This is how my heart breaks

People who see Ahren do not see what I see. He is an adorable little boy with curly hair and big dark brown eyes. He is beautiful. Happy. Funny. Animated. I see that, and I love it, but I see more.

I see today when we were in the checkout lane at the grocery store and Ahren fell over and hit his head on the elderly lady's cart behind us. Nothing tripped him, he wasn't messing around, he just lost his balance. And he got hurt.

Then this afternoon he was standing in the hallway trying to open a bag of chips and he fell over and slammed his cheek into the wall. Now he has a big bruise even though we iced it. These are just two of the examples of the things that he deals with every day, many times a day.

The other thing we have noticed is he is having trouble chewing and swallowing. He chooses soft foods every time. He refuses things that have to be chewed and swallowed. He eats pancakes, pasta, mashed potatoes and cereal soaked in milk. I cannot get him to eat many other things now.

He will not follow his brothers up the play set. He will watch them and eventually climb up the stairs, but he can't climb the rock wall anymore. He is getting very hesitant about the physical activities.

His speech is losing ground. Sometimes I cannot understand what he says. It is very slurred and mushy. It didn't used to be that way. Now, well, it is difficult to understand.

My fear is that this is the best Ahren will ever be. That he will deteriorate from here. That he will never realize his full potential. We fought so hard and so long for him to join our family. This cannot be happening.

Dear God, we listened when you called us to adopt. To follow what you told us in the bible. We were led by you every step. If this is our road, please let us know. We will not abandon this child, no matter what. He is our life, our love, our very soul. We will do whatever. That is our promise.