Exhausted

You can always tell when life is getting the best of me. I don't blog much. I hate having nothing good or fun to share. I wanted this blog to be a lovely story of our lives, lots of funny things to share later in life and a wonderful memory of our children. (Insert rose colored glasses here) Unfortunately, parenting is not always fun, easy or pretty. Parenting difficult children, well, that just pushes the balance even further away from my fairy tale story.

So, the truth? Lately has been....well.....no fun. There has been a lot of screaming (OK, some of it was me...not proud of that) Lots of destruction of property (tearing up toys, mail, clothes, furniture). Too much hitting, spitting, biting, teasing, tattling and kicking. No respect for boundaries we have set, no respect for others property and no respect for the rules. Each and every day has been a constant battle. I want to climb into bed, pull the covers over my head and hide.

A few days ago Levi was at a friend's house for a play date. That is something we do frequently but it never fails to set off the other two boys. They scream 'It's not fair' and then proceed to pull out every trick in the book to drive me insane. (Side note: Here in Texas they call it 'showing their butt' when kids act up. I find that pretty hilarious) By about 5 pm I had hit my limit. I put each boy on a separate couch in the living room and I turned on the computer and grabbed the earphones. I told them they had to sit their quietly until Daddy got home. I kept a close eye on them and if they started to move off the couch I quickly corrected them. Well.....Daddy was a little late that night and they spent a good 30 minutes sitting there. That was the best 30 minutes of the day. I made dinner and got everyone fed, Chris picked up Levi and everyone went to bed early.

Ashley has been struggling lately, too, with her meds for hypothyroidism. We had added a second med last Christmas and she improved greatly. Then she switched that med from generic to name brand and whammo. She spiraled out of control. I can just see it in her eyes that she doesn't feel good. No energy, everything is a struggle, her weight is climbing and she craves sweets constantly. She seems very unhappy. My poor sweet baby, I hate, hate, hate to see her struggle. So back to the doctor, another full work-up and more changes in meds.

Still no info from the Renal unit. Turns out right after our appointment the doc left on a two week vacation and so did her nurse. The results are there but they can't tell me. They have to wait for the doctor or nurse to call me. In the meantime he is having another episode of increased drinking and urinating and has gone through two super-diapers and two sets of sheets a night. We have to let him drink to keep the crystals from forming stones. If we buy bigger diapers they gap and leak even worse. The best I can do is to place a super-night time feminine pad inside the diaper. That works most of the time.

Work is super busy. It is my salvation. I get to go talk to grown-ups, there is very little screaming (curious now? Hee!) and there is good coffee. But, financially, it does not make sense for me to continue with this job. In the fall I will be making barely more than I will have to pay for child care. Kaytee will no longer be here to help for free. If I quit it would simplify the logistics of getting kids to and from the various schools. I would be better able to take the two little guys to their counseling appointments and such. It really would free up my time for more parenting. I know what I want to do and I know what I should do. Too bad they are opposites.

Additionally, getting a college age child ready and off to school is HARD and EXPENSIVE! We have her classes assigned and paid for, parking pass, apartment move in date, new laptop, furniture, books, room mate, utilities and such all set. Just thinking about it gives me a head ache. And a super painful heart ache.

So, life. Kicking my butt. Ouch!