Have you ever wondered......

Why kids never flush the toilet? This has nothing to do with potty training and the fear of being sucked down the drain. This is about children who are taller than I am and they cannot flush the toilet to save their lives. Oh, except for last week when they ran out of TP in the upstairs bathroom so someone got the bright idea to use paper towels. (Ouch!) They flushed then, of course, resulting in a clogged toilet. The rest of the time? No flushing.

Or why does a child go bonkers the second you pick up the phone and say Hello? I was talking to my mother one night and Levi went into the pantry, got a box of granola bars and proceeded to systematically chuck them all at my head. Um, Why? I have no clue. This behavior is disturbing on so many levels, but what I really hate is that my conversations are puntuated with stern warnings and random threats. Again, not Mommy of the Year material, sadly.

Why a child has to wait until the night before a project is due to suddenly announce that they need poster board, a picture of Sir Isaac Newton and glue sticks. Or why that night is the night the printer at home goes wonko and you have to scramble madly to figure out how in world you can come up with a picture of Sir Isaac Newton that's not drawn with crayons. I haven't asked yet what grade she got on the project. I'm afraid to....

Why you can spend $300 at the grocery store, come home, put it all away and the kids still stand there complaining that there's nothing to eat. I swear, we could LIVE in the grocery store and there still wouldn't be anything to eat. Moooooooom, we're starving and there's nothing to eat!

How random sticky spots appear out of nowhere? I can walk thru the kitchen and everything is fine. Pour myself a glass of water, turn back around and my foot will stick to the floor with a resounding thwuck sound. What the? I feel like I am living in Amityville and sticky ooze just appears. And what in the world is so sticky and gooey and could have had time to dry onto the floor? Primordial goo? Some day I am going to be home alone and get trapped like a fly on a giant fly-strip and they will find my dead dehydrated body weeks later, still stuck, and when they try and move my body my leg will snap off and stay stuck to the floor.

Why once someone has a child and realizes what they are in for, they still go on to have more?????