There was a saying I once heard that really hit a note with me. It said something to the effect of 'Don't try and create your own greatness by yourself. Instead, stand on the shoulders of the great who went before you and see the horizon.' I want to be the best mom I can be for all my kids and so I seek out those who have ben there/done that. In my quest, I have found a few people who have resonated deep into my soul. People who think the way I think. Who feel the way I feel. Who want what I want. Today I will introduce you to a few of them. And so, in no particular order, I bring you this:
This is Christine, mom to traumatized children and keeper of all patience and wisdom. She posted a couple of videos in dealing with traumatized children. I watched them carefully and sure enough, what she was teaching came into play very soon. She talked about traumatized kids pretending they can't do something in a bid for attention and reassurance. This morning Little S, at the age of 4 years, suddenly forgot how to drink out of a cup. I caught myself reacting exactly like she described. (Seriously, you can't drink from a cup?) And I responded differently. I started praising him for doing something else well and sure enough, he magically remembered how to drink from his cup. Whew! This woman is saving my butt daily.
http://goldtorefine.blogspot.com/ This is Blaine and Diana. When they went to adopt from Ukraine they got way more than they bargained for. They got RAD and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and lots of other things that come with nice little initials. Their blog is full of realism, love and strength. Their words hit a chord with me. Their struggles are monumental and yet they deal with them with grace and wisdom and the strength of our lord God. I love it that they do not sugar-coat their family. I am sure we do not see the entirety of what they deal with, but I also respect that they know the general population would never understand these kids. It's hard enough to battle to heal the kids daily but add to it the battles they have had with school and church to understand and not add to the problems, they are saints. Seriously!
http://theaccidentalmommy.blogspot.com/ This is Essie, The Accidental Mommy. She has one bio daughter and one adopted from a disruption. She handles the challenges with humor and spirit. Even the worst aspects of dealing with small children (ie: pee, poo and vomit) are told in funny stories with poignant moments. She has a way with words that touches me, makes me laugh and makes me want to hug her all at the same time. Our children seem to channel each other at times, simultaneously decorating the walls with cherry chapstick.
There are more and I don't mean to hurt any feelings by not listing someone. These are just my current faves and go-to sites. To these three ladies, THANKS!!!!
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing! We are in a good spot right now with our little ones but I know in a few weeks, one of them will have me down on my knees wondering what to do. Oh, and chapstick...ugh. We still have a drawing from one of our kiddos on the wall.
Reba
Ah, gee. Thanks! I'm glad to hear that sharing our story has made a difference to someone.
We read about a thousand blogs before we left for Ukraine. NOT ONE of them ever talked about the difficulties of the journey. The psychoticness of Ukraine in general, yes. But the realities of the journey, NO! And heaven forbid anyone would ever discuss having problems with their kids like we did in country! We also found that very few people actually kept blogging once they got home...and if they did, it was still all peaches and roses. As a result, despite all our preparations, I still believe we had a scewed image of what this journey would really entail.
We vowed when we got home that we would keep on blogging, and that we would be REAL about it. We wanted people to know what they were really getting into - for better AND for worse. Our journey turned out like nothing we'd ever read about or could even phathom on our own. We knew full well before we ever came home that we were in for a wild ride. But we also knew that these were our kids and they were supposed to be part of our family. We also didn't want to have others experience what we'd been through - or if they did, to hopefully make their journey a little easier.
It is also my hope that others will realize that even though this journey is HARD sometimes, it is also very worth it. I hope that people will see that hurt kids aren't garbage. They can and do heal. I hope that those who are struggling will find ways to turn things around and those who have yet to embark on this journey will have the courage to step up to the plate and do it.
THANK YOU! What lovely things to say!
Coincidentally, I just pulled that carpet out of the closet to use somewhere else and noticed the big pink stain.... sigh. Oh well. LOL!
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