How Do I Even Say This???

Update: In the past 24 hours PBJ has gone downhill. The scan of her brain shows she has hydrocephaly and that the pressure has cutoff blood to important parts of her brain. They are searching for a surgeon who can perform the tricky procedure to insert a shunt to try and save what parts are not damaged, but it may be too late. There seems to be little hope of saving my precious daughter at this point. Please, God, if she is meant to be with you, take her quickly and painlessly. Give her her wings and make her perfect. I am booking my trip now.


Something is wrong. Very very wrong with PBJ. I got an e-mail yesterday morning form the agency telling me they had her scheduled to see the specialist for her head. It was just precautionary, to be sure nothing was really wrong. Then, later, I got a call. Before they could take Peri Brynn to the doctor, the foster mother called in apanic to say she had collapsed. She was laying there playing and she just collapsed. The coordinator scrambled and got her to the doctor right away. The doctor was so concerned by her un-responsiveness and lack of muscle tone that he first immediately ordered blood work to see if she had ingested poison or some drug. When that was negative, they had her scheduled for a head scan and a series of x-rays. They were trying to get it all done last night, but maybe had to finish up today. They will call us later with the results.

Here is where I am so thankful for a good agency. They are just as worried as I am. In fact, the director broke down on the phone and was crying because she was so upset. We talked for a long time. She said she thought I needed to go down there immediately, but I want to see what the results are so I can do some research before I head out. She said they have other children I can meet and I can have my pick. She said that she has a family with a grant for a special needs child and she can place Peri Brynn with them. The unspoken word was ....if she lived.

I am trying to stay positive. I know she was trying to prepare me for the worst case scenario, but I have to believe it will be OK.

Please pray for my sweet child. It is so hard to be so far away and not know anything, not be able to hold her and see for myself or make decisions based on reality. I have never been so scared.