Monday, August 03, 2009

Bad Mom, Bad Mom, whatcha gonna do...

  I have to be honest. There was a down side to our beach weekend. A down side I failed to see coming but should have from a mile away. I was so excited and so sure we were all going to have such a great time that I failed to think about one small boy who has been through way too many changes in his short life.

Ahren.

I failed him big time. I am so sorry and so guilty. He is normally so easy and so adjusted that I never thought about how the weekend might affect him.I had signs. On the trip down there he kept asking about going 'home'. I just kept telling him we were going to our weekend home. When we got there he kept asking to hold me, but I was so busy hauling boxes up the stairs I couldn't hold him. He followed me around, wrapped around my legs most of the day. He drove me nuts with questions. He mis-behaved and acted out all day long and still I didn't get it. There were a lot of people around, lots of chaos and people he didn't know. He wouldn't eat. He cried. He screamed and hit and did so many things he shouldn't do that were dangerous....and I just got annoyed with him. 

And then, when everything quieted down, I suddenly got it. Oh my goodness, what was I thinking? Poor baby was scared to death! He wanted to go HOME. And I didn't get it. I didn't even comfort him. I was just too busy. 

I am the worst Mommy ever. I suck. Big time. I hate myself.

That night I crawled into his itty bitty twin bed with him and snuggled him all night long. I reassured him I loved him and would keep him safe, even as he slept. I slept very little. Oh my sweet little boy. Mommy is here!!! 

On Sunday morning, he woke up and was himself again. The chaos was gone, all the people, the business, it was just us. He calmed down and began to be even-keeled. He slept on the way home and now on Monday, he is himself completely again. 

Sweet, ornery, active and funny. I need to think about the situations for him. That is my job. I might have failed this time, but believe me, next time will be way different.

I promise!!!!


10 comments:

Deb said...

You did not fail him- you are stuck in the same place with me- no instruction manual for how our boys will react in any new situation.

Love and hugs,
Deb

Kathy said...

You figured out what was going on and that's what counts. You are an awesome Mommy and you did the right thing in the end.
Kathy

ahren's god mommy said...

No, you did not fail him. Every Mommy gets caught up in the chaos every once in a while (boy, do I know that and I only have ONE!). What counts is that you figured it out and that you consistently come through for him on so many more levels than just one overnight visit to a new weekend home. He takes time to adjust to new things, yes, but the point is he always ends up adjusting well, and with your love and support. Don't waste your worries on whether you are a good Mommy. You are a great one! My MJ tells me this all the time! :) Love y'all! (OMG, I'm from Cali and you've got me saying "y'all"! :) )

Reba said...

I have done that with both of my Guatetots too many times. :( You would think I would recognize it the next time, but it sometimes takes a big smack on the head to realize, "Oh yeah..." It is a learning process...right?

ManyBlessings said...

Oh yeah...I've sung this song too. Ugh. But you know what? You did the right thing. You caught what was happening and you comforted him. And each time he has one of these experiences, it's like adding another brick to his house of security. He sees that "we go away, but we come home, and my mommy still loves me." Little by little you are building that house. Yeah, sometimes a brick gets knocked loose, but you did the right thing and you put it back in place with more mortar than before. You're making that house stronger and stronger.

dawn

Mamita J said...

Wendy,

This is not a failure. It is an opportunity to apologize, talk about his fears, and help him grow more secure. Also, it's an opportunity for you to grow in your parenting skills. Consider it a lesson learned.

Also, remember to be thankful that life is so good that you could forget his fears. We talk about being safe, and loved forever, and fears, and bad guys, on a hourly basis.

Love,
Julie

Vanessa said...

Wendy, You're a GREAT mom and you did what you thought was best for your family. Some times life throws us a curve ball and you've already figured it out!! HUGS sweetie!

Ellie said...

Oh honey... I can write you a little BIG book about this...

FIrst off~ You are a VERY GOOD MOMMY... Heck, remember I asked you to adopt me?!~!

2nd... THis is all new to Ahren... Transition Period...

3rd... You are a good Mommy

4th... You didn't fail him

5th... You are a good mommy

Do you get this!!!!

Angelena is very much like this, but I have to keep in mind that she has Sensory Processing Disorder. She has had some MAJOR breakdowns over the past few weeks... Infact, a major major one last night. Many people seem to say, oh your kids are just spoiled... But they aren't... They just don't understand, or are willing to try to understand. Angelena, as well as Ahren, has gone through Many Many Many changes in thier first few years of life. As an adult, I try to put myself in her shoes and see just what she has to cope with. As an adult it would be rough for me. So it is going to be even rougher as a child. I have learned a few things in my life through experience, they haven't experienced it yet, so they can't see how to adjust so quickly.

I so hope that made sence.

All I am trying to say is, you are not alone. There will be times you have to decide which battle you want to battle. Sometimes a battle isn't worth it... and you let things slide. But other times you will have to stand your ground. ANd then there are times that you need to just reassure them... And that is just what you did... The Intence situation was gone, he was reassured with your comfort, and he calmed down.

Speaking of last night... I fought the battle, and couldn't let her see that she had gotten to me. She cried, screamed, kicked, begged, and I had to keep my back to her, cause I didn't want her to see me crying... It was more like a power struggle with her... Guess who won?.... Me... ANd that hug at the end meant so much more to each of us then anyone would ever know.

Hugs, and Stay strong, and never NEVER 2nd guess yourself... You are a great mom!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Dont make me send the Chapstick Taker Girl down there. She evidently spilled milk on the floor today. She is really a pain in the neck.
Anyway, you HAVE to expose Ahren to new situations (like you did). He HAS to have the opportunity to experience new things (like you provided him), to learn from them. This weekend he learned that leaving home does not mean losing his home.
Sounds to me like you did everything right.

Dana said...

Hey, the best Mommys are the ones that care enough to feel like failures. You are the best and i should know!!
Love You!