The End....Again

    On October 11th, 2006, which just happens to be my birthday, we embarked on a journey. We entered with the best of intentions, the desire to share all of our blessings with a child that needed us. We had been dealing with Ahren's crazy adoption processor a year and knew it would be a long time before it was resolved. We had made the decision to add a baby girl to our clan and I had been researching agencies. On that day, I received a phone call and then a single picture. A baby girl, just hours old, with the tiniest little sweetheart face. I forwarded the picture to Chris and within minutes were were accepting her as our daughter. Just 5 days later I held her in my arms for the first time. She looked up at me with wide open eyes, seeming to study and memorize my face. So tiny and yet she seemed like an old soul, just like Ashley. It's the look of deep wisdom in their eyes, like they know the secrets of the universe.
   One year later I was again holding her, only this time she was extremely ill. She was malnourished, had parasites and an infection, had been suffering grand mal seizures, and as the doctor gently showed me, a crack in her skull that traversed across the back of her head and up over one ear. She had been severely beaten, then days later dropped off at the hospital without anything. I stayed with her, the doctor releasing her to me, and nursed her back to health. Daily injections of antibiotics, high calorie nutrition and vitamins, and lots of love. I begged our embassy to intervene and allow me to get her to the US to receive treatment for the excess fluid on her brain. There was little they could do, but they were kind and empathetic. Once she was stronger and stable, I found a foster family that had experience in health care. I left her with them and she began to flourish.
    In August of 2008 on out trip to bring Ahren's home, I spent time with her. This was not the only visit, but it was to be the last. She was almost 2 years old and could walk holding onto a hand. Soon she would be walking by herself, a major accomplishment given the brain damage. She was happy and bright and energetic. It was so good to see her. I met with her doctors and set in place a new plan for therapy and treatment, just like we had done in the past. She needed as much intervention as possible to overcome the injuries to her brain. If I couldn't have her home with me, then I would be sure she got everything she needed there.
    Just weeks later we heard from our agency that her adoption had been deemed irregular and that they had taken her and placed her in a state run orphanage. How scared she just have been! How terrified when she was pulled out of her foster mothers arms and driven away to an unknown place. I can only imagine how horrible it must have been.
    We grieved, believing that this was the end of the road. Then, a couple of years ago, we get notice from our government that our adoption case is one of the open grandfathered cases in Guatemala. Our government wants to help get the stranded kids home. Hope! Disbelief!! Joy!!!! We ran through every emotion  and back again. Patiently we awaited news, supplied information and kept the faith. Little changed. Then just recently, a few kids came home!!! Could it be? Was it finally time to get these last children to their waiting families?
    A very special group of waiting parents reached out to me and began to explain the new process. It was essentially starting all over again, but it was working. American parents had been successful with the new system. I cannot explain the pure excitement, trepidation, joy, fear, etc that I experienced. I began to gird myself for a new battle. New paperwork, new demands, a LOT of money but more importantly a lot of energy and pain. I worried I couldn't do it. Worried if I should do it? Worried if I was capable of doing it. So gently, and quietly I made the first baby steps to begin the process. First up was to find out the current status of our i600, our petition to the US government to adopt out of the country.
    What we found out is that last fall, Peri Brynn, had been adopted by a family in Guatemala. Our case was permanently closed, no options left. It's odd, I am horribly sad, but also happy for her. She will not live in the orphanage, only to get kicked out as a teen and left on the streets to fend for herself. She has someone who loves her and cares for her. I would rather that be the case than her to wait in the orphanage for longer in the hopes that we would get her. We are sad, but at peace. God's will is done. I can live with that.