Consequences

  As a parent I spend a lot of time trying to import the idea of consequences onto my children. Kids are not born understanding the concept and some grasp it quicker than others. Some people never learn the lesson. 

  Today I was struck by the inherant inequalities in natural consequences. One bad deed should result in an equal and undesirable consequence, but life is just not like that. Here is my case in point.

Example #1) The mother of a child my younger daughter was friends with for several years has set a record for un-punished illegal offenses. Here is a short list of the most heinous of her actions:

  a. used her toddler daughter in a stroller to shoplift

  b. embezzled money from  an employer

  c. has driven without a valid drivers license for 8 years, been pulled over multiple times

  d. failed to send her two teenage children to school resulting in truancy charges multiple times

  e. filed multiple false CPS reports to misdirect attention from herself to others

  f. many, many hot check charges

  g. 5 or 6 evictions from rental residences with tens of thousands of dollars in un-paid rent

  h. much, much more that is beyond comprehension

This woman has not paid any fines, served more than a few hours at a time in jail, or been made to pay the consequences of her actions because she simply ignores the court dates and if they do catch her she gets released right away because these are 'minor' offenses. No room in the jails for her!

Example #2) A sixteen year old boy from my daughter's high school attempted to pass a slower moving vehicle in a non-passing zone at 4 pm yesterday afternoon and hit a large SUV head on, killing him and injuring 5 others in the crash. 

The boy made a small, stupid mistake, probably based on lack of experience and he paid with his life. The adult woman has made a lifetime of calculated disgressions and yet she suffers almost nothing. 

Tell me, how do I teach my kids consequences? This set of examples confounds me. How do I explain this? My older girls know both stories and we have talked at length about both. They seem to sense the truth of right and wrong, but that might be in spite of the evidence they see around them. How do we, as parents, make our children understand? That right and wrong are not about who gets caught or who suffers, but about how we eventually see ourselves in this world? Are we proud of who we are? Did we live each and every day trying to be our best? Sometimes parenting simply overwhelms me. I should say, the thought of GOOD parenting overwhelms me. Bad parenting is easy.....