Sisters

Here are some photos of the newest member of the Z Family! Just look at the smiles on these girls' faces and you can see the pure joy of finally being together. They had not seen each other in over 2 years, but you would never know it. Shoot, they don't even speak the same language but they have no problem communicating. The language of Little Girl Giggles is apparanetly universal!!!!

Introducing Lexis and Hayle Z

Miracles Happen

The adoption process has not been kind to us. What began as a simple wish to add a child to our family became a long and difficult journey. It would be easy to feel sorry for ourselves. And then I think of the things we have learned, the lessons, the growth, and most of all, the glorious child we can now parent. 

Early on in our process we had the singular pleasure of meeting a very special family. Mark and Paula were with us on our very first visit trip to Guatemala, and they are probably the only reason I ever felt comfortable traveling there by myself. You may recognize them from An Adoption Story, filmed when they brought home their second daughter, Hayle, from Guatemala. (Yes, I know CELEBRITIES!!!) 

They began a second adoption from Guatemala about a year before we began Ahren's adoption. They are the seasoned veterans of the process who held my hand. We shared the same agency (The one arrested and led away in handcuffs) We shared many tears, discussions and pain. More than once the Reality Fairy swooped in to smack one or both of us upside the head with a vengeance. Ouch! 

Want to know where Mark and Paula are this week? You would never guess. It's been 3 years and 9 months since they first accepted the referral of another little girl. A child they hoped and prayed would be their third daughter. No, they KNEW was their third daughter. A child I have met and who is very special. This little girl has waited more than half her life for her family to come get her, not understanding the issues, the roadblocks, the pure insanity of the process. Just knowing she had a family who promised to take her home some day, and wishing with all her might it would come true. 

Yesterday, her wish came true. Her family is in Guatemala to bring her home. miracles do happen! God is GREAT! Here is photo proof that they have her. That is Lexis on the left and Hayle on the right. 

Please join me in rejoicing that this precious, bright, beautiful and loving child has jopined her forever family, and that Paula, Mark, Cortney and Hayle finally have the joy of bringing her home. 

God Bless the Z Family!!!!!!!

Fun with Friends

Levi and I met Candy, Kya Blu and Jagger Jett at a splash park last week. Ahren was supposed to be with us but he had been fighting a cold and was just not himself that day. I had him all dressed and in the car and he was begging to stay home. I'm sad he missed all the fun, but there will be many more fun days with the Great Family!

Jagger was a hoot in the water. This boy has NO FEAR!

I am not sure how to describe this one. 

Levi and Kya. 

Notice that they are using Levi's shoes as toys. Good thing I made him wear his play shoes and packed his good shoes in the bag. 

I just want to squeeze the stuffing out of this boy he is so adorable!!!

We attempted a pic with all three kids. 

Kya and her magnificent mommy, Candy! 

Secret keepers.

Lunch at the awesome Johnny Rockets, complete with Root Beer Floats for dessert.

Eating Machine.

Kya and Levi take a break to bust out a few dance moves.

Poo Poo Review

You are all glad I don't have pictures to go with these posts, aren't you! Seriously, I could provide visual aids, but what would that add? I remember watching an episode of Jon and Kate plus 8 where she took photos of each child next to the potty full of their first poopy. Were these meant to go in their baby books? Be shown to their prom dates? Appear at their high school graduation parties? Where is a photo like that meant to be displayed? So I have resisted the urge (not much effort needed) and there are NO photos of the accomplishments of our youngest son. Sorry, you will just have to use your imagination!

Here is how things are going. Once Ahren did his first poo-poo in the potty he has lost his fear of it and been so happy to sit on the potty. Unfortunately, he is one constipated little bugger and was only going every 3-5 days. (Not healthy!) He didn't really feel the need to go, the feeling of fullness or pressure, that tells the rest of us we need to go. His was the accidental poop. We have now added Mira-Lax every night and he is getting more regular. He has had 2 accidents in the last 2 weeks. The rest of the time he has SUCCESS! He still does not recognize the need to go, but every day after lunch he sits on the potty and magically poo poo appears most of the time. He is so proud!!! Once he goes, we give him tons of praise and he gets to choose who he phones to tell the news to. (He LOVES to talk on the phone) 

We are almost there. Dry all day (diapers at night are OK) poo poo in the potty most of the time, and wearing underwear (Spiderman if you must know). This child, he amazes me. He speaks english at a 4 year old level, he is totally adapted and attached, and he is an absolute joy. He is our angel boy. Our stinkin ornery, sweet, adorable, lovable, snuggly angel boy. 

Bob equals Boob

Here is a little bit of what this week has held for us. 

First, it appears that the 'agency' (also known as Main Street Adoption Services) did indeed attempt to send us a certified letter. Unfortunately, they missed the part where we moved almost TWO YEARS ago. They sent the dern letter to our old address and of course they were not home to sign for it. Not our problem.

Secondly, we have been requesting a physical address and/or the information on their current legal counsel. They have ignored all of our requests. They have also ignored all of our requests for info on our case for several months. 

Today, while in the office of our attorney, he decided to spontaneously dial the agencies phone number. A man answered, a man whose voice I recognized. Bob. Bob the owner. Bob the big man. He answered saying Hello, even though it was the business number. Our attorney asked if this was Main Street Adoptions and he said YES. Our guy asked for an address for the company and Bob repeated the PO box. Out atty said he needed a physical address or a fax number so he could send him correspondence. The conversation tanked at that point. Bob wanted to know who he was talking to, our attty answered, Bob demanded to know WHY he was calling and out atty told him, and then ........nothing. He refused to give any info at all. 

I was laughing the whole time. Idiot! How does he think hiding from us is going to save them? He sounded scared, backed into a corner, desperate. He has no idea. If he only knew WHO is our relative in PA. The state we have to sue them in, to go to arbitration in, to seek justice in. If he only knew, he would be offering us soooo much now. 

IF..................he only knew. I am laughing, happy and looking forward to the justice about to be dealt them.

Fun Times

Hot Rod Boys

Hanging at the ranch

Crawfish!

WTF???

Making Easter treats

Levi and Holly, best buddies

Stop distracting me!

Men, men, men, men

Do you know what the worst thing about all the mess we have endured in our adoptions is? The fact that is takes me away mentally and emotionally from the people who mean the most to me. I hate that. I really really hate that. I try hard not to let it get to me but I am only human. 

Here are the important things in life. The everyday things. Sorry Ashley, I didn't get a pic of you! Can you send me some, please? I miss you....

Sisterly love-in!

Sweet sleeping boy

Easter clothes

Holly got side tracked and her Mommy had to finish the egg hunt for her. 

Checking out the spoils of the hunt. 

He got the hang of it immediately!

Oh for the love of Pete!

Today was going well. Really well. Meeting at the school for carnival committee, run to Wally World and pick up a few things, get Levi from school and pick up fast food for lunch (me a salad, kids get chicken) have a little while to check e-mail, etc. Happy, happy, life is good.

And then, the day took a sharp turn south and began speeding up. Katie had an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist to follow up on an issue we discovered at her athletics physical right before cheer tryouts. Two and a half hours later, my head is spinning, she is wired up like a suicide bomber, and I am out over $1700. Apparently, our new insurance sucks. SUCKS!! We now know she has a leaking valve which may be causing the symptoms she is having. Plus she apparently has some sort of arrythmia going on (is that my fault since I have one???) and the doctor says he is looking for zebras, not horses. 

I dropped her at work, headed to the grocery store to grab a few necessities (um, supper?) and headed home. As I am beginning to unload the van, the back door pops open and a small girl and our crazy 6-pound psuedo-dog come bolting out. One runs to me, the other after the deer in the woods. Rats! The darn dog doesn't have her shock collar on (oh, I meant to say 'politically correct non-injuring training device based on electrical impulses) If she had it on, I would have zapped the living daylights out of her (you get to guess if I mean the kid or the dog...hee!) 

I walk into the house, after deciding to ignore the escapee, and find that someone has managed to dump a bottle of Cran-Grape drink in the middle of the living room carpet. Now, you must be thinking, if a mother of small kids is dumb enough to BUY cran-grape drink, then she deserves the expected outcome that some or all will end up on her beige carpet in a prominent place. I want the record to show, I did NOT buy the stupid drink!!! I did not! It wasn't me!  I am INNOCENT! I am also NOT the person who opened the offending bottle and then left it in a place where small children could reach it and take it to the living room in order to play with it. In fact, I was NOT the person responsible for watching said offenders at the time of the offense.

OK, now that I have THAT off my chest, know that even though I was NOT the guilty party, I ended up spending an hour tonight with the steam cleaner trying to restore my home to some semblance of livability. While I was steam cleaning, I placed thew boys in the bath tub with a set of the little capsule thingys that swell up and turn into sponge creatures. I thought it was a brilliant plan, but it only lasted half the time I needed. Then, the ritual emptying of the tub began.  Splashing, spitting, kicking, belly flops...and half the water out of the tub is on the floor. Two very chastised and apologetic boys later, I used the steam cleaner to suck up the water and moved on. 

By now my mood is foul. Very foul. And then the final insult comes. Ahren apparently pooped his pants one more time, a soft and goopy poo of the ultra-sticky variety. I began to strip his pants off to get him in his PJ's and end up with a handful of nasty. That's it. I quit. For the rest of this day I am NOT the mama. Call someone else. Handle it yourself. I don't care. I am off duty. 

Tomorrow...well, that's still negotiable. 

Poop is the theme today

 Our agency continues to be a bunch of poopy heads. I should have mentioned that I had done some searching for an address on the adoption agency but they have apparently been using the Wayback machine to delete old internet pages (you can do that) Not being super computer savvy, I left it up to the attorney. (That, and I am just sick and tired of thinking about it)

Luckily, I have friends who dove in and found stuff for me! Deon found the home address of the owners (I may just need to go knocking soon) and Ellie found their legal registered address for the corporation and the named legal counsel they had when they filed for their state registration. All of this is going to our attorney.  Today. 

We don't want to sue them, that would just drag things out for years and there is no doubt that we would never see a dime of money by then. There are two things we do want right now:

1) The truth about our case

2) Our final payment of $4k back (which we sent on incorrect info from them, thinking we were getting out of PGN) 

If they can satisfy these two things, we would feel OK. If they keep on jerking us around, though, all offers will be off the table. The gloves will come off, and justice will be exacted. 

And now, continuing with the theme of poop, Ahren went from Sunday through yesterday pooping in the potty! Yeah! Then today, he pooped his pants. I noticed him patting the bottom of his booty, very suspicious. Then I got a whiff. When I asked him, he denied it and ran and tried to hide. I cleaned him up and then he went down for a nap. I kept quietly talking about choices, and how big boys poo in the potty and don't take naps, etc etc. He cried a tiny bit, then resigned himself to it and is now snoozing peacefully in his bed. I was not angry or upset with him. I told him I was sorry he made a mess in his pants and that I felt bad for him. I also told him I believed in him and knew he could do it. 

Two poops forward and one poop back.... 

PBJ Update

Still no certified letter. No communication at all. Our attorney would like nothing more than to send them the paperwork to begin the mediation process but they will not provide us with a physical address (all we have is a PO box) any contact info for their legal counsel, or any other information that would allow us to move forward with reconciling this mess. 

Why? We don't want to have to sue them. We just want to close this out and move on with our lives. Instead, it is just more pain and suffering. Why did something that started out so wonderful and simple (adopt a child) end up so horribly wrong????

Poo Poo Break-Thru!

First, although I was tempted to photograph the event, I restrained myself. Hah! (Hey, Kate Gosselin form Jon and Kate plus 8 took photos of everyones first poo in the potty....but that was just gross!) 

We are at about the 2 week mark (I lost count) of treating Ahren like a baby. Naps every day (boy does he HATE those) no big boys underwear, no big kid activities etc. 

We went to Levi's class party for Easter and I told Ahren that I had signed him up for school but he couldn't go until he could poo poo in the potty all the time.

We went to a party on a ranch yesterday and Ahren couldn't ride with us on the 4-wheeler like Levi because he was too little and poo poo's in his pants. Only big kids get to ride 4-wheelers. (Put down the phone - Levi didn't ride by himself. We rode with him VERY slowly)

I even made Ahren take a nap in the crib. Oh the crying and nashing of teeth. But that is where babies sleep! 

Today, after a large lunch and a little play time, I knew we were 'due'. I brought out the little potty chair (easier to sit on for longer periods of time) set it in front of the TV and asked Ahren to try to poo poo. He wasn't really excited, but he did agree to sit on it. I explained that he was just trying and that was a good thing. He sat there a bit and then I mentioned nap time. Oh boy, NO NAP! I told him I would give him 15 minutes on the potty to try and go, and then he would have to go take a nap. 

Sixty seconds. No more. He whimpered a bit saying 'ouchie, ouchie' then got quiet. Then he began to shout. I poopy! I poopy! We all ran over, he stood up, and there, in the potty, was the BIGGEST poo I had ever seen come out of a teeny tiny hiney. No wonder he said Ouchie! 

Oh the applause. The cheering. The high fives. He got prizes. He told his sisters. He glowed with pride. We talked about it for hours. Oh YEAH!

Per our contract

Here is is Saturday and we still have not received our special 'certified' letter containing the agencies response. Yesterday I sent them an e-mail, after the mail came, reminding them they said we would be receiving this week. Then, per our contract, I demanded we move forward with mediation to resolve the issues. This is our right and since we still have a valid contract with them, they must respond and comply. Hah! Our attorney is waiting to get their info on their legal counsel so he can contact them and get it set up. The ball is now in their court and they cannot terminate our contract until this is resolved. 

Do you hear that Mainstreet? You CANNOT terminate our contract until we have resolved the issues in mediation. This is what YOUR contract requires. This is your legal requirement that we agreed to. 

See you in mediation. Have your checkbook handy. 

Here I am, out here in left field!

Why, oh why, can't manufacturers design a bra that is not so uncomfortable that you want to shred it to pieces or that is such a failure at doing what is it supposed to do? 

So let's cover the basics of bras (this is for all the men and hippies in the audience) Bras should hold up the goodies, in a near normal position, support them, smooth them and keep them from drooping into the realm of the lower appendages. This should be accomplished with cups, straps and a band that encircles the rib cage. 

Now let's cover the female form. Breasts are located in approximately the same location on all women's bodies. There is not a lot of variance in this department. They all originate in neat little sets of two on the front of the chest. I could understand some of the difficulties if they popped up all over in various numbers, but this is not the case. 

Some women claim that it must be men that design bras to make them so poorly but I doubt that. For one thing, men have successfully designed and built huge suspension bridges. A bra should be nothing compared to that. Secondly, most men spend a LOT of time studying breasts so they are not foreign objects to them. 

I also don't think women would be so bad at designing them. Any woman who had ever worn one would know better than to add itchy lace, straps that fall off your shoulders or hooks that dig into your back. 

So who is to blame? I think it's an alien race and bras are a big experiment/torture device. Underwires that snap and then spear the sensitive parts? Yup, designed by aliens to test the moxy of the female of the species. Bras that need an engineers manual to remove in a romantic situation? Yup, designed to test the nerve of the male of our species. 

So why do we still use them? Alien mind control. Back in the 60's a small sub-culture began to break through the mind control (burning bras and gaining followers), but the aliens were able to subdue them in quick fashion and once again convince earthlings that we cannot live without bras. 

So there you have it. This is what I think about at 3am when I can't sleep (which is often) Obviously I need to call my doctor and get some good sleep drugs....

New Job, etc

We are still anxiously waiting for the 'certified letter' supposedly sent to us last week. That was Friday and today's mail has already come. Mail doesn't usually take so long, which makes me think they are once again lying to us. It doesn't matter. The lies are just like raindrops that hit the ground and soak in, disappearing immediately along with the million other raindrops/lies bombarding us. Who can focus on just one drop?

We are busy around here, planting and gardening, enjoying the one truly gorgeous time of year in south Texas. All of you who still have snow and cold weather? Check back with me in late July. We will be miserable with the heat and humidity. 

Poo Review: Ahren is loving being a baby. He happily crawls in bed each afternoon and takes a nap. He wears a diaper all the time. He even wants us to feed him. So far, no poo on the potty. If I ask him to choose, 'try and poo on the potty or take a nap', he gets mad but chooses the nap. I just keep reassuring him it's OK to poo, but he is in control of where he decides to put it and whether he is a baby or a big boy. I think we are in this for the long haul. At least we don't have so many poopy clothes to clean up. The odd thing is he still pee pees in the potty all day long. He is quite happy about that!

I started a new job on Monday and LOVE it!!! I asked to start out part time and they are fine with that. I plan on being part-time until the summer is over. I am just having too much fun with the kids to give it up right away. My new boss is totally supportive of that. I love the people I am working with and what I am doing. I consider myself enormously blessed, and all the credit goes to Candy. Girl, you are the bomb and I owe you!!!!!

Thank you my friends

I am pleasantly surprised that no one flamed me for being honest about faith in my last post. I guess the world is a kinder, gentler place than it has felt like lately. To those of you who helped to answer my questions, I owe you a great big hug. I read every word twice and feel much better. Guilt feelings are a funny thing. They isolate us and make us feel like we are all alone. The only person who could be this weak, this lost, this questioning. But when I reached out, strong hands of faith came to hold my hand. To comfort me. To renew my strength.

Here is what I know to be true.

Peri Brynn was placed in our lives for a reason. God chose us specifically. I have often questioned his plan but never ever doubted that this was the right thing.

Peri Brynn would not be alive if I had not rushed to Guatemala and taken over her care. 

Peri Brynn would not have recovered so much if it was not for the loving care of the foster family I chose for her. 

I would not be the person I am now if Peri Brynn had not come into our lives. 

Someday we will find her and reach out to her. How many people in Guatemala are called 'Peri Brynn'? I am guessing only one. 

That there will be a final judgement for those who do the work of the devil. I do not need to make them pay, that is already taken care of. 

Thank you my friends for showing me that prayers are not for God, but for us. I never thought of it that way. I can remember being a little girl in Sunday school and being told it is a sin to ask God for things. Somehow in my mind that meant I could not ask for anything, but I think she meant material things. (ie: don't ask God to bring you a bicycle) Instead, my infantile brain turned it into something akin to 'Children should be seen and not heard'. If I didn't have something worthy to ask him about, then I should just be quiet. Now, all along I knew it was a good thing to pray for others, which I do daily and with conviction. I am also 'guilty' of asking for strength and wisdom to handle the trials of life, but that seemed OK, too. 

I also somehow came to the belief that God has a giant tally board in heaven and keeps score of good and bad. If I do more good, then I am worthy of God's mercy. If I don't do enough, well then I deserve every bad thing that happens to me. So, in my twisted mind, I must have been VERY, VERY bad. Enlightenment has been slow and sometimes painful. Sometimes coming in big 'A Ha' moments and sometimes in tiny quiet pieces. And with each bit of enlightenment, I have more and more and more questions. I guess it's a good thing I still question. If I thought I knew it all, then I would just be an IDIOT! 

 

Yikes! It's the Debil!

When I logged on to post today I realized that the last post was number 666. In fact, I was feeling the pull of the devil quite strongly when I wrote it. 

I have been pondering some things. First, let me tell you that I consider myself spiritual but not necessarily religious. I try and live every day by the teachings in the bible. Every day I fail to meet those expectations and yet the next day I try again. I am trying to be the best I can be, no matter what. I have issues with some of the experiences I have had with organized religion. Or should I say some of the people I experienced. Let's just say that not all people who proclaim to be christians really live as one.

So my question is, if God has a plan for us and will reveal it to us when it is time, why do we pray? Can prayer change God's mind or is that presumptuous to think we might have that influence? Is it OK to pray for yourself or is that taboo like voting for yourself for Homecoming Queen? Does praying for others have more impact? Would I be better off to just accept that he will reveal his plan in his own time and that it will be better if I am just patient? 

I am sometimes angry at God. (Boy, was that hard to admit) Why is PBJ having to suffer? I can handle the pain, and I know I am a better person for experiencing this. But what about her? What about the other innocent children who have to suffer? 

I am full of questions and very few answers, but peace is settling over me. The plan is beginning to be revealed. I just need to be patient and trust in God's plan. 

Life Goes On

I am so torn up about what may be the end for PBJ, but reality is that life moves on no matter what. I may cry, knash my teeth, and rail at God, but the reality is, I have a family here to love and care for. The kids I have here deserve my undisturbed attention. I NEED to be their mother. Every minute of every day, no matter how crushed my heart is at the moment.

This weekend we planted more plants, mowed the grass (there is a LOT of it) killed weeds, watered seedlings, killed weeds, fed carrots to horses and played in the mud. A lot! It was wonderful. Every minute of it. Boys so dirty they had to be washed outside before they could come in for a bath. Plants springing from the r=earth casting away the husk of the seed that held them. Sunshine. Tan lines. Dirty stinky boys. 

Life was GOOD. 

And yet I cried. At night. For my lost little girl. Her sweet smile. Hair. Skin. I can still feel me holding her. How does this pain go away. I have so much. I have no right to hurt, and yet, my precious little girl is without me. n Have you ever cried so hard you threw up? Your eyes were swollen shut the next day? I have been there. 

I just keep wondering WHY? I have no answers and yet I need the so much.

PBJ

We finally got a response to our requests for information on PBJ and the hearing that was supposed to have happened. Here is what they sent:

Wendy,

A certified letter will arrive at your home address next week with our
response.

Bob McClenaghan
Main Street Adoption

OH CRAP! CRAP CRAP CRAPPITY CRAP! (I hereby declare the word crap to be my new favorite word) This is NOT good.

Poo-peat

Poo, Round 2

  We have tried the treat bucket (he loves chocolate) special underwear (he loves Spiderman) cheering him on and making a big deal about everyone else going poo (which worked so well that Baby Holly, 20 months old, pooped on the potty this week) but he just isn't buying it. Now, he has pooped on the potty ion the past, and has shown me he can tell me when he needs to go. If he couldn't do these things I would just wait a few more months and try again. But he is capable of doing the doo doo, he just doesn't want to! So here is the current plan....

Reverse Psychology!

If he wants to poo in his pants that is GREAT! He can be as baby-ish as he wants, but that means he also gets treated like a baby. He will get a nap (he LOATHES naps) have to wear a diaper/pullup, and not get to do some of the things the bigger kids do. He will get extra love and cuddles, lots of encouragement, but NO pressure. He will be my baby. 

Day 1: He cried when I made him wear a pull-up and has been trying to convince me ever since he needs underwear. I just keep telling him it's OK, he needs the pullup to catch his poo poo because he is still little. I can practically see the wheels turning in his little brain....

Happy Fools Day

Happy April 1st y'all! No foolish stuff here today. I reserve that for every other day of the year!

I was driving along today with Ahren in his carseat behind me. He was chatting away and suddenly blurted out, 'Spiderman is a dick'. 

Uh......What? 

He repeats 'Spiderman is a dick'.

My mind ticks through all of the inappropriate things that have been uttered in his presence lately (oh come on, you know you slip too!) but that word isn't one of them.

I pull in the driveway and as I go to get him out of the car, I see he is holding a spiderman action figure. He looks at me and again says, Spiderman is a dick. Only this time I realize he is trying to stick the figure to the window.

And it dawns on me. He is saying 'Spiderman won't stick'.  

I need to brush up on my Toddler Speak 101 apparently.

OK, folks, we have hit the wall in potty training and I am at a loss. I have successfully trained 3 kids so this is not a new thing to me. Ahren picked up the pee pee thing easily and stays dry all day every day but he absolutely refuses to cooperate on the poo poo front (well,  back actually) 

When we started teaching the potty thing he began to withhold his poo for days. Well, that wasn't going to work so we backed off and then when we tried again we told him poo poo is a good thing, he wouldn't be in trouble for pooping and if he wanted to he could ask for a diaper to do his business. He didn't with hold it anymore, but he won't tell us even after he has gone and he thinks its FUNNY to have pants full of poop. He actually told me that. He doesn't care if he walks around for hours with a poopy bottom. We have tried incentives (many different kinds) catching him in the act and setting him on the pot, ignoring it, and pretty much everything else I can think of. 

The straw that broke this camel's back came yesterday. I had stopped off at the mall to pick up a few things and let the boys play in the play place. I'm sitting there chatting with a friend when I look over and there is Ahren, in a half crouch, red in the face and very obviously dropping a load in his pants. I packed up and we left. Right then. Poopy drawers and all. He didn't care. He didn't care we had to stop playing, he didn't care he had to sit in poopy pants all the way home, he didn't care that he stunk so bad the rest of us were gagging. He thought it was funny.....