Thursday, December 04, 2008

Ahren and adjustment/attachment

If you can see, he has a fork in one hand and a spoon in the other and he absolutely shoveled the food in. Even thought the food was all new to him, he absolutely LOVED it!!!



On the advice of Ellie, I bought a small indoor jump house. It was a blessing during the day on Thanksgiving. They jumped and jumped and I cooked and cooked!

There is a check list of things to look for in the adjustment/attachment area when  you bring home a child through adoption. Depending on the age of the child, the history of the child and the inherant personality of the child things can be smooth or disastrous. When you bring a child into your family you hope and pray that your new child has an easy time of it. That they realize how much you love them, they feel safe and trusting, and that the bond forms quickly and deeply between all of you. Unfortunately, this is normally not the case. Trusting and bonding are hard. Really hard. And then sometimes, a miracle happens. A child just seems to know where they belong. They attach and bond quickly, as though they had always been there. That's the way it has been with Ahren. Someone once told me that the angels whispered in his ear and he knew where he was supposed to be. It started the very first time we met him. At 8 months old, he took one look at me and fell into my arms. He laughed and cuddled and snuggled like he had been mine forever. I lost my heart on that trip and I cried so hard when I had to give him back that I made myself sick. He was so certainly mine. In my heart and soul, mine. 

Even though it took 2 years and 8 months to bring him officially into our family, he has long been a part of it. The last time I visited, when his foster mom brought him into the hotel lobby, he immediately held out his chubby little arms for me to hold him. Oh yes, I cried. This child of mine wanted ME! I barely let go of him that trip and he smiled and laughed the whole time. He was a joyous child, the best I could have hoped for, the son I loved so much. 

When we arrived to bring him home I was so worried. He had spent so long with his wonderful foster family and he was about to say good-bye to them for ever. The last thing I wanted was to cause him pain. When they left (and they did it so beautifully, saying good-bye and suddenly disappearing) he whined only a moment and then fell into my arms for good. He never seemed to grieve or be upset. They had worked so hard to show him our photos, tell him who his family was, re-assure him where he belonged. And it worked. He just knew. Or maybe it really was angels. I definitely believe that God had a hand in it. The process to bring him home was horrible but his homecoming was delightful. 

Since he has been home he has absolutely AMAZED us. He is learning at an astronomical rate. He speaks in full sentences in english. He understand complex directions. He is potty training himself! But the best thing? He hugs us, he kisses us, he wants US! He shows every sign of attaching in a healthy and strong way. It's amazing!!!!

I keep waiting for the honeymoon period to end and the hard part to begin, but it just gets better. How can that be? Why aren't we dealing with terrible things???? I can only say that we are extremely blessed to have the best kid EVER!!! He is funny, and goofy, and loving and the true JOY of our lives. He has added to all of our lives in a way I cannot explain. He is truly very special. Muy especial!!!!!




7 comments:

Murph said...

We also were blessed to have no attachment issue (so far). Rudy has been home for over a year and we had the same experience. It's hard because you almost feel guilty that it all happened so smoothly. I am so happy to see Ahren is adjusting so well and that everyone else is too! :)
Kathy

Bobbi said...

I believe that they just know. You were relaxed, and that made him relaxed. Your family was welcoming, and that always helps.

He is a true gift. And, such a cutie

Anonymous said...

God knows all that you went through and this is his gift for your willingness to endure. I do not believe that the angels spoke to Ahren, I believe it was God himself who talked to him, assured him and prepared his heart for the family that has fought so hard for him. This is not just a blessing, but a blessing from the Father himself who loves you and fought for you even more than you do and did for Ahren.
Love You!

Susan said...

That's wonderful.

Mamita J said...

I am SO glad to hear that Ahren is none the worse for the wear, after his extended adoption journey.

God bless,
Julie

URBAN BLONDE said...

This post brings tears to me eyes.

I think he fit in so well because he brought just as much to you all as you gave back to him. He truly is a special little boy just like all of your wonderful children. I enjoy reading about him and Levi having so much fun and wish that I could go back in time and give my son a little brother just like Ahren!

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Blondie

Anonymous said...

Wendy, this is because you and your family prepared for him, you read all the books you knew what to expect and the angels heard you. I follow another blogger and she is having such a hard time with her little girl and I think, why can't she understand the loss this child just endured, why can't she step back, and be more like you, be thankful and prepared, give love and don't expect it back immediatley, that's how it works. Children just know when you really love them. God bless your fab family.

A long time follower whose own prayers where answered when Ahren came home.