Just for Ellie

It was an itty-bitty teeny-weeny PBJ in a bikini!

Look, Mom, the socks match my outfit.
Happy, happy girl.

Stretch....

I love the tub!

This is my sister. Tickle, tickle tickle.

I hate the tub, but I am happy in my towel. (She looks like an elf!)

Whee! I can do a toe-touch!

We got them hooked on The Wiggles....

Peek-A-Boo!

The pictures I promised

Edited to add: Why oh why can I not get this to format correctly? I hates you Blogger, you booger!

Ahren is getting so big. He is very large for a Guatemalan child. In fact, he is just plain large for his age no matter what. I think he weighs only a couple of pounds less than Levi, who is 4 years old. He's not fat, just solid. His hands are huge!

PBJ has a ton of hair. Very thick but fine. Soft and shiny. She has her crazy hair moments too!

We had a crib at the hotel, but as you can see, Ahren didn't exactly fit safely in it. We had him sleep in bed between us (think of sleeping with a 30 pound squid that wriggled all night)

The night we got PBJ she was a screaming mess. It wasn't us necessarily she was having trouble with. The FM said she had been crying for an hour before they came. She was sick with a cold, teething, it was her bedtime, and she was dressed in so many clothes she was burning up (onsie, velour shirt, flannel lined overalls and a denim jacket). Here is a picture of the baby they handed us, and then a picture of what she looked like by the next morning. Not once while we had her did she scream like this again. Oh, she cried now and then, like a normal baby, but not this terrible screaming.

I had always wondered why Ahren's foster mother had never cut his hair. I mean, the poor kid was sporting a giant fuzzy fro! So I asked her. She said she was afraid I would not like it. So I asked her if she minded if I got his hair cut and she thought that would be wonderful. Katie and I took him to the place in the mall and he got to sit in a little car while they cut his hair. I only got him a trim, not a buzz. They love his curls and I just couldn't cut them off. So here are the before and after pix. We are definitly going to have to keep his hair short when he is older!

Home Sweet Home

We made it home safe and sound. No problems, smooth flight, breezed thru immigration and made it home by 6pm. Poor Katie had to run in, change into her cheer practice clothes and head straight to the gym for 2.5 hours of practice. She didn't seem to mind, though. I dropped her off and hit the grocery store briefly. I was craving normal food. Plain ol' comfort food. I bought a roasted chicken, mashed potatos, gravy, stuffing and corn. Went home, unpacked gifts, left the rest for tonight, heated up my quickie down-home meal for the fam, and planted my hiney on the couch. We loaded up the hourlong video I took of PBJ and Ahren and watched it. Levi kept saying he wanted to watch the Ahren movie after we were done. How cute is that! The Ahren movie.

When we walked in the front door, Katie was ahead of me and I heard loud squealing and saw a flash of white-blonde hair hurtling towards Katie's head. Levi! Did he run to me first? Nope. His sister. Once he was done hugging her, he came to me. It didn't bother me at all. It made my heart expand 3 sizes to see them loving each other so much. That is what big families are all about. What I can't give them, they provide for each other. The rest of the night Levi was glued to me, and I laid with him in bed as he fell asleep, just snuggling him and letting him know how much I missed him. This morning, when he woke up, he came looking for me first thing. Once he saw me and I reassured him I was home, he went back to bed and fell back asleep.

I have a billion pictures but haven't downloaded any yet. The ones I have posted so far were taken with Katie's camera and we could download them on the laptop while we were there. My camera needs special software to download that we only have on the desktop at home. So there will be many more pics coming.

Memorable moments from our trip: On the way back to the city from Antigua the traffic was really bad and it was raining. Couplle that witht he complete lack of traffic laws and the fact that the car we were riding in had NO shocks, and it made for a wild ride. I was holding Ahren and Katie had PBJ. Both kids were asleep. A huge truck pulled right in front of us and the car hydroplaned sideways as the driver swerved to miss it. Katie and I looked at each other and we both were thinking the same thing. Pray. Pray hard. The prayers worked and we made it in one piece, but we will always remember that ride down the mountain.

Katie was kissing PBJ on the cheeks and PBJ lifted up her little face and kissed Katie back. She did it over and over again. It was so sweet! Of course the kisses were wet and slobbery, but those are the best baby kisses ever!

Katie and Ahren were resting their foreheads together in a sweet moment when Ahren leaned forward and bit Katie's nose. She had teeth marks for the next day. She didn't think that was very funny, but I did!

I got Ahren on video calling me Mama. His foster mother shows him pictures of me everyday and says Mama to him. She shows him pix of the whle family so he will know us. She is wonderful. Of course, she is not much bigger than he is! She is a tiny little thing and he is a moose. It's too funny to see him in her arms!

Pix

Last day here

I am anxious to get home and yet I want to stay. It is a terrible feeling to have your family spread apart like this. We got bad news yesterday. PBJ had another KO we didn't know about and she just went back into PGN 3 weeks ago. I was hoping she was almost home. Sigh....patience. I am so glad I decided to go ahead and visit. I almost cancelled because I was so sure we would be picking up any day now. I am so happy I went ahead and came. This has been an amazing visit.

There haven't been as many other adopting families here htis time. The hotel was apparently completely booked due to a Telethon they just had for the Childrens Hospital. Now more families are arriving. It's so nice to have someone to talk to.

Baby laughter is the best

Today we toured Antigua with another couple and a friend of ours who served as tour guide. He knows the best places to go and who has the authentic goods. We had such a wonderful time (although the ride there and back was a bit of a white-knuckle experience) We visited the Jade factory, the outdoor market, a museum that used to be a monastery and ate lunch at a tiny little wonderful cafe. Thekiddos were fantastic and we had a wonderful time.

Here's a few more photos.

Having a blast

Remember when I said I thought it would be too hard on Ahren to keep him with us? Well his foster mother convinced me that he would be fine and that we should keep him. That great! Indeed he has not cried (except when he hit his head) and he kisses and hugs me all day long. He has been all smiles and giggles, talking up a storm and practicing his new-found walking skills. The only problem is I didn't bring enough clothes for him. We are just going to have to do some shopping! (Oh gee, how sad am I?)

PBJ settled down and sems to be getting better. No fever, still stuffy in the nose, but a dose of medicine before bed, a bit of Vicks Vapor rub and she sleeps like a champ. She still gets up once a night to eat, but slurps it down pretty fast. She eats a ton for sucha tiny peanut. She has been eating 7-8 7 ounce bottles with cereal a day. She has never had anythingon a spoon yet, but I can tell she needs to start eating solids. The formula/cereal is just not enough.

Ahren is so ornery but adorable. Right now he is trying his hardest to push the keys on the computer. When I tell him no he just grins and tries more. Then he 'sneaks' around to the other side to try again.

Both kids are changing so fast. The first full day PBJ was just a total rag doll. No body tone at all. Now she is starting to try and hold her body in the sitting position and can sit there for a few minutes with some support. She didn't reach for anything at all at first, but now she is reaching and grabbing, and will pull things to her mouth. She seems like she has just discovered her hands because she plays witht hem like they are the most amazing htings she has ever seen. She is 9 months old but at about a 3-4 month level. I can tell she will catch up fast.

Ahren is repeating words we say, babbling constantly and into everything. His walking gets better every day. He has only been walking for about a week now, so we are seeing his development first hand.

Enjoy the photos!

We have babies!!!

We had quite the day yesterday. We arrived on time but ended up hanging out at the airport because the hotel shuttle was very late. Because of all the construction it was also very very dusty. The worst part though was everyone kept staring and pointing at Katie. Not in a mean way, but in a 'wow look at her' way that still made us both very uncomfortable. She ended up with her sweatshirt over her head and that helped. Then, when the shuttle showed up, it picked up another couple and took off with us madly chasing it. They had to call it to come back for us.

We got to the hotel (Love the Grand Tikal!) and got settled then went downstairs at 2pm to wait for PBJ. And we waited and waited waited. No baby. We ended up after a couple of hours going upstairs and orderig sandwiches and we began calling the agency and anyone else we could think of. We got ahold of them and the coordinator forgot we were coming. They hustled around and we finally got her at 7pm last night. She has a cold, lots of congestion and cried solid for over two hours. Katie finally got her to sleep, but even in her sleep she kept taking those giant ragged sob breaths. She slept for 30 min then woke up and began to cry again. We figured out that she loved the stroller so we pushed her around in it for about 3 hours, then back into the bouncy chair. She finally went to sleep about midnight and slept for 7 hours. Today she is still congested but much happier and eating well.

We ate the wonderful bufet for breakfast and then headed to the loby to wait for Ahren. He was righton time and when he saw me he held out his arms to me. I almost cried with happiness. He has been laughig and smiling ever since. He has just started walking and has the typical Frankenstein walk. He is really enjoying all the toys and food we have. he eats anything and everything. I don't know how much he weighs but I am guessing upwards of 30 pounds and it's all solid. What a little tank.

Enjoy the photos of our wonderful babies!

Poor pathetic me

So the other day I fessed up about my secret hateful thoughts about others whose adoptions go smoothly. Now I am going to tell you something even more shocking. I sometimes think God has forgotten us. There. I said it out loud. I have doubts. Serious doubts. Why is this whole adoption thing so hard? Why did we end up with the case where it took 18 months just to get the baby's birth certificate? Are we being punished? Is this a test? Why Lord, why????

And to make me feel even worse, my husband is one of those calmly serene believers who never has a doubt or worry that God's will is being done. We just need to be patient and his path for us will be revealed. Yeah, well, patience is highly over-rated in my book. I want action. I need a plan. I have to have a checklist.

I have faith but not so much trust. I believe but I question. I try and live each and every day by what the good book says, knowing I will never be perfect but striving to at least be better than I was the day before. I am stronger than I knew but still faltering on this long road. I guess the emotions that visiting are bringing out are almost too hard for me to deal with. Or maybe I am just human....or crazy. Or both!

One day in church, when we were teaching Sunday school, the lesson of the day was how God was all around us if we only paid attention. Look at the ground. See the ant? That is God's work. It is amazing. Last night, when I was driving home, I reached our new neighborhood, and right in the middle of the road stood a tiny little fawn. She just stood there looking up at the sky, not noticing my car as I slowly approached. When she finally spotted me, she skittered across the road on her tiny little hooves and bounded into the woods. What an amazing little creature, so beautiful, so graceful.

I need to remember that two small innocent children are counting on me to be strong for them. Two little lives that I need to think of. This isn't about me or my pathetic insecurities. It's about them and their lives, not just the adoptions or bringing them home, but raising them up to be strong, confident adults. I need to pay more attention to God all around me and to keep my eye on the big picture.

And occasionally vent so my head doesn't pop off!

Three days from now I will have PBJ in my arms. Four days from now I will have Ahren in my arms. I have been obsessively packing and re-packing. You see, each traveller gets 2 suitcases to check, not to exceed 50 pounds each. Since Katie is going with me, we get 4 suitcases to check, plus one carry on each. A total of 200 pounds of luggage. And that's not enough. Katie and I are packing very light for ourselves. The rest is full of donations, baby stuff, gifts for our foster families and more donations. We have received so much! You people are absolutely incredible. We have soap, toothpaste, toothbrushes, feminine products, clothes, shoes, underwear, socks, blankets and money to buy mattresses. I will be sure and get lots of pictures while we are there. This time we will have a laptop with us and I will be able to post pictures every day.

In other news, those of you who have read me for a while know that our Nanny is really part of our family. We have known her for many years, and when we found out we were having Levi she was our obvious choice for child care. Each day she comes to our house and watches Levi, another little girl named Mina (22 months old) , and (a couple of days a week) her grandson Grayson (age 3). Levi is the clown, Mina is the daredevil and Grayson is the sweetie. Grayson suffers from Type 1 Osteogenesis Imperfecta, or brittle bone disease. He has the mildest form and has done remarkably well having only one break up until recently. Then he broke his fibula in his right leg (smaller bone in the shin) and was in a cast for 8 weeks. It didn't slow him down one bit. Then, last week, he snapped the tibia (major bone in the shin) of his left leg. This is a bigger break than before and is a weight bearing bone. Poor little guy is miserable. He can't put any weight on it at all. To top it all off, it was his birthday and they had planned a Chuckie Cheese party. They rescheduled it until he can enjoy it. I always worry when he plays with Levi and Mina that they will 'break' him. One wrong step and his leg can snap. One fall and his arm can snap. How do you let a child have a normal childhood and protect them at the same time when they are like this? I'm afraid I would have him wrapped in pillows and not let him do anything. His parents are not like that though. They take some precautions, but nothing that prevents him from being a boy. Their philosophy is that he will have some breaks, they can't prevent them all, but it's more important that he has a normal life in spite of the breaks. Pretty cool, huh?

I feel so guilty!

I would like to think that I am a nice person. That I genuinely care about others and give selflessly of myself at all times. But the truth is I harbor a secret hatred of those who are having an easy time adopting. Some of them deserve a little loathing as they crow about their perfect agencies and fantastic timelines, but others started out the same way we did. With a simple wish to bring a child into their families. As luck would have it they breezed through without many of the pitfalls most of us face. because believe me, whether it is domestic or international, Guatemala or China, there are pitfalls and delays and roadblocks aplenty!

I was reading the Guatemala adopt.com forumn (which I keep vowing to never look at again because it upsets me too much) and I saw a woman announcing they are out of PGN and their baby is only 4 months old. Umm, is that right? Can that be? Why??? Why her and not me? Why that baby and not mine? Did we do something wrong? Is there a secret no one has told me? Are they more deserving than us? I feel so guilty for hating them just because they are blessed. I want to kick something. I want to slap someone. I want to be angry at the whole world.

There are times I wish I had never thought about adoption. That I had been satisfied with my three wonderful children, loving husband and beautiful life. I wish I didn't have this void inside of me that I thought needed to be filled by another child or two. Instead the void is now full of worry and stress, tears and pain, endless paperwork and sleepless nights. And yet, I cannot imagine things any differently. This is my path. My long and winding road. My steps falter but they won't stop. Each step brings me closer to my babies. Left, right, left, right....

Is it Monday???

Weekday holidays always mess up my internal calendar. I can't remember what day of the week it is! This is really bad because I don't use a physical calendar to keep track of everyone's schedules. I just use my brain. (Scary, huh!) I also never use an alarm clock. Haven't for years. I just tell myself what time to wake up and I do. Go ahead and say it. I'm a freak.

Thank you to everyone who commented on my Ashley post. I feel so much better knowing that others have felt the same way she does. I struggle to understand her. I have since she was first born. I love her so much and want her to be happy but she always seems to be in pain emotionally. I wish I could kiss it and make it all better. My hubby thinks she uses the emotional pain she creates to help her with the guilt she feels for living with her father. Some of you mentioned the same thing. It makes sense and it fits, too. She is always so happy when she gets here, and then over time the other issues pop up. The closer it gets to going back, the worse things get. I tell her how much I love her and miss her because I don't want her to feel like I don't, but maybe that puts more pressure on her and more guilt. So I tell her how happy I am she does so well there and that it's OK but does that make her think I don't want her? The proverbial rock and a hard place, I tell you.

Levi still refuses to take a bath. I have tried many different things. We have resorted to washing him up in the kitchen sink each evening. Not perfect but at least we can get him somewhat clean. I have resorted to telling him he cannot have a bath. He is not allowed in the tub. I started that 2 days ago and his initial response was, "Hey, I am stinky!" I figure I will hold out for a few days then see if I can get him in the tub...... a little reverse psychology. If the weather ever dries up I figured I could buy a big metal washtub and put him out on the back porch to take a bath. Yeehah, we are some country bumpkins takin our Saturday night baths in the washtub. Hey, whatever works. As long as he gets clean, I am not going to sweat it!

One week from today I will be heading for Guatemala to see my little ones! I have received a lot of donations and am packing strategically to get it all down there. I may h ave to pay a little extra on the way down but it's worth it. I promise to get many, many pictures of the orphanages and kids receiving the donations. I am so excited I can hardly sleep most nights. The visits are the best thing ever and yet the hardest thing ever. Saying good-bye is awful, but that's not stopping me. I am on a mission to sqeeze my babies!!!

Ashley

Ashley does not like being broken (what she calls having thyroid disease).

Ashley chose to live with her father in Dallas so he wouldn't be alone.

Ashley is 12 and already taller than I am.

Ashley has a big heart and a big temper.

Ashley is very angry at me.

Ashley was 2 years old when her father and I separated. She was 8 years old when she decided she wanted to live with him. We all went to a child psychologist before we allowed her to go live with him to insure that this was in her best interest. I was positive the psych. would say a little girl needs to be with her mom, but I was wrong. She felt that Ashley had a very strong attachment to her father and also had a need for more attention, which she would get as an only child with him. My heart broke into a million pieces but I let her go. I cried so many tears, I had nightmares, I ached so badly. But she was happy and doing well. Being a mother is all about sacrifice and I figured that if this was best for her then I would deal with it. Her Dad is a good guy. We are still friends and have done things all together with the kids whenever possible. We talk on the phone frequently and try and back each other up in our parenting. It's not easy but we do it for the girls.

Every time Ashley comes to visit us, if it's for a weekend or a summer, she acts out. She only behaves this way towards me and around me. She's an angel with her dad, at school and with her friends. But with me, she is demanding, rude, belligerent, mouthy and downright mean at times. This isn't all the time, but she has episodes of this every single time she visits. She has a lot of anger inside her all directed towards me.

She thinks that because she doesn't live with me that when she comes to visit it should be an all-out Ashley party and this would prove to her I love her. Instead, we do a few special things but mostly just behave like a normal family. To her this means I don't miss her and love her. To her this is not fair. I think that it wouldn't be fair to treat her differently just because she chose not to live here. What would Katie and Levi think if Ashley gets special attention/gifts etc when she visits, but they never get the same treatment. I treat her exactly like I do them because I love her and want everything to be fair.

I also think that Ashley invents unfair treatment at our house so that she can justify living with her dad. Her bad behavior always escalates in the few days before she goes back to him, so that by the time she goes she is escaping what she thinks is a horrible situation. In her mind we all abuse her, she is neglected, treated unfairly, mistreated and miserable.

Here are some examples of what Ash perceives as mistreatment. 1) I refused to buy her a Coach purse this weekend. Remember, she is 12 and a Coach purse costs mucho $$$. How vile of me. 2) She and Katie went for a walk at 10:30 pm one night. We were in bed, heard the door and went to investigate. We couldn't find the girls anywhere inside or outside the house (panic!). Finally, they came walking back up the road, both dressed all in dark colors. We took their phones away for a day. 3) Ashley wanted to go swimming yesterday but I said No because it was storming. Rain and lightning, etc. 4) It took me 2 weeks to find and assemble all the parts to the computer so she could get on the internet.

I have taken Ashley to counselors, doctors, etc. I have taken time off to spend special one-on-one time with her. When she visits we go get her nails done, get her hair done, do some shopping. I take her to the eye doctor, the dentist, the endocrinologist, the pediatrician. I realized a long time ago that it is never enough. For some reason she does not feel my love and she is very angry at me.

I remember when she was 44 days old and had RSV. Her father had already moved to Dallas and I was still in Phoenix with a 2 year old and a new baby trying to sell the house. Ashley was sick from the time she was born. She couldn't tolerate any formulas and had intestinal bleeding. She had to have a special prescription formula (I wasn't able to nurse because my seizure meds would have been toxic to her) Then she got RSV. She spent a week in the hospital. I never left her. I arranged for friends to keep Katie and I never left her side. They had to stick her 7 times to get an IV going (in her head!) and I held her thru it all. At night, her alarms would go off and the nurses would rush in to get her breathing again, and I was there. I slept in the chair beside her bed. The nurses gave me scrubs to wear because I had only the clothes on my back. I learned to do chest percussion and suction out the mucous and give her breathing treatments by myself. I never left her. When we were able to go home, I had to give her breathing treatments, chest percussion and suctioning every two hours around the clock. I did it and took care of Katie, all by myself. I drank gallons of coffee and lost a lot of weight, but I nursed my baby back to health. This is the baby that has a love/hate thing going on with me now.

Why is she so angry? I didn't know a broken heart could continue to break.....

Happy Weekend

First off, I forgot my camera (Doh!)) so I have zero pictures of our fun birthday-bash get-away. I'll have to paint you pictures with words instead.

I like to plan special fun things for my family. I have the habit of building it up in my mind and always ending up disappointed because nothing ever turns out as good as what I imagine. Knowing this, I still decided to plan a mini-vacation this weekend to celebrate Katie, Chris, and Levi's birthdays. Their birthdays all fell within the two weeks since we moved and very little celebrating has been going on. We needed to do something fun. Something away from the mud and boxes and clutter.

I booked a room in a nice hotel nearby that has an indoor pool. (Rain...) I packed for me and Levi, told the girls to pack for overnight and bring their swimsuits and told the kids to all be ready by 10:30 am. Chris stayed behind to work on a project and would meet up with us later. We loaded presents and bags into the car and headed to the mall. We hit Build-A-Bear first, where levi made a birthday monkey and Katie and Ash made bears for PBJ and Ahren. We ordered a cookie cake from the cookie place. We shopped and bought each kid a special new outfit to wear to dinner. We had lunch, laughed, spent way too much money (Chris, I hope you don't read this....;-) and got Ashley's hair cut. (She was looking might shaggy and that girl has more hair than Charlie's Angels combined) We picked up the cookie at 3:30 and headed to the hotel. There was swimming and more laughing and Chris met us, then dinner at Chili's (Yum!). We went back to the hotel where Chris had brought 2 dozen balloons. We opened presents, swam some more, ate cookie cake and watched TV all together. No one got much sleep, though. Katie and Ashley slept together on the sofa bed and that just didn't work well. Levi slept with me and Chris and that didn't work well.

So all in all it was a good time. Not perfect, but happy. We ate the next morning and headed to church. We spent the rest of the day working around the house. I finally got the computers set up at home so we have internet access. Whooohooo! I also finally got the stupid pool set up and filled. It had become personal by now. It was me against the pool. I was not going to lose! I kicked that pool's butt!!! Of course it is storming all day today and no one can use the pool. But, it is up and full. Hah!

Fears for Ahren

Now that I have hope that Ahren will eventually join our family, I am hit with thoughts about what it will be like to bring a 2-3 year old child home. It will be completely different than bringing home the 8-10 month old baby we were expecting. I know that he is developmentally delayed. At 10 months old he could not sit unsupported and even had trouble holding himself upright with support. He could not bear any weight on his legs. He had difficulty eating from a spoon. Now at 17 months old he is still not walking. These are the things I know. What I don't know is why he is delayed. Is it because he is never put down so that he can learn these skills or is it something else?
I also know from my visit in October that he has a quiet, sweet and laid-back personality. I know he learns well because I taught him to wave bye-bye in the few days I spent with him. He also reacted to me calling his name by turning and looking at me smiling. These are good signs.
I am visiting again in two weeks. On this trip I have decided not to keep Ahren at the hotel with me. At 18 months old, he is completely attached and dependent on his foster family. Separating him from them for a few days would cause him too much pain. It would be selfish of me to do that, especially since there is no chance that he would remember me from this visit by the time he comes home. Instead, I have arranged with his foster mother to have her bring him for visits. He will have her there as his comfort source, and I can spend time with him and get to know him.
I keep thinking about how it will be to separate him from the only life, the only family he has ever known at an age when children are trying to exert their independence but also need the security to do so successfully. Because we will have 4 other children when he comes home, will that help him be comfortable or will he feel lost in the crowd? (His foster mother has only grown children.) He will have developed language by then, so he won't be able to communicate with us or us with him very well. How do you soothe a child that you cannot explain things to?
My plan is to take it very slow. We will bring him home to a quiet (or as quiet as can be) home where we will not have visitors at first. We will spend time holding and rocking, playing on the floor and exploring his new surroundings. We will take it at his pace. We will watch and learn from him as we go. With his personality he could adjust easily and fit right into the family, or it could totally overwhelm him. We will just have to be very careful in what we expose him to in the beginning.
As we get through the adoption process, and we come close to the end, I will visit as often as I can so that he will know me. I don't want to be a complete stranger. Already, his foster mother shows him pictures of us every day and refers to us as Mama and Papa. I will send more pictures and little gifts (which I already do each month) so that he has some concept of us. I need to find out if they have a VCR or DVD player because I can send videos of us for him to watch.
It is so strange to me to think we have loved this child with all our hearts for so long, and he has no idea we exist. Can he feel our love on some other level? Will that love be enough to help him through this adjustment time? What if he never loves us back?

None of this really matters at this point since we still have a very long and difficult road ahead of us. I just can't stop thinking about what it will be like to finally be his Mommy.

Still Grinning Like a Fool

I have been in constant contact this week with the attorneys in Guatemala regarding Ahren's case. They are working through our entire dossier and telling me what needs to be updated, what is fine, etc. The next step is to sign a new Power of Attorney using the correct spelling of his name. This POA allows the attorneys to work on the adoption for us. We also have a form that we need to send that is needed so they can apply for DNA testing. In Guat adoptions, all birth mothers and children undergo DNA tests to prove that that mother has the right to relinquish that child. It's sad but true that not all that long ago many children were abducted and sold for adoption so the U.S. instituted this step to prevent that. It's a simple test done from a swab of the inside of the cheek. But, although the test itself is simple, the process of getting it done is ridiculously complex (as are all parts of a Guat adoption!) First, the attorney has to stand in line at the Embassy to get permission to do the test. They only grant a certain number each day, so if they don't get there super early, they get turned away. Then, once they have permission, they try and schedule the test, bringing in the child and the birth mother at the same time. This can be tricky since the birth mother may live many hours away and have no transportation. Or, like our case, it has been so long since the child was born locating the birth mother may be a problem. One further complicating factor is that 70% of women in Guatemala are illiterate, so they can't just send a notice requesting them to come in if the birth mother cannot read and understand it.
Even knowing that I have more paperchasing to do, and that getting the DNA accomplished could be a big problem, I am still over the moon with happiness. It is now POSSIBLE to move ahead. For almost 18 months we have been loving and planning for this little boy. That whole time he was not legally available to adopt yet because he did not have a valid birth certificate. There are a lot of other complicating factors but I won't go into them. We are focusing on the future and the hurdles we still face.

Update on Levi: Still no bath. I tried bribing him (oh shush, I am desperate!) with new Spiderman bath bubbles and a Spiderman towel, but he didn't go for it. Chris was going to get in with him, but he didn't want that either. So this morning I had a long talk with him.

Me: Levi, why do you scream when it's time for a bath? Are you afraid of the tub?

Levi: I'm scared. There's gudders in the tub.

Me: Gudders? What are gudders?

Levi: They squirt water at your head. I don't like them.

Me: Oh, the squirters shoot water at your head. Did you know your bathtub does not have squirters?

L: (looking like he is thinking this over) Hmmmmm.

Me: Nope, no squirters there. Not even a button to push.

L: Really?

Me: Tonight I will show you. You can check it out for yourself. No squirters.

L: Okay!

I plan on having this conversation again this evening, followed by a thorough inspection of the tubs. Keep your fingers crossed. Maybe, just maybe, we can get back into our normal routine. The bath is an important part of the nightly ritual and is much needed for helping him to wind down, in addition to the de-stinkification reasons.

Oh, and cheer camp? He loves it. All the older girls fight over who gets to carry him around and who he gets to sit with. Today they had a huge waterballoon fight and that's all he could talk about since yesterday. He was pretty timid at the beginning of the week (like not telling the instructor when he had to use the bathroom...) but he is coming out of his shell quite nicely. And boy can he shake his bootie!! He has another boy in his group and they hang together. I may sign him up for the second session which is at the beginning of August, and sign him up for tot tumbling too.

Guess what?

Chicken butt. (Sorry, I've been around my kids too much)

Seriously, guess what we have? It's something we have wanted for a very long time. Something important. Something small but not insignificant.

We have Ahren's BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!! They are faxing it to me today. We are also signing our new Power of Attorney (correct spelling to match new BC) and the new forms for DNA today. I still can't believe it. After almost 18 months, we are finally starting this adoption. I need to just think of it as starting a new case now, instead of focusing on the 18 months of waiting for him to become legally available. So our time clock starts over.

Hey everyone, look at the toddler boy we just accepted our referral for. Isn't he a cutie and check out the curls! He was born Jan 7th (Ashley's birthday) in 2006, so almost 18 months old.

He will be one year ahead of Peri Brynn in school and will fit perfectly between her and Levi.

Hee!

OK, so I am a bit giddy with the news. I really never thought we would get to this point. I was so afraid that they would have to pursue an abandonment case and it would be another 2-4 years before he was available for adoption. Or worse yet the US Embassy would declare him not an orphan and he would never be adoptable. Instead, we are moving forward and will probably bring him home in 9-12 months. Funny how that sounds so short now....

Scalded Monkey

Last week there was one evening when I was puttering through my usual nightime routine. Dinner was over and dishes stowed in the washer, counters wiped, etc etc and I was running the bath for Levi. (OK, does anyone know why little boys stink so badly or can get so absolutely sweaty and grimy????) He took one look at the tub and began to scream like a scalded monkey. I added bubbles, he continued to scream. I added toys. He screamed. I added colored bath fizzies and he screamed some more. So I thought the new gigantic tub in the master bathroom must just be too big and I switched to the bathtub in his bathroom. More screaming. I suggested a shower. Screaming. I ended up standing him in the tub, scrubbing as quick as I could and rinsing him off, now partially deaf in one ear from the screams. This all coming from a kid who is part fish and I have to cajole to get OUT of the tub normally.

The next day I mention to Nanny that Levi just did not want to take a bath the night before, and she looks a bit sheepish. She had him playing in the master bathtub the day before (with all the rain she has had to become quite inventive in ways to keep the little ones occupied) She was curious about the jacuzzi and hit the button. The water wasn't over the level of the jets so the thing roared like a wild animal and shot jets of water directly at his head. Poor kid flew out of the tub in terror and wrapped himself around her neck.

So now we know why the sudden fear of the tub. And shower. I even tried the kitchen sink. So now what? I don't want to further terrorize him, but he has to be de-stinkified somehow. If it would quit raining I would get a wading pool, soap him up and throw him in there to play. But no, it rains and rains and rains. I can't spray him with Febreeze (can I???) Just kidding! Last night I ended up standing him naked in the kitchen and washing him down with a washcloth while he stood on a towel. I couldn't really do his hair, but the rest of him came out pretty good (remember, a day at camp plus 2 wet pants episodes. He needed to be washed in the worst way) If anyone has any brilliant ideas, hit me with them. This could turn into a desperate situation very quickly....

Summer Parenting

The kids have been out of school for a couple of weeks now and I am already losing my mind. We bought them a big pool, but can't seem to get it set up. We moved and our whole yard is nothing but mud. We haven't been able to put up the playset or any outdoor play equipment yet. This leads to boredom. Boredom is contagious and destructive. Here is what I experienced yesterday (thank goodness I work outside the home or I would have had at least 2 of my children in straight jackets by yesterday afternoon)

Camp is out at 3 pm. 3:10 the phone rings. Ashley: Mom, Katie is being rude. Don't let her do anything tonight.

While on the phone, the other line beeps. It's Katie: Mom, don't believe anything she says, she's a liar. (Ashley screaming in the background)

I tell them both to quit, no one gets to do anything and I will be home at 4:45.

Phone intermittenly rings up until I walk out the door of work. Conversations revolve around who gets to do what tonight and how the other sister is evil, mean and should be grounded.

4:30 I am at the grocery store, picking up pull-ups (for camp pant-wetting issues) Phone rings. Do I answer it? I opt not to and ignore it. It continues to ring and ring and ring. Finally after I pull out of the parking lot, I answer it.

Ashley: (at the top of her lungs) Mom, Katie locked me out of the house. She is evil. You never punish her. You have ruined her. You have to do something RIGHT NOW!!!

I tell her I an hanging up and calling Katie to see what is going on and to get her to let you in.

Right now the bottom falls out of the sky and I can hardly see the road, the wind and rain are blowing so hard. I dial Katie.

Katie: Hello?
Me: Did you lock your sister out of the house?
Katie: Mom, she is so stupid. The door isn't even locked. She's just to stupid to come in.
I can hear Ashley screaming bloody murder in the background. I tell Katie to open the door. I tell Katie again that no one is going anywhere, they are both stuck at home until they can act like civilized human beings and I hang up.

I walk into the house, drenched, not in the best mood, to arguing. Loud arguing. I have had it. Be quiet! Right now! Sit down and listen up. This is not going to fly. As long as you two can't treat each other nicely, you will both be stuck at home with nothing to do. The choice is yours. Then I got them busy doing things.

The rest of the evening was much better. Thankfully!

Last night I made spaghetti and meatballs for supper. I usually buy frozen meatballs but I decided to make home-made meatballs. Now, if you don't know me, you wouldn't know that I grew up in the midwest where the only spices utilized are salt, pepper and garlic powder. Every recipe starts with a can of cream-of-something soup. Plus, I don't have one drop of italian blood in my body. So meatballs? A bit of a stretch. I love to cook and I try to learn new things all the time. So, I made meatballs. I made a large double batch so we would have enough for another meal. It turned out the meatballs were a huge hit and so few were left after dinner that I will have to make more to have another dinner. Levi ate 4 all by himself. He has never eaten that much before. It was amazing! So woot for me!

There is a big controversy at my house right now. I signed Levi up to go to day-camp with Ashley. Cheerleading daycamp. Yeah, it's mostly girls, but there are a couple other little boys. They spend 5 days learning chants and cheers, putting on little performances and playing lots of games. Especially for the littlest kids it is just a good fun way to expend some energy. So yeah, my son is in cheer camp this week. Ashley is loving having her little brother with her and showing him off. Katie thinks we are making him into a sissy by letting him go. (I pointed out that she is the one who dressed him up in a tutu and took pictures of him.....) So the arguments rage on. Personally I don't care. He is loving it and the activity is good for him. He is learning to follow directions, work together with other kids, and follow a structured day. These are all things he needs to learn to be successful in school. Plus, he is more timid in new situations than the girls were, and it is very helpful to him to be able to see Ashley across the gym any time he wants. He feels more secure that way. They even eat lunch together. The only problem he had today was he had too much fun and ended up wetting his pants. Ooops! Oh well, nothing a pair of dry drawers can't fix (and at least he was wearing drawers!)

A wonderful woman who I have never met mailed me a box full of donations for the orphanages. Her generosity completely amazed me! I figured I would get responses form the people I work with and my family mostly, but someone I have never met? It left me speechless. Sometimes the world amazes me with the sadness and pain it heaps on people, and then one little angel steps forward and my heart is filled to bursting with the goodness. Stacey, you are the epitome of all that is good in this world. I thank you and the children thank you!

I am thinking of naming our new house The Ark. You see, every day since our moving day it has rained. It has poured, thundered, blown, and poured some more. Our grass-less yard is nothing more than a mud hole. I can deal with that. I walk on the sidewalk, wipe my feet, and ignore the mud. But..... little boys, girls and dogs do not avoid the mud. The mud calls to them like a siren song. There is now a large pile of very muddy shoes by the back door. I have bathed each dog at least twice and I got so sick of it that I shaved off all of Max's hair (He is now a naked Sheltie) It is so wet, the landscaper cannot even think about doing something with our yard (unless he plants rice) Can you Astroturf your lawn? I am seriously starting to consider it. The mud is driving me insane. (But, the pond is full and we had a Crane hunting for fish in it this weekend. So beautiful)

One last word: when your kids spy the gigantic Quick-Set pool at Wally-World, and it is marked down making it appear to be a good deal, and the box says it takes only 30 minutes to set up......DON"T DO IT! I have been wrestling with that stupid pool for a week. The ground is so wet under it and still not settled from recently being graded that as we fill the pool it begins to list to one side and then spills over. We have emptied and re-leveled the ground twice and the stupid pool still lists to the side. I am about to set it up on the driveway since that is the only solid area we have. Dear Quick-Set, I hate you so very very much!!!!

Shameless begging (for a good cause)

I will be traveling to Guatemala soon. I have been busy setting up visits to several orphanages there and have started to ask (beg, plead, and whine) for donations from everyone I know.

The first one I will be visiting is Casa Angelina. You may read more about this orphanage at http://www.ivantaitmissions.com/ then click on the Guatemala orphanage link.

The second orphanage I am visiting is Hogar Para Ninos Un Mundo Neuvo. This orphanage is for small children, newborns to 8 years old, who have been abandoned or given up for adoption. Katie and I visited this orphanage last year and brought donations and gave of our time. It was a hugely rewarding experience!
The third orphanage we are visiting is one for girls ages 4-16. The girls are rescued off of the streets, given a home and schooling and taken care of until they can live on their own. Over 70% of women in Guatemala are illiterate so just the fact that these girls receive an education is a small miracle in itself.
One of the things we have been asked to help with is to purchase new mattresses for the girls dormitory. Here is a picture of what the beds look like now. We have contacted a reputable mattress dealer in Guatemala City and will purchase and deliver the mattresses personally while there.
The other types of things (besides money to buy necessities) that the orphanages have requested are simple school supplies like markers, crayons, notebooks, paper, pencils, etc. The children can always use underwear and socks, shampoo, soap, lotion, pajamas, and vitamins.
If anyone would like to make a donation, feel free to contact me (Wendy) at 281-863-3140, or wjarman@lexgen.com. I will be sure and take lots of pictures to share with all of you of these precious children. No donation can compare to the joy on their faces from a simple hug. These are truly precious children.

Signs from God

I have been asking God to please reveal to me a sign that we should continue to fight for Ahren, fight harder, find more ways to fight, etc etc. It is so hard. He is 17 months old and he still has not been cleared as adoptable. We keep being told different things all the time. I asked God to just show me a small sign and I will follow whatever path he has laid for us.

Instead of one sign, I got three. Here is how it happened.

On Monday we were set to close on our old house. I knew the family buying our house was from Utah, they have 4 children and I knew their last name was hispanic sounding. When we walked into the closing, it was clear the father was hispanic and the mother anglo. We hit it off right away. They are the best people! At one point, she referred to his citizenship papers and I assumed he was from mexico, as are a lot of people in our area. We got to talking about children and I explained we have three plus two on the way through adoption. They asked where from and we said Guatemala. Their eyes lit up and they announced that is where he is from. He grew up 40 miles south of the city in Chimeltanango (spelling???) He has a lot of family still there and they offered to hook us up with them when we visit Guatemala. We talked for 2 hours!

When we got home, I got an e-mail from Adoption Supervisors (the extra attorneys we have hired to help with Ahren's case) They announced that the rectification has been approved, signed by the director and released. This is the one thing we needed to make Ahren legally adoptable. I can hardly believe it! We are waiting on confirmation that the attorneys have picked up the file and submitted for a new birth certificate, but if this is true it is a miracle!!!!

Then, when I got to work on Monday morning, there was a new set of pictures of Ahren. Just one last confirmation that he is our son and waiting for us to get thru the process and bring him home.

I now have hope again. I have renewed energy to fight. I am back in the game and ready to do whatever it takes to bring this precious child into our family. Talk about a labor of love! Someday, when we are sitting with Ahren and he is wondering about his past, I can show him all the ways we fought to bring him home. The journey has been so difficult, so painful and so enlightening, but all worth it. He is worth it. Now our adoption begins a new phase. We can proseed with the legal adoption of Ahren. It will be at least another year to get him home, maybe longer. I am prepared to have patience and faith. God is good!!!!

Done!

Never, ever again. I will not move. You can't make me. The past 4 days are a nightmare of heavy rains, temps in the 90's, power outages, mud, mud and more mud. We had the movers come on Friday and they got all the furniture, applianeces and boxes of stuff. Then we planned on moving everything else over the weekend using Chris's truck and an open trailer. But the rains set in. We could move garage type stuff, but not all the lamps, pictures, etc. We had to use my mini-van for all that. Trip after trip after trip. I ended up taking yesterday off and finishing it by myself. Then I had to re-clean the old house because we had tromped so much mud through there. After 4 full days of hard physical labor in the blinding heat and humidity, I was feeling horrible. My head was pounding, my legs shaky and every inch of me is sore. I managed to finish it all in time to grab a shower and be ready to head to the title company to close on the old house. Here's where I hit a snag. I couldn't find any pants! I hadn't unpacked my clothes yet and I tore thru the house trying to locate the right boxes. I found shirts, I found dresses, I found lots of other things, but no pants. In the end, I wore stretch work-out capris and a t-shirt. It was that or pj's. (I was tempted to wear the pj's.....)

Today I am back at work, thank goodness. I have AC, a comfy desk chair and the internet. Life is good. I may not be back to normal for a while, but I am at least not sweaty. This is a great thing.

I will post pictures soon. I promise!

Almost there....

We officially (we being us and the bank) own our new house. It's not entirely finished, but it's down to the teensy tiny details. And yes, we have it in writing to finish those. Our closing was yesterday at 4pm, and as usual I got lost getting there. Why in the world are no roads straight in Houston? Geez. I made it about 15 minutes late and we proceeded to sign our lives away. The builder, who was suposed to be there, never showed. I guess he didn't want to see us. He must have snuck in after we left and signed his part. That just made me laugh. I guess we really did beat him up pretty badly! Supposedly he gives his new homeowners a very nice gift at closing. I don't suppose we will be getting any gifts. Hah!!!

We close on the old house Monday afternoon. We are in good shape getting the repairs completed (they didn't ask for many but we only had 2 weeks) Termite treatment:done Plumber:done Fire door:done Roofer:scheduled for today We are in good shape. Packing is progressing. It seems like the more stuff I cram into boxes, the more stuff we have. It is growing behind my back. Katie was supposed to pack up her room before she left for camp. What she did was to throw everything she didn't want into the hallway outside her room, then shove all her clothes into two huge boxes. Her shoes, bedding, desk, etc are all still spread all over the place. I am going to spend this evening trying to tame the beast that is her room. If you don't hear form me soon, send a search party. I may be trapped in there.....

Levi is definitely affected by the move. He isn't sleeping well and isn't eating. He is crabby which is very unusual for him. We keep explaining how the move works, but he seems to think we are moving and leaving him behind. We have shown him his new room, explained that all of his things will move with him and that we will all be living in the new house, but he is having a hard time with it. I think Friday will be really hard for him because Nanny is going to watch him at Mina's house for the day. He will be in a strange place and then not come home to the home he has always known. All we can do is keep reassuring him and showing him what will happen. There may have to be a couple of 'special' new toys as a welcome gift at the new house, too. The power of toys should not be discounted. Think like a 3-year old. "Wow, this house comes with cool new toys. I like it here". Then again it may just take a couple of weeks to settle in. That's OK. We can handle it. *Famous last words......

Dear Mr. Builder,

We love the house. We can't wait to move in. But....the experience we have had with your company has been an exercise in frustration. Let's start with last August, when we found the land and bought it. We handed you a great big check to get going but it wasn't until December that work began. Why? Well, it does take time to get permits, etc, but we lost a full month of progress because the plans that were submitted to the architectural review committee had the wrong address on them.
Then the 'little mistakes' began to add up. The floor plug in the living room didn't get added, the light switches aren't in the right places, the tile was laid incorrectly, the wrong stone was put on the columns, there is a towel bar in the art niche in the bathroom, the faucets have gold handles instead of porcelin, etc etc etc. We have never gotten a supplemental bill that was correct on the first try, ever. Even the last one we received yesterday clearly had us double-billed for something. We have been hit with charges for things that we thought were included, charged for things we didn't want, charged for things we were told would be no cost and charged for things multiple times. Not a problem, we were able to clear it all up eventually.
No Mr. Builder, what has upset us the most is not these things, but the fact that it has been 10 months. Ten long months. And do you accept the blame for any of the delays? Nope. You blame us. We are the reason it has taken so long. We have had to beg for paperwork, have had to wait on pricing and information for many weeks, had to re-order the cabinets not once but twice because you changed vendors. You have made us feel small and stupid by trying to explain what the industry standard is even though Chris is in construction. Since when is the pad under the foundation not included in the house price? Since when is it standard to leave the house unlocked every day and then complain because things are stolen? Your idea of standard is a bit off I would say. But mostly, the service we have received from your company has been very poor. No one ever goes to check on our house. I can be standing in the house and have you telling me what is being done and know you are full of shit. So the driveway went in yesterday? Gee, I am standing in the front yard and nope, no driveway. The tile guys are working there right now? Are they invisible cuz I can't see them. You say the stone is correct? Then why are the suppliers ripping it out right now?
Admit it. Our house was not your priority. You started building in the new elite subdivision about the same time you started our house and that got all your attention. Our house just got phoned in. Backburnered. Short changed. Remember that reference letter you wanted from us? Forget about it. Instead you will be seeing the document we are filing with the Greater Houston Builders Association, the BBB and several other professional societies. Your company is small change compared to my husband's. You picked the wrong people to treat poorly.

Signed,
Not so happy customers

Chaos Central

We close on the new house next Tuesday, the movers come on Friday, we close on the old house the following Monday. Katie leaves for camp this Saturday and returns on Friday (the moving day) There are boxes both empty and full all over my house. I got the plumber out yesterday and tomorrow the roofer and pest company come to finish the little repairs from our inspection report on the old house. I need to get all the utilities switched, the mail, the paper, the cable, etc to the new house. We have daily meetings at the new house to approve work going on and keep things flowing. I have a million pictures to show y'all and no time to upload them. You'll just have to be patient!
My new arrythmia meds are working better. Phew, I need the ol' ticker to behave right now so I can get everything else done! No more tachycardia (speeding heart rate) and only one arrythmia episode in the past week. I feel like a new woman!
I think the stress of the move is getting to Levi. He has been acting out this past week. Poor thing, with all the insanity his schedule is shot. More than one night he has gone to bed still dirty from a day of play. In fact, last night he fell asleep on the couch before I got the dinner dishes cleaned up. I ended up throwing him in the tub this morning while I got ready for work and he had a blast. I didn't want Nanny to think we are total heathens! (Nanny: Levi, what is that between your toes? Oh good lord child, you are growing potatos!)
Yesterday Levi once again removed hs underwear and then put on a pair of jeans. Nanny told me later she warned him that he would get his tallywhacker hung in the zipper if he didn't watch out. (Yes, she really talks like that! I love that woman) I laughed and laughed. I'm sure he had no clue what she was talking about. Luckily nothing got hung in the zipper.
I took Katie shopping for camp supplies this weekend. The rules clearly state that girls must have one piece bathing suits and to not even test this. If you show up with anything else they will drive you to Wal Mart and make you buy the ugliest old lady suit possible and make you wear it. So here is how it went.
Katie: I'm just going to wear a shirt over my bikini. That's what everyone is doing.
Me: No, it says you have to have a 1 piece.
Katie: (much grumbling) Ok, I will just get a tankini and pull the top down
Me: No, it specifically states no tankinis.
Katie: But Moooooooooom (it's a 3-syllable word) Lisa said it would be OK.
Me: Lisa is not in charge. The rules say....

Now replay this conversation 20 times verbatim. That is what it was like taking her camp shopping. I won. She has a 1 piece. It was either that or she wasn't going. I am such a mean mom!

Mama Bear Unleashed

The news we received yesterday was so very very hard. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomache. It hurt so badly I couldn't even cry. Then something odd happened. I didn't feel sad anymore. It didn't hurt. It burned....and I was mad. Madder than I have ever been. So angry that someone could do this to an innocent child. MY child! Our son! The anger galvanized me. I started researching. I made calls, I wrote letters. I demanded answers. By God I was not going to give up and I was not going to go down without a fight. I was a fearsome mother bear fighting for the life of my child.

And here is what I found. The embassy has NOT declared our cases illegal. Yes, they are flagged and will be scrutinized more closely, but they have decided to look at ALL cases more closely. This actually started a couple of months ago and had nothing to do with Waiting Angels. Ahren's case has not even been filed yet, so there is no way it could be labelled as illegal. The message we all received, although it was from a source we considered legit, was not entirely true or accurate. It wasn't meant to be malicious, it was suppposed to be a warning of how difficult things are going to be. But it still remains that it wasn't true.

So the fight continues! It's not over until the fat lady sings and I'm not singing! We will do everything within our powers (legally) to bring our son home. In the event he has to remain in Guatemala we will do everything we can to insure he has a wonderful life and is well provided for. You cannot turn off love. You certainly cannot turn off a mother's instincts. Grrrr!!!!

Ugly Monday

This is the message I received today regarding Ahren's adoption. Things are definitely looking very bad. There was a lot more information and none of it was very encouraging. If Ahren is deemed unadoptable becasue his birth mother was paid, then he will never qualify as an orphan to be brought into the US. No matter what. End of story. Now we wait and see if this is indeed true, because we have learned that information is not always correct.

Your case has been red-flagged. The status as of the arrest and the news reports of every WA case was that EVERY single case would be flagged as being ILLEGAL due to the admitted birth mother payoff. At this point, the Embassy (and possibly PGN) would consider the case invalid until proven otherwise. Some of these cases have NEVER had their POA (Power of Attorney) registered, the information is simply wrong about the status of the case and there is question whether the child is adoptable.

OK, how in the world would you prove that something did NOT happen? How can you prove a birth mother was not paid? You can prove that something did occur, but how do you prove it didn't? That is going to be impossible. We still haven't gotten proof his birth certificate has been approved. We have nothing, zilch, zero. Just worries and fears. Those I have plenty of!