Wednesday, November 17, 2010

This is how my heart breaks

People who see Ahren do not see what I see. He is an adorable little boy with curly hair and big dark brown eyes. He is beautiful. Happy. Funny. Animated. I see that, and I love it, but I see more.

I see today when we were in the checkout lane at the grocery store and Ahren fell over and hit his head on the elderly lady's cart behind us. Nothing tripped him, he wasn't messing around, he just lost his balance. And he got hurt.

Then this afternoon he was standing in the hallway trying to open a bag of chips and he fell over and slammed his cheek into the wall. Now he has a big bruise even though we iced it. These are just two of the examples of the things that he deals with every day, many times a day.

The other thing we have noticed is he is having trouble chewing and swallowing. He chooses soft foods every time. He refuses things that have to be chewed and swallowed. He eats pancakes, pasta, mashed potatoes and cereal soaked in milk. I cannot get him to eat many other things now.

He will not follow his brothers up the play set. He will watch them and eventually climb up the stairs, but he can't climb the rock wall anymore. He is getting very hesitant about the physical activities.

His speech is losing ground. Sometimes I cannot understand what he says. It is very slurred and mushy. It didn't used to be that way. Now, well, it is difficult to understand.

My fear is that this is the best Ahren will ever be. That he will deteriorate from here. That he will never realize his full potential. We fought so hard and so long for him to join our family. This cannot be happening.

Dear God, we listened when you called us to adopt. To follow what you told us in the bible. We were led by you every step. If this is our road, please let us know. We will not abandon this child, no matter what. He is our life, our love, our very soul. We will do whatever. That is our promise.


Sarah said...

Oh Wendy... my heart is breaking into bits. I know how much you love every one of your children with 100% of your heart! And, I know you fought tooth and nail to get your sweet boy home. He is in my prayers along with his sweet mommy.

Angie said...


bookbin said...

No words, except 'my heart breaks for you'. Praying! Ruth

Andrea said...

Sending you all lots and lots of prayers.

Anonymous said...

I truly wish I had words that could heal your heart ache, but I dont. There are no words that can do that other then being told that Ahren is going to improve, and I so hope and pray that this is the case.
I am soooooo glad that my last post helped you in some small way, and I wish I could do more.
I would love to give you a hug and say everything will be ok, but I cant, and it is not ok when you are watching a love one suffer.
I can tell you though,
'Come What May, You AND YOUR FAMILY Will Make It Through' because you are STRONG if you crumble and think you have no more strenght you will find the pieces and put yourself back together again and again because you are a Mum and your family needs you.
You are far stronger then you think and will be stronger then you could ever imagine yourself to be.
Know that your story has captured the hearts of others and people know more then ever when they read it

Thinking of you across the miles,
From South Australia

Leah and Maya said...

My heart is breaking for you. To see your child not being able to be the most you had hoped they could be and not be able to do the things they should be able to do.
YOu are a wonderful advocate and mother!


Dear Wendy,

Positive thoughts and heartfelt prayers being sent your way.

You are an amazing mom and advocate for your children, and you WILL find the answers for Ahren.


B said...

My heart is breaking with yours. And I am praying for Ahren, for you, and your family.
mom to Griffin and Izzie (adopted from Guatemala)

Dana said...

My heart breaks for you my dear sister. I am praying often, fervently. I have seen God cure a woman terminal with a brain tumor, I have seen God cure a man terminal of colon cancer. The doctors were confused, I pray the same in Ahren's case. I pray him well. God is that big!!!
Love You loads!!!

Anonymous said...

Wendy - I've been following your posts about Ahren's medical situation, and it's so sad to read that a little boy has to endure and will probably have to endure such medical diffuculties. I have prayed for him and you.

I would like to ask if you plan or have even considered contacting the b-mother if the test results come back to be something really terrible, in the sense as to find out if perhaps they carry some genetic genes that has led Ahren to have this medical problems.

God shall give you necesary strengeth to face what is to come.


Susan said...

I don't know what to say except I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best for your sweet little boy.

Julie said...

I will continue to hold you all close in my heart as you walk this scary road... <3

Diana said...

No words. Just hugs and prayers.

ManyBlessings said...

Finally catching up with blogs.

Good Lord honey. I'm praying.