Working on the Spectrum

  I have a secret to admit. I LOVE working with kids on the spectrum. Seriously, they never cease to amaze me. Each and every one is so precious and yet I feel their struggles, the challenges, the difficulties. Oh how I want to help them! Even though they are the most difficult patients for me to treat, they are my favorites, by far.
  I have been researching the immune system connection more. it appears that many, many kids on the spectrum also have immune issues. Most have an over-reactive immune system. Some trigger during early childhood sets them off and they are never the same again. In many cases it is a night and day difference. I can understand why immunizations were thought to be the cause since they are a big immune challenge. Other things that can set them off are allergic reactions to bug bites, medicines or food.
  In some cases the immune reaction is so totally overwhelming that the immune system actually shuts down and the child is left with little to none immunity to our world. In the scientific world we call that the dose-hook effect. These kids remain immuno-compromised and suffer from every infectious agent they encounter.
  A group of doctors has tested kids on the spectrum and found that the attenuated virus particles found in many immunizations can still be found in spinal fluid years later in these kids. That is NOT normal. Those particles should have been destroyed as the immune system built it's defenses against that disease. Instead, it is not destroyed, but stored away in vital fluids, still capable of making a mess of organic systems.
  Another recent theory is that base-down prism lenses will help a child on the spectrum focus on the task in front of them. The lenses are only used for 3-4 months, just long enough for them to learn the focusing skills they need. It helps them tune out all the other stuff happening all around them. I have seen it work and it was amazing. Attention to detail, attention span, focus, it all improved. Once we removed the glasses, gradually, the child retained the skills to focus. Amazing!
  I am brought so close to tears every day with these little ones. My heart is theirs, my soul is theirs, my love is theirs. I want to make a difference in their lives and I think I am. I just wish I could reach out to all the other kids out there and work a little magic.....

Are You Freakin Kidding me?

  I am having THAT kind of day. You know, the kind where it would actually be more fun if a big truck ran over your foot. And there is only one reason this day has been so not-fun, and his name rhymes with Beth.

  Ever since Christmas time we have been dealing with bodily-waste control issues. It has ebbed and flowed (pun totally intended!) but never totally gone away. Then one day a few weeks ago, not having any other options for helping our little man, we decided to just completely ignore the issue. We told him so, too. It doesn't hurt ME if he has poopy pants. I don't have to sit in it. I don't have to smell it. Heck, I don't even have to clean it up. If he wants to enjoy his own feces and urine, then more power to him.

  And it stopped. Not a drop of pee, not a squiggle of poo, not one extra pair of underwear that needed to be decontaminated before it could join the laundry.

  We rejoiced (not in his presence of course) and patted our smug selves on the back for our superior parenting of this challenged child. We raised our arms and hooted for ourselves!

  You can see where this is going.......

  Today i was cleaning out some old things from the bonus room off of our bedroom. Back behind my craft cabinet, tucked in between the giant safe and file cabinet, I stumbled upon a secret. A hoard of poo crusted underwear, most also with enough dried pee to make them crackle when bent, and a wad of yellow, crusty paper towels. I began to pull them out, one by one. Four, five, six, seven. I felt my blood pressure rising. I had to stop and breathe deeply for a few minutes before I could even leave the room.

  The problem is that I have no idea how old these are. Pre-'we don't care' phase, or post-'we don't care' phase. I did ask him about it, but as you might have guessed I got a lot of 'I don't know' and 'I can't remember'. I do know he pooped his pants last Friday while Kaytee was watching them and threw them in the trash to hide them.

  So we decided he is back in pullups and will have to start kindergarten as the only kid in pullups.

Amazing Girl, I mean woman

  Kaytee is heading off on a mission trip later this summer. This time it is to help out in a very poor town in The Dominican Republic. There they will do repairs on homes and paint a school, throw a kids carnival for the residents, and help to stock the school with supplies. This is a school that is run by a charitable group and serves the poorest of the poor. If anyone out there would like to make a donation, or say a prayer for the safety and health of the kids on this trip, I would so appreciate it!

As part of the trip, each participant is required to write a personal testimony. These will be shared with the residents and at a church service. Kaytee read me hers and I cried like a baby. I really have the most amazing children, each and every one of them.

Personal Testimony
by
Kaytee Nelson

Growing up, I had always believed in God, as my family had a Christian upbringing. I believed that heaven and hell were real but didn’t really think much them. My parents divorced when I was four, and throughout most of my life that brought me a lot of confusion about where I belonged. As I grew older it felt as if I were just going through the motions of life. I still believed in God, but I did not know Jesus. Although I was very happy, at times I felt miserable and a sense of emptiness within.

            By the time I was in 8^th grade, my mom had been remarried for almost four years and her and my step-dad were starting the process of adopting a baby boy from Guatemala. This brought my family and I so much joy and excitement. I went to Guatemala several times with my mom to visit my new brother, Ahren. At the time, adoptions were taking about 6 to 9 months to complete, but not Ahren’s. It seemed as if everything that could possibly go wrong with an adoption, went wrong. This tore my family apart, and my relationship with God. I blamed God for putting my family through all the heartbreak that came with his adoption. While other families were bringing home their babies within 7 months, our adoption was taking years to complete and we were never really sure if we were every going to bring this little boy home. In my eyes this was my little brother, so when I got the news that we may never get him home I shut down. From that moment on I ignored God and the emptiness in my heart.

            As that summer rolled around I started going to church occasionally. Although I was still numb inside and ignoring God, I decided to go to church camp. By this time we had been in the process to adopt Ahren for 2 ½ years, and I had lost all hope in it going through. While at church camp we did an exercise where we were told to take a rock from this jar and throw it into the ocean. This was to symbolize something that we could not handle alone, and by throwing it into the ocean we were just giving it God and letting him handle it. So that’s exactly what I did, I prayed to God about Ahren’s adoption, that I would no longer think about it or doubt God on his decision. The rest of camp went great. I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and the sense of emptiness was starting to disappear. When we got back from camp my mom was waiting for me outside the bus like all the other parents. As I stepped off she told me that Ahren’s adoption had gone through and in 2 weeks were going to get him and bring him home. That was some of the greatest news I have ever received in my life. All because I stopped doubting God and started trusting him, the greatest miracle had happened. Ahren has lived with us for almost 3 years now and he is a blessing that saved my life.

            Since accepting Jesus Christ into my heart my life has changed drastically. I learned that I needed to start running to Him, instead of from Him when times get tough. I still serve the Lord to this day and no longer regret or question any decision he makes for my life. He’s opening doors and giving me a desire to encourage others in their walk of faith. He fills me with peace and happiness and in Him I find purpose.

Pictures

Levi loves animals and they love him. Look at that killer pit bull. Scary huh?

 I never get good pictures of Ahren smiling. Every time he sees the camera he puts on the cheesiest smile. I guess a big plate of food is the key to a great smile!

 Another rescued turtle, found on the road. This time it is a box turtle. We are keeping him inside for now since the severe drought is very dangerous to this type of turtle. He seems to have adapted beautifully and is eating well, very active and beautiful.  He has a log to hide under, fresh water, and a pool to float in to keep hydrated. We also get him out every day for exercise.

 Here he is taking a snooze in the pool. He was lying like this, head and legs on the edge and eyes shut. That is one happy turtle!

 Buster, the lap dog.  LOL!

I speak in a foreign tongue

  I am cleaning house today. This is especially interesting with three small boys and one of their friends here for a play date, but I am getting it done. I get ready to mop the kitchen tile and announce to the boys 'Do Not come in the kitchen, I am mopping the floors'.

  One small boy, instead, hears "Come in the kitchen because i am doing something really cool and you do NOT want to miss this."

  I begin mopping, get about halfway done, turn to rinse out the mop and hear SPLAT behind me. The kind of loud splat that bare skin hitting wet tile makes. I turn to find small boy flat on his back on the floor.I do not help him up.

  Instead, I ask him, 'Why do you think I ask you not to come in here while I am mopping?' He says he didn't know the floor was wet. I ask again, he talks about what he saw on TV. I ask again, he hems and haws. Finally he says it's because he will fall down. Ya Think? I tell him that I am the Mom and here to take care of him and keep him from being hurt. I say these things to protect him, not to be mean. He looks like a deer in the headlights.  I hope his backside stings for a little bit so maybe it will sink in, but i doubt it.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1......

5 min to take a shower
4 shedding dogs
3 rambunctious boys
2 teenage girls
1 full time job
and not enough Mama to get it all done!

  I am looking for ideas to save time and energy and make more time to enjoy my family. The things I already do are cook all the meals on Sunday for the whole week, all boys laundry goes into one big communal closet sorted by size, pack my lunch the night before, run kids through showers like an army drill (seriously, I can get three boys clean in under ten minutes).

  I also do the ordinary stuff like pick up a little each night, do an extra chore every morning, etc, but it is getting away from me. The biggest problem is the sitter we are using for the summer is less than ideal. The boys love her but the house is absolutely wrecked every day. I have tried to find another sitter but no luck so for now I leave her notes every day and have to pick up the slack.

  Oh, and two of the dogs will be leaving. Kaytee's tiny pom will go back to school with her and the pit bull we inherited is being re-homed.

Help!

Never Believe the RAD Kid

  Those of you with RAD experience already know this. RAD kids do not tell the truth. They don't tell the truth when they are in trouble (understandable), they don't tell the truth when they are NOT in trouble, they don't tell the truth when asked a simple question, they don't tell the truth when asked ANY question.

  Knowing this makes parenting different and challenging, but easier in the long run. Just never believe what they say and don't freak out about it. It is what it is.

  But........other people do NOT know this about them, so anyone who is put in a position of being in charge of a RAD child needs to know this. Really know this.

  Enter babysitter, a 19 year old girl who thinks she has TONS of experience. Said 19 year old has also confessed to being terrified of water and not able to swim.

  Yesterday, I set up an excursion out of the house for the boys. We put all of their fishing gear together and told the sitter to take them to the lake in our subdivision and let them fish off the dock. Blocks from our house, well known to them, and lots of catfish that bite. A good time was in store for all.

  Babysitter could not figure out how to get to nearby lake. So instead she takes them to large lake in nearby county. (First mistake - do NOT take my kids where I have not approved)

  Kids try and fish, no fish. No surprise since we had only catfish bait and they are now in non-catfish waters.

  Seth is hot. He begs to go swimming. Babysitter asks him if he can swim and he says a definitive yes. He then proceeds to tell her about the swimming lessons he has had (Non existent) and show her the strokes he knows. (Picture flailing arms and head movements) She is convinced and allows him to jump off of the dock into the lake.

  He immediately sinks, resurfaces, paddles a little doggy-style and then goes under again. When he surfaces he is clearly panicking. Arms flailing, gasping for air, water splashing everywhere.

  At this point the sitter pulls him out of the water by his shirt (remember she cannot swim) since he is close to the dock.

  I did not learn about this until a day later and I was NOT happy.  Then I began to think about it and I realized that maybe he learned from a natural consequence. I asked him about it and it did scare him. Wahoo! Maybe he learned a lesson! Oh those natural consequences. They are golden.

Peri Brynn (aka PBJ)

  I know a lot of you are anxiously waiting for an update about what is happening with Peri Brynn's case. I had talked to the coordinator of Guat adoption information several months ago and she was going to find out specifics on our case and let me know.

  Also, about 8 weeks ago Senator Landreau led a delegation to Guatemala to touch base and get updates on the progress of the cases still in progress. She had meetings set up with all the key players and hopes ran high.

Quick aside: For those of you not well versed in the intricacies of the current Guat adoption climate, here is a quick primer on the who's who.

PGN: National organization that oversees the welfare of children. Previously the only government body who oversaw adoptions. Once you had PGN approval the adoption was complete on the Guat side. PGN has always been notoriously unpredictable.

CNA: The new government authority tasked to oversee adoptions so that they meet the international adoption guidelines. Started 3 years ago, the organization has had numerous staff turnovers, never established a clear adoption protocol and never (to my knowledge) actually completed ANY adoptions.

Legal system: Guatemala has a unique system of local legal jurisdiction. A local judge can over-rule other judges opinions. The local judges fight amongst themselves for control constantly. Most are corrupt and only look out for their own interests.

  Back to the story of Peri Brynn. Following my request for information I have received absolutely nothing. No information at all.

  Following Senator Landreau's visit we waited and waited to hear how it went. After many weeks we finally got a very carefully worded message. The message it conveyed was that 'We would not give up. We would keep trying'. The details showed that all of the promises made to the US in December had not happened. Not one single thing they promised. The Guat contacts argued amongst themselves about  how many cases there are, where they are stuck, who is responsible, how to fix it and about any other tiny detail they could use to blame someone else. There were many lies, much subterfuge, and lots and lots of finger pointing. The only thing NOT happening is any cooperation.

I knew I should never have begun top hope again. Hope is for fools......

Gone fishing, be back later

Crazy Busy

  Life here has been crazy busy and really, really good. Once the end-of-the-school year scramble settled down, the boys have all been having great days full of swimming, playing, wrestling and eating. Oh yeah, lots of eating! I think one main element to how well behaved and calm they have been is the increased level of physical activity. They have 3 hours of martial arts a week, swim for hours every day, and have been outside a ton (even though it is hitting 100 degrees every day)
  I have kept Ahren and Seth on the Neurobiologix supplements but took away the niacin from Seth. He is still not on any ADHD meds but he is doing OK. He still has episodes of spinning out of control but he can reel himself in if I tell him to. Most of the time he is high energy but not frenetic energy. Maybe the supplements are actually working. The doctor told me it would take 1-2 months but I got so excited when he showed results the first few days......now I am really seeing the results. He may actually be able to start Kindergarten medication free.
  Ahren has started Neuro-sensory and Vision therapy. I take him to work with me every Saturday and he works with the other therapist for an hour. Afterwards he is exhausted and usually falls asleep in the car on the way home. It's too early to see results but I am very, very hopeful.
  Levi is his normal, sweet, comical self. This morning he turned on the TV, found a cooking show, and picked a recipe he wants to make today. So later we will have posts over on Cookin with the Boyz.
  There have been no potty episodes for almost two weeks. Ever since we began ignoring them and giving him more loving attention. Amazing. Completely opposite of what my insides felt and wanted to do, but oh so effective. I swear we live in the land of opposites. Now if that just worked on getting rid of Mr. Bossypants. He actually told a police officer they met the other day what to do in his job.  It might seem cute to people now, but when he is 13 it's not going to be anything like cute. More likely to get him a punch in the nose.

I Always Forget.....

  Seth has had a much better week. I agree with my commenters that he is getting too close to big feelings and is pushing me away in an attempt to save his heart from more breakage. (Thanks Ladies, you ROCK!) I think the biggest trigger for him was that I ordered all the legal forms to finalize his adoption. I didn't tell him about it, but I think he overheard his Dad and I discussing it. That is a HUGE milestone, one that brings him that much closer to forever with a family, and that scares the living daylights out of him. He has to push us away RIGHT NOW before we have the chance to hurt him.

  So what have I done differently this week? Well, for starters I dope slapped myself in the head for forgetting that the more un-loveable a hurt child is being, the more they actually NEED love. So I have kissed him, hugged him, looked him in the eyes, smiled my biggest smile every time I saw him, cuddled him, listened to him, and never, ever mentioned the potty issues. And not one single time this week have we had bodily waste in an inappropriate place.

  Is he fixed? Heck NO!!!! He will cycle back through his big feelings and pull out the same or new (and worse) behaviors. It is just NOT that simple. But for now, he is regulated and flourishing. Traumatized kids are like onions (and so are Ogres) You peel away layers but there is more underneath. Plus it doesn't smell so good and it might make you cry!

Commando or Laissez Fair

 I am a woman divided. The issue of the bodily waste continues in both liquid and solid form. I have 2 very opposite ideas of what we could try. But which is better? How do i know without trying one and then the other? But if I choose unwisely it could cause WORSE problems. Here are the two ideas I am considering:

1) Commando Parenting: Lay out the expected behavior in clear, concise terms. Failure to comply results in a loss of a privilege in the form of anything that does not constitute the basic essentials. Food, water, clothing and shelter. Everything else is fair game. Privileges must be earned back by good behavior.

Why I don't think this will work: Traumatized kids have the constitution of a bulldog and can outlast any parent once they dig their feet in. I think this will create a battle in which I will lose, but he will too.

2) Laissez Fair Parenting: Ignore completely the potty issues. No comments, no discussions, not even blink an eye when bodily waste shows up in the wrong place. He knows it gets to me and that is his power. Take the power away, make it a non-issue.

Why I don't think this will work: he may feel unloved by me if I ignore this attempt at control and garnering attention. He may then escalate behaviors in an effort to get the reaction he craves.

So what works? I have no clue. Maybe a combo of the two? Not show him a reaction but also in some way acknowledge the issue? I made him clean up the poop this weekend and he was so happy to do it and begged me to take his picture. Say wha???? He was NOT upset, he was glowing. I didn't accuse him, just brought him to the bathroom and pointed out the poo and handed him the clorox wipes. You would have thought I handed him a trophy. So now is he going to do it MORE to get my attention or LESS because I was not upset. I really do NOT want to experiment to find the right answer.

Please, please, please, Parenting Fairies, reveal the answers to this frazzled mom.........

And more pix....

Easter Egg Hunt

That crafty bunny hid eggs all over our house!

 Little boy 6-pack. Pardon the pasty skin.....we are pigmentally challenged around here.

 Why can't they just smile for the camera??????

 Action shot!

 Oh the glare off that white skin!!!! I'm blind!!!!!

 Where are those eggs???

 Two pounds of hot mess all wrapped up in cuteness. 

 Going, going, gone! I had waaaaay too much hair. Thick, wavy/curly hair. Entire zipcodes could have resided in there.

 Remember when I said we had started Seth on supplements and the changes were dramatic? Well they were originally prescribed for Ahren and his neuro-muscular issues, but the doctor said to try them on Seth so we did. The first few days I could not believe how well they worked. Then they started to lose their umph so I added 500 mg of niacin, which also seemed to help at first. Then after about 5 days his behavior was worse and he was having trouble sleeping. I took him off of everything and he has returned to 'normal' levels of craziness. But....Ahren seems to be slowly improving! He went to a party at Pump it Up, the indoor blow-up jumpy things play place and jumped for the whole 90 minutes. The next day his legs were really sore, but he DID IT!!!!!! Normally he would have played for about 15 minutes and then sat and watched the other kids.

Here is what he is on: Neurobiologix micelized D3 drops, Advanced neurotransmitter support, Neuro Nutrients and neuro immune stabilizer.  The two middle ones are capsules that you open and mix into a drink with the D3 drops. The last one is a cream that you rub into the skin. So Ahren will stay on the supplements, but not Seth.

 Chocolate milk full of neuro supplement yumminess!

And more pix....

Levi's end-of-the-year First grade performance. They did a play about being happy with what you have. It was adorable and sent a great message. Every child had a speaking part, too, which is pretty awesome.  Of course we got there right on time and we had to stand in the back there were so many people already there. It made it difficult to get good photos but I still snapped a million!

 Levi played the role of 'a gentleman'. 

 The show included a dance number Levi was in, and although he adamantly disputes this fact, he dance WITH a girl, holding her hand. 

 Waiting for his turn to speak. 

 We went to the third annual crawfish party at our friend's ranch out in the Texas countryside.  It involves lots of good friends, good food, and motorized fun. We took the boy's 4-wheelers so they could buzz around the pastures.

 I love this picture because it looks like Seth is riding a big 4-wheeler all by himself.

 This picture shows who was really driving. We are a bit crazy, but not THAT crazy. 

 Mother's Day with a pile of boys. You can only see part of Seth's left sleeve. Being the littlest one he ended up on the bottom of the dogpile.

 I got a pic with 4 of the five. Sadly, we didn't see Ashley that weekend. I miss that little booger!!!!!
Oh, and see that belly on me? Say goodbye to it. I joined the martial arts class with the boys and have lost an entire size in clothes and 10 pounds, not to mention quite a few inches. Kuk Sool Won is my new love!

Catching up in Pictures

Ahren now wears glasses and is getting Neuro/Sensory and Vision Therapy

He finished speech therapy and is still doing physical therapy

Goal: ready for kindergarten this fall

 Coloring Easter eggs with the babysitter. Why they like to crouch on the kitchen island to do everything is beyond me. And why they have the container of Ranch seasoning? Who knows....

 Awww, they made special eggs for the family.

 I see Kaytee and Ahren, Seth and Buster, even Aspen. 

 Apparently more than eggs got colored.....

 Guess what I found in my kitchen sink one day?

 This time it was Chris who rescued this one. He had fallen into a hole behind our garage and the dogs found him. (her?)

 After a bath in the sink and a quick examination to make sure he was healthy, we took him out to our pond and released him. This one is a red-eared slider.

 The Great Turtle Rescuer

 This is one beautiful turtle.

 Showing how far he can pull his head and arms into his shell.

 The Great Turtle Rescuer in his natural habitat with his trusty side-kicks. 

(Buster thinks he is a lap dog)

Last weekend Kaytee and Levi assisted me in a huge grocery run. Armed with the store ads, the coupon binder and lots of time we headed out to save some money. I am not one of those coupon magicians who walk out with $500 worth of stuff and spend only $3. I do not need 37 bottles of mustard even if I can get them for a penny each. I only buy what we really use and what we can store. I watched one of those coupon shows where the woman bought 100 boxes of cereal and all I could think of was how stale it would be by the time they got to the end of the supply. Buying it just because it is cheap is not wise. Saving money on something you really need is another thing. Just my philosophy. Feel free to bash me with your 400 cans of tomatoes.

So our final tally using the manufacturer coupons, store coupons and additional store promotions was...........................................................just under $140.   WOOT!