Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ahren Issues

Time for another little dose of reality on my blog. It is not all goodness and light all the time. I have an awesome fam, the bestest hubby, smart and sweet kiddos, etc etc. I always try and focus on the positive. But sometimes.....sometimes....I am positive I am losing my freaking mind!

The 2 weeks leading up to Christmas were increasingly difficult for Ahren. The excitement pushed him over the edge, so to speak. Behaviors we had not seen for months began to surface (spitting for one) He became more and more demanding, more and more helpless, and the whining. Oh the WHINING! How can a child manage to say one word, Mommy, with such a whine it could peel century old paint off the woodwork? 

Ahren became more and more clingy. He needed constant re-assurances about everything. he no longer could go to the potty by himself, feed himself, or even pull up his pants. He also began to ask questions. I am not talking about a normal toddlers questions. I am talking about asking the exact same question 30 or 40 times in a row. Even if I say Yes and start to do what he is asking, he keeps repeating the question. Over and over and over and over. Many, many times. 

He tells me he doesn't love me. He tells me I am not his Mommy. He says he hates me. He tells me he doesn't love me anymore. (We do not talk like that so I have NO idea where he gets this language from) Then when one of the other kids calls me Mommy, he freaks out and says I am HIS Mommy, and claims me all to himself. Right now he is sitting on the floor screaming at me that he doesn't love me and he is not part of our family all because I turned the Wii off. (Keep in mind this kid has not even turned four years old yet) I just keep telling him it's too bad he doesn't love me because I love him and that's not going to change. He is stuck with me. 

I try and remain calm and unfazed by all this. The more he lashes out the more I show him love. The actions tell me that he is that insecure and the worse his actions are the more support he needs. Oh My Goodness it is HARD. Here is my sweet, cherubic, beautiful boy, one I fought so hard to bring home. And he HATES me. (Not really, I know that) 

Oh Man, I am so glad the holidays are over. We need a healthy dose of normalcy. A big ol RUT to slide into. Some boring, same ol' same ol'. And maybe a few extra hugs, some Xanax and a vacations away form the kids!!!!!!

So there you have it. The warts, the ugliness, the flaws. Sigh.......I love him so much!


Mamita J said...


The holidays are hard on our kiddos. It's not about the Wii or you. It's about newness and different-ness and that is scary to our munchkins. Too much excitement is too much for them, you know.

Hang in there. Slide back into a routine and reassure your baby over and over again that you mean forever.

Merry Christmas to you.


Deb said...

th behavior must be catching becuase Bug certainly has it. He has told me more for months that he hates me- usually when i tell him it is bed time or refuse to give him what he wants. He has meltdowns over every thing I tell him no too- like refusing to read a notehr bedtime story. He answers every question with a negative, angry response. I am at my wits end and I am thinking of calling the adoption therapist in our area just to see what she says.

part of me thinks this might be normal behavior- reaction to limits, etc, except for the negative, angry responses to every question- like "what did you do today?". it is those I can't get past and can't figure it out. I have really watched what and how I respond to his questions.

I am hoping that this resolves soon, becuase I don't like the little man my boy is becoming.

Hang in there- you're not alone.

Love and hugs,

Terri said...

Sounds like Abbie! She was VERY demanding and down right mean at some points leading to Christmas and also on Christmas day. We were talking about it and I think she was just too overwhelmed at all that was going on since this was her first Christmas home. And the the same thoughts have went through my head... Where is the little angel that I fought so hard to bring home!" lol

I'm glad you post the "ugly" and not just all the "butterflies" and "rainbows" that come along with our kiddo's.

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Those massive regressions are so so so hard! It will get better, and I hope it is soon.

ManyBlessings said...

We are still dealing with the same sort of thing here. Emilee's need to control every situation has gone up about 1000%. She chatters mindlessly and her food behaviors have come back with a vengance. I can literally feel the stress oozing from every pore of her body.

You're not alone sister. (((HUGS)))

Reba said...

My daughter (and we are now at Disney World because I just knew she would love it...and she has) told me earlier today that she just wished sometimes she could go back to the hogar (which she doesn't even remember). And our youngest son from Guatemala had two of the biggest tantrums I have ever seen today...must be in the air!

Susan said...

I agree with everyone that holidays are difficult for kids. Lots of sugar, extra activities, hyped-upness of everything. And then there is a more focused attention on family. That's hard on kids whose parents are divorced, who have lost a parent to death or who don't have a relationship with a parent for whatever reason. Add adoption to the mix and whammo! He does need lots of reassurance, but I know how difficult it can be to try to hug and reassure a child who is fighting you! Sounds like you understand all this intellectually; you just have to grit your teeth and calm yourself so you can be there for him. And that is really hard, sometimes. So hang in there! You'll get through it, you WILL!

Hugs to that sweet boy -- and his family.

Lisa said...

Are you living my life? Must be like some time warp thing. ;)

My latest baby (7) is from TX. I ♥ Texas!

Dana said...

It appears that Ahren is related to his cousin Jonah. We have seen the same behaviors from Jonah in overload. He even tells people that he is adopted... As if I do not have the C-section scar to prove his entry into the world... He often says that he does not love us. It is a child that is artistic and full of emotion. You are right to just love him. he may come out of it someday, I almost have...