It always gets better

First, if you haven't seen Diana's post over at Gold to Refine, you have to jump over there and read it. It's called 'Parenting The Hulk' and it is pure genius. (http://goldtorefine.blogspot.com/) Seriously the best analogy of a RAD child I have ever seen, heard or read.

Now, for an update on us. Well, after the very-terrible, no-good, awful night the next day wasn't much better. I didn't get any rest and Ahren was still very unhappy. We got through it. I even tried Diana's suggestion of treating him like a baby but it only ticked him off more and he kept trying to bite the nipple off the bottle. By bedtime he was doing somewhat better and fell asleep easily. he only woke up screaming a few times and was easily lulled back to sleep. I got a little sleep too and I thought Friday was going to be much better.

Friday dawned and as usual I am busy getting kids out of bed, dressed, fed, teeth brushed and backpacks checked. Ahren started out OK but right before we needed to load up to drop the other kids at school he completely lost it again. I can't remember even what set him off. I probably breathed or something. Anyway, I couldn't get him calmed down and into the van. My hands were shaking, my head was pounding and everyone was going to be late for school. I did the only thing i knew to do. I called for help. I called.........his Dad. And I told him his father was coming home to spend the day with him because he was so out of control.

It was magic. The screaming stopped, he put on his shoes and climbed into the van. He was quiet until after I dropped off the other kids. Then, in the most pitiful, tiny voice he asked if I was leaving him. I told him I was not, that I would also be home, but that Daddy would be in charge of him for the day. I was tired of getting hit and kicked and pinched and I wasn't going to put up with it today. I love him so much that it really hurts my heart that he treats me like that, so I was going to have Daddy take care of him for the day. I was going to work on other things.

As expected, he was perfectly well behaved for his daddy all day and has been mostly perfect ever since. They enjoyed a very quiet restful day while I worked outside. It helped reset his attitude and mine too. (I love the outdoors)

Here is another thing I don't think some of my friends and family get. My kids love to have fun and go to parties but the cost to them later is huge. They look just like everyone else's kids running and playing and eating cake, but later that night it is a disaster. Not all the time but enough of the time that it makes it not worth having fun to pay that price later. In the past three weeks we have been invited to three birthday parties. We attended one. I feel bad about not showing up for our friends and their kids, but honestly it is about survival sometimes.

My in-laws are coming to visit. I adore them, think so highly of them and really look forward to their visits. I also live in fear someone will go all freaky-deaky while they are here and they will think we are crazy for caring for these boys. Hopefully, like most times we have company, they can hold it together while they are here and fall apart afterwards. I can deal with the freaky-deaky, no one else should have to. It's not like I can take them to the barn while they scream.....or can I?????

Ramped up RAD

RAD kids, as most of you know, do NOT do well with change. Oh no no no no. Change = Bad. Well the past week here has been all about change. Lots of change. First, Ahren had his tonsils, adenoids and tubes/eardrum repair surgery which also meant he could not go to school for a week. Daddy stayed home that day. Then, our beloved Nanny's mother passed away and she has been gone all week. Sunday was Mother's Day. I stayed home this week and watched kids since nanny was gone. All minor things to us but HUGE to RAD kids.

Little S has done very well. A little more clingy, a couple of infractions just to test the limits but overall smooth sailing.

And then we have Ahren. Yes, he is uncomfortable and not feeling well. I know that. I have given him lots of lee-way for that. But last night was an all-time RAD-fest of epic proportions. He went to sleep at his normal time. I have been sleeping with him because he wakes up in the night with his throat hurting and needing meds and a drink. Last night at 11:30 he woke up and the fun began. The next 7 hours (yes SEVEN) were a series of screaming, hitting, kicking, pulling hair, throwing things, spitting and finally this morning peeing on me. At one point around 4am I had to go sit on the couch and not move because if I had moved it would have been to go in there and beat his little butt to a pulp. I know my limits and I had reached it! Chris was leaving for work then and a few kisses and kind words and I was back in control. Thank goodness he understands!

I finally left him screaming in his room at 6:30 am and stepped into the shower. I could still faintly hear him screaming and could hear him kicking the door, but I didn't care. Go ahead and kick the door. Break it, break your foot. Both were fixable.

And just when I could feel the knots starting to relax in my shoulders, the screaming got louder. He followed me and I forgot to lock the door! I ended up just dragging him into the shower with me, still wearing his pullup and still screaming. I finished my shower, wrapped him in a towel and plopped his little McScreamy butt on the floor as I got dressed. I got him dried off and into some clothes and amazingly as the sun came up, the screaming stopped.

Today is going to be a very long day.

No sleep....

Ahren is doing pretty well but I am not sleeping. I lay awake and watch/listen to him breathe. For hours. I am insane. Super hyper-vigilant. Why? I don't know. I just can't sleep. On the good side, I have caught up on all my DVR'd shows.........

Ahren can't catch a break

In addition to all the other things going on with Ahren, he has had constant ear infections for the past 18 months. He has been on many antibiotics including a 21 day course of a strong one that tore up his stomach. He got a bad infection a couple of weeks ago which we started treating within hours but his right ear drum ruptured.

He has not been sleeping well for the past few months. Is it his ears? A new brother? Night terrors? He also has not been eating. He just wants to drink all the time. He has lost 6 pounds. Is that his kidneys? A metabolic issue? He has no energy. Is that because he doesn't eat or sleep or because of his kidneys or metabolic issue???? You see why I drive myself crazy? I can't figure it all out.

I took him to the ENT and we had surgery scheduled within a few days of that visit. His tonsils and adenoids were very enlarged and infected so they came out too. They also patched his eardrum and placed tubes in both ears. And, as if that wasn't enough, he had a small growth taken off the side of his face right in front of his ear. I am so glad this doctor also does facial reconstructive surgery because the growth contained cartilage. He had to remove it at the bone and then stitch it closed. There shouldn't be hardly any scar.

We are hoping that this will allow him to eat and sleep better, reduce the number of infections he has, improve his overall health and improve his hearing. (He failed his hearing test) So far he has slept much, much better the last two nights even with the discomfort. Of course there are some pretty good meds involved so we will see in the next few weeks. He is not in much pain, is happy and smiley and is doing fantastically. Much much better than I anticipated.

Now we let him recuperate and then go back to the diagnostician to follow up with another round of tests. Poor baby. I just want to hold him and never let him go!!!!

Guess where we spent yesterday....

Adopting Again!

Are you surprised? Us too! But you already knew I was crazy so this really shouldn't be a big shocker to anyone out there. What's one more at this point?

It all came about recently. We became aware of a young mother who, for reasons we won't divulge, is going to be unable to parent her child. She is just at the halfway mark of her pregnancy. The father is not in the picture. He left shortly after the deed and never looked back. He is reported to be a bit of a bully but that's all we know. Today she is scheduled for an ultrasound. We won't be finding out the sex until after the birth but we will know the important things like health, etc. Oh, and she is a very healthy girl. No alcohol or drugs.

The mother is not, um, how to say this, a great beauty. Actually she is a bit of a 'plain' girl. If the baby looks like her it is definitely going to be the kind of face only a mother could love. Now don't shoot me for saying that. It's the truth! She has a big underbite and kind of snaggly teeth. She is also a very stocky girl with a big head. She tends to drool, she farts a lot and apparently snores loudly. But she is a total sweetheart, very pretty on the inside!

We have been discussing names a lot. I think coming up with a name is the hardest thing. I am hoping for a girl and would love to call her Jenny or Daisy, but a boy would be nice too. I am partial to the name Drake for a boy.

I found a picture on the web of what I think our new baby will look like. Like I said, a face only a mother could love. I can hardly wait to bring this little one home!

Gotcha!

A Great Big Step Forward

Traumatized and RAD kids seldom if ever do anything nice for someone else. It just isn't within their abilities. Especially something spontaneous and without prompting.

When Little S came to us his history was that he rarely played with other children, preferred to be alone most of the time, and tended to lash out at others. We have been working hard on these things and he now plays well with others most of the time. He seeks out playmates. He likes to be with his brothers.

But that isn't the big major step he took this week. He got a trip to the treasure box at school as a reward for good behavior all week. Instead of picking a toy for himself, he chose a princess doll to give to his friend Mina because he knew she loves anything princess. No one gave him the idea, no one prompted him to think of someone else, he just did it from his own heart. I couldn't praise him enough. That is amazing behavior for any 4 year old, but absolutely outstanding for a kid like him. I am so freakin PROUD of my little boy!!!!!!

Yes, size does matter!

When we were designing and building our home Chris would often ask me if I thought this room or that room were big enough. I could never 'see' the space in my head. All I saw was the shape on the page and that looked awfully small to me!

Fast forward to the treeless treehouse designs I purchased and which we are currently building. It looks rather petite in the plans, something I was worried the boys might just outgrow in a couple of years. I was actually thinking of enlarging it a little so they would be able to use it longer. Well after two days of hard work, the frame and deck platform are up and this thing is HUGE! The deck is above my head, the frame stands high in the sky and I have absolutely no idea how we are going to get the roof on that high in the air. It called for 16 ft frame boards, and that folks is just a little too tall for me to go scampering around trying to screw down plywood. I can lay the deck boards myself, I mean 7-8 feet up is not a problem, but the roof? Maybe I can rent a cherry picker for a day and dangle from it's basket to get the roof on?

Senior Pictures, Tree Houses and Sunshine

We have been trying to get Kaytee's senior pictures taken for over a month. The first appt was ruined because Ashley visited and decided to take some of Kaytee's clothes home with her. What she chose was what Kaytee had laying out, the outfits for her portraits. We had no time to find new outfits so we rescheduled. The next appt it was raining. And the NEXT app it was raining. (We wanted some outdoor shots so rain was a big no-no) Finally, yesterday was a go. I love, love, love this photographer. She is very gifted, has a wonderful eye, and loves to do things that are very original. A lot of the seniors use the same photographer and all their shots look exactly the same. Just put a different person in the pic and voila. I hate that. The last part of the shoot was outside. We took a gold brocade love seat out to a field of flowers and shot there. The photos were amazing. I can't wait to show them off. The funniest thing, though, was it was along a busy road and the whole time people honked and yelled and waved and stared. Well, except for the time Kaytee was in the van. No one noticed us much then. LOL!

Today we began building Phase 1 of our tree house fort. I have designed it in three parts. We originally wanted to build a pirate ship (had the plans for a year) but it was clear the boys would outgrow it very quickly. So instead, we are building a set of forts, connected by rope bridges and zip lines, that will grow with the boys. We ordered all the supplies last weekend and had them delivered this week. We started at 9 am this morning and are stopping tonight at about halfway done. Contrary to the opinion of the testosterone-bound dude at the lumber yard, Chris is NOT doing it all. I, with only the help of the boys, built the deck for the fort. I am one handy Mama! (Well, Chris did show me how to use the table saw, but that was all!) The directions are pretty vague and lame, so when it said to use 2 nails, I used three screws. Hey, this is going to get a LOT of hard use. Stronger is way better!!!!

Today had to be the prettiest day of the year. Sunshine with small puffy clouds. About 80 degrees with a breeze. Blue skies, green grass, happy boys. (Okay, very dirty tired boys, but still happy!) I wish we could have a hundred days like this!!!!

Deja Vu

Last night as I was driving into our neighborhood I saw our neighbor's two dogs standing by the side of the road. I stopped, opened the side door of the van and told them to get in. Amazingly, they did! I drove the rest of the way with two happy passengers begging for pets. I pulled into their driveway and got out to knock on the door. Our neighbor answered and knew immediately why I was there. She came out and got her two wayward 4-legged children. (They are notorious for breaking through the underground dog fence system.) I left her house with a big good-samaritan smile on my face.

Then I pulled into our drive, walked in the back door and found out that Ahren had let our Yorkie (aka Cujo) loose and she was missing. Now, this is a common event around our house. That stupid dog thinks she is a big ferocious beast and charges off into the woods on a mission to catch a deer every chance she gets. All 6 pounds of her. Like that is going to happen! i keep trying to convince her she is a princess but she isn't buying it.

So I head back outside to find our missing pup, whistle once, and she comes running into my arms.

Missing dogs: Zero

Wendy: Three

I win!!!

I didn't see THAT coming!

When dealing with RAD kids, there are good days and bad days. We have been having mostly good days, and the bad days have not been as bad. yeah! (Oh now, don't be getting all cocky there Missy, cuz the Reality Fairy is about to whack you upside the head!)

Yesterday, from the moment Ahren got out of bed, he was in full Rada-licious mode. He screamed, he hated me, I didn't love him, he wasn't getting dressed, he would not pee in the potty, he kicked me, spit on me, and tried to rip my hair out. I just kept lovingly putting him on his bed and letting him know that when he could be calm he was free to join the rest of us. (OK, I ACTED lovingly but inside my head I am allowed the freedom to be ticked!)

By the time 8:45 rolled around I was MORE than ready to take him to school. I got all the kiddos loaded up, strapped in and the van in gear and spent the firsat part of the drive wondering what in the world had triggered Ahren.

Then Ahren told me his throat felt funny, and as I turned my head to see him, his mouth formed a perfect 'O' and vomit began to spew. It was like slow motion. A chunky pink geyser that splashed all over him, the seat and the floor. The other kids began to gag so I quickly opened all the window and cranked the AC down low. We got the others dropped off at school and I got Ahren home, cleaned up and into some PJ's. He felt perfectly fine the rest of the day.

The lesson of the day? Triggers do not have to be emotional to set a child off. Sometimes just a belly ache is enough to send a kid into a RAD meltdown.

P.S. He told me later he was sorry for hurting me, without me even saying a word. Then he spent the rest of the night worried I didn't love him anymore. Poor little peanut. What a day!

Parenting and Giggles

Today I braved the grocery store with three boys ages 6, 4 and 4. Why yes, yes, I have lost my mind! Actually we had a plan and a mighty good one I might add! Ahren and Little S were to go into the big basket, one in the seat and one in the basket part, and then Levi would get a small cart and we would put the groceries into that. Only it started raining before we got out of the house so when we got to the store all the carts were wet. I wiped one down enough to set small boys in and we set off in search of a small cart. No luck. Well, it WAS a good plan! So Ahren had to walk with Levi while I put the groceries in the basket. The boys were mostly good. The only issues were of the extreme silly kind. There was no running up and down the aisles, no begging for un-approved items, not even for candy. They stuck with me, giggling and talking in loud voices. That was about the worst of it.

Then, when I was backing out of my spot, boys all buckled in, a pick up truck came whipping around the corner. I was already 2/3 of the way out but he still tried to squeeze past me. At the last second he stopped and I finished backing up and began to pull forward. That's when he did it. He pulled up on my rear end and revved his mighty hemi engine. Oh yes he did! (And this was no kid, this was a grown man!) So I did what any sane woman would do and I proceeded down the rest of the aisle at approximately 0.05 miles an hour. If I could have gone backwards I would have! Dude, I am a mother of 5, there is nothing you can do to intimidate me!!! Back off!!!! I laughed all the way home.

Today has been one of those rainy, dark days that cause the kids to go insane stuck inside. So I made up a new game. I called it a Scavenger Hunt and sent them all over the house to collect things. Things like a piece of trash, laundry, waste baskets, toys out of place, dirty cups, etc. Then ran all over giggling like fools and trying to bring me the most of whatever the item was. In the meantime, the house was getting picked up! Next we are going to do relay races. Races dusting, sweeping, putting laundry away, anything I can think of!!!! They are so excited!!! Hee!!!

Random musings from a clearly insane woman

Why do little boys stink so bad? My girls would get dirty and sweaty but they didn't smell. My boys? Yikes! After a long day playing hard and being outside I can smell them across the room. I have to wash their hair twice just to get it smelling really fresh. I bought four bottles of body wash/shampoo on sale the other day and it will only last a few weeks. Should I feed them charcoal or spray them with febreeze or what???? (Kidding.....unless you think it would work)

When attempting to take a 3 minute shower, it is really a good idea to take the cap off of the razor before trying to shave ones armpits. It is really more affective that way. I'm just saying.

A high school senior can spend the equivalent of a year of college tuition just getting ready to graduate so that they can get to college. Prom and graduation are right around the corner and the money hemorrhaging is in full swing. At this point she is going to get a gift card to the local coffee house for her gift cuz that's all I can afford! (I can see Kaytee's face when she reads that! Hilarious!!!)

Leaving a bottle of prescription eye drops on the kitchen counter is apparently an invitation for small booger boys to take it and empty it, leaving one without any medicine for a goopy eye.

Latest thing that is working great with Little S. The other day when he was upset and told me he didn't want to live here any more I told him I was sorry but he was stuck. Stuck with me forever. Ever since then he has asked me fifty times a day if he is stuck, and then smiles and hug-hug-hugs me when I tell him yes. I make it out like it's out of my control and we just have to learn to like it, but we are doing great so that's not a problem! Ahren tells him he is stuck, too and he just loves it. Seems like my best ideas are really accidental!

Still getting more tests on Ahren. More scheduled for today and next week. I thought it took a long time to get him adopted and home to us, but diagnosing him might just take as long! Right now he is having good days and slightly bad days. The bad days he is just extra tired, his blood sugar is low and he is spilling ketones which means his body is digesting muscle for fuel. It's not at serious levels so we are stable.

Ahren cannot drink from a cup without a lid. He spills it almost every time. He has been falling down a lot again too. Just standing there and he keels over. He has fallen out of his chair three times this week. I can't tell if he is just weak from whatever is going on or if he is just clumsy. He has a funny walk, too. His flat feet slap down on the ground, turn in slightly and he kind of shuffles. More muscle signs? Or is he just a goof? Well, I know he is a goof, but is there more?

This weekend sucks

The kids have been sick so I have had very little sleep. I am up from 1 to 4 daily I have been trying to accomplish all the outdoor work too. Exhausting. But the sleepless nights are killing me. I am spent. Out of it. Gone. Wah!!!!

Adoption Failure

A story about adoption failure began to surface this week all over the world. Like most adoption stories, it started with the simplest of wishes...to parent a child. A single woman, a nurse, adopted a 7 year old boy from Russia. She and her mother travelled in September to bring him home to the US. The mother and grandmother were prepared to love this boy. What they didn't know is that adopting an older child, especially one from the orphanage system, can (not always!) mean the child has suffered many traumas. Neglect, abandonment, abuse, hunger, and many more unimaginable things.

The boy, who they renamed Justin, began exhibiting behavioral issues in January (according to the articles I have seen). Hitting, spitting, screaming, threats. Violence sparked by trying to correct him or tell him no. The family felt unable to handle this child, so they made arrangements to return him to Russia. They put him on a plane along with a letter, and had a man pick him up at the airport and drop him off at the offices that oversee adoptions.

I am still trying to process this. There is no way we are getting all the information in these news stories. Did they seek help? Was there even time in that Jan-April time frame to get help? Did they contact their agency, home study social worker or even the local DFCS offices? Were they turned away? Did the judge in Russia tell the family that if they didn't want him they had to return him to Russia?

The Russian government is using this story to it's fullest to crucify the US. They want to shut down all US adoptions, blame US families for all the problems, etc etc. No part of the blame is theirs....and yet. Who runs these orphanages that care so poorly for the children that they end up horribly traumatized? Who sets the rules as to what info the adoptive families can receive? Who fails to educate the adoptive families on what issues the children might have? Who should be there to provide support when the families are struggling to parent these traumatized children????

There is so much blame, plenty to go around. The truth is that everyone failed this child. Everyone.

As the new parent to a child that came from an adoption disruption, I know what help his old family sought. I know how hard they worked and all the resources they sought out. In the end, although it was a horrifically difficult thing to do, they came to the decision that finding a different home for him was the best thing. The best for him. (Thank goodness they cared enough to do this instead of putting him on a plane) They carefully researched and sought help to find a new family. We are so blessed they chose us. Little S is a true joy. Yes he has issues. But they are issues we are well aware of and prepared to handle. Issues we have experience with. We know how to take advantage of resources, where to turn for assistance, who to call to talk us off the ledge at times.

When we filed to adopt internationally, we had to sign government paperwork that swore that we would love, care for and treat the adopted child just as we would any biological child. That the child would be afforded every right and privilege of a US citizen. That we, his adoptive family, would assume all responsibility for this child FOREVER. We took that pledge very seriously. All parenting should be taken very seriously, but when you choose to parent a child that has already suffered at least one loss (birth family), then your responsibility is even greater.

So in the end, I do blame the adoptive family for the ending of the story (only the ending). I blame them for not caring enough to find him a suitable home. For not trying for more than 2 months to identify and seek help for him. I blame them for not educating themselves before they brought him home on what issues he might have. Did they really think if they put him on that plane that the problems would all just go away for them? What about him? Did they ever consider what this act would do to him, his future, his fragile emotional state? No, I don't think they did. I think this was a terribly selfish act on their part. And we all know that true parenting cannot be selfish. Ever.

Random updates and such

This week we had three doctors appointments, one for Little S who has an ear infection, and two for Ahren. One of his was to get the latest test results and the other was to meet with a pediatric diagnostician. The time we spent with her (90 minutes!) was wonderful. She looked through all the test results we have so far, was able to rule out a bunch of scary stuff and give us a lot of re-assurance. She is focusing her thoughts on two of the abnormal test results. The low blood sugar and the protein in the urine. We have more tests scheduled and then meet with her again. I feel like we are finally getting some traction on this. Once we get an answer to that, she is going to look at the low muscle tone and low creatinine in his blood (a marker for muscle mass). Since he also has ketones in his urine, which means his muscles are breaking down, she wants to look at that too. She thinks it is unrelated to the other issue, and can take a back-burner for now. But it's still there in her mind.

I took Little S and Ahren for Early Childhood Intervention testing at the school district offices Tuesday morning. My goal was to get them into the pre-K Head Start classes. (Free, five days a week school) They both qualified!!! Yahoo! Not because they have any huge issues or anything, but Little S qualifies because he was once in CPS custody and Ahren because he is considered ESL (english as a second language). OK, ESL is a bit of a stretch since he doesn't speak any spanish anymore, but they loved his story and wanted to keep the boys together. Oh, and they both failed their hearing tests. Little S because we found out he had a double ear infection and Ahren because he just sat there like a lump ignoring the tones in his ears! When they retested him he passed just fine, after a bunch of coaching and encouragement.

Today after I picked Levi up from school he began talking to God in the car. He told God he wanted him to put another baby just like him in my tummy. But God, be sure it's a boy-Levi and not a girl-Levi! We often talk about God in the car. That and who he is going to marry. Seriously, that has been a HUGE topic of conversation lately. Who to marry. Yikes!

Tomorrow we have Kaytee's senior portraits scheduled. First some in the studio and then some on location. I can't wait to see how they turn out. I still can't believe she is graduating. I want to squeeze her and keep her little!!!!! I guess it's a little late for that. Wah!

I need about a week to get all the outdoor work completed to get our landscaping in shape. We got a lot more freezing weather this year than is normal and lost a lot of plants. Even covering them wasn't enough. I need about 3 dump truck loads of mulch (thank goodness for the tractor to move it all around) and have enough weed and feed for 25,000 square feet of lawn to put down. Then there is the on-going battle against fire ants. For those of you who don't know the agony of fire ants, they are very aggressive ants that bite and hurt like crazy. They swarm your feet (or whatever body part happens to be in contact with the ground) and then all begin biting at once, biting over and over again. The bites turn into painful pustules by the next day. There is no love around these here parts for the ants o'fire. Poor Ahren got them in his pants recently and oh boy was that awful! They even got in his underpants. That's an owie even a Mommy can't kiss!

Tidbits

We had a lovely three-day weekend. It hit 90 degrees here on Saturday and those of us that are pigmentally challenged got a bit of a sunburn! Ahren, on the other hand, is turning cocoa brown. Yum! I love his skin. So beautiful! Little S is going to be tan too, but I think his hair will lighten up in the sun. Levi....well, we have lots of sunscreen!

The boys and I spent most of the day Saturday getting the garden planted. This year we added blueberry bushes, blackberry vines, two kinds of orange trees, pecan trees, and a lemon tree. This weekend we planted our tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, beans and watermelon. I kept it simple this year and just planted what I know we would eat. Kaytee and I will eat most of the veggies, but i plan on fixing lots of fresh veggies for the boys (including the big boy, Chris) in lots of interesting ways to see if I can hook them. I mean, who doesn't love fresh sugar snap peas?

I am heading in to pick up more of Ahren's test results this morning and have another appt for him Thursday. This morning when he got up I took him to the potty and he peed what looked like milk. Thick and white. That's the level of protein he is still spilling in his urine. He can't go on like that, it's not healthy. I wish we could get some answers once and for all!

Yesterday Little S was driving me absolutely bonkers with the constant non-sense questions. Is this my cup? Is my tongue bleeding? Is it today? After one more wake up will it be today? I remembered something I read, probably on Christine's site, about setting a limit on questions and when they have used them up, not answering any more. So I wrote twenty marks on the board and told him he had twenty questions. When the marks were all gone I could not answer any more questions for the day, no matter how important they were. Well, he thought that was a hoot and proceeded to ask silly non-sense questions just as fast as he could think of them. In fact, when he couldn't think of one he just asked the same questions again! I kept reminding him that when they were gone that was it. Well it took him about 3 minutes (seriously) to ask all twenty. Then every time after that he asked a question, I acted like the automated Fortune Teller in the carnival and answered. "I'm sorry. I cannot answer that. Please try again tomorrow". I have to admit I had a lot of fun acting like that goofy machine and you know what? The questions stopped! And they stopped with smiles all around.

Shout Out to the Allen Family

Teri, and the whole Allen Family sent a huge package of glasses for out Glasses for Guats campaign. Dr. M is heading down in May and Dr. W is going later in the summer. They see an average of 200 patients each trip, handing out glasses, looking for disease and making arrangements for follow up with other volunteer medical teams.

Thanks Allen Family!!!!!!!

Oh Internets, Help Me?

I have an issue with Little S that has stumped me. Everything I have tried is not working. It's pretty sensitive and somewhat embarrassing, but I need help!

Little S is fixated on behinds. Nakey butts. Bohonkuses. He talks about them. (I say 'No bathroom talk!') He drops his pants and shows his bottom to others (Oh no you don't!). He taunts and teases, showing his behind. (He is told NO very firmly) He touches and pats and punches and slaps my behind constantly. I tell him how much I do not like it. I tell him over and over again. It makes me uncomfortable. But the worst? He wants to rub his behind on me. It seems he does this mostly when he is trying to get my attention. I hate it! He knows I hate it. He still does it. Maybe just BECAUSE he knows it bothers me.

How do I deal with this? Help!

OMG PBJ!!!

A very dear friend, Dawn, who happens to be the BEST, got her hands on a bunch of pictures from the orphanage where we think PBJ was sent. She asked if i wanted to see them, to see if I might spot her.

Oh my aching heart YES! Just to know a little bit about how she is doing, where she is, if she is even alive! Yes it hurts, and it always will, but oh yes, yes yes.

And sure enough, in one photo, partially hidden by a house mother, sitting on a window ledge, there she is. Hair in pigtails, sneakers dangling down, eyes looking at the camera. She looks so good.

For those of you who do not know the story of our sweet baby girl, I will create some links later to her story. Right now I need to cry and look at her sweet face for a while.

Oh Dawn, thank you so much!!!!!!!!!

Motherhood necessitates invention

After two weeks of chaos, suffering and anguish, I was faced today with parenting the three boys all by myself. I was OK with it. I hoped we could have a lovely, home-bound day of bonding, peace and quiet. (OK, delusional comes to mind, but a gal can hope can't she?) So after running a bunch of errands this morning amid much whining, complaining, picking on each other, and general poor behavior, I decided to try something different. We planned a campout. The original plan was to put up the big tent in the yard, but since i could not FIND the tent nor was sure I could actually assemble the tent, we went with plan B. Tent in the living room.

We palyed a game where they had to go find all the things we needed, set to a song. OK, a very BAD song, but I san it anyway! They had a blast.
Then we created a fire pit on the patio. I sent the boys into the woods to find firewood. They loved that! I added charcoal so the fire would last.
Next i sent them into the backyard with the instructions to get as muddy as possible. I had to tell them three times before they believed me! When they were done we washed off in buckets full of warm soapy water in the yard then came in and changed into jammies (their idea!) It's Team Monkey, so named by Levi.
We lit the fire and then cooked hotdogs over the open fire. They had lots of help by Mommy and no hotdogs ended up harmed in the making of dinner. Eating dinner was another story! These were some hungry boys!!!
We finished off dinner with toasted marshmallows. Yum! What a great meal...
Now they are having a pillow fight and giggling like crazy. It's only a matter of time before someone ends up crying. Oh well, it was a good day. The boys are planning on sleeping in the tent for the night and I will let them. They want me to join them, but my old creaky body is not so good sleeping on the floor. I will lay with them for a while, then sneak off to bed with a glass of wine and watch something I have on our DVR. Something NOT kid-friendly. Life is good!!!

Another Update

Things are a wee bit better. We spent the day at Texas Childrens Hospital, which happens to be the #1 pediatric kidney location in the United States. Ahren got a lot of tests, had his info reviewed by several levels of doctors and made an appointment to be seen by the renal team. The good news is his kidneys are getting better, not worse. He is stable. Yeah!!! His blood glucose was still low even though he had eaten breakfast this morning and had drank some juice not 30 minutes before the blood draw. It was still low. Points to something metabolic going on and his kidneys are compensating. Oh, we also need to see an endocrinologist for the underlying metabolic issue. If there is one. Who knows?

So now we are home, Ahren is oblivious to how worried his poor parents are, and we are all set to keep a close eye on him, his urine and his blood sugar levels. Huge sigh of relief!!!

Update on Ahren

Our doc is working really hard to get this figured out, but he admits this is beyond him. So yesterday he called and consulted with a pediatric neurologist, a pediatric diagnostician and one other specialist. We did ultrasounds of Ahren's entire abdomen, re-ran the urine analysis and checked his blood glucose (which was normal this time, yeah!) We have ruled out strep or other infection, diabetes, tumors, and congenital malformations. On the list are still Renal Tubule Acidosis, Adrenal disorders, Glomerular nephritis, and others.

I talked to the renal department at Texas Childrens and am faxing them all the test results this morning, and then our doc is calling them. We are about a hair away from hospitalization due to the level of metabolic acidosis but right now his kidneys are compensating for it. That's why they are spilling everything. But why is he so acidic? That is the question.

Thanks for all the prayers and ideas. I really appreciate it, more than you can know. I feel like I am always posting some drama around here like some sort of attention junky. Really, I love boredom, I love a good rut, I would love to be searching for something to blog about because there is nothing going on!!!! Again, thank you my friends!

Worried Sick

I thought once we survived Spring break that everything would fall back into place and everything would be hunky-dory again. Instead, something worse is threatening to destroy us. Ahren is sick. With what? I wish I knew. Here is the background.

A few weeks ago I noticed that Ahren was drinking a lot. And with drinking a lot comes peeing a lot. At first i didn't think anything of it. Then we began struggling to contain his night-time pee. He sleeps hard, ten to twelve hours a night. He has never been consistently dry at night, so he has always slept in a pullup. Well, a pullup was nothing compared to the tide of pee. We stopped all liquids at dinner time, had him pee before bed, etc. We had to resort to a size 6 diaper with a super-maxi night-time feminine pad inside it, and a pullup over it. Only then did the sheets stay dry. That is a LOT of pee. As in abnormal amounts of pee!

So I called the doctor and they decided to do some blood work. (Remember the whole sausage stealing incident? That was the day they did his bloodwork) I got a call on Wednesday that the doctor needed to talk to me. I hadn't heard anything and I had assumed all was normal and not thought a bit about it. Now I was worried. Before the doc called me I went to their office and got a copy of the results. Not good. His kidneys are all out of whack, his glucose way too low, and a protein that should have been made by his muscles was really low. His urine also showed protein and ketones, signs his kidneys were damaged and his muscles starving.

Chris and I took him back yesterday. His urine was worse. He is spilling a large amount of protein (30 mg/dl, normal is zero, above 10 is serious) and ketones. It looked milky and smelled awful. We have 4 days of testing scheduled. He had ultrasounds of all the organs in his abdomen this morning. We will be doing lots more blood work and a 24-hour urine, rushing all the results back. Then we will be loading up all the results and heading to Texas Childrens for a consult with the nephrology department, the neurology department and possibly the endocrinology department.

Today he is lethargic. Spent 2 hours lying on the couch with a blanket before his ultrasound appointment. Had to carry him through the parking lot and then he just laid in the hospital bed while they did the extensive ultrasound tests. Now it's lunchtime and he is lying on a blanket on the floor. This is NOT like him. He is an active 4 year old boy! I have a call into the doctor.

Anyone out there have knowledge about kidneys and kidney failure in kids?????

Spring Break

Spring break just about killed me. Seriously. I feel like a wet puddle on the ground. It was through sheer will that I kept everyone held together for the week. Minor meltdowns aside, they all did pretty well, but it took an enormous amount of attention and energy. Big kids and little kids all had their moments. Heck, us adults had OUR moments! There were trips to the rodeo, concerts, bowling, friends who spent the night, shopping, dining and general frivolity. Maybe in there somewhere we made a few memories of the lovely kind.

Now I need a break from the break.....

Triggers and such

A couple of weeks ago I accidentally triggered Ahren. For those of you who don't know about triggers, they are something that causes a child to become disregulated. Often times they don't even know why or can't express why they begin to fall apart. It is something deep down in their subconscious that causes them to become extremely anxious, angry or out of control. They don't understand why they feel so awful and it makes it that much harder to deal with. They are scared but don't know why. It's a terrible feeling for them.

One of our favorite things to talk about in the car is how each child joined our family. Levi grew in my tummy, and they cut me open to pull him out, screaming and messy. Ahren came from Guatemala and Kaytee and Mommy went and brought him home on an airplane. Little S became ours when I heard about him and we went and picked him up at a store called Buckee's. We like to stress how special each way was, how each child is special and their story is unique to them.

We were talking about this and I mentioned that some day I wanted to take Ahren back to Guatemala so he could see where he came from. Poor baby misunderstood and thought I was taking him back....for good. leaving him there. He started to cry and tell me he wanted to stay in 'the yellow house' (our home). I immediately told him we would just be visiting because it is a great place to visit, we would stay in the hotel, swim in the pool (things he remembers) and then come home to our yellow house. He calmed down and I thought I had fixed it. Yeah, not so much.

That night, after he had fallen asleep, he started screaming. I went in to hold him. He wasn't really awake but he was talking and crying and screaming. He talked about the yellow house, and was crying for Mommy even though I was holding him. It took about 40 minutes to calm him down and get him back to sleep. Then every hour or so all night he would begin to thrash about, scream and fight, all while still asleep. I stayed with him all night, reassuring him, holding him and loving him. The next day I talked to him again and he seemed much happier. I made sure to reassure him all day that he was ours, we loved him and he was safe.

Poor baby. Something so innocent as the desire to share his wonderful birth country with him scared him to pieces. I really need to be more careful, but there are triggers and pitfalls everywhere. Maybe it's a good thing to work through them.

This week is also hard. Spring break. No familiar routine. Even fun things cause the anxieties to rise. It is a balancing act. I want to do fun things with them, but if we try and do too much no one ends up having a good time. Sigh. All I want is to enjoy our time as a family and that is so hard. Boring routine = good. Fun and surprises = bad. Sigh......

RAD-Lite

Little S came to us with a RAD diagnosis. Ahren, although not officially diagnosed, also seems to have many RAD symptoms, so I just assume he does and treat him accordingly. What I want to tell people, though, is that they seem to have a much lessened version of RAD than many parents face. The other families I know who have RAD kids truly have to deal with much, much more than we do. I want people to know that RAD is not always the 'worst-case-scenario' that many parents face. We are lucky. We seem to be experiencing RAD-Lite. I bow to those who are dealing with the truly rough stuff and I do not begin to compare myself to them. Instead I want to let you in on how our situation is going and what life is like around here.

First of all, if you put two 4-year old Rad-ish children in close proximity together, what you get is one big, long argument over nothing. I like fish, no you don't, yes I do, no you don't. That's my mountain, no it's not, yes it is, no it's not. You're a girl, no I'm not, yes you are, no I'm not. And on, and on, and on, and on.....24/7. They never stop. Punishment doesn't work. Diversion doesn't work. Incentives do not work. It is driven, like breathing. They cannot stop. It is enough to drive a person insane (insert screeching nails on a chalkboard).

There seems to be a competition between the two RAD-lings as to who gets the food. If one wants something the other immediately begins to beg for it or will stuff mass quantities of said food into their mouth, holding the rest in their hands. This is all calculated to prevent the other one from having any. This is at it's worst if I place the serving dish of food on the table family style. Picture a small child with 8 bites of sausage in their mouth and clutching 2-3 more sausages in their greasy hands. Ahren is way worse at this. Just as a note, he has never gone hungry. He had a wonderful foster family and he was fat, fat, fat. Very well fed. This is not a behavior from having suffered from hunger in the past. It is simply a controlling behavior. He wants it simply so someone else does not get it.

Ahren has rages, Little S whines. I haven't figured out which is worse yet. The rages used to be 3-4 times a day, and involved, hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, scratching, and lots of screaming. Now we might see 1-2 per week and they last minutes instead of hours. But the whining...oh lord the whining. Non-stop, every word out of his mouth, whining. It has gotten a lot better since we instituted the 'I cannot understand you, I don't speak whining'. If he whines, we do not answer him. Period. I will look at him and say 'What'? That is all. He was very frustrated at first but he is catching on now. He can actually re-phrase what he was saying in a normal voice most of the time. Whew! There isn't enough wine in the world to handle the whine.

Ahren pretends he cannot do anything for himself. He can't feed himself, he can't climb up on the potty, he can't pull his pants on, he can't reach his cup on the counter. Both here and at school we have instituted a 'you have to try first before anyone helps you' rule. It's working great. That and a little peer pressure! Little S on the other hand, will be totally capable of doing things and then suddenly 'forget' how to do them. One day he forgot how to drink from a cup. Amazing! I praised him for being able to drink yesterday and drinking all his milk and then told him I could SEE him growing bigger and Voila! Suddenly he knew how to drink from a cup again.

Little S is also extremely demanding of my attention any time I am busy with something else. He can be playing quite happily and I will start cooking and suddenly he needs me right now! His eye hurts, his feet hurt, he wants me to hold him, he needs a drink, he needs medicine, he needs, needs needs. I calmly talk to him, tell him what I am doing and explain that as soon as I accomplish 'X' I will tend to him. I keep talking so he knows he has my attention, but it isn't always enough. He is testing me. Making sure I am there for him. He only does this to me. Not his Dad and not Nanny. That's OK, he just needs me more. I can deal with that. (Someday he will be out on his own and not need me at all and I will look back on these days and be sad!)

There is a lot more. Silly, crazy, stupid little stuff. In and of itself, each thing is nothing, but the big picture tells it all. Still, we are so lucky. I guess what I am saying to all of you is don't be afraid of RAD. Don't be afraid to adopt an older child. Don't be afraid to love a child with some issues. The demands are great but the rewards are much greater. Each hug, each special moment, each hard-won improvement is so worth it. These are not throw-aways. These are children, little angels made by God. They just come with a few more flaws.

Man I love these boys!!!!!!

New design for the ol blog

Do you like the new look? I wish I could say I did it myself but heck no. The amazing, wonderful Nikki hooked a sister up. You can click on her button there on the right, Blogs for a Cause. She is inexpensive and very talented, and a pretty wonderful person too, if I do say so myself!

Cheerleading Banquet

Last night was the Cheerleading Banquet. This year is flying by so fast! Kaytee won Best Attitude. That's my girl!!!

Here is Kaytee with her date.

Kaytee with her best buddy Lauren. These girls are amazing. Beautiful, funny and so sweet. And those legs.....ugh. They should be illegal.
Kaytee and me. She is already quite a bit taller than me but the 4 inch heels just added insult to injury.
The seniors each got to make a speech. It was very emotional as they would thank their parents, coaches and friends for the journey they all followed together. Kaytee never cries, but she started sobbing when she got to her thanks for me. Of course that was all it took and I was sobbing too. In fact, there were not a lot of dry eyes in the house. Several other parents came up to her afterwards and told her how great her speech was.

An open letter to Mickey-D's fast food

Dear Mickey-D's,

This morning my son had to have a bunch of fasting blood work done. This is a hard thing for a barely-4 year old to handle and all he wanted as a reward for being so brave was breakfast at your establishment. We got there after the morning rush and the place was calm and quiet. We placed our order, hotcakes and sausage and then walked away with our tray. When we got to the table i realized that we didn't have silverware, butter, syrup or any sausage. Inside the container were two lonely hotcakes, nothing else.

I headed back up to the counter and explained to the girl what we were missing. She dug around for a while, dropped the syrup on the floor then picked it up and handed it to me with silverware and then just stood there. i reminded her we still needed sausage. That's when another girl stepped up and said we didn't pay for any sausage. I replied that we ordered sausage but never mind, could we get some now. She replied, "Well, you will have to pay for it." I respond in the affirmative, of course I will pay for it. She then reminds me again that I didn't pay for it.

I return to grab money from my purse and head back to the counter, feeling like I had just been accused of trying to steal a bleepin sausage. As I walk up to the counter the manager reaches out with a container and says, "Here M'am, no charge." Apparently he heard our exchange. I snapped though, and threw the two bucks on the counter and said, 'No one has ever accused me of stealing before and it's not about to happen now. Take the money". And I took the sausage and went and fed my son and we left.

So dearly beloved (by the small people) Mickey-D's, you can take your sausage and stuff it up Ronald's big red nose. We ordered breakfast, but we didn't get silverware, butter, syrup, sausage or respect. And in fact they over-charged for the two pancakes. In this economy you can bet that I carefully select how and where to spend my hard-earned money. That will be the last time we visit that particular restaurant.

Sincerely,

The suspected head of the local sausage-stealin ring

How to score on a Home Study

We have been in the adoption arena for many years and during that time we have learned a lot of things. One of the most stressful parts of an adoption is the home study. Here comes a total stranger to inspect your home and rate you as prospective parents. It is terrifying! Will they look in the closets? In the oven? Under your bed????? In my experience, the social workers were so nice and my anxiety was totally un-called for, but still, I stressed. Each and every time.

So here are my secrets to acing that most important interview. The home study.....

First, be sure your children are perfectly groomed. Not a hair out of place........

Have lots of inspirational signs all over the house. Shows them you have a great outlook on life.
Keep lots of healthy snacks in plain sight. Healthy food builds healthy kids ya know!!!!!
Show them that your childs health is first and foremost. Vitamins, minerals, immunity boosters and...um, Nestles Quik. Yeah, very important. Milk..makes a body good. Or something like that.
Make sure you have a really cool pet. Social workers love rodents. If not a rodent, be sure to have a big hairy tarantula or at least a poisonous snake.
There should always be some unexpected decorations in the house. Random rubber mice stuck to the ceiling are very good.
Have a really organized pantry, showing lots of healthy food. It is a huge bonus if you can have random religious material in amongst the food. (See the yellow cross? It says, 'To God, You are the Best".)
So follow our lead and you are sure to impress and even WOW that social worker with your awesomeness. Oh, and one more thing. Be sure to show them the un-flushed toilets so they know your children are regular!!! You can thank me now for no pictures.......

Go Texan Day

There is a tradition round these here parts that the week right before *Rodeo* begins all the school kids dress up like cowboys and cowgirls and have Go Texan Day. All week long they study about Texas, the history, the state bird/mammal/flowers, the map, etc. It's a big deal here.

So let me introduce you to the cowboys of the Jammin J Ranch.

Little S shows us his best gun battle pose. Draw mister!

Laughin Levi does a little cowboy runway pose. Hmm, too much time hanging around his sisters maybe? Or a future as a male model.....

And Adorable Ahren the silly smilin cowboy. He is the ladies man of the bunch, spending most of his time wooing the cowgirls.

Here is the whole Jammim J Ranch Gang, ready to round up those cows and lasso some pretty girls.

Had to add one more picture. Little Miss Holly, dressed in the finest ladies duds, stopped by for a little photo op this morning. Levi says he is going to marry her. Awww......
*Rodeo*: The Houston Livestock and Rodeo is a HUGE event and is known simply as Rodeo. In their minds, there is no other. They may be right!

Happy Anniversary My Sweetheart!

Eight years. It's been eight years! I love this man more today than I did when we said our vows. He is the salt of the earth, the kindest, most decent, caring person I have ever met. He makes me be a better person just by being around him. He is my heart, my soul, my world. My everything. I wanted to do a post listing 100 things I love about him, but i don't have a lot of time this morning. Here is a first stab at it:

1) His smile

2) His giving heart

3) he spoils me!

4) He laughs at my stupid jokes

5) he makes me laugh

6) He trusts easily and openly

7) he would give you the shirt off his back

8) he is a manly man

9) his butt

10) his patience

11) he is always calm

12) he loves everything I cook (or at least pretends to)

13) his quick wit

14) he is a great snuggler

15) he loves our kids with his whole heart

16) he is a fantastic father

17) he calls me every day

18) he is dependable

19) he tells me he loves me every day

20) he kisses me goodbye and hello every day

21) he loves wildlife

22) he is a friend to the end

23) he is very loyal

24) he fills my van up with gas

25) he holds the door for me

26) he puts up with my crazies

27) he is a great hugger

28) he has big strong hands

29) he is a homebody

30) he loves to read

More later.....

Weekend updates

We just got home from spending the middle of the day at 'The place where a kid can be a kid' and where parents lose their minds and money. You know the one, with the giant cartoon rat and rubber pizza? The boys had a ball and Kaytee came with me to help. (Bless that child, she VOLUNTEERED!) Everyone ate a ton of pizza which is unusual. they are usually too busy to stop and eat. Today they were begging me to buy more pizza. Go figure!

Now Kaytee is at a modeling class, the boys are watching a movie courtesy of netflix, and I am supposed to be cleaning. Oh well, those dust bunnies are awfully cute!

This has been a week of fears and tears. I am hesitant to say too much but things came up that made us fear that Little S would not get to stay with us. Luckily it is all working out. We love that little guy so much and I can't imagine having to let him go. It has only been a number of weeks but we have laid a firm foundation and are seeing improvements daily. He is turning out to be a happy, fun little boy whose greatest joys come from 'sitting in our laps and snuggling and playing with his brothers' (his exact words). We discovered that he has reflux and started him on a daily medicine and he has stopped throwing up and complaining of tummy aches. He is eating everything in sight and I had to move him up a size in pants. The old ones were too short and too tight! He is sleeping well although he has a habit of waking really early and then waking up the entire rest of the household, not by being bad but just by being so excited that he is very loud. He just can't wait for everyone else to get up.

Ahren is a hoot. He is the ultimate charmer, so beautiful and so ornery all at the same time. His biggest goal in life is to get someone else to do everything for him. He will tell me he can't put his shoes on because his legs are broken, that he is too tired, that his back hurts, anything he can think of. it is hilarious. It has been good for him that Little S has been here because the competition between them has actually spurred him on to do many more things for himself. He wants to keep up and that motivates him. He can now swing himself, something I had been trying to get him to do for ages. But Little S could do it and lo and behold, Ahren can too!

Levi is so sweet. If I say something about taking him to the store with me, he will ask if we can take the little boys with us too. He likes to buy them things if he grocery shops with me. He gets annoyed with them, totally normal, but he also looks out for them and takes care of them. One day they were outside playing and Little S came in without telling Levi. Levi couldn't find him and freaked out. He found him inside and gave him a big lecture on letting someone know where he is going. I don't ever expect Levi to be responsible for them, that's not his job. He just does it all on his own. He is the best big brother!

We got some other really sad news this week. A couple that we are really close to is splitting up. My heart is breaking for both of them. I have been through it and would never wish that pain on anyone, not even my worst enemies. It makes me stop and realize that I take my dear sweet husband for granted. I don't let him know how much he means to me. It is our anniversary this week so what better time to show him all that he means to me. Now if I just had a clue on how to show him.....beyond the obvious, that is. Something really special. I am going to have to think, think, think.

I wish...

That I could always be so patient and cool headed, but alas, I am human. I have my moments. I have been following Christine's vlogs on therapeutic parenting and trying to learn sooo much. She had a wonderful one on lying and trying to get our kids to tell the truth. bottom line is they will dig in and never tell the truth if you try and make them. But, but, but......No, no buts, they still get a consequence but save your breath trying to get them to admit something.

Yeah, I heard the information but it is sooo much harder to actually do it in the heat of the moment. This morning Little S kicked Levi in the mouth. I saw it, I knew what happened, but do you think I could get him to ADMIT he kicked his brother? Heck no. After minutes of me arguing with a 4 year old and LOSING (yeah, goodbye pride...) it finally dawned on me. I stopped, put him in a chair until he could say he was sorry, stopped arguing with him and just told him he was in control of when he got out of the chair. Then I walked away. Totally frustrated and mad at myself, but quiet. Little S sat there for a good 10 minutes, first crying big tearless fake sobs, then whining loudly, then finally pouting quietly. Eventually he got off the chair and apologized to Levi. I praised him for that and told him to go play.

Man, these techniques sound so simple, if A then B, etc. But in reality it goes against every parenting instinct. I have a lot to learn and practice!

Crisis managed

This is a typical event at our house and happens many times a day. Switch out the item in question, the players and the level of hitting/screaming and lather, rinse, repeat.

Boy 1: Has ball.

Boy 2: Wants ball. Decides that best way to get ball is to scream in Boy #1's ear.

Boy #1 smacks offending Boy #2.

Boy #2 responds by wildly flailing, smacking and screaming at Boy #1.

Mom steps in. Arguing I let them try and solve themselves, physical contact and I step in.

1st, I separate them and quiet them down. I talk quietly and if they interrupt I hold up one finger, tilt my head and remind them I am talking. This usually works.

I ask Boy #2 if he tried asking nicely for the ball. He starts to say, 'But I..' and I cut him off. This is a yes or no answer, did you ask nicely. He starts, 'Well, I..' and I cut him off. I keep reminding him that I am asking a simple yes or no question and just need an answer, not an argument. He eventually mumbles No and pouts.

In the meantime, Boy #1 is trying to interrupt over and over again and I stop him too. I explain that I am talking to Boy #2 and that he will have a turn next. I finally ask him if he thought he handled the situation well, and he admits he didn't. I ask him how he could have done better and he tells me.

I then tell Boy #2 if he still wants the ball to please ask nicely. He pouts for a little while longer, then asks Boy #1, 'Can I have the ball, please?' and Boy #1 hands it to him with a smile. They all play happily for a little while.

Mommy pours herself more coffee, wishes she had some Kahlua to add to it, and attempts to read more than one sentence in the paper.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Oh, and we instituted a new star chart yesterday. To earn a star a child needs to do something nice, unexpectedly and without being asked, for another brother. Sharing does not count, it is expected. Conversely, hurting a brother without being provoked causes the offending child to lose a star. So far they are struggling to understand what will earn a star. There has been lots of trying to give each other things, etc and that doesn't count. (They can't yell, 'Look Mommy, I gave him the ball' and get a star) We'll see how this goes....

Pix and updates

Isn't this an amazing picture of Ashley? As Kaytee always says, she is cute but Ashley is beautiful. Truly beautiful.

These two boys share a passion/addiction to the Wii. We let them play some each day but have to limit it. No couch potatoes allowed!
I swear this child was meant for us, with his love, love, love of cheese. We are one cheesy family! By the way, he has gained almost 6 pounds and grown almost an inch in a month. I think he is trying his best to compete with Ahren! So long college fund, hello food bill. Hee!
We like to make home-made pizzas and I let each of the boys roll out their own pizza dough. (Home made dough by me of course!) Then they got to top them and get them ready for the oven. It was messy but a blast. They are so proud of their creations and snarf them down.
Little S really got into his work. How this child got flour in his ear I will never know....
Mommy, mommy, take my picture!! I hear that a lot around here.
One day before school they decided I needed to take pictures of them so they got some accessories and posed for me. Can you see that Little S is catching up in height to Ahren? (Of course the spiked hair helps...)
We got new bicycles for the two little boys. They are identical except for a big A or S on the front. It has been really cold but that hasn't stopped them from enjoying them. With the long driveway around the house and to the barn plus the basketball court they have plenty of room to ride without ever getting near the street.
Loving his new ride and trying to stay warm. Lips are blue? Time to come in!
On warmer days this is the walk the men folk take each evening. They take our black lab Jackson for a walk around the pond, throw out fish and turtle food and bond. That's Levi on his four wheeler in the background. Note the helmet. It is only a battery powered 4-wheeler but it can go pretty fast and we are teaching him the safety rules right off the bat.

Amazing! We passed an entire week without one illness. No one threw up, no fevers, no infections, no snotty noses, no visit to the doctors office. It was like a vacation!!!!

Kaytee has been accepted into 6 or 7 colleges and now she had to do the hard task of deciding where to go. Each of the schools offered the medical background classes she is interested in, each had pro and cons and each needed careful consideration. Well, after lots and lots of research, she has chosen her college. Texas Tech!!!! She will be a Red Raider come this fall. She is rooming with a friend and we have her room reserved and her dining package selected. She is registered for orientation and this is really happening. My BABY!!!! How soon is too soon to start crying???????

Ahren woke up at 12:35 last night and proceeded to wake up most of the household. He hasn't done that in a while. He then proceeded to stay awake for 2 hours, keeping both me and Little S awake the entire time. Some of it was S's fault too. They feed off of each other. They were not throwing fits, just wouldn't settle down and kept getting out of bed. The consequence for not sleeping at night? Naps! They are both sound asleep right now. There was much whining and complaining about having to lay down, but both were asleep in minutes. Me? No such luck. No naps for Mommy, just good coffee and the knowledge that they will remember naptime the next time they think they can stay up all night.

Nonsense questions and chattiness

A while back I talked about how Ahren would ask a single, nonsense question over and over and over. I'm not talking 5 or 6 times, I m talking 20, 30 or 40 times. Seriously. At the time, I didn't recognize it as a sign of an attachment disorder, but now I know. When he sat in his carseat and asked Daddy 47 times, 'What doing Daddy?', even though we answered him, it wasn't a sign of curiosity. Nope. Not at all. He knew what Daddy was doing. It wasn't about that. Not at all. He needed us to respond, no matter what, to him. He needed to hear us, to know we heard him, to be answering him no matter what. A control issue perhaps?

We have dealt with this in various ways. Answered him, given him nonsense answers, told him we know what he is doing and won't play, joked and teased. Somehow, it has worked and he is much better. Which one worked? I have no idea. He still asks non-sense questions, but not repeating like before.

Ahren likes to talk non-stop in the car. My theory is he knows we are a captive audience so we have to listen. He will talk and talk and talk and talk. Just to hear himself talk. He doesn't say anything that is conversational or we can answer, just non-stop chatter. We have been interrupting him with our own non-sense and it has slowed his chatter. He has to stop and think about what we say, form a response and it slows him down. We also play games like 'who can be quiet the longest', He is very competitive so this helps.

Any other ideas out there on how to deal with a small child and this behavior? I appreciate any and all ideas!!!

Oh My Goodness.....

This morning Levi, at the ripe ol' age of 6 1/2, asked me what this word meant.....are you ready for this.............

Antidisestablishmentarianism

I had to make him say it twice because I didn't believe what I heard.

I told him we would look it up together later.

I am soooo in trouble.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

I am of a certain age where I should have quite a storehouse of wisdom. You would assume so, anyways. Unfortunately I am also quite stubborn and that tends to be my downfall.

For your reading pleasure I bring to you some things I have recently learned the hard way:

1) Denying to yourself that you are getting the sickness of the week will NOT prevent you from getting it.

2) Taking your children to indoor 3D black-light mini golf while in that state of denial is NOT a good idea.

3) In further denial, do NOT eat mexican fast food for lunch. I can't stress that one enough.

4) Do NOT promise to take aforementioned children to Target later in the day when denial of stomache bug is clearly NOT working.

5) Do not attempt parenting, therapeutic of plain jane, while trying not to hurl mexican fast food at your offspring. Yelling, 'Just leave me alone' while in the bathroom is really unacceptable, even if you are having a 'reversal of fortune' at the time.

And so, I hope that you are not as stubborn as I am and that you can learn something from my mistakes. Now please forgive me while I go lie on the couch and pretend dinner will make itself.

Oh, and I did manage to get the van cleaned. Three rounds of Lysol soaking by me plus a professional shampooing did the trick. Thanks for all the suggestions!

Worst Lunch Hour EVER

I spent the morning at work after dropping everyone off at school/preschool. I then swung by the pre-school to get all the littles and headed home. We had just walked in the door when Little S told me he was going to throw up. I rushed him to the bathroom but the door was locked and it was in use. So I snatched him up and ran for the kitchen sink, making it just in time for the geyser to blow.

I got him cleaned up and settled down and then the phone rang. It was the school nurse and I needed to pick up Levi. I got there, checked him out and had to take the long way home because the back street into our neighborhood was blocked off. About one block from the house I heard gulp, gulp, splaaaash, splash, splash. Sure enough Levi was vomiting all over the inside of the van. He had just finished lunch so there was a lot.

I got him home, cleaned up and into bed and went out to try and clean up the worst in the van. It is down into the seats, under the seats, in the seat belt tracks, everywhere. I soaked it with Lysol, wiped up everything I could see, soaked it all again and left the van in the garage with all the windows open. I drove the other car back to work.

Both boys fell asleep and later threw up again. They seem better now. We will see how tonight goes. It's only a matter of time before everyone else is hit with this.

Anyone want to purchase a used, very smelly van?????