Saturday, April 25, 2015

It's been a long, difficult, time

  I know I have been very absent. Even my family has given up bugging me for updates. Huge sigh…. I lay in bed at three am and write posts in my head. They are so witty and entertaining and informative….they just never make it into print. Of course everything I think at 3 am seems terribly witty, entertaining and informative. It is probably all drivel and makes no sense. Hah!
  So, when my nephew died I was devastated. The kids saw me lose my shiznet in a way no one has ever seen. Then barely more than a day later I leave for a week to be with my sister and family. The boys seemed to deal with it, the week was uneventful here and life went on. When I returned I felt like I had been gone forever, living in an alternate universe, very disconnected. I burst into tears randomly, had trouble connecting with anyone and slept very little. Levi and Ahren showed great empathy and suffered a little along with me. Jon spiraled out of control. His grades went from an average of 98 to 57 in the last 9 week grading period. He began stealing again, he put nonsense answers on his work, he destroyed important papers (field trip permission slips…several of them) he lied and acted out and was a completely unregulated mess. We immediately found a grief counselor who specializes in attachment issues. She is new to the area or we would have been on her doorstep a long time ago! She is helping but it is slow going. Many layers to unravel.
  After his third trip to the principals office in 10 days we instituted commando parenting. He has lost all extracurricular activities. No parties, no sleep overs, no play dates, no electronics, no special anything. He is getting tons of hugs and love, lots of support making good decisions and lots of physical activity. Every day we give him a pep talk about how great he is and what he can do if he only wants to do it. His teachers are on board and supporting this too. It is working!! He is trying, he is making better decisions, and he acts like he feels calm and loved! His grades are coming up. He still has moments, but they are getting farther between and lesser in degree.
  We still have a long way to go. Even to just get back to where he was 6 months ago. The good thing is that by working through this and surviving, he has learned such a valuable lesson. He is stronger and more confident in himself. Without trials in life how will he ever learn? The answer is he can't. We could place him in a bubble and not rock the boat but we can't protect him forever. It is more important to give him the tools and foundation to handle the normal problems life hands us. Let's tough it out now and then he has the chance at a very happy, successful life.

 Love this little guy more than cheese!!!!

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