Monday, July 07, 2008

No flames here

To the last anonymous poster from my last have a very valid point. She does sometimes read this and I surely didn't mean to hurt her feelings. These are issues we address on a routine basis with her so they wouldn't surprise her. I just don't know how to reach her. I want her to be great. Not just good, not just fine, but the great person I know she can be. I love her to pieces, but I don't understand her sometimes. I try to give her logical consequences for her actions but they don't seem to have any impact on her. She has a completely brilliant mind and I think most of the time she is just waaaay ahead of me. So I am stumped. I really don't know how to get her past these things. Honestly, I think I will have her read it and explain to her how worried I am about it. Maybe the fact the whole internets can help will make a difference to her.

Ashley is a special child. When she was little she often would tell me about the family she had before she came to us. (I gave birth to her) She would tell us all about them. Their names, where they lived, how they talked. She talked about this for years, until it finally just faded away and now she doesn't remember. She has always struck everyone as an old soul in a young body. She just has this aura about her. She was sick for the first two years of her life and had a couple of surgeries and hospitalizations. She is my only lefty, very artistic, extremely smart, has the gift of gab, and is turning into quite the beauty. She is also funny, sparkly and spunky. Although she walked later than most, she decided to ride a bike at the age of 5 and hopped onto a neighbor kids and took off, never falling once. She is sweet and sassy, can argue circles around anyone and can make a grown woman cry with frustration.

Ash, you are awesome and I love you sooo much. I hope you feel that all the way down to your toes every moment of every day!!!!


Ellie said...

Gosh you guys amaze me...

I so wish I were there~


Cherrie said...

Ashley sounds alot like my Tyler.
When you figure out how to deal...please let us all in on it!

I have cried many times because I feel sooooooo incapable of dealing
with him!!

Oh the heartache of motherhood.


Elizabeth said...

I would be your anoynomous poster. When I was younger they use to call me "Scoop Robertson". I knew everything about everyone and wasn't afraid to share with the rest of the world. I was loud and sometimes obnoxious and at 28 years old I still am. However, I am able to control myself a bit better now. I was always into everyones stuff and had no respect for privacy. It use to drive my mother crazy. My poor older brother never got any peace. I was always following him around and telling him to do things and then I would run inside and tell on him just to get him in trouble.

As an adult, I now realize I did this to get attention. I wasn't lacking attention I just strived for more. I didn't care what kind it was I just wanted someone to pay attention to me all the time.

I have grown up to be an energetic independant adult. I now have a 9 year old son who is the light of my life. He is nothing like I was except that he is loud and full of energy.

You are a great mother and I love reading your blog. I read daily as I think you have a very special gift. I read your blog wishing I was the parent you are. You are so full of love and you take life as it come. You handle whatever is thrown your way in stride. I respect you because of that.

Thank you for not flaming me. I was sitting at dinner tonight thinking that I shouldn't have said anything. Ashley (and the others) are so lucky to have you as a mom.

Wendy said...


Thank you! Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I know sometimes it seems like I am harder on Ashley than on my other two, but it's just that I struggle more to connect with her and to understand her. I really do think that a desire for attention is at the root of it. I try and give her positive attention in the hopes that she will seek less of the negative, but it doesn't help a whole lot. It also is hard for her because her older sister is in the spotlight right now. One of the reasons Ash lives with her Dad is that there she gets a lot more attention. He and I both see this and that is part of the reason we made that decision (one that KILLS me every day because she is so far away most of the time)

Again, thank you for helping me get some insight into her mind. I really do appreciate it!


Pattie & Rob said...

Hey Wendy - I can relate, as we have 14 year old with all the same issues plus more and we don't hide the fact how much he frustrates us but we as you do, want him to be the BEST he can be and so we march on and try to encourage his strengths and yes we fly off the handle as he knows how to push our buttons. We struggle with discpline and keeping ourselves in check because at times we are just not sure what to do with him.
You my friend (whom I've never met) seem to be an amazing Mom and a strong woman. I admire your honestly and your strength. Keep up with your honest posts, I love reading them.

Anonymous said...

OMG, Wendy, this is Ana's Mom, that bit about Ashley talking about her "other family"...oh boy, my son does that, did that, he is 10 now and does not remember but up until he was almost five, he would tell me all about his other Mommy, and how she was and what she looked like and that he loved me as much, etc. He is not adopted, just Ana is. Its freaky, right? He used to lay on the floor as a baby and bable to someone, maybe my deceased Dad or brother, it was so obvious someone was there. Just had to share, you are the only other person I've heard say this. It was not just a saying either, it was very descriptive, and obvious that he was coming from another family and still remembered it. Reincarnation, its fascinating!

PS. Ashlee won't be embarrassed by your post, I suspect you wanted her to read it, sometimes reading things is much more impactful then a Mom repeating herself over and over again.

~Ana's Mommy

Lucinda Naia said...

I realize this comment may sound WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY out in left field.... If you consider past lives as a possibility, the family that your daughter described could very well have been her family. I'm not sure that I even believe in past lives, but I have read some things lately that make a lot more sense in that context. It could also be that she's just highly imaginative and amazingly descriptive. If you decide to research past lives, check out Dr. Brian Weiss (he's the expert)

In the meantime, continue to enjoy each of your children in all their brilliance!