Rebound, Fallout, Twerking RAD

  Like that title? That is my brain after spending 9 days slaving away pouring cement, etc in Costa Rica, only to return and immediately begin suffering from the intestinal equivalent of a tsunami. I no longer wish I would die and I have actually ventured out in public a little bit, so I must be getting better. I am not sure, though, since the fog in my brain is thick enough to block out all rational thought.

  Those of you with RADlets know the drill. Something changes, anxiety hits the roof and our special ones devolve into a grab bag of less-than-pleasing behaviors. In the past the change could be very minor and still elicit things such as shredding all food, nightmares, destruction of belongings, nasty temper tantrums and potty issues. (Remember the many weeks of poo? I do!) Over time it took larger and larger changes to set Jon off, and the fallout behaviors have become less and less destructive.

  So these past few weeks have been ALL change. First school let out, then my job changed, then off for a week of vacation, and a week after we returned Mommy took off for 9 days. Then Mommy gets laid out with a horrible case of the traveling ICK. Changes of global proportions. Anxiety inducing changes of epic proportions.

  How has Jon been? A little clingy, a little more mean to his brothers, and he tends to get into a cycle of anxiety where he has to make constant non-stop noise, whether he is talking, making sound effects or singing. That's it. Unless he is saving up something really big to hit me with down the road, I have gotten off very lightly. Extra hugs, re-direct the meaner behavior and remind him he is making noise, then engage him in a real conversation. Abso-freakin-lutely amazing!!!! He is going to make it! I see a "normal" kid. An active, smart NORMAL acting kid.

Halleluia…Halleleugia….Hallelughi.. aw heck. I can't spell it. Praise the LORD!

Now if I can just get him to pick up his dirty clothes….that would be a miracle. LOL!

Oh, by the way, I must have been gone a lot longer than I realized, because this is what I found when I returned.

Our trip, continued

The first few days of our trip were fine. We got along and worked together, but emotionally we still danced around each other. Both of us were a bit snappy and quick to see offense. Then one night we both blew. (I would love to say I was perfectly calm, but I cannot lie. My feelings were hurt and I was exhausted physically and emotionally) We finally went to bed but I slept little that night.

I spent the night praying and asking God to show me how to let this child of mine feel how much I loved her, how much she could trust me, how safe she is with me. About 4 am it came to me. Peace. At that point I knew what I needed to do. (I fixed this pic. I didn't realize I had made it too big and accidentally cut out Ashley. Don't read too much into that. It wasn't a subliminal Freudian moment…)

I had to let Ashley know that I was making every attempt to see things from her perspective. That it was okay the way she felt (even when I knew she didn't have all the facts). Her feelings were not wrong, they were legitimate. Instead of trying to show her why she was wrong because she didn't know everything, I just needed to validate her feelings. So I did. And we had the most wonderful discussion ever. She made the effort to see my perspective, too!

She is an awesome person. So intelligent, so loving, so empathetic. She is a very hard worker, too. I still think she is a very old soul in a young body. She just has an air about her that is other-wordly.

I know she loves me and she told me she thinks I am a great mother. We are just two very different personalities who went through a lot of pain in her first years. Hers was physical and mine was emotional. Do you know how hard it is to sit next to your tiny baby's hospital crib and hear the alarms go off and then stand out of the way why the staff works to get her breathing again? Do you know what it is like to hold her when they stick her tiny body over and over trying to get an IV line going, only to have the one they finally place in her scalp blow and create a huge goose egg? To hand off your little baby to strangers as they take her to the OR, all the time praying she is not scared and alone? She has every reason to blame me. I was the one constant when she was in pain. As hard as I tried I could not make the pain go away or comfort her enough.

She is an amazing person. I am blessed to be the one she calls Mom. I am equally blessed to be the one she blames. I want to be her soft place to fall, her rock, her anchor. No matter what, if she has pain in her life, I will be there, and she can blame it all on me. I will gladly do that for her!

Costa Rica

  I am back from Costa Rica. I have to say that my husband is the absolute Best of the best. The house is clean, the laundry is done and he even shampooed carpets. He even cooked a couple of nights. I missed him and the boys and my bed so much. I am extremely blessed with my life and family.  Somewhere along the way I must have done something right to deserve this awesome life I have.
  This trip has changed me. I knew I would experience a lot during this trip. The physical labor required was extreme. I am 50 years old, overweight and do not work out. Only God could have stepped in and given me the strength I needed to achieve the things I did this week. Amazingly I was not sore. Not one single day. I did not run out of energy until we left the work site and were on our two day rest and reflection portion of the trip.
  More important than the physical work I did was the emotional work I did. Ashley and I have a fragile, strained relationship at best. We are polar opposites. I do not understand her and she does not get me. Since before she was born I have loved her with every fiber of my being, but she has been an enigma from day one. She appeared to be a very old soul in a tiny body. She seemed so much wiser and all-seeing than me even as a toddler. She used to talk about her previous life, tell me about the clothing, the language and the people. The story was always the same. I swear she was re-incarnated and remembered it. She scared me. A lot.
  She hates being touched. I don't know if that is because she spent the first two years of her life being sick, getting poked, prodded and tortured by needles, or if she was born with sensitivities. Every time she was ill as a child I was the one to hold her as they stuck her, shoved catheters into her, etc etc. does she associate me with pain  somewhere deep down in her unconscious self? If I had it to do over again I would still be holding her. How could I walk away and leave her alone to face those situations? She was just a baby!
  I had high hopes for this trip. I wanted to connect in a deep and meaningful way with her. She is an amazing young woman. Absolutely amazing. Brilliant, motivated, she has a vision and a purpose in life. I want to be part of that. Her support system, her soft place to land. Heck, I would settle for just being her friend!!!
  My hopes and dreams for this time with her hit some serious snags.

To be continued......

What hurts more...

  Ashley and I are in Costa Rica on a nine day mission trip with our church. I am so glad she was able to come with me. I have such high hopes that this will bet one of those special bonding experiences that will forever form a thread between us. I can see us laughing together in years to come at the memories we, and we alone share.
  We arrived on Saturday and then had Sunday to worship and relax with some sightseeing before beginning the hard physical work on Monday. Visit the blog for the church by clicking on this link          wumccostarica.blogspot.com

  I was prepared for the hard physical labor, but the spiritual and emotional work I am doing have caught me off guard. Ashley is prickly, to put it mildly. She always has been. She doesn't like to be touched or hugged at all. She has a hard time showing any affection for anyone except her dog. Even her friends think this. She is hard to get close to, even as her mother. I am struggling with connecting with her on this trip. Don't get me wrong, I love her and she knows it, and she loves me. I just want a deeper, more meaningful adult level relationship with her. I want to be able to listen to her talk about her life and dreams and encourage her. I want to share in her thoughts and feelings, to be a safe place for her to vent and no I will never judge her.

  I will keep trying, but not too hard since that sends her into super prickly mode. I need to be open and accepting and non-critical. I need to let her take the lead in the relationship for a while.

  So be sides the sore muscles, bruises, cuts and scrapes, my heart is banged up a bit. Time to take more pain meds and put my big girl panties on. More hard work awaits me.

 

Costa Rica

  The trip yesterday was flawless. All people and bags arrived safely at our destination. The scenery is absolutely breathtaking. Pictures do not do it justice. Our little motel  is situated at the base of a small volcanic mountain. The tropical trees are waving in the wind above us topped by bright blue skies full of small puffy white clouds.
  The trees around the motel are full of Howler monkeys. They are named this because of the strange howling sounds they make. Sounds that seem to come from a thousand tortured souls deep in the dungeons of a castle. And it goes on ALL NIGHT LONG! Luckily they were not too close last night and we could mostly ignore them. Not so much for the constant ding-ding of Ashleys phone as numerous random stupidities were arriving for her to see. Tonight her phone is on silent mode.
  Today we eat and then head to church. The service is all in spanish and about 2 hours long. They told us to be prepared to dance and sweat our buns off. This ought to be interesting. Then we change, grab lunch and head out for an afternoon of sightseeing and shopping.

Go check out wumc.blogspot.com for more info and pictures.

Love to all!!

Costa Rica!!!

  Ashley and I are heading out Saturday morning for a 9 day mission trip to Costa Rica. There are 13 members of our church participating. We will be providing physical labor for building the second story on a church in Nicoya then retreating for a bit of rest and reflection in Tamarindo. Please follow along with us at our special mission trip blog http://wumccostarica.blogspot.com/


Here is part of the Mission Trip Team after spending the day with our families painting rooms at the Dream House in Conroe. This was our test run of how well we can work together and it was awesome.

Come join us in Costa Rica next week and see the hands of God at work!

More vacation photos

These are the last of the photos I have from our vacation. usually I take a LOT more photos but this time I was just too busy having a blast. I am still exhausted and have picked up a sinus infection. Ashley and I leave in one week for a mission trip to Costa Rica and I need to recover before then. Luckily our doctor's office is open on the weekends. I will be seeing them tomorrow. 

Road trips are not the same as when I was a kid. These guys have iPads, movies, gaming devices, books, snacks and music. The 4 hour trip was actually enjoyable. Very relaxing. 

The Dad always drives. This way we don't get pulled over for speeding. Me, well I have a heavy foot and no patience. Plus I like to knit, read and chatter incessantly at my quiet hubby. Poor man….

 The living area of our cabin. We did not use the fireplace but it was a nice touch. The large cabinet held all of our food, a refrigerator and microwave. 

 The master bedroom. Super comfy bed and the western decor was so fun!

 The boys' bedroom. Within 3 minutes of arrival they discovered that the metal bed frames made hilarious sounds when they bounced on the beds. Luckily they were so exhausted at the end of each day there was no bouncing and no resistance about bedtime.

 I forgot to mention they had putt-putt golf, a petting zoo and two playgrounds. This is seriously the best kid-centered resort to vacation at I have ever seen. Nothing was ever crowded, not even the water park.

 This is me in the car on the way there. I looked a lot tanner and tired by the return trip. I want to go back many more times!!!!!

Vacation!!

Life around here has been as hectic as always. I originally had the summer off but something came up so I am now working most weeks. Not what I planned on but it will work out. 

For vacation this year we went to the Cowboy Capital of the world, Bandera, Texas. We stayed at the most amazing ranch, The Flying L Ranch. There were tons of activities for the boys and lots of R&R for us grown-ups. I read 5 books while we were there and even knit a fair bit. 

The pictures are all out of order but hopefully you can make sense of them. I did not get photos of the horseback riding (we went on three trail rides) or the water park on this camera. We spent many hours in the water park located right there on site. The food was good, we had nightly entertainment and the kids had a blast. We didn't even manage to get to the tennis courts or the ghost town. Next time….

Hitting balls at the driving range. Levi has outgrown his clubs but still managed to hit his driver 200 yards. 

Me and my Sweetie relaxing on the front porch of our cabin (designed by Frank Lloyd Wright)

 Lots of time spent at the pool and the water park on the grounds. We were able to walk to everything.

Nachos!

Climbing Enchanted Rock. 

More nachos and swimming.

Archery during the morning Kids Club activities. Yep, three hours each morning they entertained our kids for us. I told you it was awesome!

The view from our cabin.

 Just being goofy. There was quite a bit of goofiness.

Big swing!

 Photobomb!

Spelling Bee Finalist……Ahren!

  Earlier this year Levi made it into the 3rd-5th grade spelling bee finals. He ended up in fourth place, which was fine by him. He did NOT want to have to participate at the county and state levels. I have a sneaking suspicion he threw the competition in order to avoid those.
  The second grade does their own spelling bee. Second graders are not included at the higher competition levels, but the school holds their own competition to introduce the concept. Jon is a fantastic speller and I was hopeful he might make it into the finals. Nope, in usual Jon fashion, he did not listen as they gave him his first word and he spelled something completely different. We were not surprised. Ahren is a good reader but spelling didn't seem to be his thing. He didn't care whether he ever spelled anything correctly. He is just so laid back! This time he really surprised us! he took the whole spelling bee business very seriously. He knew that Levi won the bee two years ago when he was in second grade. He had a fire in his belly and a determination we had never seen before. He studied, he talked about it, and he made it to the finals!!!
  The finals were yesterday afternoon and Chris and I both went. There were fifteen finalists, three from each class. There are a total of about 120 second graders in all, so being a finalist was a big honor! We were so proud of him. He stood up tall, spoke clearly and loudly, asked for the word in a sentence politely and was amazing. Unfortunately he didn't win. He took 8th place. The word that tripped him up was 'different'. He missed the middle e. He had already spelled some really tough words and made it through many rounds. In fact, he lasted almost an hour. Wow!!!
  So proud of this boy. And to think english is not even his first language!!!!

Magna Cum Laude

This morning my first child, Kaytee, graduated Magna Cum Laude from Texas A&M University with a B.S. in Psychology. I didn't cry. I did mist up a little but you will see why in a moment. I have come to terms with losing my baby and gaining an adult daughter. 

Here she is 2 hours into the ceremony. Believe me honey when I say we know how you felt! There were 1300 graduates in the college of liberal arts and they called every single name and listed their honors. Every. Single. One.

 Here is most of the gang sitting in the audience to support her. From left to right, Chris my husband, me, Kaytee, Chris her dad, Ashley and Uncle Greg her dad's brother. Taking the photo was Matt, Kaytee's awesome boyfriend.

 Here is Matt and Kaytee. Kaytee is tall and wearing heels and still Matt is quite a bit taller. They are quite the photogenic couple!

Here is me and Chris with our special girl. I am  not short! She is just tall!!! LOL!!!

 They have many, many traditions at A&M. One is that they can get special sashes for graduation that they then give to people who were the most instrumental in supporting them through their college career. Kaytee got two, one for her Dad and  one for my Chris, her step-Dad. That is when I got very teary. Having a good relationship between them has been a huge blessing. Having her acknowledge her step-dad was amazing. I think Chris got a little misty-eyed, too.

 Here are the two Dads with their special sashes. What an amazing sight! What an amazing girl.

 These three girls have known each other since second grade. All three graduated today. One day they were skinny little pigtailed squirts and the next grown women. Unbelievable!

 Just as crazy as ever!

 Uncle Greg giving Kaytee a gift. He may be my ex-brother-in-law but I will always love him. He is one of the best, kindest, most thoughtful men I have ever known. He is the one thing I lost in the divorce that I truly regret!!!

A view of Reed Arena with all the graduates and attendees. It is the same arena Kaytee had her high school graduation in but this was much more impressive.

 The celebrity couple giving the thumbs up sign and showing off their Aggie rings. (Matt graduated in December)

And to update everyone on Ashley, she did NOT have meningitis but most likely a viral encephalitis. That is just a virus that causes inflammation of the lining around the brain and spinal cord. She has bounced back very quickly like only the young can do.

Hospitals

  This has been a rough week for my "A" kiddos. Ahren got sick last Sunday and by Tuesday was struggling to breathe. Took him to the doctor and got new meds. He stayed home Wednesday but by Thursday was sounding really good so off he went. Then Friday he woke up coughing a little. By 11 am the nurse had called me twice and reported he was rapidly getting worse and two breathing treatments had not helped. So off we went back to the doctors office. His blood oxygen level was 92 and close to the level where he would have been admitted to the hospital. Another treatment and he came up to 96%. Better, but not normal. We decided to have him get a bonus of steroids and see if that helped. If not then he would be headed to the hospital for admission. Luckily the big shot in his derrière helped and he began to breathe easier within the hour. Now he is on oral steroids for 9 days. It really helps him breathe but it turns him into a mood-swinging monster.
  Today Ashley is in the hospital. She had been sick last week with a cold/infected throat but had been feeling better. Then today she woke up really feeling lousy with a massive headache and a really stiff neck. Off to the doc-in-a-box  to see what was up. They sent her straight to the medical center to have tests to check for meningitis, among other things. She has had all the usual blood and urine tests, plus a CT scan of head and neck. They attempted a spinal tap but couldn't get the needle in so right now they have her in radiology using x-Ray to guide the needle. I am sitting here staring at her blood on the sheets and my heart aches. The doctor thinks she may have viral meningitis, not bacterial, which is good. Much less dangerous. There is not treatment, just time to recover. It means several weeks of headaches, possibly, but not life threatening apparently. I am very impressed with this hospital and how fast they are moving. They took her back immediately when she arrived and within an hour had most of the tests complete. I barely got here (I am 70 min away) before they had whisked her to radiology. I will update later when we have all the results.
What a week........

Our College Graduate

  On May 9th, Kaytee is graduating with honors from Texas A&M University. I am so proud I am about to burst! And yet I am so sad. It feels like I am losing her. I didn't feel sad when she left for college. Only now, and it is really hard.

  Why now, I wonder? Well, for one thing she got a job in Dallas which puts her 4 1/2 hours away from me. At school she is just over an hour away. We could drive over and spend the day together easily. Not anymore. She also has a serious boyfriend and they are planning on saving money for a while and then moving in together. I asked her about the future plans and she told me if they get married it will be in Dallas, not here at our family church. I won't be able to be involved much and that hurts, too. And then there is the fact that her Dad is in Dallas and she will be living with him and spending a lot of time with him. Him, not me. He is a good Dad, and he hasn't been able to spend that much time with her over the years, so that is good. But it's not me. 

  I am losing my baby. She is officially flying from the nest and it hurts. I am so proud….

Pictures

Every year during the Houston Livestock and Rodeo (a ginormous event here in southern Texas) the schools all have a Go Texas Day. It is a very big event. All the kids and staff dress in cowboy wear and they bring in ropers, horses, snake handlers, saddle makers, horse trainers, farriers (horse shoers). The entire day is spent playing cowboy and celebrating Texas. Here are my boys in their cowboy finest. Ahren and Jon decided they needed mustaches to be 'real' cowboys. LOL!

 He may have a future in modeling.  He struck this pose all by by himself.

Levi decided to channel Johnny Cash and dress all in black. He had a black hat, too, but was not cooperating very well with my picture taking. I got one shot and he was done.

I need to start posting to our cooking blog. The boys, especially Levi and Jon, still love to cook with me. They are getting to the point that they are actually really helpful. Someday they will make their wives very happy.

 One of the pitfalls of living in southern Texas is the nasty critters that live here. I found this little guy in the dryer when I removed a load. That means that he was IN the dirty clothes when I scooped them off the floor and started the wash. It was only luck that kept me from getting stung. I always turn on the lights at night when I get up to use the bathroom. Otherwise I might step on one of these lovelies….

Levi is growing his hair out. He has my thick, semi-curly hair and here is what it looks  like in the mornings.

Levi designed his own shoes on the Nike website. The good news is we now have no problem finding them each morning!

Hey, what are you doing up there? (He is standing on the counter) His answer? Exploring. My response: GET DOWN!

Levi made dinner. Chicken enchiladas. Yum! I directed him but he did all the work. They were super yummy!

 Notice the safe technique. No fingers were hurt in this demonstration!

 Derp! Why can't they just smile for the picture?????

 One day after grocery shopping I discovered the cat had helped herself to the family sized pack of tuna. What the heck? She must have been able to smell it through the package. It's cans-only from now on.

Spring in Texas. The skies are so blue and the clouds white and puffy. The grass is emerald green.

We have baby turtles in the pond. Here is one, about the size of a half-dollar. These are Sliders, a semi-aquatic species indigenous to our area. We have worked really hard to make our pond a very healthy eco-system.

The garden is growing! Here is the very first baby tomato. We have eggplant, cucumbers, corn, tomatoes, peppers of all kinds, herbs, and pumpkins. A lot of things do not grow well here so we are a bit limited.

Levi, my helper. He loves to come help with whatever I am doing outside.

Sweet Basil. I can't wait to cook with this!

My other 'boy', Rio. He is just the sweetest. He nickers at me when he sees me, follows me around like a dog with his head over my shoulder trying to see what I am doing, and just loves me to pieces. He has gained almost 100 pounds since I got him, weight the vet told me was good for him. He is now perfect weight. His hooves are 100 times more healthy, too. He is still losing his winter coat so he is looking a bit rough, but still shiny and healthy.