Karmic Balance

I have a rather unusual sense of right and wrong, yin and yang, good and evil. A good friend and I often joke about losing our feathers from our Angel's wings with every snarky, snide comment we make. Heck, some days I don't have a single pin feather left! But I do believe that there is some sort of balance in the universe. Good balances bad, positive balances negative, that there is some sort of equality to the energy around us. 

As an example: Ahren's adoption was long, painful and probably the most horrific experience in my life. Then, once the end was in sight, things began to flow faster and faster. The problems began to disappear, and what we were left with was the most wonderful, funny, happy, loving little guy! It feels as though he has been here forever. He is absolutely the perfect fit for the hole in my heart. See? Balance! 

The loss of my job was devastating. For about 1 day. Then suddenly, on Friday, as I sat knitting while my boys happily played at my feet, jumping up to give me hugs and kisses every few minutes, I felt it. The balance of energy. Peace! I didn't get much of a maternity leave because that company expected me to use my vacation time for it, but they also restricted how much I could accrue at any given time. Even when I was home, I was working on the computer because I knew my team was so short handed they needed me. Not to mention that my boss, who volunteered to take on some of my duties while I was out, performed them for exactly 1 week before dropping them onto my team to take care of. (Shoot, most of what he did I ended up having to fix later on anyway.) My team urged me not to help them. They knew that my son was more important, but I care very deeply for these people. I could not leave them to suffer, not if I could help in some way. 

I love what I do. I love the challenges, the genetic puzzles, the interactions with so many different people, but over the past two years the stress level has steadily risen and my enjoyment had dropped. Most days were good, but the under-current of fear was eating away at all of us. I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until afterwards. Hindsight, yep, 20:20. 

The one thing I have regrets about is painful to talk about. Before my last boss, I had another. A woman who was, well, pretty psycho. I learned to work with her, but tried every way I could think of to get away from her. With the very first round of layoffs I got my wish and was placed under my last boss. Everyone thought of him as an egotistical, arrogant jerk, but I understood his humor. I saw past the facade. I actually LIKED this guy! We had our moments. One day he stormed into my office screaming at me, asking if I was trying to make him look stupid, and I responded that he really didn't need my help in that area. (OK, now you can stop wondering why I am unemployed!) It stopped him in his tracks and then he started talking instead of screaming. I made him laugh. I cared about his life. I worried and prayed for his daughter and wife, and for him. I cared. And that is what hurts. 

When I first started working for him, he told me one day that I better not upset one of his other, long-employed people, because if it came down to choosing I would lose. For two years I did everything I could to earn that status from him. I guess I never did. In the end, he chose his long-standing employees over me and my team.  

And now is where karmic balance comes into play. I am happy. I am free. My life is getting better and better. He is left with no one to make him laugh, to knit hand-made goodies for his babies, to cook home-made candies for the holidays, to actually care. I think he wanted it that way. And that is sad.