Natural Consequences

Every morning I get levi ready for school and then try and get the two little guys into appropriate attire for the ride along with us to drop him off. Every single day this is a battle. They are hard-wired to defy whatever I say. And no matter what they are not going to be proved wrong. No. Matter. What. Exclamation point!

This morning it was a whopping 38 degrees farenheit here. (I know, that's really quite toasty to some of you) I told the boys to go put on sweats, socks, shoes and grab their jackets. I told them again. I told Ahren NOT to put on the superman cape, he needed sweats, etc. I told Seth to get his jammies off and put the sweats on. I reminded them it was cold outside. I did my usual broken record routine and they did their usual 'ignore Mom' routine. Normally, I would grab them, stuff them into the clothes, etc. and then herd them out the door. Today, I decided it was time for natural consequences.

When it was time to head out, I rounded them up and headed for the back door. Ahren was wearing underwear and a superman jammie shirt/cape. Nothing else. Seth had on his short sleeved jammies and nothing else. There was a bit of hopping around on the cold cement but no murmurs of how cold it was. Strap them in and head to the school. I did NOT turn on the heat in the van. (Levi and I were both appropriately dressed and quite comfy) Five minutes later after dropping levi at school, I asked if anyone was cold. Nope, they were just peachy. I asked them if they thought that maybe mommy had been right that it was cold out and they should have dressed warmer. Nope, absolutely not. They were not wrong. Were. Not. Wrong. !!

So I upped the ante. I cracked the windows. I turned on the fan. I began to get very cold. They still refused to admit they were cold. Even after the 5 minute drive home. So I kept driving. Rolled the windows down a bit more. Drove a little faster. Ahren cracked and told me he was cold and wanted to go home. Seth dug his heels in and prepared for the battle. He is tiny but a great warrior when it comes to never being wrong.

I began to talk. I talked to myself about how really this wasn't about right and wrong. It was simply a matter of taking care of ones self. If it is cold out, dress warmly. It is a Mommy's job to point out if it is cold so that little kids can take care of themselves. She's not trying to be right, just show her little ones some love. I even threw in the fact that if a child is too little to understand when a Mommy is trying to take care of them then they also probably still need naps every day. (Oh the much hated NAPS)

Still he didn't crack. He had the funniest scrunched up face, red nose and arms crossed over his chest. I had to fight not to laugh at him. So we drove around for about another 2 minutes. Then I announced that I was cold and we were going home. If Seth didn't want to be warm he could stay on the patio. And he cracked. Noooo, he didn't want to stay on the patio, he was COLD! I turned up the heat, closed the windows and headed home. The whole while I continued to talk about how it wasn't a matter of right and wrong, it was really just a matter of taking care of each other. I asked him to explain it back to me and he did. We hurried into the house and I made hot chocolate and gave lots of hugs.

Oh those natural consequences. They work so much better than yelling, pleading, bribing, etc. I hated to let them get cold, but they were only in the car for about 12 minutes and the car was warm from the garage. They got just cold enough to make a point. Now let's see how tomorrow morning plays out. I will give them 3 reminders and then......off we go. I hope it's cold again. LOL!

Is No News Good news?

Tomorrow it will have been three weeks since they took blood from Ahren to test for Muscular Dystrophies (there are different kinds) and another degenerative terminal disease. We still do not know the results. We do know that the results were back before the Thanksgiving week, but had to wait for the doctor to look at them and call us.

I figured that no one would be working all last week so I tried extra hard to be patient. Then first thing yesterday I called and left a message. Then today I left two messages and tried to backdoor a call to their office by going through a supervisor. Got the same voice mail.

So is no news good news? Or will I die from anxiety long before they ever call us???????

How to keep busy

Long holiday weekends mean rest and relaxation.....NOT! As a child I remember being horribly bored on long holiday weekends. As a young adult I remember whirling in social engagements on those weekends. As a newly married person there were lots of family obligations, visits to Auntie Sue and Cousin Flora and people I did not know but knew me. When I was a young parent of one or two, the family obligations continued, only with small persons in tow. Small persons to dress up and show off and pray behaved in the most adorable fashion. (Which they mostly did)

Today, in the here and now, long weekends mean extra hours to try and accomplish important home-oriented projects. Chris and I set our sights on a big re-organization project for this weekend. This works in two ways for us. We accomplish something positive and we do NOT think about things NEGATIVE. (Or so the story goes...)

Off of the master bedroom in our house, which we designed, is a 'bonus' room. It has a window and doorway and ceiling fan and lights. It is the size of a smallish bedroom, but long and rectangular. Our plans for the room were to use it as a place for a nursery, then exercise room or library/sitting room. Instead, it became our large storage closet! Shocked? Not me. We moved in a super-hurry and there was so much we just didn't have time to really sort out or find a home for. Here in south Texas, you cannot put keepsakes like photos and such into the attic or garage because the heat will destroy them. They need to be in AC controlled space. Then there were all the things I just didn't know what to do with. And all my knitting and sewing stuff. And left-over home decorations. Etc, etc, etc. Hence the , ummmm, disaster area!

This is what I tackled this weekend. At the same time I had envisioned a mud-room - back entry way bench, storage system that I had convinced Chris we needed. He has been working all weekend on that. What was I thinking? Both of us busy and 3 boys bored out of their gourds? Chris and I have both made progress but our house looks like a tornado hit it, followed by a marauding band of wild monkeys and a small circus. OMG! I want to sleep in the barn it is so bad. In the end, I think it will be worth it, but I don't know how many brain cells and gray hairs this is going to cost me. Too many is probably the answer.

Please send help. Preferably chocolate and alcohol. And maybe a tranquilizer dart gun......

Oh, by the way, small boys and young dogs are having a contest in my house. Who can leave the most bodily waste products for me to find. Right now it is even. Lucky me.

Something You Love

by Ashley, age 15

My Family: They make me the luckiest girl on earth. When everything else goes wrong and I want to quit, I still have them, the best family ever.

Mom, thank you. Thank you for putting us before you, thank you for teaching me lessons, thank you for always listening to me. Thank you for never judging me. Thank you for being the best. i love you. We all love you.

Dad, thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for teaching me everything I know. Thank you for working so hard to get me whatever my heart desires. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on and telling me it's going to be ok. Thank you for putting me before yourself. I love you more than life itself.

Kaytee, you are the best big sister. You make me laugh all the time. Thank you for always listening and never judging me. Thank you for teaching me what really matters in life. Thank you for leading by example and teaching me what a great person should be. I love you.

Levi, you are what me and Kaytee wanted for many many years. When you were born it was amazing. You brought joy to everyone. You are so young yet so optimistic. you make every situation worth going through. Knowing that you look up to me makes me a better person. I love you so much lil p.

Ahren, you are mine. You are my mini-me. We may have different birth parents but we are each other. You came to us when we needed you most. We fought three years for you to come from Guatemala. We have the same birthday, 11 years and 6 minutes apart. You are such a sweet little boy who is always smiling. Ahren, you will win this battle. I will do whatever I can to save you. Do not let this disease win. You belong here with us. God, we fought so hard for this little boy and cried so many tears. Do not take him away from us. I'm not sure we could pull through it. I will love you now and forever Ahren.

Seth, you are our newest addition. Your story is truly sad but you're with your real family now. Just know that we will never abandon you and we will all love you forever.

Peri Brynn, you are our baby. You are ours even if you are still a thousand miles away in Guatemala. We will keep fighting for you. No matter what. I can honestly say we will never give up. When adoption opens up again you will finally be home with your real family. Never give up my little angel, we love you dearly.

Thankful

There are some things that still weigh very heavy on my heart. We did NOT get a call from the neuro-muscular specialist with the test results. We have to continue to try and be patient. (Well, try at least. I have left numerous phone messages. I think he might be out of the office the whole week.) We need to finalize Seth's adoption and the only thing holding it back are my laziness and the attorney on the case. He is already ours in our hearts but we do need to make it legal. Then there is the issue of Seth's possible 'mood disorder'. If you read between the lines that means bi-polar. The newest ADHD meds are only slightly effective. For the record, Ritalin worked pretty well but he gagged and threw up on it. Plus it was not covered by insurance so we had to foot the rather large bill. Then we tried Daytrana, a patch. It seemed to work at first but quickly lost effectiveness. Now we are trying Adderal XR and adding Risperdal to the mix soon. This poor child needs a break. A break from the anxiety and anger. He deserves to be happy and free.

And yet, we have so very much to be thankful for. We are so incredibly lucky. So blessed. Tomorrow I am going to post something Ashley wrote. It made me cry big fat happy tears when I read it. Sometimes my children show me how big and wonderful our world is, and I can do nothing but rejoice and be humbled. How in the world did I ever become the mother of such wonderful people?

Updates

The latest news we have on Ahren's tests is that I got in touch with the nurse and she said the results were back but the doctor needed to look at them and call us. With this being a short holiday week, what do you think the odds are we will hear before Thursday? sigh...

Seth is on his third ADHD medication. The first one was changed because he kept choking trying to swallow the capsule and throwing up. The second was a patch and it seemed to work somewhat at first but quickly lost all efficacy. Now we are on a third one, a very small capsule that I put in caramel sauce and he swallows. So far it doesn't seem to work at all but it has been only 5 days. All of us, the therapist, the physician and myself, think there is more to what is going on. He has a very high anxiety level (the shredding of food) has very low lows (screams and hurts himself) and very high highs (can laugh for 30 minutes straight in a high pitched cackle for no reason) and very little self control. We will be adding another mood stabilizer med in a couple of weeks to see if it helps. The one thing I know for sure is that none of the meds has slowed down his appetite or growth (common side affects). He is up to 41 pounds and just a hair under 43 inches tall. He has gone from a 2T to a 5T in pants. Poor baby tells me his legs hurt and I believe him!

Remember the puppy I mentioned that Kaytee's boyfriend got for her? Well at first they kept her at his apartment, but surprise! He wasn't supposed to have a dog and got busted. So he dropped her off at Kaytee's apartment, but she can't have a puppy either. Anyone want to guess where this puppy lives now? Meet Aspen, the very talented go-cart riding puppy.

Seth, have you been picking your nose?

No Mom.

Right......

Meet Jingles, our very own elf who watches over our kids and reports nightly back to Santa. He had to come early this year because of some very poor behavior choices on the part of three boys. (Yes, Levi does get in trouble too!) What this poor little guy sees must be very traumatizing. Just look at those crazy eyes!

Small boy, small dog.

Big boy, big dog.

Chris was off hunting this weekend so we decided to get busy. Lots of little hands for helping.

Lots and lots of lights for hanging.

A sweet angel to top it off.

We are definitely in the Christmas spirit. You should have heard all the questions about Jesus. Or as they always call him, Baby Jesus. I did my best to answer them all but ended up having to admit ignorance on some. Does anyone really know if Baby Jesus was allergic to hay?

Buster thinks Rudolph is just fine the way he is, nose and all.

Dr. Phil and RAD

Did anyone catch this week's Dr. Phil episode where the mother of an adopted son asked for help because she was struggling to parent the child? On the surface of the show it was cut and dried. She was a horribly abusive mother. She put hot sauce in her son's mouth for lieing. She punished him by making him take a cold shower. She had tried everything she could think of and nothing worked.

She was the one who sent the tape to Dr. Phil. She knew full well that she would be vilified as a monster but she was desperate for help. She was willing to face the judgement of Dr. Phil and the audience to get help.

Deeper in the story it is revealed that the child is thought to have RAD. This confuses her because his twin brother does not show any of the oppositional behavior. Instead the twin is timid, very quiet and seeks constant approval. He is thought to be the 'good' twin, never stepping one toe out of line.

They talk to the father and he is very detached. Apparently cold showers worked well in the military for discipline so it's a good idea. Besides, the kids are his wife's responsibility. He shows no compassion for his wife and the difficulties she is trying to deal with, and no sadness for his son.

The family apparently grew rapidly, and the addition of the twins upset the balance. The one little boy has become the pariah, the trouble-maker, the focus of discipline. Everything that is not working boils down to him. He is seven.

So what do I see? I see two little boys with different versions of RAD. One oppositional and one super-compliant. Both traumatized. I see a mother un-prepared for the issues her sons face. A mother with NO support system in place. An uneducated mother who had the best of intentions and no healthy dose of reality. I see a child who is in serious fight-or-flight mode and constantly scared to death. A child who is doing his very best to survive and escape before he is once again abandoned.

So what do I know that Dr. Phil doesn't? I know that parenting a child with RAD is a 24/7/365 job that is more challenging, more exhausting and more demanding than anything I have ever experienced. It is not intuitive. There are no owners manuals. No directions. No maps. Just when you figure out something that works, the game changes. It isn't two steps forward and one step back, it is more like two steps forward, three back, 5 forward, 4 back, etc. The course is not defined, never smooth and always rocky. Every day is a crap shoot. You know you are winning when you actually have a day when you do not think about RAD. RAD kids do everything they can to make you feel un-loved. All you ever wanted was to love a child unconditionally and here is a child that makes it as impossible as they can. You have to fight to break into their shell and then you still have to fight. And fight. And fight.

My heart breaks for that mother and those boys. Someone needs to help her so she can help them. They all need a big blanket of love and support. Come on, now, at least she didn't put the kid on a plane back to his country with a note! She was willing to risk herself to help him and all of them. She made herself vulnerable because she loves him. No, she was not doing a very good job, but I know I have also struggled. I am lucky in that I know about RAD, was well educated before tackling it, and have the support of a wonderful husband and a big blog community. She has nothing.

Friends of the blog world, fellow RAD parents, we need to help people like this. We need to reach out so that the children can be served. So many good people want to do the right thing by adopting but are totally unprepared for the hard parts. How do we reach them?

Sweet Hope

For several years now I have read and supported the efforts of a lovely lady named Elle. We got to e-know each other during our adoption processes. Each of ours was a twisted path of pain and ultimately joy. You cannot share a journey like that without feeling somehow truly connected to someone.

Now for the good part. She makes candy. Truffles and caramels that the best candy makers in the world would be jealous of. She makes these sweet treats and sells them only once a year. Every cent she makes she sends to support a small orphanage in Mirnoe, Russia (at least I think it is Russia, they keep changing the names and country lines and I am so confused!) Did you hear me? She does all the work and then sends every single cent to the orphans.

Want to impress family at the holidays? Need gifts to give to all of your co-workers at the office? Looking for something extra-special for someone you care about? Teachers gifts? Stocking stuffers? Head on over to Sweet Hope and show Elle some love. I guarantee you will not be disappointed. Plus, once you tell your gift recipients about that 'every cent goes to orphans' your gift will warm their hearts. It's a win-win situation.

Oh, and don't forget to buy a little something for yourself. If you don't you will be sorry!

Go visit www.sweethopefoundation.org

Hurry, time to place orders is limited. Go now. I'll wait.

This is how my heart breaks

People who see Ahren do not see what I see. He is an adorable little boy with curly hair and big dark brown eyes. He is beautiful. Happy. Funny. Animated. I see that, and I love it, but I see more.

I see today when we were in the checkout lane at the grocery store and Ahren fell over and hit his head on the elderly lady's cart behind us. Nothing tripped him, he wasn't messing around, he just lost his balance. And he got hurt.

Then this afternoon he was standing in the hallway trying to open a bag of chips and he fell over and slammed his cheek into the wall. Now he has a big bruise even though we iced it. These are just two of the examples of the things that he deals with every day, many times a day.

The other thing we have noticed is he is having trouble chewing and swallowing. He chooses soft foods every time. He refuses things that have to be chewed and swallowed. He eats pancakes, pasta, mashed potatoes and cereal soaked in milk. I cannot get him to eat many other things now.

He will not follow his brothers up the play set. He will watch them and eventually climb up the stairs, but he can't climb the rock wall anymore. He is getting very hesitant about the physical activities.

His speech is losing ground. Sometimes I cannot understand what he says. It is very slurred and mushy. It didn't used to be that way. Now, well, it is difficult to understand.

My fear is that this is the best Ahren will ever be. That he will deteriorate from here. That he will never realize his full potential. We fought so hard and so long for him to join our family. This cannot be happening.

Dear God, we listened when you called us to adopt. To follow what you told us in the bible. We were led by you every step. If this is our road, please let us know. We will not abandon this child, no matter what. He is our life, our love, our very soul. We will do whatever. That is our promise.

Hangin with the Homeys

I took the rest of the week off and already had all next week off of work. I hadn't really planned on taking three days off this week, but our nanny's grandmother passed away last night and their family is heading to Alabama today. As sad as I am for their loss, I am breathing a sigh of relief that I can legitimately take the time off.

In the next week we will get the test results that either confirm or disprove the doctors diagnoses. From what I have read (I know, do NOT Google serious things cuz you will freak out. Too late!) an experienced doctor can make the diagnoses from physical examination with about 100% accuracy. There are very unique markers of this syndrome that when all present are definitive. And of course Ahren has them. Ugh! The blood test is then just used as confirmation.

So we wait. (And obsess and try not to Google and lose that battle and .............)

Oh, and the kids have all been very well behaved lately. A little blessing in the storm, I say. Plus the fact that we are settled into a routine, the weekends have been quieter and more family oriented, and they have been able to play outside for hours each day all help. Each day is full of hugs and laughs and root beer floats!

Very Bad, No Good Day

I have a huge responsibility to the patients i see every week. their progress, their success, their very futures depend on ME. How scary is that! There used to be 4 therapists at my work, but now it is just me. i see as many patients, do as much work, even more. I have strived to take a load off of the doctors to free them up for more patients. I do things for the doctors that no one else has ever done.

Today, I felt that I needed to tell them that there may be times in the near future that I need time off of work, and that in the long run I may be less available to them. I spoke to the coordinator first. Her basic response was, 'Please let me know in advance, at least the day before, if you need off. If not, you need to take home the schedule for the next day and call all of them yourself.'

Then, in our paychecks this week, was a list of rules. They were worded in a very derogatory way and made all of the employees (that I talked to anyway) feel like garbage. The main message I got was 'quit gouging the company'! Now all of the people I work with work super duper hard, care immensely about the company and have a great work ethic. So what the heck? And the nerveless balls they had to put it in a note in the paychecks. They can't address us directly? Cowardly bastards!

So I asked my dear Dr. W about it, and he DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING! Say what? That tells me everything. I wish this wasn't the internet because I want to tell a certain doctor and his wife what I really think about them. They portray themselves as true Christians and then turn around and stab others in the back at their time of need. Lead by example, I say. Do not condemn those you do not know.

And, for the people who do not seem to have a heart or a soul: kiss my bohonkis.

My days at work are numbered. My kids mean more than their crappola.

How to pass time quickly

Yesterday we donated blood and then came home and did chores. Those chores involved entertaining 3 very rambunctious boys. I was exhausted long before bedtime.

Today Kaytee came in town and we took the boys bowling. Black light bowling of course! That didn't even come close to wearing them out. Then we went shopping for clothes. Then grocery shopping (oh lord save me!) and home. Again I am exhausted and they are not. Dang!

I sent them all to chase puppies in the back yard and to swing for a long time. Now we have had dinner, baths and fresh jammies. I am ready to fall in bed. Them, not so much.

I want to slide by the next week or so until we have some test results but I am afraid they might kill me! How much energy can three boys have? Don't answer that!!!

They are saving me. My love and attention to them is all I can think about. My brain is occupied. Thank the Lord. Thank you my boys. I love you so much!!!!!

Emotional Jeopardy

I am sitting here trying to figure out exactly what I am feeling. I just can't put my finger on it. I have spent the last two years trying to figure out Ahren. Much like Schrek, Ahren is an onion. Layers and layers.

I knew before we brought him home that he had serious motor delays. He didn't roll over until he was 10 months old, sit unsupported for many months after that, and didn't walk until he was almost 2 years old. His foster mother was very concerned about him and asked us to pay for her to take him to a specialist in Guatemala. That ortho doctor placed him into boots/braces to support his feet and lower legs. When we brought him home just before his third birthday, he was so floppy and hyper-flexible that he seemed like a rag doll. He could barely crawl up onto the couch.

The doctors here thought it was all due to poor nutrition, lack of stimulation and very little exercise. They thought that he would catch up if only we fed him a super-good diet, gave him lots of stimulation and worked his muscles. So that is what we did and he improved. He grew and gained muscle and seemed to be catching up. But then, the progress slowed, then stopped. And then, certain things seemed to get worse. During this time we were seeking help from our pediatrician, the orthopedist, a pediatric nephrologist and anyone else we thought might be able to help. The pediatrician threw out that muscular dystrophy was a possibility. The nephrologist felt that his kidney issues were a compensatory mechanism for an underlying metabolic disorder. We got an appointment with a world class pediatric neuro-muscular specialist, but it was 9 months away. So we waited, tried over and over again to get in sooner, and tried to be patient.

Finally, the appointment day was here. I was of two minds. My gut instinct was that something was not right. I wanted someone to listen and try and help. But I also wanted to have them tell me I was crazy, an overprotective mama who was imagining things. Seriously, I would much rather be embarrassed than right.

There were three doctors and they spent over an hour taking a history and testing Ahren. They tested his reflexes, his strength, his motor skills, his coordination, his eyes, his walk, his every movement. When they had him watch a finger move back and forth, his eyes twitched rapidly. When they tested his reflexes, the muscles quivered but did not jerk. When they had him walk heel-toe he fell over repeatedly. Over and over again he was tested and they looked concerned.

The top contender, the syndrome that fits his symptoms the best, is a beast. I barely looked at the description and then shut down the page. I do not want to know more unless it is a confirmed diagnoses. I did not fight for three years for this child to give in to any stupid genetic defect. I thought long and hard about sharing this with all of the internets, but I truly believe in prayers and well-wishes. Ahren deserves a life. A good life. A life full of possibilities and the chances to make his own mistakes. To love and live and feel life to the fullest. So for the next two weeks as we await results, I am going to enjoy every second. We are going to have fun. Lots of fun. There will be many, many hugs and kisses. Ice cream for dinner. Chocolate for breakfast. Wear our jammies to the grocery store. Put shaving cream on the dining room table. Life is going to happen here.

And if it turns out that all Ahren has is indigestion (hoping!) then we will deal with the totally spoiled rotten brat we have created and love it!!!!!!

Seth the Shredder

So Seth is the shredder. Nothing to do with all of Ahren's issues. I guess I should have said that right out. It is only with finger foods. He chews and swallows fine. It's only when he has food in his hands that the shredding ensues. He doesn't even know he does it. I think it is a tactile sensory issue fueled by anxiety. By now, it is a habit, one he is not aware of at all.

Yesterday was the big day for us to meet with the top specialist in the nation in neuro-muscular issues. My thoughts were all over the place. Mainly, I thought that they would laugh in my face and tell me I was a 'Crazy Mama' and to take my totally normal child home. Part of me wished for that. And part of me wished that they would HEAR me, and SEE what I saw. Something was not right. My gut kept telling me so. Oh how I wished it was not right. I wanted so badly for me to be an overprotective mother, seeking reassurance and that was all. I wanted to hear, 'Lady, you are crazy!'. But I didn't.

The exam took over an hour. the doctors, several of them, were extremely thorough. test this, test that, look at this, look at that. I was very impressed. They did not hurry in any way. Ahren was their total focus. As i watched, he failed one test after another. Walk a straight line? He fell over. Touch my nose? He missed. Pull this? He couldn't. My heart broke and yet I was so glad they saw what I see.

The results of the exam. He is in big trouble. I was not wrong. All of the top choices they have for what is wrong are awful and terminal. Testing is underway. My dear hubby keeps reminding me not to get upset yet. We don't know. Aw heck. I passed upset a while ago. Now I am numb. These are horrific, degenerative, terminal diseases. And this is my baby. My sweet curly haired, snuggle bunny baby.

If you want to find me, look under the covers and the pillows because right now, I am hiding. Holding my sweet boy every second I can get. Smelling in his sweet smell and feeling his soft skin. Evil stay away. His Mama's love surrounds him. My sweet precious baby boy. I love you more than anything.

The Help Wanted Sign is Out

There are several things that I deal with that I struggle over. Most of the 'crap' I can handle with a smile but a few things just get under my skin. Today I bring you Issue #1. I need your help on this one. I am out of ideas. Zippo. Nada. Zero. Craziness ensues. Please help.

The shredding of food.

Explanation: the child proceeds to tear all food into tiny bits before eating them, wiping their hands on their clothes many times, getting food all over their hands, face and body, and making a total mess of a meal.

Reminds me of a raccoon, shredding and washing food ritually before eating it.

Drives me crazy because: this child is a total mess all the time. He cannot go out in public without changing clothes if he has eaten. How can he go to kindergarten next year and eat lunch at school?

Why does he do it? anxiety? habit? sensory issues? control issues? help?????

I have tried reminding him constantly while he is eating but he seems un-aware of the behavior. Rewards and punishments have no effect. They only stress him out.

Suggestions???? Please????

Catching up in pictures

It's been two very busy and fun weeks around here (well, the vomitus maximus, which hit me on Saturday, was no fun).

Ashley practiced her taping on the boys. She gets practice and it slows them down! Win-Win!!

We dressed up Kaytee's puppy, Aspen, as a cow for Halloween and took her trick-or-treating. Aspen was a gift from her boyfriend. Not exactly the gift I would have wanted for a college kid...
Levi enjoying the fall weather on his 4-wheeler, dressed as Darth Vader. It's Vader-Cross!
A recent visitor to our back door. Thank goodness we don't have a doggy door or this little guy would have been an indoors guest. That's an oppossum, for the record.
We carved pumpkins, out in the sunshine on the back patio. There was a lot of drama involved in this activity.

I couldn't convince anyone that toasted pumpkin seeds are yummy so they went to the compost pile.
Seth's big present for his birthday was his very own 4-wheeler. (Which by the way he calls a Form Wheeler) It's bigger than Levi's but slower. (Thank goodness, he is a maniac on it) In fact, it has speed settings and we can lock it out at the slowest speed. Amen!

And finally, the un-veiling of the home-made costumes for Seth and Ahren. Can anyone guess who they are? Only a few houses got it. I think they are adorable.
The backs of their shirts. See the cockroaches?
This kid was absolutely hilarious trying to act his character. He especially loved the facial hair.
See the little fu hanging off his chin? That made me giggle all night.
Levi would not settle for anything other than Darth Vader as his costume. i tried and tried to convince him that trick-or-treating in that helmet would be uncomfortable and unsafe.

Ashley dressed up and went house to house with us, helping the little ones. Kaytee cam along too, but I didn't get any pics of her.

Two peas in a pod.

Behavior is good one day and off the charts the next. Typical for this time of year and all the activities going on. I am handling most of it pretty well. There are a couple of things that are really getting ot me and I will talk about them later this week.

Ahren's big appointment

The day had finally arrived. After 2 years of trying to figure out what is just not 'quite right' with Ahren, we will be seeing a pediatric neuro-muscular specialist on Wednesday. There is nothing horribly blatant about what Ahren is dealing with. No smoking gun, no giant red flag that would have helped us find answers more easily. Instead, it is a compilation of factors and a mommy's gut instinct.

Here is what we see and are concerned about. In fact, this is the list I will have to hand the Doc on Wednesday.

1) Born prematurely to a woman with no prenatal care

2) Major physical delays

rolled over at 10 months

sat up at 15 months

walked at 22 months with lower leg braces/boots

3) Sacral dimple (defect at the base of the spine often associated with neuro issues)

4) Very low muscle tone, muscles feel spongy

5) Constant falling

6) walks on curled feet or totally flat footed with limp floppy feet

7) incontinence, especially with #2, chronic severe constipation

8) kidney involvement, thought to be compensatory mechanism for underlying condition

9) low energy, easily fatigued

10) speech issues, floppy tongue

11) difficulty chewing and swallowing at first (age 3) better now with lots of work

12) one eyelid droops at times

Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I HOPE I am making a mountain out of nothing. Unfortunately, even our pediatrician has been very concerned. He sees something not right too. As much as I dread the appointment, I am also so relieved to think we will finally be uncovering the truth and THEN we can make a plan. I need a plan. No matter what, we can handle it, we just need a plan.....

Vomitus Maximus vs Scalded Monkey

This week was going along swiftly and surely, each day moving in the cadence of busy lives and happy kids. Our newest version of normal was settled in and life was, well, not easy but at least predictable.

Then in the wee hours of Thursday morning a pitiful little voice awakened me from a dream about flying. Levi was there beside me telling me his tummy hurt. I asked him if he thought he was going to throw up and he said No, it just hurt. Hmmm, maybe dinner had disagreed with him so I gave him some antacid and snuggled him into bed beside me. Thirty seconds later he sat bolt upright and proceeded to vomit at least 4 days worth of food all over our bed. Poor Chris just sat there in stunned silence, while I ran for towels.

While cleaning up the mess and running dirty bedding and towels to the washer, I must have made too much noise because Ahren wandered out of his room demanding that I go lay with him. Well, little man, that is NOT going to happen right now because I have at least 2 loads of vomit-covered laundry to do and a sick little boy to try and get settled. So Ahren proceeded to sit on the couch in the dim light and sob and moan and complain while I started the washer, re-made the bed, added clean towels for future 'episodes' and tried to re-assure Levi he was OK. Once Chris and levi were settled in bed, I went back out to try and get Ahren to go back to bed. That resulted in a small scream-fest that awoke the rest of the house (and maybe our closest neighbors?) and made me want to stuff a dirty sock in his mouth. Hey, it was 2:30 am and i was ill-equipped to handle the scalded-monkey routine!

So Ahren sat on the couch next to me while I watched a DVR'd show. I used head phones so he couldn't hear the sound and didn't get to enjoy the show. I kept telling him that as soon as he was ready to lay down I would help get him settled, but he adamantly refused to lie down. This went on for an hour at which point Levi woke up and vomited all over the bed again. This time it hit mostly towels and I again hauled a load of laundry to the washer, switched loads and started another. While I was busy, Ahren decided that my absence from him was cause for a nuclear meltdown and yet again he awoke the entire household.

So Round 2 ended with new towels on the bed, new jammies, settling Seth back into bed and once again sitting on the couch with McScreamy. I watched another DVR'd movie and Ahren stubbornly refused to give in and lie down.

Forty-five minutes later Levi was struck with another round of vomiting. This time all he had in him was the water and sprite we had convinced him to drink. And predictably, while I was busy switching out towels and making Levi comfortable, Ahren was busy shrieking his displeasure for the 48 continental states to hear. Repeat Round 2, settle Levi and Seth, threaten Ahren that I will make him sleep in the barn if he doesn't get quiet and try and get all back to sleep. At this point poor Chris had to get up and get ready for work. I stayed on the couch with McScreamy, again and again stressing to the obviously tired child that whenever he wanted to lie down I would help get him settled. (Note: he was not scared, did not have a bad dream, and was merely pissed that I would not sleep with him. I was willing to sit with him until he fell asleep, but that wasn't good enough)

Thirty minutes later....yeah, you guessed it. Round 4 of vomitus maximus. This time when Ahren went postal while I was trying to help clean up Levi, I placed his screamy behind into bed in the guest room and left him. I had lost all patience and if I had to deal with him at that moment it would not have been pretty. I started the 4th load of laundry, re-made the bed yet again, got Levi gatorade and water, and tucked him in. Luckily Seth slept through this one, probably because Ahren was separated by several walls now.

Ahren screamed until 5:30 am. He called me every bad name he knew, screamed every mean thing he could think of, and essentially was as ugly as a 4 year old could possibly be. I will admit it, I ended up popping his pull-up clad butt. It made me feel bad/guilty and just made him madder. In the end, I brought him into my bedroom and made a pallet on the floor next to my bed. I offered him that spot, explaining that Levi might throw up on him so he couldn't get in the bed. He laid down and was asleep in 10 seconds. I snuggled Levi and tried to doze. Just as I began to really relax....more vomit. Ahren woke up and we just decided at that point to call uncle. Ahren and I got up, did laundry together, called Levi in sick to school and let everyone else sleep.

I still had to work all day, so one hot shower, 3 cups of coffee and an energy drink are how I survived, but I think I lost a few brain cells in the process. Or maybe a few million.

Quickie update

We survived the birthday-Halloween week with only minor casualties. Sunday was a loooong day, but good. I am working tons of hours helping to cover for our only other therapist who got very, very ill. In fact, she will not be returning to work. I miss her so much! The house is a disaster, to the point that I got up at 3:30 am yesterday to do 5 hours of laundry before I went to work. Yikes!

Life is crazy and I will have many photos soon.

The Fallout

The new nanny situation is working out wonderfully. The boys already know her and she knows them. We let her use our extra vehicle to pick Levi up from school and run any errands she wants to during the day. (If she is brave enough to do it with the two little terrors in tow) The daycare called on monday and said they worked it out to be open at least to the end of the month and begged me to bring the boys back. I said No. They called on Tuesday again begging, telling me they had a potential investor on the line. I again declined, even though I have paid until the end of the month. I know I won't ever see that money, so why did I decide to do that?

Because I have seen the fallout of making a big change like that suddenly. Even though it is a good change, it still upsets the apple cart. We are seeing sleeping issues (or should I say NOT sleeping) lots of intentionally annoying behavior, hitting, kicking, tons of potty talk (thank goodness they don't know any really bad words...) and arguing over everything. I do not like the arguing. It is constant and non-sensical. This morning they argued with each other over what car ran over the dead rabbit in the road. None of us knows who hit the poor bunny but they picked sides and settled in for an epic battle. Seth said it was a blue car, Ahren picked black. I chose to turn on the radio and ignore them for the moment. I hadn't had my coffee yet!

This Saturday is the big joint party for Ahren and Seth's 5th birthdays. We are keeping the preparations low key. We ordered cupcakes, borrowed decorations, and although I have the stuff to make the gift bags I haven't started on them yet. It's all hidden from them. They know about it, but seem to be OK so far. Sunday will be the fallout day, and maybe Monday too. We are prepared.

I wonder if they still build fallout shelters? I could use one of those!

When Disaster Strikes

This has been a very challenging weekend. No, not the boys. They have been...well....normal. Instead I have been major stressing about something else. Something that hits close to home. Child care.

At the beginning of the school year, I had planned on being home with my boys 24/7. It's what my gut told me I needed to do. The doctors begged and begged me to stay, and my guilt and feelings of responsibility to the children I teach got to me and i agreed to come back to work in the afternoons. That meant i needed to find afternoon child care.

Our much loved sweet nanny we have had for 7 years is now not up to watching these very active boys, so we looked for an alternative. i found what I thought was the perfect choice. A small, new day care that was very homey and personal. I loved the people there. They wanted so badly to accept my kids, warts and all. It turned out to be really good, but not perfect. We worked through a few issues where they gave my kids too much candy and toys, but they meant well and they listened when I told them no more. The boys adapted wonderfully. I was so happy that things were going so well.

And then.....when I dropped the boys off on Friday they announced they were closing their doors effective immediately. As in that day. WTF? (Oh and many more expletives that I cannot post) It's only been 4-5 weeks. That is not long enough to get a business up and running. No way. They must have planned the cash flow based on a full load of kids on day one. We were screwed. Big time. Add your own expletives here.

So I didn't sleep this weekend, worrying how I was going to find child care, and not only just normal childcare but quiet, caring, special needs, make my kids feel trust kind of care. They Do Not Deal With Change Well!!!!!! More expletives, and now I am making up new ones cuz the normal ones aren't strong enough!!!!!

The end of this story is a happy ending. The daughter of our beloved nanny, well known to my kids and much loved by them, will start tomorrow as their new Nanny. OMG! I could kiss her on her lips!!!!! The boys are very excited about it, in a wonderfully good way. Thank God!

Upset the Apple Cart

Things have been really good around here lately. There has been a low level of craziness, but it is totally manageable. We have been on a schedule, week to week, and it is helping so much. It is really quite amazing and wonderful and many other nice words I cannot think of!

But......into each rainbow some rain must fall. Levi had Monday off from school and Seth had an early morning doctors appointment. We made the appointment and then headed to a fast-food restaurant and play place for breakfast. We ate (who am I kidding, the kids skimmed the food and eyed the play place) and then they played and I read the paper.

A few minutes later I heard a small child making a huge racket. Not just ANY child. My child. It was Ahren and he wasn't hurt or mad, just ....um......exubernat. Even through the glass it was deafening and annoying. I looked in and saw Seth and motioned to him and said he needed to tell his brother to be quiet. He looked at me like I asked him to float above the floor and sprout a third eye. It was a no go. So I jumped up and headed around the corner to the door of the play place.

As I rounded the corner, I saw a middle-aged couple at a table there and the woman began to apologize. Picture me with a huge question mark over my head! What in the heck? Eventually I found out that her husband had made the comment " Someone needs to shut that kid up", when he heard the screaming.

This is where my survival instincts kick in. I laughed and said I was also on my way to shut him up. Oh how funny. NOT! But I laughed it off, and took my kids home.

I can't explain some of their behaviors. I can't make it seem OK to some people. Why should I? They are who they are. They are babies, for God's sake!!!! Who can judge a small child and be a good person? Kids need acceptance and guidance and comfort. Not judgement and chastisement.

I guess it is easier to laugh, walk away, and do what I need to do to make my kids a little bit better. Screw those other people. I need to stop trying to justify, protect and 'make' normal' what my kids do. They are beautiful, no matter what. God made them just the way they are and I LOVE that!!!!!!

I don't know why..

I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself. Honestly, each and every kid needs a different approach. Some have issue with one thing, and others with another. Some are RAD and some also have PTSD. Each and every child needs a customized approach to their problems. Their is no cookie-cutter approach to this. No play book. No instructions.

We all wing it. Every day, every moment. No one has ever written the book of how to deal with this. We are all on our own. We have each other and that is all. Oh my goodness! There are so many variations of what we deal with that it makes it so difficult to deal with. So many levels, so many gradiations. It is insane.

My kids have certain needs. They each have a unique history that has shaped them. Each one needs different things to heal and grow. My job is to figure these things out and fulfill them. It is a BIG job. Way Big. I am trying my best. Every day, every minute, every thought. I think about their future all day long every day. My babies have to be successful as grownups. That is my goal. Oh my, I am struggling and hurting and praying for them. My babies. I love them so much!!!!!!

To follow up on my last post....

I should have added a little more information about the 'normal' things we try and do. Vacations are comprised of visits to our beach house. Since it is a home-away-from-home for us, it is much less traumatic for the kids. We cook our meals and eat the same foods we always eat. We sleep in familiar beds. We take time out for rest times. The kids never stay overnight with anyone, never have sitters so we can go out, and only have sitters to watch while we do projects around the house. Where we go, they go 24/7/365.

The classes we have been attending at the Children's museum are made up of 4-6 children, while the museum is closed and the place is quiet. I sit outside the door the entire time and they can peek out and see me at any time. They were anxious at first, but after a couple of classes they have come to love it. I think this was an important step in preparing them for kindergarten next year. Also, the director of the museum is awesome and understands kids with trauma issues. She has made it a safe place to be ourselves and not be judged.

Halloween is also a small affair. We are making cute costumes and going to have a hay ride around the neighborhood with close friends. There won't be a lot of candy and I will control access to what they do get.

Their birthday party is with a small group of close friends at a craft place they know and love. I have found crafting activities to be an awesome outlet for the boys. The party will be focused on doing a craft and enjoying time with friends. They are crazy excited about it and I am sure we will have some meltdowns, but we spend a little time every day processing it and managing expectations.

So, in a nutshell, yes I am exposing them to things that might be more difficult for them to handle, but I do it in a controlled, baby-steps at a time way, and work with them to handle it as we go. For the most part it seems to work for us. Anytime I feel a situation is too much for them, we opt out. We have skipped many birthday parties and other events and I am sure most of our friends think we are the biggest party poopers evah! (Naw, they really understand) My goal is to have the boys prepared for school next year so that when they HAVE to attend it won't be devastating and terrifying. My heart breaks to think about them sitting in a classroom without me and being so scared and alone. I have to do whatever I can to give them the skill set to handle what is coming so they can be successful.

Do it anyway

When you have kids with issues, many of the normal things we do for fun end up sending them into a very bad place. Vacations, outings, parties, holidays, they all are so hard for these kids to endure/enjoy. In many cases, they actually get through the event with normal reactions, but the fallout afterwards is horrendous. They just cannot handle the fun.

So what do we do? Do we avoid all the normal, fun stuff that we would do with un-traumatized kids? That seems to be a good answer. Do not place them into situations that set them off. Makes sense.

Or, do we continue to introduce them to these situations and try and teach them to deal with them? Work through the acting out and breakdowns?

As much as I would like to do everything and anything in our lives to make things go smoothly and quietly, I don't believe it is in the best interests of my kids. Instead, we try and manage the triggers. We don't throw too many things at them at one time, but we continue to challenge them. (Oh my sanity!!!!)

The things we have been doing lately. Ahren and Seth have both been attending classes at the Children's Museum two mornings a week. The director is such a dear woman and has made a special allowance for me to sit outside their classroom each day. (That means I sit in the dark, quiet museum for two hours twice a week. I LOVE it!) With me nearby they feel safe. The first week was very rough. Lots of acting out for me but not in the classroom. (How come they act so perfectly for someone else?) They made some friends and got a little comfortable. By the second week they were much better. Only a little negativity to going and much less acting out. This past week was really good. Happy, comfortable boys enjoying class. Can I hear an Amen!!!

We are also dealing with the impending holiday of Halloween. Instead of scary costumes, we are making our own. We have been to several stores buying items to make our costumes. They will be fun and unique. That is what we are concentrating on. Still, it is difficult.

In addition, we are having a big birthday party for Ahren and Seth the weekend before Halloween. i think that is the biggest trigger of all. They talk and obsess about it all the time. But a birthday party is a normal kid event. I can't deny them a party. They have to learn to deal with it. No matter what the after-effects are, they need to know we love them and want to celebrate their births. They need great memories. They need to do something 'normal'. Even if they react in a totally abnormal way.

So we just do it anyway. Is that a new slogan for Nike? Just do it anyway? It works for us. Then again, ask me on the day afterwards........

He doesn't know.....

...he's a dog.

Swinging on the patio.

Up in the play set. Thinking about going down the slide?

In the fort, ten feet in the air.

Does he think he is on lookout?

Dumb dog. Gotta love him.

Pictures

Smile for me please?

Oh Ahren......

OK Seth, smile for me? That's a good one!

What's in your bath tub?

Almost finished with the sweater I am knitting for Levi. The pattern is a combo of three different patterns and my imagination. I have a tiny bit more to go on the second sleeve and then I think I will block the pieces before I sew them together. Then I still need to knit a hood and a pocket for the front. I think I am going to knit a skull and crossbones on the pocket, but I may change my mind. He picked the style (hoodie) and the color (black).

The best sight evah! Sleeping boys. Proof they really don't have 8 arms and legs regardless of how it seems sometimes.

We went to a birthday party and the parting gift was 2 small candies coated in chocolate. We headed from there directly to a nearby store, at which point I realized Seth had made this mess. We headed home instead and Mommy ran errands by herself. Seriously, could he have gotten any chocolate in his mouth?
Someone got a hold of my camera and snapped this shot.....straight up the nose. Nice....

What in the world could be going through his head?

Still "watching TV" here

So far so good. We had a wonderful weekend. Probably the best one we have had in a couple of months. yesterday morning Ahren had a rough time. Several meltdowns back to back over ridiculous things, and then a huge meltdown in the parking lot of the Children's Museum after their music class. If you saw a frazzled mom dragging a large wailing dark haired boy across the pavement yesterday, I apologize. He decided that I was not holding his hand the way he wanted and threw himself to the pavement in front of an on-coming car. Oh So Not Cool! I had my hands full and ended up grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling him off to the side out of traffic. I then shuffled my load, hauled him up under my arm and headed to the car. One dear sweet woman actually smiled at me and her smile made me feel so much better. It was one of those, "oh you poor dear, hang in there" smiles.

We spent a few minutes in the car reviewing safety rules and why they are so important. I also told Ahren I was very angry with him for risking his safety. I think he was surprised I was so angry and maybe he understood what I was saying. He doesn't hurt me when he talks 'garbage' but if something happened to him it would hurt me terribly because I love him so much. I don't know if he gets that. Then again I probably just informed him of how to really hurt me. gah!

Seth has been awesome since Friday morning, even trying to explain to Ahren what he was doing wrong. That was really sweet. He was trying to help me. Today is going very well so far. I have had to call 'garbage' on them a few times over the past few days, but now it has become a game and they giggle and try and get me to do it. I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. It's working for now and that is the best I can hope for.

Oh, and the look on the museum director's face when Seth told me I was going to make him sleep in the barn for all day and I yelled 'garbage!' was priceless. Hee!!!!!

Whats on my TV

I know you are all dying to know what I like to watch on TV. Well today is your lucky day.

Psst. I have to whisper this so the dang Reality Fairy, who apparently reads my blog, won't hear me. You know how she is. The second I say something good, whammo, she smacks me upside the head.

Lately I have been really getting into the quirky shows that ShowTime puts out. Things like Weeds, Dexter, and The Tudors. You have to love a pot-dealing single mom and a forensic scientist/serial killer vigilante. And King Henry VIII? Sexy and scary all at once.

Ever since my talk with the boys yesterday they have been really, really good. All smiles and hugs and regulated. I don't know what I said, but it has been working.

I also really like Bones and House. Then there are my perennial favorites, the cooking shows. I love Top Chef, but have you seen Top Chef: Just Desserts? Those people are INSANE, especially that Seth guy who looks like he is about to go into a violent Roid Rage and kill someone. I mean seriously, the guy was under his table sobbing and calling for his Mommy at one point, and then screaming at people all wild-eyed not long after that. Then he says he wants to make it up to everyone and apparently that means dumping another contestants food on the floor and then crawling around under that guy's feet yelling, 'just step on me'.

I wish I knew exactly what the secret was and why it helped. I know this won't last, other issues will arise, but oh how nice is it to have one lovely, normal day where everyone is happy.

So now you know all about my TV habits. Of course, I never watch anything live....only on DVR or NetFlix. You just can't watch these with small children in the room. Heck, even Top Chef is full of profanity. They bleep the words but somehow Levi has learned to read lips. The day he told me what they bleeped, I quit watching live. Smart kids are such a pain! ;-)

Garbage

Yesterday was not much improved over the recent behavior. Little boys had to go to bed early once again. I decided to cast on a sweater on my knitting needles and that definitely helped my stress level go down. There is something zen about knitting that lulls me into a happy place.

This morning, we had a meltdown in the car while dropping Levi off because....are you ready for this? I would not rent a limo to take the boys to school. Kaboom! And just that easily someones head spun around and pea soup shot out and only the seatbelt kept him from levitating. It was a short one thank goodness.

Then, 15 minutes later, we hit the mother load of emotions. This time I asked the boys to play somewhat quietly for 10 minutes while I caught the last little bit of a show I had DVR'd. I told them when I was done they could play the Wii. During that 10 minutes, they got louder and louder, moved from their room to the floor in front of me, and finally resorted to smacking each other to get my attention. I stopped several times to remind them of what I was asking them to do which would result in 30 seconds of peace. When I finished my show I told them that because they could not respect my wishes for 10 minutes, that they had to wait another 10 minutes before playing the Wii. And then the earth stopped spinning and began to shake and monsters rose from the seas to devour small towns and the sun turned blood red.

Seth lost it. He screamed and hit himself and scratched himself and kicked, and well, you get the idea. I picked him up and placed him on the bed and walked away. His screaming rose to the level of brain damaging. Then, the trash talk started. I hate you, you don't want me, I'm gonna burn this house down, you're going to leave me outside for all day, etc. The funny thing is that he doesn't really know any truly nasty things to say, so these are the meanest things he can come up with. Every few minutes I popped my head around the door and told him that as soon as he could quiet himself I would be in to talk to him. Well, it took a while. Maybe thirty minutes? And then he called out in his sweet pipey little voice that he was ready. So I took Ahren in there too and we all sat on the bed for a talk. I asked Seth why he was so upset, and he claims that he was angry because I wouldn't let him play the Wii ever again and that everyone always was hitting him and wouldn't stop when he asked them too. So I calmly explained that I only told them they had to wait 10 minutes and why I said that. I also busted him on the hitting part. I asked for an example of when he was being hit, and he couldn't come up with one, but I did remind him he got in trouble the night before for hitting his brother. That got me a smirk from him.

Then I asked both of them how Seth could have handled the situation better. We all came up with ideas. And then.....I called him out on the trash talk. I asked him why he says mean things and he said he was mad. I told him it was fine to be mad but that I would NOT put up with the trash talk. Then I got right down into his face and I told him saying those things were GARBAGE, and each time I said garbage, I tickled him. Garbage, garbage, garbage. Now that is going to be our cue word. if either boy starts in with the trash talk, I will yell GARBAGE and tickle them. A physical and auditory cue to break the cycle. Will this work? Heck if I know. This is desperation on my part.

Wish us luck!

It's "No Ridiculous Questions" Day!

We have been dealing with some escalating behaviors here lately and by last night I was firmly in a dark, ugly place. The little guys had to go to bed early as a reward for some really awful behavior and I just sat there wondering if things would ever be better.

Besides the normal 4 yr old stuff (which is really hard enough in it's own right) there has been a huge upswing in the constant talking, loud uncontrolled laughing and screaming and spinning, hitting, kicking, peeing in the wrong places, mess making on purpose, breaking of safety rules and the ever-loved non-sense questions. These are things I can deal with pretty routinely. You might catch me doing some deep breathing at times, but I can do it. But....there is one thing that gets under my skin like no other. The out-of-context negative reaction. Let me explain that one.

The child does something small, like turning off a light and you ask them to please turn it back on. The child proceeds to go ape-shit (sorry for the profanity, but hey it fits) they scream and cry, kick and yell that you are never going to feed them again, you are going to throw them in the trash or you are going to make them stay in bed all day. Inside your head you are thinking 'what the heck?' Where did that come from. The answer is that they are putting all of their negative emotions into their reaction and doing their best to push us away. Hey, better to hurt us first than let us hurt them, right? There is no normal parenting technique that works here. If I punish them, I make them right and they only feel more sure that they need to hurt me before I hurt them. In our case, if I ignore them, they will escalate into dangerous behaviors and I just can't let them go there. Reasoning with them? Hah! You cannot reason with someone who has no grasp on reason.

Break in here: Seth is on the kitchen floor screaming and kicking because I will not give him sprite to drink right now. At this point I am ignoring him for a moment. I gave him a glass of water and walked away. This time that worked. He cried for 2 minutes then got up and walked away like nothing ever happened.

I am trying a spray-and-pray approach. I try a variety of things. I joke, I tickle, I hug, I scream along with them, I sing, I do whatever I can think of at the moment. Sometimes it works like a charm and they are able to snap right back, sometimes it ends up in an hour long scream fest that ends with snuggling or a nap. And sometimes.....well sometimes I don't do very well. That leads me back to last night.

Wednesdays are tough days at work. I see 6 patients in 4 hours. I am tired and then have to pick the boys up late from daycare (late for us, about 5:30) The boys were tired and sweaty and hungry so we decided to just swing by our favorite sandwich place and get dinner for them. I placed the order, filled their drink cups and waited for our order. In the few minutes it took to make 3 kid's sandwiches I pulled boys off of the tall stools, stopped Ahren from eating ice out of the slop tray under the drinking fountain, pulled Seth off of the metal bars, etc etc. Our sandwiches came up, I grabbed the three bags and instructed the boys to carry their drinks with two hands. (I said this at least 4 times) Levi and Seth did exactly that, but Ahren insisted on carrying his by the lid with one hand. I knew that he would never make it to the car and his drink would be lost. So I did what any mother would do, I took his drink to carry it for him.

This is where the out-of-context negative reaction hit. He began screaming that I was never going to let him drink anything, he started hitting the chairs and tables (even ones with people at them) and kicking. My hands were full, but I managed to snag him by the arm and drag him to the door as he screamed he hated me. Got him to the van and put down the food and then had to wrestle him into a carseat, all the while another car waiting to pull into the empty spot next to us. (Great, more witnesses to our meltdown) He screamed the whole way home and kicked the seat in front of him.

By the time we walked through the door, I was livid. I took his drink and gave it to his brothers. (Way worse than throwing it out) I sat him at the table and informed him whenever he was done with his sandwich he would be getting a shower and into bed, and I did just that. Oh, wait, there was some threats and yelling on my part. And a bit of lecturing. Not very productive but hey, I was so not in a good place.

So today? I deemed it 'No ridiculous questions' day and I have informed them I will NOT respond to those questions, no matter how many times they ask. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

What did you say?

Anyone with kids knows that the things that come out of their mouths are totally random and often hilarious. You will also realize that the same can be said about what comes out of your own mouths at times. Here is a sampling of some recent things I have heard/said.

Today I am not Levi. I am Astah Valentino.

Please do not put your sword in my hair while I am driving.

Mommy, I think I peed in the corner.

Bacon makes my brain stretch.

I want a football for dessert.

Mommy, are you going the speed lemon?

Mommy, Seth hit me. Well, he was thinking of hitting me!

Ahren, will you be my girlfriend? (Said by his brother...)

When I am five do I have to wipe my butt?

Mommy, you are not a jerk. You are my Mommy.

I caught a Fat Kish!!! (translation....catfish)

Does meat love make you bad? (had to have him repeat that one 3 times)

My butt is clapping for joy.

I ate a duck.

Quit saying the word 'crotch'!

I'm gonna get yer eyeball! (this one made someone pee their pants in hysterical laughter)

You got boogers in yer nose!

Fart fly.

Mommy, is heh a bad word?

Mommy, are you bigger than Santa? (Oh criminy, am I that fat?)

Do elves wear underwear?

Mommy, what is 'rectal bleeding'? (Thank you Discovery Health channel)

You are mean. You are super duper mean. (I hear this a LOT!)

Get your feet out of my pants.

Seriously, I often wonder if we even speak english. That is how often I do not understand what is being said to me. I spend my days in a perpetual state of 'Huh'?