Child Psychologist and a Plan

It has been just over 6 months since Seth (I have decided it is time to introduce his name) to our family. Given his history and previous diagnoses, i knew we would eventually need to seek some professional help. I also knew that the first months would be a honeymoon period and that until he became comfortable and began to show his true self it would do no good to try therapy. Well, he seems to have hit his comfort level! I have also gotten to a point where I am struggling a little to be creative and ahead of the curve. Time to seek help.

I found a child psychologist near here who had a lot of experience with small children and trauma. Not necessarily RAD, but many related issues. I spoke with him on the phone at length (OK, that alone earned him points. He was willing to call me personally and talk at length, offering ideas, with no strings attached.) I checked out about 8 different therapists, but many failed to ever return my calls, or had office help that were rude and cold. Geez, like I needed to be treated badly by yet another person! So I made an appointment with Dr. R to start discussing Seth and Ahren and our parenting plans.

We met Monday evening. He works out of the top floor of an old house and his office has a full playroom and comfy, well-worn furniture. No fake plants, no decorator touches, no foo-foo garbage at all. Just a homey, relaxing environment geared towards kids. I could relate. That is the style of our home.

We talked and talked and talked. He was quite impressed with how well we have done so far on our own. He was very sincere and even asked if he could use one of the things we had tried. We designed a plan that helps us break down the attention seeking behaviors and deal with them with behavior modifications while simultaneously working on the emotions behind the behaviors. It is all designed to create a successful environment for him and to teach him the skills he needs to create that success. We have to get him out of a survival mode and into a calm, regulated, happy place.

The first thing we are going to work on is Seth's inability to modulate the loudness of his voice. He has one sound level....very loud. Stress on VERY. An example is that I will have him in the seat on the shopping cart and as I push it, his face is inches from my own. He will ask, at the top of his voice, some inane question, leaving my ears ringing and every other customer staring at us. I remind him to use an indoor voice but he just can't. I truly believe he has no idea how loud he is or what is sounds like to others. He seriously lacks the skill set to modulate his voice to the situation.

Per Dr. R., we have created a chart, using characters he loves, to represent different levels of voice and their appropriate uses. There is a green box around the appropriate talking levels. We will discuss the levels, act out the levels, record and then listen to the levels, and refer often to the chart. Finally, we will set up a reward system for the times when he uses the appropriate level of voice for the situation. Each member of the family is acting out the chart. We are outside so we use big, bold voices. We have a secret so we whisper very quietly. We will model the correct volume for him all the time. I will let you know how this works. I have great expectations.

We have many layers to the plan, but I can tell you that I wanted to crawl into Dr. R's lap and weep. I felt like someone really understood, was cheering us on, and had high hopes for Seth. I felt inspired. I think Seth can tell I feel that much better because he has had an awesome couple of days since then. (And I haven't even had time to implement the first part of the plan!)

Sometimes all it takes is a different point of view to shake you loose from a rut and bring new inspiration. This is a long process. Two steps forward and one step back. Progress comes in fits and spurts. Sometimes, all it takes is a fresh face. Thank you so much Dr. R.