Gone fishing, be back later

Crazy Busy

  Life here has been crazy busy and really, really good. Once the end-of-the-school year scramble settled down, the boys have all been having great days full of swimming, playing, wrestling and eating. Oh yeah, lots of eating! I think one main element to how well behaved and calm they have been is the increased level of physical activity. They have 3 hours of martial arts a week, swim for hours every day, and have been outside a ton (even though it is hitting 100 degrees every day)
  I have kept Ahren and Seth on the Neurobiologix supplements but took away the niacin from Seth. He is still not on any ADHD meds but he is doing OK. He still has episodes of spinning out of control but he can reel himself in if I tell him to. Most of the time he is high energy but not frenetic energy. Maybe the supplements are actually working. The doctor told me it would take 1-2 months but I got so excited when he showed results the first few days......now I am really seeing the results. He may actually be able to start Kindergarten medication free.
  Ahren has started Neuro-sensory and Vision therapy. I take him to work with me every Saturday and he works with the other therapist for an hour. Afterwards he is exhausted and usually falls asleep in the car on the way home. It's too early to see results but I am very, very hopeful.
  Levi is his normal, sweet, comical self. This morning he turned on the TV, found a cooking show, and picked a recipe he wants to make today. So later we will have posts over on Cookin with the Boyz.
  There have been no potty episodes for almost two weeks. Ever since we began ignoring them and giving him more loving attention. Amazing. Completely opposite of what my insides felt and wanted to do, but oh so effective. I swear we live in the land of opposites. Now if that just worked on getting rid of Mr. Bossypants. He actually told a police officer they met the other day what to do in his job.  It might seem cute to people now, but when he is 13 it's not going to be anything like cute. More likely to get him a punch in the nose.

I Always Forget.....

  Seth has had a much better week. I agree with my commenters that he is getting too close to big feelings and is pushing me away in an attempt to save his heart from more breakage. (Thanks Ladies, you ROCK!) I think the biggest trigger for him was that I ordered all the legal forms to finalize his adoption. I didn't tell him about it, but I think he overheard his Dad and I discussing it. That is a HUGE milestone, one that brings him that much closer to forever with a family, and that scares the living daylights out of him. He has to push us away RIGHT NOW before we have the chance to hurt him.

  So what have I done differently this week? Well, for starters I dope slapped myself in the head for forgetting that the more un-loveable a hurt child is being, the more they actually NEED love. So I have kissed him, hugged him, looked him in the eyes, smiled my biggest smile every time I saw him, cuddled him, listened to him, and never, ever mentioned the potty issues. And not one single time this week have we had bodily waste in an inappropriate place.

  Is he fixed? Heck NO!!!! He will cycle back through his big feelings and pull out the same or new (and worse) behaviors. It is just NOT that simple. But for now, he is regulated and flourishing. Traumatized kids are like onions (and so are Ogres) You peel away layers but there is more underneath. Plus it doesn't smell so good and it might make you cry!

Commando or Laissez Fair

 I am a woman divided. The issue of the bodily waste continues in both liquid and solid form. I have 2 very opposite ideas of what we could try. But which is better? How do i know without trying one and then the other? But if I choose unwisely it could cause WORSE problems. Here are the two ideas I am considering:

1) Commando Parenting: Lay out the expected behavior in clear, concise terms. Failure to comply results in a loss of a privilege in the form of anything that does not constitute the basic essentials. Food, water, clothing and shelter. Everything else is fair game. Privileges must be earned back by good behavior.

Why I don't think this will work: Traumatized kids have the constitution of a bulldog and can outlast any parent once they dig their feet in. I think this will create a battle in which I will lose, but he will too.

2) Laissez Fair Parenting: Ignore completely the potty issues. No comments, no discussions, not even blink an eye when bodily waste shows up in the wrong place. He knows it gets to me and that is his power. Take the power away, make it a non-issue.

Why I don't think this will work: he may feel unloved by me if I ignore this attempt at control and garnering attention. He may then escalate behaviors in an effort to get the reaction he craves.

So what works? I have no clue. Maybe a combo of the two? Not show him a reaction but also in some way acknowledge the issue? I made him clean up the poop this weekend and he was so happy to do it and begged me to take his picture. Say wha???? He was NOT upset, he was glowing. I didn't accuse him, just brought him to the bathroom and pointed out the poo and handed him the clorox wipes. You would have thought I handed him a trophy. So now is he going to do it MORE to get my attention or LESS because I was not upset. I really do NOT want to experiment to find the right answer.

Please, please, please, Parenting Fairies, reveal the answers to this frazzled mom.........

And more pix....

Easter Egg Hunt

That crafty bunny hid eggs all over our house!

 Little boy 6-pack. Pardon the pasty skin.....we are pigmentally challenged around here.

 Why can't they just smile for the camera??????

 Action shot!

 Oh the glare off that white skin!!!! I'm blind!!!!!

 Where are those eggs???

 Two pounds of hot mess all wrapped up in cuteness. 

 Going, going, gone! I had waaaaay too much hair. Thick, wavy/curly hair. Entire zipcodes could have resided in there.

 Remember when I said we had started Seth on supplements and the changes were dramatic? Well they were originally prescribed for Ahren and his neuro-muscular issues, but the doctor said to try them on Seth so we did. The first few days I could not believe how well they worked. Then they started to lose their umph so I added 500 mg of niacin, which also seemed to help at first. Then after about 5 days his behavior was worse and he was having trouble sleeping. I took him off of everything and he has returned to 'normal' levels of craziness. But....Ahren seems to be slowly improving! He went to a party at Pump it Up, the indoor blow-up jumpy things play place and jumped for the whole 90 minutes. The next day his legs were really sore, but he DID IT!!!!!! Normally he would have played for about 15 minutes and then sat and watched the other kids.

Here is what he is on: Neurobiologix micelized D3 drops, Advanced neurotransmitter support, Neuro Nutrients and neuro immune stabilizer.  The two middle ones are capsules that you open and mix into a drink with the D3 drops. The last one is a cream that you rub into the skin. So Ahren will stay on the supplements, but not Seth.

 Chocolate milk full of neuro supplement yumminess!

And more pix....

Levi's end-of-the-year First grade performance. They did a play about being happy with what you have. It was adorable and sent a great message. Every child had a speaking part, too, which is pretty awesome.  Of course we got there right on time and we had to stand in the back there were so many people already there. It made it difficult to get good photos but I still snapped a million!

 Levi played the role of 'a gentleman'. 

 The show included a dance number Levi was in, and although he adamantly disputes this fact, he dance WITH a girl, holding her hand. 

 Waiting for his turn to speak. 

 We went to the third annual crawfish party at our friend's ranch out in the Texas countryside.  It involves lots of good friends, good food, and motorized fun. We took the boy's 4-wheelers so they could buzz around the pastures.

 I love this picture because it looks like Seth is riding a big 4-wheeler all by himself.

 This picture shows who was really driving. We are a bit crazy, but not THAT crazy. 

 Mother's Day with a pile of boys. You can only see part of Seth's left sleeve. Being the littlest one he ended up on the bottom of the dogpile.

 I got a pic with 4 of the five. Sadly, we didn't see Ashley that weekend. I miss that little booger!!!!!
Oh, and see that belly on me? Say goodbye to it. I joined the martial arts class with the boys and have lost an entire size in clothes and 10 pounds, not to mention quite a few inches. Kuk Sool Won is my new love!

Catching up in Pictures

Ahren now wears glasses and is getting Neuro/Sensory and Vision Therapy

He finished speech therapy and is still doing physical therapy

Goal: ready for kindergarten this fall

 Coloring Easter eggs with the babysitter. Why they like to crouch on the kitchen island to do everything is beyond me. And why they have the container of Ranch seasoning? Who knows....

 Awww, they made special eggs for the family.

 I see Kaytee and Ahren, Seth and Buster, even Aspen. 

 Apparently more than eggs got colored.....

 Guess what I found in my kitchen sink one day?

 This time it was Chris who rescued this one. He had fallen into a hole behind our garage and the dogs found him. (her?)

 After a bath in the sink and a quick examination to make sure he was healthy, we took him out to our pond and released him. This one is a red-eared slider.

 The Great Turtle Rescuer

 This is one beautiful turtle.

 Showing how far he can pull his head and arms into his shell.

 The Great Turtle Rescuer in his natural habitat with his trusty side-kicks. 

(Buster thinks he is a lap dog)

Last weekend Kaytee and Levi assisted me in a huge grocery run. Armed with the store ads, the coupon binder and lots of time we headed out to save some money. I am not one of those coupon magicians who walk out with $500 worth of stuff and spend only $3. I do not need 37 bottles of mustard even if I can get them for a penny each. I only buy what we really use and what we can store. I watched one of those coupon shows where the woman bought 100 boxes of cereal and all I could think of was how stale it would be by the time they got to the end of the supply. Buying it just because it is cheap is not wise. Saving money on something you really need is another thing. Just my philosophy. Feel free to bash me with your 400 cans of tomatoes.

So our final tally using the manufacturer coupons, store coupons and additional store promotions was...........................................................just under $140.   WOOT!

A Green Bum

  Ahren has never been dry at night. Well, occasionally he will have a dry night, but maybe once every couple of weeks. Normally he is soaked by morning. We do all the things you should do to help a child stay dry at night. Limit fluids, have him go last thing before crawling in bed, etc. It seems to have something to do with his muscle/neuro issue and is beyond his control. The normal pullups and diapers do not come big enough to fit him. He is 50 pounds and has a very round, full booty. The older kids style night time pants are expensive, still leak, and end up living perpetually in a landfill somewhere.

  So I set out on a mission to find a cloth alternative to this dilemma. I searched and searched and was having zero luck finding a cloth diapering system for a child this big. I found tons of awesome systems for smaller kids. Cute little diaper covers, all in one systems, pocket systems, pre-folds, pads, liners, but nothing in a size that would work.

  Then one day I found a website called clothdiapers.com. They had everything to do with cloth diapering and voila! They had XX-large training pant covers. I got two kinds, Scott Potty and Bummi Covers. Both are a waterproof cloth that is not like the old-fashioned plastic pants, but much softer. They have soft cloth around the elasticized waist and leg opening. The best part is they are big enough that he will be able to use them for at least another 2 years.

  So that solved the outside, but what about the inside? One regular cloth diaper is not nearly enough to soak up the volume of pee this boy can put out. I got a dozen cloth diapers and some really cool fasteners called snappi's and then I began to experiment.

  First night I used one cloth diaper as the outer layer with a folded cloth diaper in the front target area. Result: soaked sheets and an unhappy boy.

  Second night I tried the same thing but I stuck a large thin feminine pad in between the two diapers. Results: less wet bed but still wet and an unhappy boy.

  Third night, same two diapers but an additional diaper folded and placed front to back. Ahren hated this because it was too bulky between his legs. So I added a twist to the third diaper at the center of the crotch to make it narrower and he tolerated it, barely. Results: small wet spot on the bed.

  At that point I was ready to try anything. I experimented with a chamois-type towel in the front but it was too bulky. I tried various other absorbent items and methods of folding/wrapping/twisting the diapers, but I only succeeded in making him look like the stay puff marshmallow man.

  For now I am going with the 2 diaper method and then adding either the third diaper or a feminine pad. I am getting better at getting them positioned and fastened the right way and we have gone several night with no leaks. I feel bad about using the fem pads since they also go into the landfill, but at least they are much smaller. In the meantime I continue to experiment. I have an idea on how to sew a pad using the diapers and a chamois material for extra absorbency. Maybe I should order a Sham-Wow???? I bet they never thought of that use for their late night marketing!

Tough Times Around These Parts

  In order to try and get Seth caught up in weight we have temporarily taken him off his ADHD meds. The supplements we are using had fantastic results at first, then those slowly went away and now we have just a slight improvement with them. I also added 500 mg of Niacin a day but that has not made a difference.

  Add to this that I am working long hours and now Levi is out of school and the result is one completely unregulated little boy. The upside is that he has gained over three pounds. Yeah! The downside is that he has ripped the curtains and curtain rod off the window in his bedroom. He intentionally rolled a heavy office chair over his brothers as they sat on the floor playing, hurting both of them. He has been saying cuss words almost daily even though he knows they are wrong. He has broken, ruined, or otherwise destroyed many, many toys.

  The worst though? The absolute most AWFUL part? He has pooped on everything in this house. Toys have poop on them, the bathroom has poop smears everywhere. There is poop on his sheets, his headboard, many pairs of underwear, diapers, doorknobs, doorjams, shirts, socks, walls......  I walk around with a tub of Clorox wipes at all times. I also make him wipe it up if he is awake.

  The other night he got sent to bed early. He got up three times to potty and finally after almost 2 hours I told him to stay in bed. A little later Chris went to check and smelled that un-mistakeable odor. He asked Seth and Seth claimed he just forgot to wash his hands. Chris followed him to the bathroom and saw that he had poop all over his hands, so he checked his pants. Yep, full and very played in. He had laid in bed, intentionally pooped in his pants and then PLAYED in it, getting it everywhere.

  I was LIVID. Part of me just wanted to tear up his butt but I know that would be counter productive. (Oooh though, I wanted to soooo badly. Just human i guess) Instead, we got him cleaned up and I let him know how angry i was and how disappointed in him we were. Then I told him if he was that angry about having to go to bed and didn't want to go to sleep, he could stay up with me while I watched my shows. This entailed him sitting on the couch next to me, but I wore headphones to listen and he had no sound. (These were MY shows, not kid shows) He was not allowed to go to sleep. We sat there for a couple of hours and every time he started to close his eyes I poked him or made him stand up and jump around. I kept reminding him that this was his idea and he had showed me exactly how much he wanted it with that lovely poop. By the time I finally allowed him to bed he was miserable and practically asleep on his feet.

  After every episode (and there have been a LOT lately) we talk it through, but it is very fake on his part. I can tell when he is just saying what I want to hear and when he really gets it. So far all fake.

God, please grant me the patience, wisdom and grace to get through the incredible pooping party of 2011......

An Idea is Forming

  Sorry for no pix in a long time and very fast, short posts. You know the drill. Blah blah blah, new job, five kids, dirty house, etc etc.

  I have an idea forming in my brain. It started as I began my new job and several things all hit me at the same time. We work with a lot of kids who are special needs. Seems neuro-sensory problems and vision issues go hand-in-hand a lot of the time. Makes sense. The brain runs the visual system, so if the brain-vision connection is not working correctly, it needs to be fixed. That makes sense.

  What surprised me though, is that many of these kids with sensory integration issues or on the autism spectrum also have immune issues. They do not fight off infection, they react oddly to vaccinations (either no reaction or over-reaction), they have some sort of immune challenge.

  So what does that mean? It was long thought and somewhat still believed that immunizations had something to do with autism. The anectodatal evidence is that a toddler gets his shots, then immediately begins to show the symptoms of autism. Over and over again this would happen. Coincidence was not enough to explain it. So they thought thimerosol, a preservative in vaccines, was the cause and they removed it form most childhood immunizations. But....the rate of diagnosing autism spectrum disorders continues to climb.

  What if the vaccines did not CAUSE the disorder, but instead an underlying immune system issue was to blame? The vaccinations or even an infection could become the catalyst for progression of the other issues. And why is the rate climbing? Is it because we have now polluted our environment and added so many artificial components to our food that we have triggered our own bodies to revolt against themselves? One last immune assault and whammo, the perfect storm ensues. The neurological system becomes completely disregulated.

  What do you think? Tell me about your kids. Could there truly be a link here?

Slept it Off

  Well, little over-achiever fell asleep yesterday afternoon shortly after 3 pm. slept until 8 pm, woke up. ate a bite and fell back asleep right away. He slept until 7 am this morning. Gee, I wonder if all the effort to create so many 'presents' for me and hide them all over the house wore him out?

  Anyway, he is happy, sweet, and in a great mood. Although he spent a lot of time this weekend 'gifting' me, he was also very calm, not overly wild, and not fits or rages. Not quite as calm as he is on the best meds, but noticeably calmer, more controlled and regulated. Could these supplements really be that good? I am going to talk to the doc at my head office who suggested them and get more info. I am also going to see if we can sell them and mail them out or hook other people up with a distributor in their area. If they really are this good then I am going to share with all of you! There are different combos for different issues, and I need to learn that too. Right now Seth is on 4 supplements plus a childrens vitamin by the same company. Unfortunately the chewable vitamins taste like garbage, so we are going to switch that. Two of the supplements are powder I mix into his drink, one is a drop I add to his drink too, and those don't have a taste to them. The last one is a topical cream. No pills to swallow, no fighting to take them.

  I am hoping and praying and crossing my fingers and knocking on wood and holding my breathe. This could be a miraculous answer. Or too good to be true........

Props to the Boy!

  Mother's Day, the one and only day of the year dedicated to those of us who squeeze babies out of our bodies, endure mounds of paperwork. more security checks than those who visit the president, months of delays, heartache and lost referrals, long nights with sick babies and long days with traumatized kids. The other 364 days of the year are clearly in honor of our young. This one day of the year is so full of importance and meaning and expectations.

  One small boy did not let me down. He went totally above and beyond the highest expectations. He pulled out all the stops. Really out did himself. He set the bar so high I don't know how he can ever top it. Just to be sure he completely overwhelmed me with his generosity, he started yesterday.

  My husband discovered 5 pairs of urine-stenched underwear hidden behind things while he gathered clothes for the laundry. Sweet as my husband is, he knew it was intended for me and silently washed them and never told me. Gosh I love that man! Unfortunately that was completely unsatisfactory to the small party boy. His special presents went un-noticed. To him, that is like throwing down the gauntlet.

  So today, he upped the ante. When I went to get him dressed today I realized the entire front of his underwear was crusty and yellow. I sweetly told him to take them off, deliver them to the laundry room and get clean ones. No argument from him, and that was that. We went to lunch at a local mexican restaurant that is family owned and run. Good music, great food and fun, fun, fun. Later in the afternoon I walked past the boys bathroom. What I saw was a pile of toilet paper on the floor, the roll of paper next to it with poo all over it. Next to that, 3 feet from the toilet, was a foot long smear of poo on the tile. I gathered the boys and asked them who might have had a little 'accident' in the bathroom. Levi looked me in the eyes and said not him. Ahren looked me in the eyes and said not him (plus I knew Ahren had done his one poo of the day earlier in a different bathroom) I looked at Seth and he began stammering, rolling his eyes all over, and swaying from side to side.

  I had an idea. I looked at the poo, and proudly proclaimed that since I am indeed a scientist, I would get my 'kit' and solve who the owner of the poo was using science. Seth immediately burst into tears. I told them all that if the guilty party would fess up right now, all they would have to do is to help me clean it up. But....if they didn't and I had to test it and find out, the guilty party would be in ENORMOUS trouble. Seth sobbed harder. I asked him again if he had made the mess. No, no, no, he was not the one.

  So I went and got cotton swabs, the special bottle of drops and the spray fixative. I swabbed the sample (Seth is by now sobbing like the world is coming to an end) I added the drops to wet the sample, and I sprayed on the fixative. The sample looked green under fluorescent light. Bingo! It was Seth's poo. By now Seth was purple in the face, soaked with sweat and beside himself. I announced that my fantastic scientific skills had solved the mystery!

  Seth now broke and admitted it was his poo. (No shit Sherlock, pun intended!) I asked his Daddy (who was trying sooo hard not to laugh out loud) what punishment the guilty deserved. Hmm, we decided we were both so mad that we just didn't know WHAT to do to him! He sat there in his misery on the couch while we discussed many serious consequences. (OK, we might have had a little too much fun with that part......but hey, this has been going on since Christmas and I am so OVER it!) We finally decided to send him to bed for a nap. He was asleep in less than 5 minutes and has now been sleeping for 90 minutes.

 While he was sleeping, I discovered 4 more urine soaked pairs of underwear hidden, plus a pair of short. Several were still wet. See? He really did out do himself. How one small boy can produce that much urine in 24 hours amazes me. And to think, it was all for me. I am soooo touched.

P.S. The 'KIT' was a vial of eye drops, Q-tips, and a small sample size bottle of hair spray. I am such a CSI!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Operation Chub Chub Update

  First, let me tell you that going without any meds is HARD. He is doing a fantastic job of holding it together most of the day, but be evening he is a hot mess. He absolutely cannot control himself. He twirls and spins and bounces on the furniture. One moment he is upright and the next upside down. he has absolutely ZERO impulse control. Yesterday he was caught standing at the top of the slide peeing on his brothers head below. (Poor Ahren, he thought it was raining....LOL!) In desperation I talked to the head doc I work for at the neuro-sensory clinic. She recommended some neurological supplements to try. She said they may not be the total answer but they could help. I was ready to try anything!

  I loaded up on the 5 supplements she recommended, each bottle a 2 month supply for a child his size. (Dosage depends on age/weight, so a bottle goes a long way for a teensy guy like him) We started them today. One is in drop form, one chewable, 2 are capsules you empty into food (he never even noticed so they must not taste bad) and one is a cream you rub into their skin. I dosed him this morning and said a silent prayer.

  This afternoon I had a doctors appt so I took him with me so they could weigh him.  I knew what our scales at home said, but I wanted a direct comparison. Unfortunately, last weekend was cold so he was wearing jeans and today was HOT so he had on shorts. I am sure that affected his weigh in. The great news is he is UP 1.6 pounds in one week! (I knew he was also recovering form being sick so that is really not that amazing. I think his actual gain from his baseline is more like a pound.) Pretty good!

  You know what the absolutely amazing, stupendous, fantastic, miraculous news is? He was totally calm, quiet, polite and well behaved. He sat quietly on my lap and then moved to a chair. Then we dragged him on several errands and grocery shopping and he was perfect. The doctor even asked me what I had done to him, and when I told him we were going med free he was dumbfounded. He wants me to show him the supplements because he has never seen anything like this before. I am not convinced yet, because I don't believe anything could work that well the first day.........but, maybe, just maybe, we have figured out something. If his brain chemicals are off, and we can right them with this type of neurological support, well then HOORAY.

  I am going to wait a few days to tell you what they are exactly, because I don't want everyone to run out and buy expensive supplements and 2 days later I say, Uh Oh, My bad. If he continues like this for the next few days, I will hook everyone up!!!!!

Operation Chub Chub

Seth had a doctors appointment Saturday morning. It was a routine re-check for his ADHD meds. 

He's a Goofy Goober

  The first surprise came when they weighed him and he was down a pound. He seems so much bigger to me, but he did have a cold last week and that might explain it. The next surprise came when they measured him. She got 45 inches. He was only 40.5 inches in December, so she measured him again. Yup, 45 inches! I guess I didn't notice because he has been wearing shorts. Sure enough, size 5T jeans are highwaters on him! That's 3.5 inches in less than 5 months. Wow!

  The doctor was very concerned about his height to weight ratio. He cut his dosage in half, told us to not medicate him on weekends and try to fatten him up. We have one month to get his weight up or they will have to switch his meds.

  So Operation Chub Chub begins. I got a gallon of chocolate milk, a quart of heavy cream, protein powder, eggs, cheese, tofu, real butter, fresh rolls, dark meat chicken and anything else I could grab that was fattening in a healthy way. He will be getting 5-6 small meals a day, plus as much milk and juice as he will drink. No sodas, no koolaid, no sugary non-healthy drinks that fill him up but add no value.

  Yesterday was Day 1 and he ate like a champ all day. Twenty-nine days to go.

House Detective

  In my every day life I wear many hats. All Moms do this, some juggle more hats than others, but we all do it. One hat I wear almost daily is that of House Detective. You see, my house is inhabited by someone named 'Not Me' who seems to be hell bent on destroying things, making messes and wreaking havoc. This little person, Not me, is very very quick and silent. He is really, really hard to catch.

  Just this week he filled the tub with water and toilet paper, smeared poo on the wall of the bathroom, dunked a shoe in the water, and threw plastic easter eggs all over the living room. I have tried to catch him in the act, no luck. I have interrogated all of the witnesses, but never get anywhere. I have offered rewards for anyone who can give me information leading to the arrest of Not Me, but no takers.

  I think I am going to have to set up a sting operation!

My New Job

  You might have guessed by now that I went back to work. I fully intended to stay home with my kiddos but the most excellent, wonderful, perfect opportunity fell into my lap. I said No at least 4 times before I finally accepted. I am now working for the Neuro-Sensory Center of Houston. I am actually going to run a satellite clinic (which is already set up) near my home. The training I have been receiving is all in preparation for taking over the clinic. I assume the leadership role on June 1st.

  So what is a Neuro-Sensory Center? They specialize in working with all sorts of kids with visual, neurological and sensory disorders. It is specialized therapy for very special kids. I am learning at an extraordinary rate and loving every second of it. No one has ever taken me under their wing and taught me so much, and at such a quick pace! I didn't learn this much in two years of vision therapy as I have in just a few weeks. I still have much, much more to learn.

  One quick funny and then I have to go. There is one special sweet boy that I have connected with. This little guy, who I will call S, has serious neuro-muscular issues (oh my heart) and is really struggling. He is adorable and smart and full of energy. The first day I met him he demanded to sit in my lap the whole time he worked. I agreed. The next visit he quietly found me, took my hand, and led me to his therapy session. He had me at hello.

  Today he was working with another therapist and I was working with another patient. I was standing there explaining a technique when suddenly I felt two small hands on my behind. I looked back to see S grinning like a fool. i gave him a quick hug and sent him back to work. Afterwards his Mom apologized but I told her no problem. S and I were tight, and I didn't mind. I gave him a huge hug before he left and watched as his grinning face disappeared into the parking lot.

1000 OMG!

  We went to the birthday party of a dear friend yesterday. The little guy is also an adoptee and turning 2 years old. Coincidentally, he looks just like Ahren at that age, so he is a fave of mine! We had games and fun, cake and singing. Ice cream, an egg hunt and lots of good times. We then retired into the house for the opening of presents. All went smoothly, which is amazing given the number of small fry in the room. Once the presents were finished, the kids began to play and the adults to talk.

  There was a toy box full of the little guy's toys and the kids began to explore. Just as the room came to a lull, Ahren shot to his feet, holding a small battery operated back massager in his hand. He then loudly, and quite clearly announced,

  " This is a vibrator!"

  My mouth fell open and my head fell to my hands. The group began to guffaw with hilarity. Lots of comments were sent my way accounting for my taste in early education and the importance of basics.  I am never going to live this one down.

Post 1000, at my expense!

 

Post 999......

  I can't believe I am about to post my 1000 blog post. How can I have that much to say????? Oh well, it might not have been riveting, but it was real, and honest and totally true. This is the legacy for my kids. My feelings, the events, the struggles, the joys. All of it, in realistic black and white. I can never convey how much I love these kids. That is not possible. No way. No words describe that kind of love. Fierce and protective, total and complete, deep and encompassing. I really have no words that fit.

  Ahren.......Genetic testing results. I had high hopes for this set of testing. I wanted so badly for an answer. Some direction for us to go. Unfortunately, the genetic testing only covers 126 known mutations. It does not look for insertions, deletions, or duplications. It leaves a huge amount of genetic errors out. Ahren tested normal for the known mutations. We already knew that he did not fit into any known category. This just confirmed that.

  Several times recently people who do not know us well have commented that he seems totally normal. They look at me as if I am TRYING to find something wrong with him. Like I am a monster who needs the attention a sick child would bring. It hurts me so much. You have no idea.

  If they lived with him, they would see him fall many times a day, hurt himself and struggle with normal activities. They would see that his speech is worse than before. That he won't try and eat anything that requires chewing. That he cannot do what he did 6 months ago, he cannot keep up, he cannot participate.

  He has no reflexes below his hips. None. They pound and pound and no response. He drools, he struggles, he tries so hard. He looks so happy and normal, but he is not. It just keeps getting worse. My heart aches to help him, to protect him, to make him complete. I love him so very much. He is not normal, no matter how he appears. Do not expect him to be normal. He just can't. My sweet boy......

Wee Butterfly/Hummingbird Garden

I am not doing a vegetable garden this year but I did want to add onto my butterfly/hummingbird garden. This one is tucked up against the house and protected by a large hedge. There is a water faucet right there for convenient watering and over the past few years I have amended the soil so that it is less red clay and more real soil. 

 I mentioned yesterday that we drove a long way to a specialty nursery (I picture it somewhat like the nursery Elle works at) and bought lots native plants. Salvias and celosia, pentas and lemon verbena. Many things I had never even heard of, but would attract the butterflies and hummers. Luckily it didn't hit the triple digits but it did hit 90 degrees.

While we planted and worked the boys entertained themselves quite well.

 And because of the extreme drought, even though these plants are supposed to be deer-resistant, we fenced it in for now. I'm sure the homeowners association will ding us, but until we get things going and the rain finally comes, my sweet little plants are safe. Even as we worked butterflies began to swirl around us and this morning I saw hummingbirds on the plants. I have a soaker hose twined all around them and next is a nice cushy layer of mulch.

 I do love to garden.....

I knew there would be fallout

  Later I want to tell you all about my week of training to work with special needs kids, but right now I need to focus o n my own special child for a bit. I knew he would struggle with having me gone this week and there would be fallout. I tried my best to talk him through each day, give him extra love in the evenings and to never leave in the mornings without telling him goodbye and how much I love him. I knew it would not prevent the fallout but in my wee lil brain I hoped that somehow it might help him to begin working through the anxiety and start to have a tiny bit of understanding of his own self.

  I finished training at noon yesterday (Saturday). When I got home the husband had laundry churning away, had gotten all three boys to martial arts and had fed them lunch. (Lord I LOVE that man) We got organized and headed out to a specialty plant nursery located southwest of Houston (we live north of Houston, so quite the drive) As we were grabbing DS games and such to occupy small peoples I smelled a nasty-ness from the boys bathroom. Ah, yet again someone had done a large nasty poo and failed to flush. Around here that is totally normal so I thought nothing of it.

  We tooled around the nursery for an hour, loaded two wagons up with plants, then paid and headed home. Boys played outside while I made dinner, then played inside until bed. Bedtime was easy-peasy and I was thinking that the day had been really great.

  It is now Sunday morning and the fallout has appeared, but this time it was unique. This child is brilliant, a very very smart child. I am amazed at his brain power (and a little scared that I will not be able to stay ahead of him later on) He is running around in his tighty-whiteys and ask he passes me I notice a large white lump in the back of his pants. My first thought is that the poor child has a dryer sheet in his pants, so I ask him to come to me so I can get it. He freezes, he starts to back up and stammer. This is clue #1 that whatever is in his pants is there on purpose. I ask him to come to me, and he fights it but finally comes over. I look in his pants as he whines and cries. Guess what I found? A wad of poopy toilet paper stuck to his butt cheek.

  Now this is where the brilliance plays in. He knows that if he poops his pants he will have to wear a diaper, but he needed a way to punish me for being gone. The smarty pants figured out a way to get poop in his pants without technically pooping them. The messy toilet paper just accidentally fell into his underwear. Yesterday. Before we left for the nursery. Eeeew!

  I had him sit on a chair next to me and think about why he did this and he couldn't get up until he could remember (after cleaning him up first). Of course this was NOT going to happen. I kept telling him he wasn't in trouble and that I wanted to help him but without knowing why I was stuck. He hemmed and haw'd, he scratched his arm and talked about bug bites, he changed the subject fifty thousand times, his eyes rolled around until I wondered if they would fall out of his head. Finally, I asked him if he wanted me to guess why he did it. He did.

  Honey, I think you were upset at Mommy because she was gone this week. You felt you needed to show Mommy how bad you felt and this is how you did it. More than anything you just were scared and mad and that is OK.

  His little eyes filled with tears and I scooped him up and hugged him tight. I told him it was OK to be upset and mad, but he needed to talk to me and get lots of hugs instead of showing me with poop.

  Baby steps. I know this is not the end of the poop wars. I know he still has a long way to go. But today I am very proud of him!

More training on Special Needs

 I need to make this quick. Three little boys need to be slowing down and heading for bed, but I had to make one quick post.

  This week of training was amazing. I learned so much and met some amazing kids. I am working with a Neuro-Optometrist, a specialist in the brain -eye connections. Oh my, it is sos exciting. I will post much more soon. It will be soooo helpful.

Love you all!

Garden Plans

  I love to garden. I have a set of raised beds (the soil here is nasty, so raised beds help a lot) inside of a deer-proof fence that is my garden. Each year I plant the plants I love to eat plus a few new choices to try out. I love puttering around in there, picking fresh produce and enjoying the outdoors.

  Unfortunately, the last two years we have suffered a severe drought and extreme heat which is not good for a garden. As much as I have tried to nurture the plants, most of them have failed to produce. I have gotten very few tomatoes, four servings of green beans that were tough and sunburned, no watermelon, no citrus, no peaches, no peas, no onions, no peppers. I did get a lot of cucumbers last year, but that has been the only harvest I have gotten.

  this year we are still in a severe drought, maybe even worse than years past. The temps are already higher than those the last two years. The cost of plants/seeds, fertilizer and water, water, water, far out-weight the produce i have been able to harvest. So this year, my garden will lie fallow. No plants, no green sprouts, no produce. Instead, I will use the money I am saving to visit the farmer's market. I will miss the joy I get from the garden, but not the anguish over the fight to keep the plants form burning up.

This weekend is supposed to hit triple digits here. I may not miss my garden that much if it stays this hot.

Mama Bear Blew

  Sigh. I try very hard to do all the best things for my kids and to protect them from the ugliness of some people. The docs told us that we should get Ahren into some sort of physical therapy so I have been researching that and visiting offices. I have not found anyone near our home that will take him or that has experience with his type of issues. So instead, we signed him and myself up for the same Martial Arts that the other boys take. I figured by me being out on the floor with him I could help him and he would be much more likely to participate. This is week #2 for us in the family beginner class. Up until last night it was going great! The owner and instructors knew our situation and were so supportive and kind.

  Last night there was a substitute instructor, a man who I have seen around but don't really know. He ran the class like a boot camp. When we didn't do things fast enough for him, he kept making us stop and do push ups and sit ups. He yelled a lot and he moved very, very fast. Everyone was struggling to keep up so we did a lot of sit ups.

  About 30 minutes into the class I saw Ahren flag down the instructor and ask him if he could get a drink of water. (Note here: Ahren's kidneys struggle to keep up with the waste products of his disease. He has lots of crystals in his urine and we prevent kidney stones by having him drink large amounts of fluids every day) The man told him No, he had to wait until the whole class could get a drink. My mouth dropped open for a second and then I began to move. Luckily the other instructor called for a water breeak right then, having seen Ahren asking. Ahren went to get his water and I went to talk to the man.

  I approached him and began to tell him that he cannot tell Ahren he can't have water, but before I could explain why he cut me off and denied he told him no. Well, now, hell's bells I heard him with my own ears! So I tried again and told him that Ahren has to have access to water, and at that point he cut me off again. Oh no he dint! BAMMO. Mama Bear appeared out of no where. My finger went up into his face, I turned red and my voice was steely. I told him to never, ever tell my child no again or we were leaving. Then i wagged my finger under his nose and told him Do Not Tell My Child No! And I stomped off.

Clarification: I only told him he could not say no to getting water. Our kids get told No plenty of the time and know to take it with grace. But water for a child with kidney issues? Do not deny him that!

  Not my best moment, but boy was I ticked. He wouldn't even let me explain. Then after class he disappeared so I didn't have the chance to explain then. Coward. Do not mess with my baby boy, especially once I learn how to kick his butt martial Arts style........

Today was Hard

  As Essie says, kids 'no likey change'. This week will be all about change. New schedule. New sitter. New routine. Less Mom. I feel horrible about doing this to them and yet, I need this time, this training, this focus. I need to grow as a human being to enable me to be the best I can be for them. They don't understand this. I don't expect them to. Their world is narrow and focused on me. But if I cannot be the best I can be, I cannot be the best Mom I can be. That's my view of the situation.

  So this week I head off to expand my horizons, in a very meaningful way, and I leave behind the most important people in my life to fend for themselves for a few days. I feel so guilty, and yet I am so psyched. That makes me feel MORE guilty. Darn guilt. I live with it 24/7, in my dreams, under my skin, between my very cells. Guilt.

  Guilt arises from our desire to be perfect, to be better, to be the best. If we cannot meet the criteria, we feel guilty. So what in the world is a perfect Mom? Perfect to whom? Perfect how? When? In what way? Who defines perfect????? In all honesty, perfect is whatever we Are Not. It is something else we desire to be, to attain, to control, but it is not possible. Not in our minds, not in others minds, not anywhere. Perfect does not exist. Never, ever, not in a million years. No perfection.

  We need to give ourselves a break. We do the very best humanly possible. Better than most. Above the curve. Greater than the masses. We deal with the most challenging kids, the ones everyone else gives up on, the ones no one wants. We need to remind ourselves of that. Our bar is set way higher than the rest. We cannot judge ourselves by their standards. These are not ordinary days, lives or emotions.

  We need to be kind to ourselves. Nurture ourselves. Love ourselves. No one else understands. We need each other. I love you my friends.

It was a hard day.

Sarcasm is Lost on Them

  I love sarcasm. Love, love, love it. I can wield the sarcastic comment like a light saber (or as my kids call them light saver). Swish, swish, cut right through you. Unfortunately my lil guys do not get sarcasm. It is wasted on their little heads.

  I mentioned Mr. Bossypants. He corrects me all the time. My usual response is a snarky one intended to point out how ridiculous what he said was. It backfires every time.


  Mom, when you tie your shoes you have to pull the strings.


  Really? Cuz I never would have known that. Thanks for pointing that out. (dripping sarcasm)


  You're welcome Mom! (happy look on face)



My sarcastic talents are wasted here.......

A Little Clarification and Mr. Bossypants

  After I thought some about my post yesterday about vision therapy with kids on the spectrum it dawned on me that I was not clear enough about the connection. You see, there is no connection. Vision problems do NOT cause autism and autism does NOT cause vision problems. The training is for being able to effectively work with all kinds of special needs children IF they have a vision problem that therapy can help. Our normal ways of working with kids do not apply in many of these cases.

  Take for instance, the non-verbal child. He knows sign language and can communicate quite well, but we have to know it too or we have no means of communicating with him. That leads to frustration and break downs. No bueno.

  I am so excited to continue this training. I have such a soft spot in my heart for special kids. I love helping them in any way I can.

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In our house we have a young man who I will refer to as Mr. Bossypants. This young man seems to think he runs the show around here. He orders everyone around, corrects everyone else's mistakes, and let's everyone know how it's supposed to be. If you say anything, his first response is, 'No, it is such and such' even if he says the exact thing you just said.

Example: Driving along the road today we saw a house that obviously was hosting a small child's birthday party. I said, 'Oh look, they are having a birthday party'. Mr. Bossypants replied, "No, they are STILL having a birthday party".

Mr. Bossypants also feels it is his duty to tattle on everything he sees, hears, smells or imagines. All. Day. Long. Every tiny detail. Stupid stuff. Dumb things like 'he looked at the door' or 'he yawned, make him stop'. He sits directly across the table from a brother and I hear it at every meal, 'he is looking at me'. Well, now, Mr. Bossypants, maybe I should make him wear a blindfold, or better yet why don't I just get a stick and poke his eyes out so he cannot look anymore. I mean, how could he? Look straight ahead of him and see you? The nerve of that kid!!!!!

Mr. Bossypants also has a problem with me when I do not understand what he is talking about. He will tell me, 'You know that thing that I saw with the red on it? What is that?'  Now I have no earthly idea what thing he saw, and cannot answer his question. If I say I do not know, he just re-states the question LOUDER, as if I just am hard of hearing. If I again can't answer him, he will growl at me, tell me I do too know, and re-state the question over and over. He must think I am the Mommy edition of Google because he will NOT take 'I don't know' as an answer.

Mr. Bossypants is also a master of the obvious. He likes to get everyone's attention and then state some little factoid like he has just discovered a new planet. This morning it was that he knew what kind of knife I was using to butter his toast. 'It's a butter knife' he proudly told everyone. I swear he then sat back and waited for the applause to begin, or a parade or maybe a ray of sunshine to gild his bossy head. If he doesn't get immediate recognition of his superior observation skills, then he gets extremely grumpy and snarky. It must be so hard living in this ordinary family when you have such super-observation powers like his! I am just thankful that I have someone beside me 24/7 who can point out all the obvious things around me. I don't know how I survived without him! I might have had to resort to buttering toast with my toes.....

Awesome Special Needs Training

  I have spent the last day and a half training to do Vision Therapy with Special Needs kids. I had worked with some at my old job, but most of the kids were normal except for a vision issue. This training was in-depth and expansive. It was also EXHAUSTING!

  These two sessions were all about kids on the autism spectrum. How to test them, how to connect, how much to demand of them, what realistic goals to set, and much much more. We tested a 4 year old non-verbal autistic boy who also has sensory integration disorder. By the end of the testing I had him smiling at me and making some eye contact. Then we worked with a 7 year old who was a little higher on the spectrum, moderately verbal and a little more mature. I had him high-fiveing and laughing at my make-believe handling of a huge trophy to give him. (The mother was absolutely amazed at how well he did)

  We worked in teams of 2-3 adults per child. We did HOH (hand over hand) to teach therapies. We adapted therapies to work standing up or sitting down or whatever made the child most comfortable. We did NOT ask questions, but instead made observations that would lead a child to the right choices. I learned that we are building new neurological pathways for these kids where none existed before, so we intervene a l ot at first and then slowly withdraw our cues until their own brains make the connections.

  Next week I return to work with kids with CP and those in wheelchairs. A totally new area for me. I will also learn how to work with several other major issues. I am so excited! My brain needed this stimulation and I needed some new tools in my arsenal. Once I am done with all this training i will share it all with you. The case studies we went over were mind-blowing! The progress is slow and takes a lot of hard work and dedication, but I think we all understand those concepts.

  Now I am going to find my jammies, eat a bite of dinner, and do a face plant in my pillow.

Top Five Annoyances from RAD

  Yesterday I mentioned that the therapist wanted me to list the top five behavioral issues we wanted to work on with the boys. Oh boy was that hard, because 1) there are way more than five, and 2) it changes by the day/hour. I was able to make my list and here it is:

1) Boundaries. They lack any sense of boundaries. My space is invaded continually all day, every day.  No privacy, no moment to think, no phone conversations, no personal space.  The pic above is what I see when I take a shower. Is it any wonder I prefer to go stinky some days?

2) Constant non-sense chatter. Talking just to be making noise, not holding a conversation or even asking a question, just jabbering. Unless you have actually dealt with this you would never understand how they can manage to talk for hours at a time about nothing. I think water boarding is kinder.

3) Lies. All kids lie, usually to stay out of trouble. These kiddos lie for no apparent reason and with no incentive to it. If I ask them anything they glaze over, eyes begin to roll, stammering starts and out comes a lie. It's incomprehensible to me. It takes way more energy to lie than to just answer the question truthfully. Definitely some sort of short circuit in their lil brains.

4) Voice modulation/baby talk. These go hand-n-hand at our house. One child had no idea how loud or quiet his voice was and would also scream out baby talk at random moments. I would have him 6 inches from my face and screaming his words at me (not mad, just loud talking) and then when he would be in the back seat of the van he would whisper trying to tell me something. We used a visual system to help him learn and modeled the right tones. He is 95% better now, but we still have to remind him at times.

5) Rages over absolutely nothing. It's zero to fifty in a split second. I say something perceived as negative and WHAMMO their head spins around and they levitate off the bed. Ahren rarely ever has a rage anymore. He is so so so much better. Seth's have decreased immensely in both number and severity.  I see lots and lots of progress here, but we still have a ways to go.

So while I was typing this one child chattered at me the entire time, climbed on and off my lap several times, kissed my arm, my back and my cheek and said Mommy at least 25 times. (No exaggeration) Sometimes I have to remind myself how far they have come and try and focus on the positives before I lose my mind!

Could this work?

  The use of imagination and thinking outside of the box is the best tool I have for parenting this motley crew. I take what I learn from others, then spin it to fit my boys. it is trial and error most of the time, but I feel so happy when I stumble across something that really works.

  Today, I think I stumbled into a real genius move. (That is definitely tempting the fates so I figure by tomorrow I will be eyeball deep in bodily waste and begging the Reality Fairy for forgiveness)

  One small boy has many nervous habits. Shredding his food, picking his nose until it bleeds, putting his hands in his pants, just to name a few. This child will be heading off to kindergarten in the fall, and I know that a child walking around with both hands stuffed into his underwear all the time is not going to fly. I have reminded him constantly (he seems completely unaware that he is doing it) told him I would tape his pants to his shirt (never did, but did seriously consider it) put a diaper on under his underwear so his hands didn't just slip in there, and talked, talked, talked to him about how it will affect him outside of our home. None of this made any difference. None at all. I was bracing myself for daily calls from the school and my child getting labeled by his peers as a pervert.

  And then, as I was cleaning out the winter clothes, I saw it. Lightbulb moment. Overalls. I almost let out a little hysterical giggle. Overalls, he can't get his hands into his underwear without some serious contortions. No mindless hands-in-pants nervous habit. He can still get them on and off for pottying. Unfortunately I only have one pair so if they work, I will be heading to the Osh Kosh outlet store and stocking up. Once we break the habit he should be fine from then on. Today is Day 1 of the great overalls experiment.

 Ugh, I just looked over and although he is so adorable in the overalls, he has a bloody nose. One step at a time.

  That reminds me of something the therapist asked me. He wanted me to make a list of the top 5 things I wanted to work on for this child. Then we would systematically address one at a time. That list was incredibly hard. There were so many annoying, poor behaviors to choose from! On any given day, it could be any of a large number of behaviors that might be the most annoying. Can you pick the top 5 things you would want to fix? Let  me know what they are. I am interested to see......

Monday...Again?

  Lately time has been flying by at an incredible rate. I just finish breakfast and it's time to start dinner. I lay down to sleep and it's already the next afternoon in a blink. I (hopefully) have a few min to throw up this post and get back to my project I started yesterday. (For the record, cleaning out all the toys, sorting, donating and discarding as needed equals No Fun!)

Aspen, the dog who was so bruised and beat up after being spayed, bounced back in a few days. The vet who did the surgery finally talked to me. Apparently she hadn't been back to that clinic that week, so when the 'vet' wouldn't come out, it was because they were a substitute and didn't have a clue what to tell me. Anyway, the talk I had with the real vet went really well. Apparently the bleeding happened when Aspen woke up and began to thrash about wildly, causing the bleeding and bruising. The bulge under the surface was the line of internal sutures. The vet triple stitched it since Aspen is a very, very active dog and very muscular. That made it much more prominent. All in all, not the best experience but I am comfortable with it now. We had a heck of a time keeping the stupid e-collar on her. She chewed on it, pulled it off, figured out how to bend it over so she could reach her stitches and just caused mayhem all the time. I had bruises on my legs where she would come charging up to me and ram me with it. She got stuck in many places trying to force the thing on her down the path she was determined to go. She's a sweet girl but not the brightest bulb in the fixture!

We have about 10 days left before we can expect the genetic testing results for Ahren. It sounds odd, but I really hope we get an answer and know exactly what we are dealing with. He has lots of symptoms that all add up to some sort of syndrome, most likely originating from a genetic source. The ataxia (loss of balance) hypotonia (weak muscles) extreme flexibility, lack of reflexes/diminished reflexes, ocular motor apraxia (inability to move his eyes without moving his body) abouli (lack of motivation) colored marks in the whites of his eyes, ears are low set and slightly rotated, delayed motor skills, no loss of cognitive skills, and a bunch of minor things that may or may not be related.

Go check out our other blog, Boyz in the Kitchen where we explore food and cooking, taking it one adventure at a time.

Time to lighten things up

Isn't that just the most pathetic looking face you have ever seen?

 
For some reason, all the Trauma Mama's I know have been struggling lately with regressions, increased poor behaviors and lots of kid's poor choices. I know it has been true for us and not just limited to the RAD kids. Even my 7 year old totally 'normal' son has been a handful! So instead of hashing through yet another one of our 'issues' I am choosing to ignore the bad stuff and focus on the funnies. Here are a few lighter moments from recent past......

Ahren, sitting in the backseat of the car, playing his DS while we wait for Levi in the car rider line. Suddenly he bursts out, 'Now that was really mature you guys!'  Then he asked me what 'mature' meant.

Levi got a book at the book fair at school on Thursday. By Friday morning he was on Chapter 9, by the end of school he was on Chapter 15, and he finished the book before dinner. All 21 chapters. He is a first grader. Wow! Chris went and bought him an e-book and I will be loading it up with good books for him to read. We also made a reading nook in his room. A bookshelf, bean bag chair and lamp.

The dogs dug a huge hole in the backyard, so Chris bought bags of dirt, filled in the hole and then put a fence around it. Two minutes after he walked inside, Aspen was inside the fence digging like crazy at the fresh dirt. It's a good thing I was outside because I was laughing watching Chris flail his arms and yell at the dog as she sent dirt flying.

I cut the two younger boys hair the other day then rinsed them off and plopped them in the big garden tub to play and soak off the stinkies. I told them absolutely NO standing up in the tub or they would fall down and get hurt, then I went to vacuum up the hair and clean up. Several minutes later, as I walk back to the bathroom I hear loud giggling and hear a huge splash. Uh oh. As I round the corner I catch Ahren standing on the ledge/pot shelf above the tub ready to do a cannon ball. My heart skipped a beat and I screamed at him to get down. The bathroom had water all over it, up to the ceiling. Guess that wasn't the first cannonball. I reminded them that I told them not to stand up, but they told me they didn't stand up IN the tub....

Levi has learned how to text with my phone. He likes to send really silly and weird messages to his sisters. They love it and always write back. That is so sweet!

We have been cleaning out flower beds and getting spring plants in the ground. The boys love to help, although their help is sometimes less than helpful. I had them pulling weeds in one bed and before I knew it two bushes got yanked out and chopped up. Doh!

I know there has been more funny stuff but I just can't remember any more. Can raising RAD kids give the parents PTSD? I am voting YES!!!!

So Sweet....and yet

  I had the most wonderful conversation with another Mom of children with issues. I first wrote 'adopted children' but since I know first hand not all children with issues or even RAD are adopted, I figured I would be more general/correct. Crystal, it was AWESOME talking to you. Her son and my son seem to be two peas in a pod, with many, many of the same behaviors, hang-ups and quirks.

  One thing we both have dealt with is the overwhelming, suffocating 'love' these kids dish out. I don't want to seem ungrateful in any way. I am so very very glad that my son shows me affection. He might be in-securely attached but he does not hesitate to show his love. But.....sigh....he uses it as a way to manipulate. For instance, if another child says he loves me or stops for a hug, this child immediately is all over me, kissing my arms, back, shoulder, and declaring his love. If we are out anywhere, he will look up at me adoringly and loudly tell me, 'Mom, I love you', eliciting many awes from the people nearby. No matter what I am doing, and believe me there are very few boundaries he does not cross, if any, he will lay on me, rolling around and petting me, grab my face in his hands and tell me how much he loves me. The more involved I am with what I am doing, the more demanding of my attention he gets.

  The most recent expression of this tenuous attachment is the use of Ma'am that the martial arts school teaches. They told the kids that they show respect by saying ma'am and sir and that they should always respect their parents. I thought that was an awesome idea, until it was put into hyper-drive. Do you know how annoying it gets to hear ma'am 200 times a day? And then to have the child also point out that they said ma'am and requires positive affirmation of their uber-awesome respect? How can something so respectful make my skin crawl? I am to the point I wish he went back to saying he hates me! (Not really......well, maybe slightly true)

  I feel so guilty for letting this behavior bother me so much. I read about all these parents who would give their kidney to hear those words, even just once, and here I am COMPLAINING! What an un-grateful slug I am!!!! (Note: he just came over while I am typing to squeeze my face in his hands, kiss me and let me know he loves me) Please feel free to hurl rotten fruit in my direction......

Eeeeeww....Gross!

Today's post has nothing to do with poo. 

Seriously.

No poo. 

Instead, I bring you the story of a water heater gone over to the dark side.

Our home is only 3 1/2 years old. Way too soon to have major appliances and systems breaking down. Unfortunately, no one told one of our water heaters that. Over the past year one of them has given us many problems. The builder still covers the unit under warranty but we have to pay labor every time they send the plumber out. After several visits and months of sometimes working/sometimes leaking and making messes, we finally just turned it off and got by with just one water heater. (Hey, sometimes when you ignore a problem, it goes away. Right? Yeah, not so much.) 

So earlier this week I was a laundry tackling fool, cranking through load after load of dirty clothes, towels and bedding. I was kicking laundries buttox. That's when I noticed that there was water seeping through the ceiling in the kitchen. Oh craptastic! I dashed upstairs and ran into the attic to see that there was water all over the floor right in front of the water heaters. I looked everywhere but couldn't find the source of the water. No water was leaking form the heaters, none from the pipes, the roof, nothing. All I could do was go back downstairs, turn off the water to the whole house and call Chris. When he got home he checked too and could not tell where it came from, so he turned the water back on and when he did, a huge wad of snot-looking stuff shot out of the emergency release valve on the bad heater. 

The next day Chris called the builder who made arrangements to replace the defective water heater. Apparently turning off a defective heater full of water is not such a good thing. When they began to unhook it, all the nasty stagnant rusty water in the heater drained down into our pipes. No one told me this could or would happen. I found out the hard way. I turned on the tap and something looking like root beer began to flow out. I flushed all the taps for 30 minutes before the water was completely clear again. 

I took this picture after 15 minutes of flushing. Anyone want a glass of water????