Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Oh No, Did I say THAT?

It suddenly dawned on me today that next year both little boys will be in Kindergarten (that's not the part that dawned on me) and that other grown-ups will be listening to the things that come out of their mouths. People who are LEGALLY mandated to report suspicious things to the authorities.

Most kids say some really out-there things. In fact, they create whole TV shows around just that. But most kids do not have me as a Mom. A mom who has a decidedly warped sense of humor and a wicked sarcastic streak. Oh, and a leaky filter. Yup, that's me. Can you see how this is headed for the ditch? Yeah, me too.

So this morning I gave the two littles baths since we are going out to lunch today. Afterwards, as they ran around starkers being crazed little varmints, Seth asked if he could play outside. My reply? Why of course dear, go right on out there. It's warm enough to be naked and I'm sure the neighbors would just love to see the show. This of course made seth giggle since he knows by now I am not serious.

Then a few moments later I was giving him his pill. We put it in a spoonful of something to drink and he swallows it right down. He asked if he could have root beer and I told him no, it was all gone, but I had some vodka. (Actually there is NO hard liquor in our house) Again he laughed at me.

They are now off to put on 'panties'. They are looking for Dora and My Little Pony, their faves!!! Again, just kidding but they think it is so funny.

Now imagine the conversation with the teacher. Mommy sent us outside to play naked, gave me vodka with my medicine and had us wear Dora panties. Ugh. I am so in trouble. I wonder if it is too late to stitch my mouth shut and have them forget by next fall?????


Diana said...

Thanks for the laugh! I kept telling my son I was going to paint his room pink. He wasn't taking me seriously, so when we went to decorate his room, just for giggles, I hung some pink paint swatches on the wall (along with the the ones I was serious about choosing for his all boy, all sports themed bedroom.) You should have seen the look on his face when he woke up that morning!! It was quickly followed by "Mom!!! You are NOT painting my room pink!!!" and a whole lot of giggles, too.

Reba said...

Oh, I teach kindergarten. I hear some doozies. :) (I hear some doozies from parents at conferences too...) In fact, we just had parent/teacher conferences tonight and I had to clear up some stories some of my little people have shared...

Carrie said...

When Lauren told me she was thirsty at the rodeo, I "offered" her a beer (we were right next to the beer stand). She said, "No thank you. Beer just isn't my cup of tea." Whew.

Little gems from home are part of what teachers can look forward too, really. It made me smile to hear some of the too stinkin' cute (and obviously joking) silly comments (and the silly serious comments, too!) that my preschool kiddos said in class. Besides, developing a sense of humor is a higher order thinking skill. The kids are recognizing hidden meanings and tone of voice. Maybe there are some adults who should enroll in your program. :)
-Carrie, Holly and Henry's Auntie

Wendy said...

Emily told me a story about your class where you were studying the letter F one day. It seems one little boy knew an F word that no one else had ever heard! I still laugh about that one!!!!


Ellie said...

Ya... Not only do they repeat in Kinder... Pre k too... It is a good thing I am friends with one of the teachers... She always seems to get my monster in a corner, before the other teachers hear him... The last thing she asked me was... Do you break wooden spoons on his butt? LOL... I told her know, but sometimes I would like too! However, the reason mommy goes to work is because, "She will buy me a cheap toy"... Yes, they are proud of their Cheap toys...

Anonymous said...

Teachers are used to that. My middle son told his teacher that there were maggots all over our kitchen.
Actually, they were magnets.
Another teacher was informed that mommy takes drugs with a needle!
It's an epi-pen with non-narcotic migraine medicine.
My daughter reported that mommy had her own house where she goes to live sometimes without daddy.
That's the house in Maine that I inherited from my father. I stay there for a few days occasionally to clean it up after renters depart. Hubby is usually working so ergo, I'm living in another house without daddy.
And forget about driving. My children learned some horrific swear words from just sitting in the back seat when some jerk cuts me off.