Monday, July 14, 2008

Things I can say NEXT time....

1) Does it hurt to be so stupid?

2) Are you trying to be offensive or are you just ignorant?

3) Well at least my kids are cute!

4) I'm sorry, were you talking because all I heard was an annoying buzz.

Actually, what I have decided to do is send my friend a letter. Here is what I will say:

Dear friend,

I know your friend X didn't realize the impact of her words on Saturday but what she said was terribly hurtful to me. I don't know her but I would like for you to pass along this message for me.

Our son is not stolen nor was he bought from his birthmother. She made a plan before he was born and relinquished him at birth. She has been interviewed once in Family Court early on and again by the final court to insure that this is indeed what she wishes for her child. In addition, she has had to sign off on the case at 4 different times. At each of these interviews and signature points she had the right to reclaim her child, but each and every time she confirmed that this is what she wants for her son. Also, the birthmother and the child had to pass a DNA test early in the process to prove that she is indeed the birthmother and therefore has the right to relinquish this child (not stolen). There will be a second DNA test now to prove that the child is indeed the same child and no switch has taken place during the process.
There have been articles in the paper which you have undoubtably read, but the corruption and crimes only affect a tiny portion of the adoptions in Guatemala. Of course, the bad cases get all the press so that is all you hear about. Did you know that for every 3000 children who are successfully adopted from Guatemala, 30,000 dies from the affects of poverty? The current suspension of adoptions in Guatemala has taken place as they become Hague compliant and work to put more governance in place over adoptions. Cases that were already in process, like ours, have been grandfathered in but have also received an enormous amount of scrutiny as the new system is brought on line. This is one of the main reasons our case has taken so long.
As one adoptive parent to another, I am thrilled that your adoption was fast and successful. That is the way all adoptions should be, but the truth is that your case was the exception and not the rule. Unfortunately our expereince has not been that unusual and as long and painful as it has been, I still would not change it for the world.

You have been blessed with a wonderful daughter and I wish you nothing but the best as a family.

Sincerely,
Wendy

If I can educate just one person at a time, then I will feel like I am making a difference. Our children and our adoptions do not deserve to live under this terrible cloud of suspicion and accusations. Yes, some people did some very bad things and they have made a mess that the rest of us are dealing with. But the children still need families, loving homes, and have the right to live without this stigma.

12 comments:

Elle said...

I would have schooled her. In fact I've done that to people. I've had people open their ass hat mouths and say ass hat things that they have no clue about and I set them straight. And I'm a snarky bitch about it too.

JuJu - said...

way to go Wendy:)

Stacy said...

Well said, Wendy! As one of those bad cases (that has been in the media), it's SO unfortunate that only the extremely bad cases get the publicity. Each interview I've done, I make sure to say that THE MAJORITY OF CASES ARE SUCCESSFUL, ETHICAL, AND RESPONSIBLE. (Of course, those words always get edited out.) I truly believe that MOST cases are not like mine, and I'm thankful for that. Make sure that your friend realizes that the reason this case was scrutinized was BECAUSE they were making sure it was done perfectly, that he would not be your son if anything wasn't 100% fine.

People need to learn that the policies are in place to ensure that ALL adoptions are done responsibly. It's just so unfortunate that you're (and Ahren is) getting caught up in it all.

Amy said...

You wrote a wonderful, informative letter. I think it is very appropriate for addressing the previous comments that were made.

Susan said...

Very nice letter. I can't wait to hear about Ahren's trip home!

Pattie & Rob said...

Great letter!!!!
You should have B.... slapped her when you had the chance. Just kidding(sort of). I hate ignorate and rude people. Your letter says it all.

Cherrie said...

Rock on Wendy.

I am going to steal your 1st two comments just because they apply to so many situations!

I have just decided that "STUPID" is forever and some people will never change or understand.

Good Luck
Cherrie

Andrea said...

Great letter, Wendy! I think that you're definitely taking the high road on this one.

And yes, your kids are VERY cute ;)

Anonymous said...

I like the #1 best! but that is a great letter. You handle things with so much more class than I do. As adoptive parents we are met with such ignorance sometimes. example, I Have a daughter Elise from Guatemala who you have met and a son from Kazakhstan. I am snow white so I get the rudest comments. My favorites are (Right in front of the kids) a perfect stranger came up and ask me "Do they have the same Daddy?" Both kids just looked at me and I said yes they do. I can't wait to hear you have both Ahren and Peri home with you where they belong. Sorry some people are so rude. prayers Cherie

Amy said...

ok, you win. You're much better at this than I would have been. Great response...

Laurie said...

Well said Wendy. I hope she takes time to really comprehend what you said.

dana said...

Good try, but people say and do stupid things not because they have not had a chance to be educated but because they chose to NOT be educated when they have an opportunity. You can try, but you cannot educate those that chose to be stupid. I am especially thinking of two people we know...
Love You!!