Crazy Kids

I have absolutely no idea what to write about today. So, instead, you are going to get some stories from years gone by. Stories that warm my motherly heart or make me burst out loud with laughter. You know, I have some crazy kids.

When Ashley was little, she had a very large vocabulary at a very young age. The only problem was, she often got similar sounding words mixed up. One day she was being the doctor and treating me her patient. She used her little scope and looked in my ears and proudly proclaimed that I had confections in both ears. Well no wonder they hurt. How did candy get in there????

One year I asked her what she wanted to be for Halloween. She grinned and said she wanted to be a bitch. Whoa, what??? Yep, with a tall black hat and a broom. Oh, now I get it. Whew. I didn't know how I was going to make THAT costume!

We were driving down the road and there was an accident on the other side. Traffic on our side of the highway slowed way down. Ashley burst out with, "OK all you redneckers need to get moving and quit holding up traffic".

My favorite, though, was when Katie's cheer coach got breast implants. Everyone was talking about them. Not to be left out, Ashley chimed in, "Yeah, Mom, they must be at least a WD40!"

Ashley also had a family she talked about from the time she could first talk until she was about 5 years old. She referred to them as her other family, the ones she used to live with. (She is not adopted) For years she talked about them, told us their names, showed us the language they spoke in (never heard anything like it) , told us what their house was like, etc. The stories never changed. Eventually the stories just drifted away and she didn't talk about them anymore. I asked her the other day about it, and she remembers talking about it, but she doesn't remember them per se. She has always seemed like an old sould, wise beyond her years. It certainly makes a person wonder....

Now, when I was a young mom, I swore that I would not buy into the girl/boy stereotypes. I would buy dolls for my sons and trucks for my daughters. Funny thing about that, though, the little stinkers have minds of their own. Katie was about 2 years old and I bought her the cutest little tool belt with plastic tools. She loved it. Had to have it on right away, then disappeared into her room to play. I could hear her chattering away happily to herself, and I congratulated myself on my toy choice. Then she came toddling back out, and where the tools had hung now were Barbies. I never did find all the tools.....

Then there is Levi. By the time he came along I had been around the block a couple of times and felt confident I knew what I was doing. Then one day, at about 18 months old, I watched as he repeatedly ran full force into the trash can with his head, fell back onto the floor laughing, and got up to do it again. Thoughts of autism, un-diagnosed brain damage, or something worse ran thru my head. What was wrong with my son? I was on the verge of tears when nanny started laughing at me. She said, "Honey, there's nothin wrong with him. He's just a boy". And she was right. He farts and laughs hysterically, has learned how to make himself burp. Gave his little manhood a name that he refers to him as, as though it is another person. His feet stink incredibly for being so little and cute. He thinks butts, the word butt, and anything to do with butts is hilarious. He randomly throws himself to the ground and rolls around like a maniac, making gun and explosive noises the whole time. He has to hit everything, with anything he can find, forcing us to impound his golf set, baseball set, and tool set. It's a good thing he is cute, cuz I totally understand why some mothers eat their young.....