End of the school year....ugh

  Anyone with a kid who has 'issues' knows from experience that change is a very bad thing. Very bad. Big change is just that much more bad. Sorry, bad grammar. The strain of this has turned me into a brainless lump of mush.
  So we have been dealing with the fallout of an unexpected death of a young person, the extreme and scary emotions a parent has displayed, and the abandonment of the mom in the midst of such upheaval. (I went to my sister's house for a week after my nephew died). Add in the extreme stress of the state mandated tests that the kids have been working towards all year. Poor Jon, he is an anxious mess.
  Now we have the end of the school year anxiety. What is going to happen?  This is exacerbated by the question if he is going to get to go to fourth grade or not. This is the recipe for extreme dis-regulation.  He wakes up each morning growling and snarling at me. Not just a poor morning person, truly nasty. He tells his brother he wants him to die. He puts his shoes on and then takes them off and we can't find them. He blames me. He can't get his pants on. He can't find his backpack. I hand him his lunch and it is gone.
  I am also stressed. I am down to the last few days of school with my class. I have not slept because of the extreme storms our area ( Houston) has been having. I am on alert for the Red Cross but when they asked me to open a shelter on Monday I turned them down. My family comes first. I am not at my best. Not so patient and understanding.
  Then there is Ahren. He is negative about everything. I say school has been delayed and he wails like a stabbed sheep. Why? Because he thinks he has to stay at school that much later. No. Just a shorter day. He still wails. Why? He doubts I know what I am talking about and he will be in trouble for showing up late. This is a bit understandable, but when he screams because I give Jon a plate,of,breakfast and he thinks that means I won't give him  some? Of course I made some for him. Where is this coming from? Anxiety. Ahrens version. I hate it.
  Now tonight, Levi began throwing up. First time he made it to the doorway of my bathroom where he projectile vomited all over everything. Toilet, walls, toilet paper, floor, door, everything. It was nasty. I had to hold my breath while I cleaned it up. Poor Chris thought I wa mad because I huffed at him but it was only because I had been holding my breath. I think he understands....

  Two more days of school and then two days of I service where I work half days. Then I am 100% mom. Hopefully that will turn things around. If not, I am looking for a circus job for an overweight, middle aged woman........

Thank you

  Thank you to everyone who made suggestions. We also met with his therapist Saturday for a couple of hours and hashed out plans, including him in the conversation. I truly appreciate the advice, ideas and non-judmental delivery. Believe me, I beat myself up enough that no one else needs to step in.


  This is what we are doing today for memorial Day. It has finally stopped raining after 3 weeks of non-stop storms. I got called to go run another Red Cross shelter this morning but I declined. It was a long way away and I am just getting up to speed on what to do. I still need another manager around to help if I get stuck.
  The pool is the best investment we have ever made. The boys use it constantly. Notice how we have two little brown-skinned nuts and one albino boy. Poor Levi, he is pigmentally challenged!

They make up contests like who can make the biggest splash, who can hold their breath the longest and who can do the dumbest jump into the water. Of course I have to be the judge for all of these.

We have not gotten the landscaping and new fence in yet. Reference the rain comment above. We could have planted rice or seaweed maybe…..

I can't believe I actually got a picture of a kid smiling and not making some sort of a derp face.

This is more like the pictures I usually get. One kid under water, one making an evil face and one in full derp mode.

I hope the sunshine lasts. We may have to trade the pool in for an Ark at this point.

Hey Mom, I made my own doggie door!

You know \the old saying, 'when it rains it pours'? Well this week has pretty much sucked on every level. Today it hit a new low. I locked the dogs in the boys' bathroom when we left today because it was stormy outside. I do this all the time and they are fine. This is what I came home to today. They ATE the friggin door! I put them outside and poured myself a drink. I think we might be eating barbecued Boxer for dinner……...

Out of control....

  I am going to speak very openly about some issues here. I know some will judge me, but I don't care. If you have advice or ideas, shoot them to me.  I am that desperate. I need to do whatever I can to help my son. We have made a lot of progress but now we are stuck and the future doesn't look so bright. Tear me up but help my son!
  I love Jon. I love him as much as any of my kids, maybe more because he needs me more than they do. But...he works very hard at being unlove able. Here is what has been happening.
  Ever since my nephew died at the end of January he has tanked at school. His grades went form 98% to 56% in just 8 weeks. How did he do this? He put nonsense answers on his work, he didn't turn in his work and he actually ATE one spelling test. He has been telling lies, stealing and has a nasty attitude.
  Yesterday, I had a bag of one dollar bills and change that Levi needed for a sale at school on the dining room table next to their lunches. I told Levi his money was there and Jon grabbed it and ran. I told him to bring it back and he did. I thought it went into Levi's bag but when we got to school,it wasn't there. The table was bare when we left.
  When we got home I asked if anyone had seen the bag because I had lost it. No one had seen it. Five minutes later Jon 'discovered' the bag of money on the table underneath a shirt (no shirt was in the table before that). He acted like he was the hero, finding the money.
  Then tonight I got a call from his teacher. He has not turned in any work in the last two weeks. If she had been logging in those zeros he would be failing third grade. Then she told me he failed the big state exam for reading. Normally that would mean he did not graduate to fourth grade but they changed it this year. Whew! He just has to,do lots of tutoring and extra work next year. Note, he is perfectly capable of passing, no, excelling in that exam. He is very smart. He sabotaged himself. The math results are not in yet. If he fails that he will be retained in third grade.
  He is doing this to himself. I cannot stop it. He,is self-destructing. I have no,idea what to do. Do I give him more ove or more consequences? Do I let him fail and hope he gets it? Do I give up and hope he just stays out of jail?
 He lies, he manipulates, he has fits, he is mean, he talks incessantly just to hear his voice, he is hell-bent on self-destruction. How do I save him????

The week from Hades

 First, no answer from the school or anyone involved on the militant cafeteria helper. Not happy. I think I will have to escalate my complaints. I hate to do that but my child's health/life might be on the line. Luckily the allergy treatments he has had are working and he does not have life threatening reactions any more. But...other kids still do have life threatening allergies. This needs to be fixed!!

  This past week we have had intense storms in our area, including severe flooding. I am a Red Cross Disaster Relief Center Manager. I helped open two relief centers this week. It was hard work, late,nights and no sleep but so important. I didn't miss any work, stayed up at night, organized the efforts and kept alert. We had only three people need our shelters, luckily. Still, I didn't sleep much for two nights this week. I was a walking zombie. In fact, one day I lost Levi at work and I was running around yelling his name when the director reminded me he was at my home, not school. I had almost been in tears!!! That,is too tired!!!!

  Today we served at our,church for something we call Beyond The Walls. The people of our,church reach out to,our community to help the elderly, needy, homeless, etc. plus we have a team making dresses for little girls, visit nursing homes and take them cookies, and wash cars for free. 

  The biggest effort was Stop Hunger Now. More than 250 people gathered together to package meals for the hungry worldwide. Each bag we made contained vitamins, dried veggies, soy protein and rice, enough to feed six people. We made 40,0000 packages today. I am so proud of my boys. Each one worked a scale, adjusting the weight of each bag to fall into a specific range. We worked for hours making these meals but not one kid quit. What an amazing lesson for them. Three years ago they served meals to the homeless, then the next year to a shelter, then last year we painted rooms at a shelter. Lead by example. That is the thing we all need to do. Lead by example!!!!

  I am soooo tired. Sorry for typos. I am just so ,tired......

Mama Bear is Mad!

  One morning this week Jon began telling me about a cafeteria monitor at his school that was 'being mean'. His words, not mine. First he told me that she asked him to put water on his head. I was so confused. You have to understand, he has a big problem putting his thoughts into words so I have to dig to understand what he is trying to tell me. It turns out she didn't like that his hair sticks up and demanded he wet it with water and slick it down. First, I have to say good luck with that, he is part porcupine. If I can't get it to lay down with 57 different hair products, water is not going to work. Secondly, WTF? She is a cafeteria monitor! What should she care about his hair? It is well within the guidelines for hair so back,off.
  Then he tells me she won't let him use the restroom. Since I worked at the school last year I know that the restrooms are available during lunch. Kids eat, drink, need the restroom. It's biology. Just saying.
  Then he tells me she told him the word "bullcrap" when he said he really needed the restroom. Oh, now I am getting a little ticked. My son does NOT need anymore bad words in his vocabulary. And he certainly does not need to be talked to that way.
  And then.......Ahren tells me that last week he left his lunch in his classroom and when he asked her to go get it she told him no and made him go purchase a hot lunch. She led him to the lunch line and made him go through. He was too scared to not do what she said. But, this is my child with food allergies. The kind where he has doctor orders on file, Epi-Pens in the nurses office, medical care directives for emergency care. This past week he has had asthma issues and has thrown up. Is it from the food? The more I think about this woman and her power trip on the kids the madder I get. I wanted to march into the school, find her, and confront her. I decided that was a bad idea because I knew I might have lost my shiznit and gone totally Mama Bear on her. It would have been ugly. So I didn't. Instead I e-mailed the school,and they are "looking into it". No word yet. I may still have to go into the school and I hope I can keep cool. I would look horrible in a mug shot!
  I hate stupid people. I really do. Just saying......

Where did my little boy go?

Levi was just a baby yesterday. I remember rocking him at night during feedings, savoring the sweet feel and smell of baby in my arms. An adorable tow-headed toddler, making everyone laugh with his silliness. Worried little boy heading for kindergarten, serious and somber, taking it all so seriously. 

Those blue eyes the color of denim, his Dad's nose and eyebrows, my hair, a smattering of freckles. 

My little boy is disappearing right before my eyes.

Instead a young man in emerging. Strong chin, muscles, broad shoulders, no more baby faced boy. He acts like a boy most of the time, but in some moments I see the older version of my baby. Sweet, caring, funny, handsome, very smart. So much like his father. It is amazing to watch the transformation……..but I miss my baby.

Ridiculousness

We live in a very nice subdivision. We have lakes and a golf course, riding trails for our horses, and a Homeowners Association that insures that our lawns are well maintained, etc. 

For the past 6 years, homeowners have been trying to get board approval to erect flag poles at each of our three entrances. One for the American flag and one for the Texas flag. Oddly, the board never approved or disapproved the plan, just kept delaying things.

  Homeowners banded together and raised the money to buy and place the poles and to have the flags replaced every 6 months. The money did not have to come from our HOA dues and the maintenance was already taken care of, but without board approval the poles could not be placed on subdivision property. One enterprising man then approached the county and asked if the poles could be placed on the county easement just in front of our entrance landscaping. The county granted him approval and everything seemed to be moving forward.

  And then….KAPOW! It all blew up horribly. The BOD got their feelings  hurt that someone would go around them to get the flagpoles up and they dug in their feet. A nasty war of words ensued on a public forum that not only our homeowners could see but all of the surrounding community as well. It became very ugly, very fast.  After the melee died down it was decided that a survey should be done to allow the homeowners to vote yes or no on the flags. No surprise, it came out overwhelmingly in support of the flags. Still, this did not satisfy the board so they ordered another survey which also came out overwhelmingly in support of the flags. Nastiness continued to be flung around, the board continued to drag their feet (they have had the survey results for a while and have not posted them yet). The board meetings have been full of more contentiousness and no answers.

  Then, suddenly, the flags appeared at our entrances and there was a huge outpouring of pride and happiness from almost all of the homeowners.  We have no idea who did it! At the last board meeting, two days after the flags went up, the board announced they were having them taken down and would then begin the process of coming up with a design and getting bids to place flagpoles, all paid for out of the HOA dues. Say what? They want to take down the flags and make us pay to have the whole thing re-done on our dime? The flag poles are on the approved county easement so I don't think legally they can touch the flags. They didn't pay for them, nor do they have jurisdiction over the property they are on. They announced the flags would be removed on Wed. and homeowners camped out around the flags to defend them. No one ever showed up to take them down.

  Again the whole issue was hashed out in a public internet forum, but also in the news and on the radio here. We are being called the subdivision that tears down flags. Nice….