As summer wound down….

  I used to think I was a pretty good Mom. My kids hit all the milestones ahead of schedule. They grew and thrived and had good manners in public. I made the critical mistake of patting myself on the back. Rookie error. Or maybe girls are just easier for a Mom. Whatever the reason, I have come to realize that  I am not so much a good Mom, as a Mom who has learned serious survival skills. Let me tell you a few stories from this summer with …..The Boyz. (Play scary music)

  Someone, who appears to be named "Not Me" cut the electrical cord to my exercise bike's display panel. With toe nail clippers.

  I found a toad in my kitchen, just hopping along and looking like he was completely confused. (Can a toad look confused?)

  Someone cut a hole in a brand new shirt the very first time it was worn. Why? Well heck, why not? Here are scissors, whatever can I do with them? Aha! I shall try them on my shirt! Genius, I tell you!!!

  There are chips under the couch, licorice behind the TV, juice bags on the stairs, a banana in a dresser drawer, chicken bones in a bedroom, and little dirty handprints 7 feet off the ground. I don't even WANT to know how those got there.

  One child cannot find his shoes. He has several pairs. He has worn shoes each and every day, but he CAN NOT find  his shoes. This is a daily occurrence and he blames……wait for it…………………Me. Of course. Because when he is asleep I wear his shoes and then hide them. I am just that mean. I think for the school year, since this is a re-occurring theme, I will get him a pair of pink ballet slippers so that on the days he cannot find his shoes he can wear those to school.

  One child wore his brand new school shoes to climb the giant dirt pile, after a rain. Nice.

  They ate an entire LARGE bag of chips in one day. For breakfast.

  Boyz. Pray for me…..