Whew!

 I ended up going with Kaytee to the modeling gig. It was way far away, and required traversing several highways during morning rush hour. I am so glad I did because we had a blast. Soon she will be off to college and I won't get to have these special days with her. 

  The job turned out to be a little different than we imagined. They had 3 models and 3 collections of the new wedding dresses for the 2010 season. They had a group of international buyers they were showing the collection to so they could place their orders. This group was from Spain. Everyone was so nice. The girls spent 4 hours putting on and taking off dresses as fast as they could go and then showing them to the buyers. They did feed everyone lunch, too. I didn't get to watch. Apparently stealing wedding dress designs is a big issue. Who would have thought? They were very happy with Kaytee and asked her about a week long photo shoot for their catalog being shot over Christmas break. She would make really good money for that. Yahoo! (Um, is it bad she makes more an hour than I do? More than TWICE what I do?) We have college to pay for, baby! The best part, though, is she had a blast. A really good time. 

  The last post I did has been brewing in my head for a year now. I have started to write it many times and then just trashed it. The pain and guilt behind it are huge, but letting it out and being honest about it felt really good. I was so afraid someone would blast me for being a complete moron but I got the sweetest support from everyone. That amazes me. I am NEVER that nice to myself! Ashley is now a confident, happy, fun teenager. I am no longer afraid she will lead a miserable life, a fear that haunted me for many years. I see her now and she just glows. She teases, she laughs, she has real emotions. In the past there were only two emotions. Anger or elation. No in between, no middle ground, and it would swing from one to the other in a nano-second, for no discernable reason. Now, she is a JOY! Man I love that girl and am so proud of who she is. 

  Work is still crazy. We went from 4 therapists to just me. More and more kids are being sent to us from the local schools as the nurses and teachers identify problems. I am feeling the pressure. I love the work, but man, what if I need time off? I will never catch up! These kids depend on me. The light in their eyes when they see 3D for the first time, when they show me their first 100 on a spelling test, when they brag about getting a high mark in reading. I just cannot let them down. Oh the pressure....