Monday, January 18, 2010

Another day, another son

I cannot even begin to explain how my head and heart are spinning. It took over three years to bring Ahren home. From day one we loved him and watched him grow, but could not be with him. Now suddenly, it was as if this child came into our lives in mere days. How does this happen? Why? Who? What? Where?

I know you all have a million questions. I can answer some, others are not for me to explain. Little S cam to us through the grace of God. We were not seeking another cild. We were not wishing for another child. We did not forsee another child. And yet, he dropped squarely and completely into our family. Poof!

When our adoption of Peri Brynn fell apart, part of me died. She needed us so much. She was so fragile and tiny and injured by her past. We wanted to bring her to us to heal and love her more than life itself. Trying to understand why that did not happen has been a constant thought in my head. Why, God, why? We wanted her, she needed us, why did you block her from coming to us? I spent a lot of time being very angry with God. A good and giving God would surely not let this tiny tot suffer so? My wishes were not being answered, and I held God accountable.

Then my sister said something to me, something I had heard before, but this time. This time is rang true. God has a plan and we do not know it. We just need to trust that the plan is proceeding and we will eventually see the wisdom. I cannot explain how hard that was for me.

And then, I was able to let go. I still loved Peri Brynn with all my heart, but I knew our role in her life was to be different than my plan. I accepted it. I finally made peace with it. We were OK.

And then, in a gigantic twist of fate, God brought Little S into our vision. We resisted at first. Both of us thought, oh no, we can't do this. We are full. We cannot do more. But he touched us, deeply and profoundly. His family touched us. The sincerity and honesty that they offered up were amazing. God led the way. He held our hands and showed us a new path. And we are so very grateful.

To little S, please know that we are so very blessed to have you. To know your precious little spirit. To be able to mold, guide and heal you. We have a lot of work ahead of us and at times it will NOT be pleasant. But it will always be filled with love, compassion, laughter and genuine caring. Again, so very blessed.

Oh, and Little S? This is a thirty pound, 4 year old, eating machine. This child is devouring everything in his sight. Forget about a college fund, this one needs a food fund!!!!! Hee!


angelia said...

Thank you.


Diana said...

God isn't finished guiding your journey yet, either. Put your hand in his and he will carry you through whatever storms may lie ahead.

SaraG said...

Thank you for the update!
I am glad things happened they way they did for you and your family!!
Take care and enjoy little S.

BT said...

Wow! Congratulations on your newest addition. He's adorable, and you are all so lucky to have each other!

Susan said...

Congratulations! This is what happens when I don't check in for a couple of days, huh? I'm so glad he found a home with you.

Deb in MD said...

Congratulations on Little S! You are a great woman to open your home and hearts to a little boy in need of a loving family.

I rarely comment, but I have been reading your blog for a long time!