This comment was left yesterday and it is definitely a great point.
If you want opinions, sounds like your case, PBJ's, may not be that clean as you would like it to be and for that matter, as all cases should be. Take the fact that you were told that the SW, doing the report, stated that she would be willing to change the report after speaking w/attorney, even though, she believes the BM is not capable of understanding what it means to terminate her parental rights.The question would be, are you willing to proceed knowing that someone may or will fraudulently fix the report so that the case can move on? Knowing that the BM may, indeed, not understand what is really happening to her child?Your heart is with those children, no question about it, but where do you draw the line?
I have asked myself these same questions many, many times. I wish I could talk to the birth mom myself. It would devastate me to think she really wants her baby and someone has tricked her out of raising her child. I am taking steps to have an unconnected party look into the truth for us. I know with Ahren's case the birth mom is still very supportive of us adopting him and that gives me great comfort. But PBJ? I don't know what is real or what is a lie. Can her birth mom even function well enough to care for her, especially now that she is a special needs child?
As difficult as the implementation of the Hague will be, I truly believe it is the best thing to ever happen to Guat adoptions and adoptions everywhere. I had no clue the depth of the corruption when we began this journey. In hindsight we would have made different decisions. And yet, the children of Guatemala need us even more because of the corruption. We need to push for the laws that will protect them. We need to embrace the changes that are difficult but so needed.
As for the future of one PBJ, I am taking it one day at a time. We will fight to know the truth and make decisions based on that information. I have to believe that we were led to these particular cases so that we could experience the problems firsthand and be part of the solution. (Either that or I did something really, really bad in a previous life....Hah)
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Well, while I think the commenter was a wee bit out of line to kick you while you were down, so to speak, you yourself do raise some excellent points.
I think you're right...it's a whole different ballgame (for the birth family) now that PBJ has some special needs. I hope you find the info you need to put your heart at rest and that your babies come home SOON!
I had no doubt that you would make sure, first hand, about PBJ and her birth mother. I have known you a long time and I know you have a heart for these birth mothers as well as these precious children. It is a tough road, but you will make a difference! Watch the movie "Amazing Grace" about the abolition of slave trade in England. The one man "team" fought until he was physically too ill to go on, and yet no change in sight. Bechause of some change in events and his wife's encouragement, he returned expecting complete defeat and changed history and peoples lives forever. This is you - Don't give up!!
Wendy - this is why I love you :) Instead of reacting (in a negative, defensive way as most people would), you responded to this comment with all of the grace and love that anyone could ever hope for. Bless your heart for wanting what is best for the children. . . .
(Now, I do differ in opinion with you about the Hague and the new law, but that is OK!)
That comment also struck me when I read it and I think it was appropriate. Yes, it's a difficult question, but it also leads us to truly contemplate our reasons behind the push. I know it's hard Wendy but I love how you stand up for the truth and the fact that you are pushing for the truth not just for you but for the kids. I hope reform is brought about through this Hague so that NO ONE has to face the trials so many of us have endured. God bless you Wendy!
Wendy I just want to let you know, that Im praying sooo hard for you. This has been such a bumpy hard road, and you have handled this in a true Christlike manner. While unfortunatly, you have not been able to depend on the individuals handling your adoptions, take comfort in knowing that you can depend on God. Lately when I hear the song Jesus take the wheel, I think of you. Just allow him to take it for you sweetie, and know that many prayers are and will continue to be said for you. :)
I am so proud of you Wendy, keep hanging in there, where theres a will theres a way...
Love Hugs and Blessings
Laura
Wendy,
The question is a good one to reveal our deepest moral struggles. And I thought you answered it very well. Good job, my friend. I have no doubt that you hold both PBJ and her birth mother close to your heart.
But another question that weighs just as heavily to us adoptive parents is...Could you walk away from PBJ if you did not know what would become of her?
If one wrong has been done to a family and the system finds and corrects it...good. But if one wrong is done and the system lets the child languish in an orphanage forever...that's two wrongs.
No adoptive parent would ever want to take a child from a family that was swindled. But, I would hate for PBJ to be punished twice because of some slimy adult.
Just a thought.
Love,
Julie
This is so difficult - you want to follow the rules, but at this point you've been through so much nonsense that it seems reasonable to do ANYTHING to get her home with you, and I totally understand that. Why do they make it so hard? Why wouldn't they just want the child to finally have a stable home environment? What does anyone get out of shuffling her around and delaying everything. Everytime I click on your blog I pray for good news. I hope it comes soon.
I am always amazed by you, Wendy. You handle all things with such grace and dignity. You are a true example for us all.....
Hi Wendy, We have been following along your blog, hoping for some good news. Just wanted you to know that we are so glad to have met spent time with you Katie Ahren and PBJ in Guat. We think of you often and pray for you daily. I hope they both come home soon. Cherie and Logan
At last...a blogger who is open-minded and who takes an honest comment and/or opinion from a reader without getting all defensive/paranoid. When you spill your inner feelings and emotions out in public and put in your blog that you won't be responding to "ignorant comments" in your blog, then you might as well go private. If you only want to see sweet comments from people who tell you how great and wonderfull you are and what a great christian you are...blah, blah, blah, then what is the point of having a public blog?. Granted, I'm sure there are some people out there who get down right offensive, but then again, as long as a blog is public, anyone can see it fit to leave a comment if they wish to do so.
And no, I did not kick you while you were down, THEY have been kicking you while you were going down, and continue to be down. I'm sure you didn't see it that way. The truth is that the situation in your case cannot be ignored, nor can you say, screw those people, I'm gonna get me that baby no matter what. The BM thing cannot and should not be ignored; I imagine it would be terrible to have to tell that child one day that maybe, just maybe, her BM didn't really understand what was happening but after all, she couldn't keep her because somehow it was prevented. Furthermore, what "seems reasonable to do ANYTHING to get her home with you". Is ANYTHING doing the wrong thing? This can be taken two ways: either you exhaust every ounce of strength and effort to be found in you to find the truth, or you go above every principle to get what you want.
The question raised about whether the BM is capable of caring for a special needs child is an important one, but so is, are you capable of caring for this child for the rest of your life?
Wendy, you have a lot to digest and a lot of soul searching to do. But most important, you have a lot of searching to do in Guatemala to get to the bottom of this. Yes, the appropriate thing would be for you to speak to the BM to get her version of the story, but I doubt that they will ever allow that to happen. Remember, they're the main players in this game. They control just about every aspect of the process and what is not convenient to them, it just won't happen.
And yes, you're correct in that a new reform and law is much needed if adoptions are to be continued. I hope the unrelated people you have assisting you can give you a clear and truthfull picture. Oh, if it is AS, don't know how much they can help, and I would like to share my experience with you since I would hate to see you waste several thousand dollars. But it would not be the appropriate thing to post it on here. For the record, I'm not accusing anyone of any wrongdoing.
Hope that God leads your heart and mind in the right direction.
Pat
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