Thursday, April 16, 2009

Oh for the love of Pete!

Today was going well. Really well. Meeting at the school for carnival committee, run to Wally World and pick up a few things, get Levi from school and pick up fast food for lunch (me a salad, kids get chicken) have a little while to check e-mail, etc. Happy, happy, life is good.

And then, the day took a sharp turn south and began speeding up. Katie had an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist to follow up on an issue we discovered at her athletics physical right before cheer tryouts. Two and a half hours later, my head is spinning, she is wired up like a suicide bomber, and I am out over $1700. Apparently, our new insurance sucks. SUCKS!! We now know she has a leaking valve which may be causing the symptoms she is having. Plus she apparently has some sort of arrythmia going on (is that my fault since I have one???) and the doctor says he is looking for zebras, not horses. 

I dropped her at work, headed to the grocery store to grab a few necessities (um, supper?) and headed home. As I am beginning to unload the van, the back door pops open and a small girl and our crazy 6-pound psuedo-dog come bolting out. One runs to me, the other after the deer in the woods. Rats! The darn dog doesn't have her shock collar on (oh, I meant to say 'politically correct non-injuring training device based on electrical impulses) If she had it on, I would have zapped the living daylights out of her (you get to guess if I mean the kid or the dog...hee!) 

I walk into the house, after deciding to ignore the escapee, and find that someone has managed to dump a bottle of Cran-Grape drink in the middle of the living room carpet. Now, you must be thinking, if a mother of small kids is dumb enough to BUY cran-grape drink, then she deserves the expected outcome that some or all will end up on her beige carpet in a prominent place. I want the record to show, I did NOT buy the stupid drink!!! I did not! It wasn't me!  I am INNOCENT! I am also NOT the person who opened the offending bottle and then left it in a place where small children could reach it and take it to the living room in order to play with it. In fact, I was NOT the person responsible for watching said offenders at the time of the offense.

OK, now that I have THAT off my chest, know that even though I was NOT the guilty party, I ended up spending an hour tonight with the steam cleaner trying to restore my home to some semblance of livability. While I was steam cleaning, I placed thew boys in the bath tub with a set of the little capsule thingys that swell up and turn into sponge creatures. I thought it was a brilliant plan, but it only lasted half the time I needed. Then, the ritual emptying of the tub began.  Splashing, spitting, kicking, belly flops...and half the water out of the tub is on the floor. Two very chastised and apologetic boys later, I used the steam cleaner to suck up the water and moved on. 

By now my mood is foul. Very foul. And then the final insult comes. Ahren apparently pooped his pants one more time, a soft and goopy poo of the ultra-sticky variety. I began to strip his pants off to get him in his PJ's and end up with a handful of nasty. That's it. I quit. For the rest of this day I am NOT the mama. Call someone else. Handle it yourself. I don't care. I am off duty. 

Tomorrow...well, that's still negotiable. 

6 comments:

Candy said...

Just to brighten your day... I am heading your way only 2 hours away and just ate cpk... I love my rhyming self ha! And for even better news levi &ahren may get all da kya time they can handle... Looking at houses and lofts tomorrow. I will b round 4 few weeks and I know how to wash poo off hands ha!

Vanessa said...

Oh I hate those kinds of days!! Sending you lots of hugs your way!!

Leah and Maya said...

When it rains it pours, hopefully tomorrow is better, or less exciting anyway.

ahren's god mommy said...

Would that "little girl" happen to be my little boogerhead? :) Ha! So you had a "my name is no longer Mama" day like we've had in our household from time to time huh? I feel your "pain", sista! :)

Ellie said...

I so know how you feel... I have those days, more and more lately...

Angelena is pretty much out of the diaper and full pull-up mode... But, now the problem is... SHE SEEMS TO THINK SHE CAN PEE IN EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE DARN POTTY... Caught her lastnight peeing in the DOGS BOWL!~ OMG... All I said, is I AM CHANGING MY NAME... NOT MOMMY ANYMORE.... HAHAHA...

Hang in there, and go and disinfect your hand...

HUGS
ELLIE

Dana said...

Where you are going as "Not Mama", take me with you!!!
Love You!!