Wednesday, June 10, 2015

And with the good comes…….fallout

  We knew there would be fallout over us being gone for several days. We prepared as best we could, called multiple tomes a day, sent pictures, had special surprises delivered while we were gone, and an amazing nanny lined up. The boys stayed in our home, in their own beds, with their own things.   The Nanny kept them busy, very very busy. It cost us a good chunk of change but those boys were on the move constantly. Here is a run-down of their activities: in-door trampoline park, movies, kayaking, Incredible Pizza, swimming, The Aquarium, and out to eat numerous times.  They never stopped moving.
  Was it enough? Not quite. One little guy (I bet you can guess who) still struggled. He punched his brother multiple times, threw fits, was loud and obnoxious (still trying to decide if that one is normal for a 9 year old boy….) 'hated' the activities even though he was laughing and participating, had nightmares and trouble sleeping. Poor sweet boy. At what point will he ever know deep in his soul that we will be back? He knows it on the surface, but not deep down. He may never truly feel that safe.
  When we got home we found a bloody paw print on the floor. It looked like a dog had cut his paw. Chris then found that a small knife he kept on his desk to open mail with was missing. We found the pouch for it in Jon's bed. When it was mentioned to him, he lost his shiznit, began screaming and crying that HE DIDN'T DO IT! DID NOOOOTTTTTT!!!!! The only thing we asked was if anyone knew where it was because someone or some dog was going o get hurt. This was followed by much huffing and puffing, tears and slammed doors. It was late and we put them to bed.
  Next morning, Levi decides he is going to look for the knife. Jon dashes past him on the stairs and Voila, in less than 30 seconds finds the knife and is a self proclaimed hero. Is anyone buying this? If you are, then how was that recent fall from the turnip wagon?
  I calmly took the knife from him, thanked him and asked him to sit down for a minute. He began the eye-rolling, twitchy, 'I have been cornered' routine but i just talked calmly. I told him that I really didn't care about the knife as long as no one got hurt. What I was really concerned about was his lying and especially not being truthful with himself. He twitched and cried and lied and got very angry but I just reiterated the point calmly and let him go.
  This is not the first time this has happened. Heck, this isn't even the 100th time. Just in the past few weeks there was the case of the girl's favorite pen disappearing at school. Everyone said Jon had it, but HE DID NOOOOTTTTT! Later, in a different room, he magically found it on the floor and returned it to her. The Hero. Then the last week of school I had a baggie of change on the table alongside Levi's lunch. They were having a little economics fait that day and he needed the money to purchase items from the sellers. I showed him the bag so he wouldn't forget it. Jon grabbed it and yelled MONEY'. I told him to put it on the table and told everyone to load up their backpacks. The table was cleared and we headed to school. Levi asked for the money and I said he had put it into his backpack. He said, no, it wasn't on the table and he thought I had it. Soooo, Jon gets home from school and I ask him if he knows where the bag went. Kaboom, tears, anger, lying and HE DID NOOOTTTT DO IT!!!! I let it go for a little while. Thirty minutes later Jon 'finds' the money on the table, underneath one of his Dad's t-shirts. Look Mom, it was there the whole time. It was just under the shirt. I am a hero! Never mind that the table had been empty and his Dad's shirt had been in his closet…..
  Does anyone else have this issue? I keep bringing it up to his therapist but I think he has her totally charmed and manipulated. She doesn't seem to take this issue as seriously as I do. Sure, at 9 years old it is an annoyance. But what about at 13, 15, 18? He thinks he is getting away with it. He thinks he can steal whatever he wants and then 'find it', therefore not only escaping any consequences but becoming the hero too. I am about to impose severe consequences for this behavior. Something that really hurts him where it counts, makes him stop short and THINK for once.(Not talking physical hurt)  I just don't know what that is…..


Deb said...

Bug has done the same thing. I will not let him "magically find it", as soon as he finds it, it is called out that he must have had it the whole time. There is no feel good mamma in this house over that stuff- not saying you are a feel good momma, to be clear. it has stopped, nothing has disappeared for the last 6 months. The kicker was him having almost $80.00 in $20.00 dollar bills to spend on a DS game when he had only earned $20.00 in allowance over the previous 2 months (the max he could earn was $10.00 per month). when I started complaining that my money was disappearing from my wallet and we had to not buy food he liked due to budget being blown somewhere, the stealing stopped. There was another incident at the same time, so I think the 2 combined let him know that I was on to his game.

I also don't leave money where he can get to it now and he is not allowed to go get my purse as that is when he was taking the money.

Part of it, I do believe is just maturity and is a normal phase kids will go thru, but I wanted to be sure I nipped it in the bud. Unfortunately, I found out a month ago, that I did not get it nipped fast enough as Bug took and found something very important to our exchange student. He took it last year at the beginning, but the student just let me know. Drama, drama, drama.

hang in there, you know your kids best. You are doing the right thing for him and it will sink in either thru your teaching him or when the real world teaches him. Praying that your love and guidance is what is the teacher. Hugs to you for being a great momma.


Wendy said...

Thanks Deb! I do call him on it every time, but it hasn't slowed him down. Right now he just got in trouble for screaming at me in a very ugly way and he is on his bed growling, 'crying' and saying horrible things under his breath. This is my punishment for me since I abandoned him.