Monday, July 21, 2014

Costa Rica

  I am back from Costa Rica. I have to say that my husband is the absolute Best of the best. The house is clean, the laundry is done and he even shampooed carpets. He even cooked a couple of nights. I missed him and the boys and my bed so much. I am extremely blessed with my life and family.  Somewhere along the way I must have done something right to deserve this awesome life I have.
  This trip has changed me. I knew I would experience a lot during this trip. The physical labor required was extreme. I am 50 years old, overweight and do not work out. Only God could have stepped in and given me the strength I needed to achieve the things I did this week. Amazingly I was not sore. Not one single day. I did not run out of energy until we left the work site and were on our two day rest and reflection portion of the trip.
  More important than the physical work I did was the emotional work I did. Ashley and I have a fragile, strained relationship at best. We are polar opposites. I do not understand her and she does not get me. Since before she was born I have loved her with every fiber of my being, but she has been an enigma from day one. She appeared to be a very old soul in a tiny body. She seemed so much wiser and all-seeing than me even as a toddler. She used to talk about her previous life, tell me about the clothing, the language and the people. The story was always the same. I swear she was re-incarnated and remembered it. She scared me. A lot.
  She hates being touched. I don't know if that is because she spent the first two years of her life being sick, getting poked, prodded and tortured by needles, or if she was born with sensitivities. Every time she was ill as a child I was the one to hold her as they stuck her, shoved catheters into her, etc etc. does she associate me with pain  somewhere deep down in her unconscious self? If I had it to do over again I would still be holding her. How could I walk away and leave her alone to face those situations? She was just a baby!
  I had high hopes for this trip. I wanted to connect in a deep and meaningful way with her. She is an amazing young woman. Absolutely amazing. Brilliant, motivated, she has a vision and a purpose in life. I want to be part of that. Her support system, her soft place to land. Heck, I would settle for just being her friend!!!
  My hopes and dreams for this time with her hit some serious snags.

To be continued......


Anonymous said...

"5 Love Languages" -- she's not a tactile kid. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It means she likely loathes being manhandled (even by her mommy) and you cannot/will not accept "not tactile" as as a valid personal preference.

By all means, carry on as you are with ashley! Since your "way" has worked so very very well in building a relationship with your kid!!

Wendy said...

I actually ordered the book you suggested. I also respect her desire not to be touched. I don't take it personally.. I want to connect with her emotionally, not physically. Thank you for the book recommendation.

Anonymous said...

Wendy -

First, just Hugs, at least virtual, because, like Ashley, I don't like being touched or hugged either. And neither does my neice. We blame it on being northern Minnesota Norwegian Lutherans!

I have no advice other than to continue being the terrific mom that you are.


Wendy said...

Thank you Sandra! I miss you!!!!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Aha! I didn't realize you were back- sending you an email shortly.
If my house was clean when I returned from a long trip it would be because someone had been hired.
Good to hear you connected with your daughter in the end!