I started to write a post earlier today and to put it mildly, it was a real downer. Wah wah wah, poor me, this adoption is killing me. Absolutely pathetic! So I made up my mind. I am going to visit. We had gone back and forth a hundred times about whether to visit or not, always coming to the conclusion that it would be selfish on our part and too hard on Ahren. We would be strangers to him, stealing him away from everything he knew and was comfortable with, only to send him back once he got used to us. We didn't want to upset his little world like that. Two things have changed my mind. First, we got video recently of him. In it, the lady from our agency (who is also a stranger to him) is holding him. He is smiling and relaxed. This goes along with everything we have been told about him. He is a very easy-going baby, very laid back and happy. That tells me that it shouldn't be too traumatic to visit him. Secondly, we have some friends going who have been there several times before, so know the ropes. Once I get the OK from the agency, I want to book onto the same flight they are on going down. That way I will have experienced people to guide me thru the hardest part of the trip. On the way back, I will be by myself, but that's no big deal.
So everyone say a great big Good Luck to getting the OK from the agency and seeing our son. He will be 9 months old and it will be the first time I will ever have seen or held him. Kind of like a pregnancy without the stretch marks!
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Yipee!! My advice is go, go, go! Our visit trip was the best decision that we made during the whole adoption process. It had the opposite effect of what you are afraid of -- it actually made the pick-up trip and transition at home easier on Brayden. When he saw us again at pick-up, it was like he said "Hey, I know these guys. They aren't all bad." Leaving Ahren in Guatemala WILL be the hardest thing that you have ever done in your life, but it will be sooooo worth it! Temporary heartache, forever memories! If you go visit, you can always tell your son about the trip and about how special it was AND about how there was nothing that his Momma wouldn't do to hold him for just a few days - even if it meant that her heart would break. . . I think that will mean alot to Brayden when he is older.
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