be a challenge.  This is not just school, it is accelerated higher learning and I am taking a course load that makes me more than half time. I am completing a full semester of classes every eight weeks. It's been hard but I am loving it.  This is not what made my week especially difficult.
  Oh no, not school or work or misbehaving kiddos. Nope, this was the week of pathogenic microbes. Monday morning Levi woke up with large swollen pussy tonsils. Nasty! Next Ahren woke up with an earache. Nice. I kept them both home and doctored them with my arsenal of meds. On Tuesday i had to work in the morning but made doctors appointments for them in the afternoon. Sure enough, two prescriptions for antibiotics and two referrals to an ENT. After the doctors office we picked up Seth/Jonathan (so hard to use his new name!) from school. He said his tummy was hurting and sure enough as I pulled out of the parking lot he began vomiting in my new van (we made it to 3,000 miles before the first major uh-oh in the new van). He threw up until the next morning and then I stayed home with him. He was full of energy and feeling better. I was exhausted.
  Then at 5 am Friday morning Levi runs into my room (Chris is already at work) and yelled Mom just before he began vomiting on the carpet. Just as he is finishing  up Ahren runs in behind him and said, "what is.........barf". Right on the carpet next to Levi. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the irony of it all, but I began laughing. I cleaned them up, got them situated with ginger ale and puke buckets, then I cleaned up the carpeting. Poor carpet, it has seen better days. It has been scrubbed so many times it looks nappy. I told Chris we should just leave the floors all cement and put in a floor drain.
So another day home with sick kids. Ahren set the record with 6 episodes (he was so proud). I sanitized everything I could all week, but it still spread. Poor Chris began vomiting late Friday night. Me? I am too tough and ornery to get sick. Hah! I laugh in the face of dual vomiting!

  So what a week. Homework is a piece of cake compared to stomached bugs.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Beautiful Girl, Inside and Out

I blinked and she was not a baby anymore. How does that happen? 
My beautiful Ashley. 
She was the most beautiful baby,
She was the most beautiful toddler. 
She was the most beautiful child.
Now she is my beautiful grown daughter.
How did I get so lucky?



Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Introducing the Newest Member of our Family

I am surprised that a while back when I mentioned that the social worker was coming to do our home study that no one asked about it. Well, we spent the morning at the courthouse finalizing our latest adoption.

Introducing ...........drumroll please..............

Jonathan


 Snazzy suit for court
Little man looked like a million bucks!

County Court #3
Judge Patrice McDonald presiding


A snazzy suit needs snazzy footwear 
Such tiny little feet!

Jonathan looking at Daddy.....
but why is Daddy making that face?



Hugs from brother Ahren



High five from brother Levi



Seth, Levi and Ahren waiting in the hallway before court



And finally, the happy face of Jonathan
(formerly known as Seth)



So why Jonathan? We let him decide. He came up with Jonathan and has never wavered from it. It turns out it means 'Gift from God' and that is what I have always told him. He is truly a gift from God.
See those puffy eyes I am sporting? I bawled like a baby, my heart absolutely overflowing with love and joy.




Sunday, January 13, 2013

Santa photos

I am still working on catching up here. My Mom reminds me daily that she hasn't gotten photos. Then my Dad tells her to hush up because I am busy. Hah! 

Here are pics of the boys with Santa Claus. Every year our subdivision has a special 'Meet Santa' party for all the kids. They have it at the golf course clubhouse. Santa rides in on a fire engine, then he reads the Night before Christmas, we sing carols and the kids get to sit on his lap and tell him what they want this year. Mrs. Claus is there to help out and all the kids get a present. It is something we all look forward to every year. 

Levi laughing it up with the big guy.

Ahren looking a bit pensive. He told me later he couldn't remember what he wanted so he just asked for a truck. That child has the most gorgeous skin. 

 Seth looking worried. Gee I wonder why???

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Humanity

My Dad sent this to me in an e-mail today. I have no idea if it is a true story, but honestly it doesn't matter. The message is still valid either way. In a day and age when man's crimes against one another seem to be all around us, isn't it time we teach our children about humanity?

Here is the story:

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.


Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do
Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued.. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'



Then he told the following story:


Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning..'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt.. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game..

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.


A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.












"A" Baby Birthdays

Yesterday was a special day. Ashley and Ahren both had birthdays. Ashley turned 18 (noooooo!!) and Ahren turned 7. It's hard having a birthday right around Christmas. They just got a bunch of things and that makes shopping for something special really hard. Ahren got a tablet computer and new shoes. He loves shoes! Ashley hasn't decided what she might want. I am thinking maybe some money and a weekend for us girls at a spa. There won't be many more years where we would have the chance to spend that kind of time together.

  Right after the school tragedy our elementary school had a very large police presence. A policeman stood at the front door, two more cruisers sat in the front parking lot and one in the back lot. There were police patrols thru the hallways during the day. I was worried my boys would be scared but they all said it made them feel safe. Now, after the holiday break, we don't even have the traffic cop that works the car rider line. What is up with that? My kids noticed and they are worried. They don't feel safe now. Good lord what have we come to? I don't even know which way is better, cops in the school or not. Kids scared of killers with guns learning how to hide and play dead? Teachers keeping the blinds closed and doors locked at all times? Backpacks made of Kevlar so they are bullet proof? I am so sad, so angry, and so confused.

Seth is continuing his slide down the rabbit hole. He spent yesterday in the principal's office for bullying another child. He pinched him, punched him, and screamed in his face. And this isn't the first time he has picked on this child. When Chris picked him up from school Seth told him he had a great day and was on green. Chris already knew the truth so Seth got to sit on his bed until dinner. When I got home we talked to him. He looked really scared so maybe he gets it, but maybe not. We are cracking down on him. No social events, no playing with neighbors, no play dates, and he has to go to bed early every night. We explained this is not necessarily punishment, but what we have to do to keep him from hurting others and to keep other children safe until he can control himself. he has been picking on Ahren, too, so Seth has to sleep in his room alone and Ahren is in with Levi. It will stay like this until Seth proves he can handle interaction with other children.