Earlier this week, on a website called Precious.org, a blog post appeared about the case against Waiting Angels and ethics in adoption. Precious.org is an adoption website that provides photolistings of children. We didn't find either of our kids from a photolisting but I do love to look at them. Anyway, here is alink to the story on Precious.
http://www.precious.org/blog/blog/unethical-adoption-practices-hurt-everyone/137#more-137
At first I thought how wonderful it is that someone else is sharing the word about the pain we have suffered......then I started thinking about it a little more. And then I read the comments. More of the same stuff we have heard before. "If only we had researched them we wouldn't have been in this situation", "You should have used a good agency, like I did", "You can protect yourself by checking agencies out first". These people want to believe that if they contact the BBB and there are no complaints, then the agency is fine. That by talking to hand-selected references that they can get an honest idea of what the agency is like. That just a little bit of research can prevent someone from taking advantage of you.
Let me set you straight. If someone wants to con you, they are going to make sure that your research finds nothing. They aren't going to have you talk to a reference that isn't favorable. They aren't going to join the BBB where complaints can be lodged. And furthermore, there are many agencies that contractually prohibit saying anything negative about them and will use many different threats to keep unhappy clients 'in line'. Seriously, many many people I have talked to have been threatened with having their adoptions pulled if they speak up. Intimidation at it's ugliest.
I am glad people report they have used good agencies and had good experiences. That is how it is supposed to be. But don't look down your noses at us who didn't get the good experience and accuse us of being at fault. You very easily could have been in the same shoes we are. Don't go congratulating yourselves on being smarter than we are. We are not stupid, we didn't do anything to deserve this.
So let me say this, once more, loud and clear. Bad things happen to good people. We aren't giving up, we won't back down and we are fightin mad. It's time that everyone pulled together to get rid of every unethical, greedy, corrupt or just plain inept agency. The lives of the children depends on it.
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8 comments:
bad things do happen to good people. The fact that agencies write gag clauses into their contracts scare the hell out of me. Isn't that signing away your 1st amendment right? I say do your research and go with what is best for your family, but be aware of what situations may arise. And by all means, if something bad happens to you by fault of your agency shout it to the roof tops!
We had a rough adoption process. I don't hide that, but what kills me is that people think it is because of our agency. They had nothing to do with our delays. It was the Russian government. Opposite issue as you, but still, not an easy go of it.
I totally agree. As an adoptive community we need to pull together to get rid of these horrible agencies. We don't need to stand around blaming the parents. Hugs to you. Angel
Hi Wendy. You don't know me; I saw your posting on the CHEW site and came over to check out your blog. I have read back over most of the older posts; my heart breaks for you and what your family has gone through with WA (and for all those children).
My husband and I were blessed to have had a wonderful experience with the agency that helped us bring home a beautiful daughter from China in December. However, I realize that it was indeed just good fortune on our part. I'm a journalist and normally quite a cynic; at the time we signed with our agency I told myself I had checked them out, but I have come to realize that I zeroed in on them pretty quickly and mostly just trusted them because they seemed like nice people. Your story could have been our story or anybody else's.
I have a theory that when we hear of a terrible crime, we automatically go into a defensive mode and think of all the reasons it couldn't happen to us . . . you know, I wouldn't walk in that neighborhood alone after dark, I wouldn't open the door to a stranger, I always keep my car doors locked. I think when people who had a good adoption experience read about a bad one, they automatically go into that same sort of guilty defense, unconciously thinking of reasons it happened to you instead of them. But that's a silly exercise.
As a journalist, I know that information is power. When people like you tell your stories, it doesn't diminsh our happy experiences in any way. In fact, it helps make sure that there are MORE happy outcomes, that more children are able to come home to their families as soon as possible.
Thanks for telling your story, and I hope you're able to bring both of those beautiful children home very soon.
Way to go!! You are so right!! I am sorry you got hurt and I hope and pray everything turns out right. Stick to your guns.
Gail
Wendy,
I hate that people think that we are to blame for our long road home. I had someone on my agency's board basically tell all everyone with the lawyer I had, that it was our fault that we were waiting. Lucky for her some much calmer folks told her how wrong she was- but I will not respond to her posts and requests for help. Petty of me, I know but her words hurt and I feel that she does not deserve my help since her world is perfect.
Don't let them get you down- this can happen to anyone. A lawyer/agency can have a good rep and one piece of the process canges or a new persons comes in and everything changes.
Love to you
Momma Bug
PS- what weekend are you coming up for a gardening party? I had Little Bug practicing his gardening skills today.
You are so right. Don't give up. Look what my fighting got me. I was almost thrown in jail in GC but Maya is coming home. I am so glad that I continued to fight.
Bad agencies and caseworkers happen to good people. That's a fact, Jack. And I have an appellate opinion sitting there waiting for oral argument to prove it.
I picked an agency run by one of the biggest charities and churches in the United States. Not a bad word to be heard about them and plenty of self-promotion that made them look good. But one complaint and they went for my throat.
The BBB is only good if the agency belongs. Arbritration is not appropriate when the agency defrauds a client the way WA and others have. A refund is not justice.
And if these people who are criticizing adoptive client victims really believe that child welfare state licensure protects or advocates for clients, they are absolutely wrong. The private agencies are contracted to the state, politics are involved and the client is automatically considered not as credible as a social worker. Says it right there in the Office of Inspector General's report to the IL legislature. Deck is stacked.
Sing it sister!!!!
We went with a supposed "Christian" agency, and it came highly recommended from someone we know who had a successful experience with them.
Little did we know that our old agency runs a pyramid scam. So, sure, there are a few adoptions that go thru free & clear.
We were victims. It is what it is. I'm looking forward to our upcoming court hearing against our old agency. Also I'm looking forward to the Grand Jury indicting them for countless acts of adoption crimes. I'm testifying for the FBI against our old agency & their subcontractors. Dozens of others are testifying as well. Hopefully this will get us a refund (in the court hearing) and send the owners, officers, and employees to jail (in the United States vs. THEM!)
As victims we also need to fight. I realize you are. I wish there were more of us like this that will not take this crap lying down. I fight for the children, to end baby trafficking. I fight against our old agency so that they can't commit crimes against anymore adoptive parents.
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