Sunday, August 18, 2013

Church Dichotomy

Almost every Sunday we load up and head off for church. One hour of connection to God, our church family and time together with our family. I love going to church. I hate going to church. Why so split on this? Well let me tell you.

I love church because it is a super friendly place without judgement, lots of lovely people, good worship and a very special woman who is our pastor. More often than not she leaves me in tears with her words. I leave church each and every time a better person, both spiritually and emotionally.

I hate church because one small boy needs my undivided attention the entire 60 minutes. He rolls around on the seat, makes rude noises, yawns loudly, puts his feet on the chair (both his seat and the back of the seat in front of him) and fidgets constantly. The worst though, is that he digs his head and face into me the whole hour and he does it HARD. Not a sweet snuggle, al;though that is what it looks like to others, but more of a bruising head butt followed by him continuing to dig his head and face into my body. I can't concentrate on the service and I end up sore and annoyed to no end.

Today we also taught Sunday school. We had 14 kids ages 7-10. Want to know which child was the worst behaved? Why yes, it was our own son. So after spending an hour being rolled around on and trying to get him to sit still, we spent another hour trying to teach a lesson while handling this obnoxious child. I ended up sitting him on the floor in the hallway for about 10 minutes just to be able to talk to the class. We had an art project where we made sheep out of paper plates and cotton balls. His sheep is angry and one-legged. Go figure.

We are now home and he is sitting on his bed calming down and hopefully thin king about his behavior. (Who am I kidding, he is in there rolling around and thinking angry one-legged sheep thoughts)

I was hoping we could have him in school without meds this fall. It is now apparent that is not a good idea. He has ZERO control over his mouth, his behavior and his impulses. It is a daunting full-time job to keep him regulated throughout each day without the meds.

I am also considering getting him a sensory-vest that he would wear under his clothes. He is horribly sensory-seeking, which is what the whole rooting around on me is all about. The vest provides gentle hug-like pressure on his torso and can help soothe a child. It's worth a try. I am at the point it is either try that or duct tape.

Summer is almost over and I am soooo tired. It takes every ounce of my energy to patrol him and try and continuing his healing and progress, especially without the meds. I don't mind him being off the meds because it is the only way for him to learn to control himself. He has to be responsible for his behavior. I won't be there every minute of his life to patrol him and medication is not a long-term solution. He does better every year but he still has quite a way to go. My biggest wish for him is that he can learn to control himself so he can be a happy, successful person his entire life. That is my biggest wish and biggest fear. We all know what happens to grownups who have no impulse control and it is not good. I want so much more for him!!!

Do any of you fear what is going to happen to your children when they grow up?


Mamita J said...

Have you been looking in my windows??? YES! Cupcake's potential is so HUGE! Either in a good way or a bad way. Mother Theresa or Charles Manson. It could go either way. Impulsivity is the scariest part. Giving her tools and coaching is very helpful, and most of the time, she chooses to do right...but...once in a while, orphan-child comes out to play, and - man - is that scary. We just continue to pray for healing and self-control. Jesus can bring both.

Deon said...

Oh yes my dear, I have wondered about my youngest for years now, and still worry. But with great teachers during her elementary years,she has come a long way with self control with or without meds. Just gotta keep praying and doing the best that you can while you still have control!

Reba said...

Oh, goodness, yes. All of the time. I am trying to not brush (with the little surgical brush) if I don't have to this year but we will see. (We do have to do is just a necessity at this point, even with a very strict diet) Just last Sunday we had our first service with child 4. Before he was always able to attend children's church. Now he is "too old". Lucky us. :) Oh, and child 3 was always SO much worse when we kept her class, I finally started requesting we NOT keep her class!