Saturday, February 14, 2015

I love him so much

  Jon is struggling. But....he is seeking help,and a grounding in me. He keeps seeking hugs and my affirmations of love.  He is trying.
  In the meantime their is pee and poo in the bathroom on surfaces it should not be on, he is bouncing off the walls, and his language is very inappropriate. He is hurting his friends at school, doing nonsense on his school work, and being super annoying at home. I just keep hugging him, loving him, and talking to him. He went to bed early tonight very willingly. That is a good sign. When he is calm and sleeps he is okay. Poor baby, this really upset him.
  Just to let you know what a kid with RAD/PTSD can do to show you he is struggling, here is the truth: pee on the wall behind the toilet, poop on the wall, dispenser and tub, broken toys, ugly words, underwear with pee and poo, pants with dried pee on them, hitting, sleeping issues, hurting the pets, and any other thing he can think of that is NOT what I want. You cannot imagine unless you have been there. There was a time when he sneaked my earrings and destroyed one of each pair. For a long time I thought I  lost my mind since I only had one of each pair. Then I found the other ones twisted and broken and I figured it out. He was so smart. He took one of each pair and destroyed it. He is so smart.
 Then there werenthe months of poop on everything. Poop on clothes, the walls, the shower, the toys, the doors, everything! Even in the dryer, while it was turned on. Hot poop. Not good!!! We survived and were better for it. Maybe not better smelling but better understanding.
  He needs us to take it. He needs us to persevere. He needs us to be stubborn, and we are, more than he will ever know. Love will win out. We will love him more than he can push us away. He won't win, love will win. We will love him to success. He is so worth it!!!!!

Thursday, February 12, 2015


  If we have learned anything about our RADish it is that changes trigger him. Now take this child who has had so much loss in his life, make his Mama super sad, then have her disappear for a week and you get the Tsunami of fallout. At home he seemed to be doing okay, extra clingy and mildly annoying but hanging in there. Then I got the urgent e-mail from the school. Duh-duh-duh. (scary music)
  I met with his teachers on Tuesday and they painted a very different picture. At school he was out of control, failing his work, picking on others and creating mayhem. They showed me some of his recent work and for one math problem he had answered it DOG. Now that takes some dedication and work to come up with completely nonsense answers. Not just wrong answers, but completely nonsense.
  The kicker, though, was on Monday he had convinced two boys to hold a staring contest and as they tried not to blink, he smashed their heads together. I dare you not to laugh! Where does he come up with this stuff? If he would just use his powers for good not evil……sigh.
  We thought about consequences for all of this but decided to just love him more and help him through this. We are seeing a new therapist but not sure I am impressed yet. We may need to consider a return to meds but only if absolutely necessary to keep his anxiety at a level he can deal with.
  So for now, do NOT let this boy talk you into a staring contest.