Thursday, April 09, 2009

Here I am, out here in left field!

Why, oh why, can't manufacturers design a bra that is not so uncomfortable that you want to shred it to pieces or that is such a failure at doing what is it supposed to do? 

So let's cover the basics of bras (this is for all the men and hippies in the audience) Bras should hold up the goodies, in a near normal position, support them, smooth them and keep them from drooping into the realm of the lower appendages. This should be accomplished with cups, straps and a band that encircles the rib cage. 

Now let's cover the female form. Breasts are located in approximately the same location on all women's bodies. There is not a lot of variance in this department. They all originate in neat little sets of two on the front of the chest. I could understand some of the difficulties if they popped up all over in various numbers, but this is not the case. 

Some women claim that it must be men that design bras to make them so poorly but I doubt that. For one thing, men have successfully designed and built huge suspension bridges. A bra should be nothing compared to that. Secondly, most men spend a LOT of time studying breasts so they are not foreign objects to them. 

I also don't think women would be so bad at designing them. Any woman who had ever worn one would know better than to add itchy lace, straps that fall off your shoulders or hooks that dig into your back. 

So who is to blame? I think it's an alien race and bras are a big experiment/torture device. Underwires that snap and then spear the sensitive parts? Yup, designed by aliens to test the moxy of the female of the species. Bras that need an engineers manual to remove in a romantic situation? Yup, designed to test the nerve of the male of our species. 

So why do we still use them? Alien mind control. Back in the 60's a small sub-culture began to break through the mind control (burning bras and gaining followers), but the aliens were able to subdue them in quick fashion and once again convince earthlings that we cannot live without bras. 

So there you have it. This is what I think about at 3am when I can't sleep (which is often) Obviously I need to call my doctor and get some good sleep drugs....


Diana said...

I love it! Thanks for the good laugh!! We all need this kind of respite.

There should be standards for those employed to design the stupid things.

1) Male or female, they must actually HAVE boobs themselves. Preferably ones they have legally owned and grown since birth. Size "A" girls don't count as "having boobs."

2) Said people must actually WEAR a bra themselves on a regular basis for it's originally intended purpose.

3) They must regularly be reminded that bras are not outerwear. They are underwear and are to be worn UNDER appropriate clothing at all times. Never should a bra be worn as outerwear (particularly as a stand alone piece of outerwear) before, during, or after any type of activity.

4) Bra models should be fired. No bra fits that perfectly and no one's real boobs look like that. Shoot. No one's real bodies look like that! Besides, why do I need a picture of a model wearing a bra? It's not like I don't know how to put it on myself!

Wendy said...

OMG Diana, I am SNORTING I am laughing so hard!!! Boobs of the world unite!!!!!

Angel said...

Hey girl. Was just stopping by to see if youd gotten the stinky letter yet. :0( Mean people suck. Love ya, Angel



All of what you said and when they add those freakin' bows to the cups or middle which look so attractive (not) under a t-shirt or sweater. I just want a bra to fit, not have to spend time finding a seam ripper to pick the little bows off.

And remember to get the best sleep you need to take the over the shoulder boulder holder off! ;)

Have a great Easter weekend!

Amy said...

Hey Wendy! This is Amy Bottomly... I have been trying to email you but for some reason it keeps getting returned to me! I need your address so I can mail you your sponsor packet! :)
Will you email me your address please?
amyde63 at hotmail dot com

Leah and Maya said...

HI Wendy, I have no idea if you are interested, I had a lady help me get to the bottom of what was going on with our case and did it all without making anyone mad, she did the same for a friend of mine and her sister, both with problem adoptions as well. If you are interested you can email me and talk to her and see what she thinks, Its up to you but its so nice to have closure either good or bad, better then not knowing. I had Guillermo as a facilitator and my friends had Teo (dateline guy) I hired adoption supervisors but all they did was call and talk to Guillermo and or Kevin, that I could have done and gotten the same lies, so anyway she dug thru all of it and got us all home. My heart just hurts for you and Peri Brynn. Leah

ManyBlessings said...

Hahahahaha!!! This is awesome!!!