Is it Monday???

Weekday holidays always mess up my internal calendar. I can't remember what day of the week it is! This is really bad because I don't use a physical calendar to keep track of everyone's schedules. I just use my brain. (Scary, huh!) I also never use an alarm clock. Haven't for years. I just tell myself what time to wake up and I do. Go ahead and say it. I'm a freak.

Thank you to everyone who commented on my Ashley post. I feel so much better knowing that others have felt the same way she does. I struggle to understand her. I have since she was first born. I love her so much and want her to be happy but she always seems to be in pain emotionally. I wish I could kiss it and make it all better. My hubby thinks she uses the emotional pain she creates to help her with the guilt she feels for living with her father. Some of you mentioned the same thing. It makes sense and it fits, too. She is always so happy when she gets here, and then over time the other issues pop up. The closer it gets to going back, the worse things get. I tell her how much I love her and miss her because I don't want her to feel like I don't, but maybe that puts more pressure on her and more guilt. So I tell her how happy I am she does so well there and that it's OK but does that make her think I don't want her? The proverbial rock and a hard place, I tell you.

Levi still refuses to take a bath. I have tried many different things. We have resorted to washing him up in the kitchen sink each evening. Not perfect but at least we can get him somewhat clean. I have resorted to telling him he cannot have a bath. He is not allowed in the tub. I started that 2 days ago and his initial response was, "Hey, I am stinky!" I figure I will hold out for a few days then see if I can get him in the tub...... a little reverse psychology. If the weather ever dries up I figured I could buy a big metal washtub and put him out on the back porch to take a bath. Yeehah, we are some country bumpkins takin our Saturday night baths in the washtub. Hey, whatever works. As long as he gets clean, I am not going to sweat it!

One week from today I will be heading for Guatemala to see my little ones! I have received a lot of donations and am packing strategically to get it all down there. I may h ave to pay a little extra on the way down but it's worth it. I promise to get many, many pictures of the orphanages and kids receiving the donations. I am so excited I can hardly sleep most nights. The visits are the best thing ever and yet the hardest thing ever. Saying good-bye is awful, but that's not stopping me. I am on a mission to sqeeze my babies!!!

Ashley

Ashley does not like being broken (what she calls having thyroid disease).

Ashley chose to live with her father in Dallas so he wouldn't be alone.

Ashley is 12 and already taller than I am.

Ashley has a big heart and a big temper.

Ashley is very angry at me.

Ashley was 2 years old when her father and I separated. She was 8 years old when she decided she wanted to live with him. We all went to a child psychologist before we allowed her to go live with him to insure that this was in her best interest. I was positive the psych. would say a little girl needs to be with her mom, but I was wrong. She felt that Ashley had a very strong attachment to her father and also had a need for more attention, which she would get as an only child with him. My heart broke into a million pieces but I let her go. I cried so many tears, I had nightmares, I ached so badly. But she was happy and doing well. Being a mother is all about sacrifice and I figured that if this was best for her then I would deal with it. Her Dad is a good guy. We are still friends and have done things all together with the kids whenever possible. We talk on the phone frequently and try and back each other up in our parenting. It's not easy but we do it for the girls.

Every time Ashley comes to visit us, if it's for a weekend or a summer, she acts out. She only behaves this way towards me and around me. She's an angel with her dad, at school and with her friends. But with me, she is demanding, rude, belligerent, mouthy and downright mean at times. This isn't all the time, but she has episodes of this every single time she visits. She has a lot of anger inside her all directed towards me.

She thinks that because she doesn't live with me that when she comes to visit it should be an all-out Ashley party and this would prove to her I love her. Instead, we do a few special things but mostly just behave like a normal family. To her this means I don't miss her and love her. To her this is not fair. I think that it wouldn't be fair to treat her differently just because she chose not to live here. What would Katie and Levi think if Ashley gets special attention/gifts etc when she visits, but they never get the same treatment. I treat her exactly like I do them because I love her and want everything to be fair.

I also think that Ashley invents unfair treatment at our house so that she can justify living with her dad. Her bad behavior always escalates in the few days before she goes back to him, so that by the time she goes she is escaping what she thinks is a horrible situation. In her mind we all abuse her, she is neglected, treated unfairly, mistreated and miserable.

Here are some examples of what Ash perceives as mistreatment. 1) I refused to buy her a Coach purse this weekend. Remember, she is 12 and a Coach purse costs mucho $$$. How vile of me. 2) She and Katie went for a walk at 10:30 pm one night. We were in bed, heard the door and went to investigate. We couldn't find the girls anywhere inside or outside the house (panic!). Finally, they came walking back up the road, both dressed all in dark colors. We took their phones away for a day. 3) Ashley wanted to go swimming yesterday but I said No because it was storming. Rain and lightning, etc. 4) It took me 2 weeks to find and assemble all the parts to the computer so she could get on the internet.

I have taken Ashley to counselors, doctors, etc. I have taken time off to spend special one-on-one time with her. When she visits we go get her nails done, get her hair done, do some shopping. I take her to the eye doctor, the dentist, the endocrinologist, the pediatrician. I realized a long time ago that it is never enough. For some reason she does not feel my love and she is very angry at me.

I remember when she was 44 days old and had RSV. Her father had already moved to Dallas and I was still in Phoenix with a 2 year old and a new baby trying to sell the house. Ashley was sick from the time she was born. She couldn't tolerate any formulas and had intestinal bleeding. She had to have a special prescription formula (I wasn't able to nurse because my seizure meds would have been toxic to her) Then she got RSV. She spent a week in the hospital. I never left her. I arranged for friends to keep Katie and I never left her side. They had to stick her 7 times to get an IV going (in her head!) and I held her thru it all. At night, her alarms would go off and the nurses would rush in to get her breathing again, and I was there. I slept in the chair beside her bed. The nurses gave me scrubs to wear because I had only the clothes on my back. I learned to do chest percussion and suction out the mucous and give her breathing treatments by myself. I never left her. When we were able to go home, I had to give her breathing treatments, chest percussion and suctioning every two hours around the clock. I did it and took care of Katie, all by myself. I drank gallons of coffee and lost a lot of weight, but I nursed my baby back to health. This is the baby that has a love/hate thing going on with me now.

Why is she so angry? I didn't know a broken heart could continue to break.....

Happy Weekend

First off, I forgot my camera (Doh!)) so I have zero pictures of our fun birthday-bash get-away. I'll have to paint you pictures with words instead.

I like to plan special fun things for my family. I have the habit of building it up in my mind and always ending up disappointed because nothing ever turns out as good as what I imagine. Knowing this, I still decided to plan a mini-vacation this weekend to celebrate Katie, Chris, and Levi's birthdays. Their birthdays all fell within the two weeks since we moved and very little celebrating has been going on. We needed to do something fun. Something away from the mud and boxes and clutter.

I booked a room in a nice hotel nearby that has an indoor pool. (Rain...) I packed for me and Levi, told the girls to pack for overnight and bring their swimsuits and told the kids to all be ready by 10:30 am. Chris stayed behind to work on a project and would meet up with us later. We loaded presents and bags into the car and headed to the mall. We hit Build-A-Bear first, where levi made a birthday monkey and Katie and Ash made bears for PBJ and Ahren. We ordered a cookie cake from the cookie place. We shopped and bought each kid a special new outfit to wear to dinner. We had lunch, laughed, spent way too much money (Chris, I hope you don't read this....;-) and got Ashley's hair cut. (She was looking might shaggy and that girl has more hair than Charlie's Angels combined) We picked up the cookie at 3:30 and headed to the hotel. There was swimming and more laughing and Chris met us, then dinner at Chili's (Yum!). We went back to the hotel where Chris had brought 2 dozen balloons. We opened presents, swam some more, ate cookie cake and watched TV all together. No one got much sleep, though. Katie and Ashley slept together on the sofa bed and that just didn't work well. Levi slept with me and Chris and that didn't work well.

So all in all it was a good time. Not perfect, but happy. We ate the next morning and headed to church. We spent the rest of the day working around the house. I finally got the computers set up at home so we have internet access. Whooohooo! I also finally got the stupid pool set up and filled. It had become personal by now. It was me against the pool. I was not going to lose! I kicked that pool's butt!!! Of course it is storming all day today and no one can use the pool. But, it is up and full. Hah!

Fears for Ahren

Now that I have hope that Ahren will eventually join our family, I am hit with thoughts about what it will be like to bring a 2-3 year old child home. It will be completely different than bringing home the 8-10 month old baby we were expecting. I know that he is developmentally delayed. At 10 months old he could not sit unsupported and even had trouble holding himself upright with support. He could not bear any weight on his legs. He had difficulty eating from a spoon. Now at 17 months old he is still not walking. These are the things I know. What I don't know is why he is delayed. Is it because he is never put down so that he can learn these skills or is it something else?
I also know from my visit in October that he has a quiet, sweet and laid-back personality. I know he learns well because I taught him to wave bye-bye in the few days I spent with him. He also reacted to me calling his name by turning and looking at me smiling. These are good signs.
I am visiting again in two weeks. On this trip I have decided not to keep Ahren at the hotel with me. At 18 months old, he is completely attached and dependent on his foster family. Separating him from them for a few days would cause him too much pain. It would be selfish of me to do that, especially since there is no chance that he would remember me from this visit by the time he comes home. Instead, I have arranged with his foster mother to have her bring him for visits. He will have her there as his comfort source, and I can spend time with him and get to know him.
I keep thinking about how it will be to separate him from the only life, the only family he has ever known at an age when children are trying to exert their independence but also need the security to do so successfully. Because we will have 4 other children when he comes home, will that help him be comfortable or will he feel lost in the crowd? (His foster mother has only grown children.) He will have developed language by then, so he won't be able to communicate with us or us with him very well. How do you soothe a child that you cannot explain things to?
My plan is to take it very slow. We will bring him home to a quiet (or as quiet as can be) home where we will not have visitors at first. We will spend time holding and rocking, playing on the floor and exploring his new surroundings. We will take it at his pace. We will watch and learn from him as we go. With his personality he could adjust easily and fit right into the family, or it could totally overwhelm him. We will just have to be very careful in what we expose him to in the beginning.
As we get through the adoption process, and we come close to the end, I will visit as often as I can so that he will know me. I don't want to be a complete stranger. Already, his foster mother shows him pictures of us every day and refers to us as Mama and Papa. I will send more pictures and little gifts (which I already do each month) so that he has some concept of us. I need to find out if they have a VCR or DVD player because I can send videos of us for him to watch.
It is so strange to me to think we have loved this child with all our hearts for so long, and he has no idea we exist. Can he feel our love on some other level? Will that love be enough to help him through this adjustment time? What if he never loves us back?

None of this really matters at this point since we still have a very long and difficult road ahead of us. I just can't stop thinking about what it will be like to finally be his Mommy.

Still Grinning Like a Fool

I have been in constant contact this week with the attorneys in Guatemala regarding Ahren's case. They are working through our entire dossier and telling me what needs to be updated, what is fine, etc. The next step is to sign a new Power of Attorney using the correct spelling of his name. This POA allows the attorneys to work on the adoption for us. We also have a form that we need to send that is needed so they can apply for DNA testing. In Guat adoptions, all birth mothers and children undergo DNA tests to prove that that mother has the right to relinquish that child. It's sad but true that not all that long ago many children were abducted and sold for adoption so the U.S. instituted this step to prevent that. It's a simple test done from a swab of the inside of the cheek. But, although the test itself is simple, the process of getting it done is ridiculously complex (as are all parts of a Guat adoption!) First, the attorney has to stand in line at the Embassy to get permission to do the test. They only grant a certain number each day, so if they don't get there super early, they get turned away. Then, once they have permission, they try and schedule the test, bringing in the child and the birth mother at the same time. This can be tricky since the birth mother may live many hours away and have no transportation. Or, like our case, it has been so long since the child was born locating the birth mother may be a problem. One further complicating factor is that 70% of women in Guatemala are illiterate, so they can't just send a notice requesting them to come in if the birth mother cannot read and understand it.
Even knowing that I have more paperchasing to do, and that getting the DNA accomplished could be a big problem, I am still over the moon with happiness. It is now POSSIBLE to move ahead. For almost 18 months we have been loving and planning for this little boy. That whole time he was not legally available to adopt yet because he did not have a valid birth certificate. There are a lot of other complicating factors but I won't go into them. We are focusing on the future and the hurdles we still face.

Update on Levi: Still no bath. I tried bribing him (oh shush, I am desperate!) with new Spiderman bath bubbles and a Spiderman towel, but he didn't go for it. Chris was going to get in with him, but he didn't want that either. So this morning I had a long talk with him.

Me: Levi, why do you scream when it's time for a bath? Are you afraid of the tub?

Levi: I'm scared. There's gudders in the tub.

Me: Gudders? What are gudders?

Levi: They squirt water at your head. I don't like them.

Me: Oh, the squirters shoot water at your head. Did you know your bathtub does not have squirters?

L: (looking like he is thinking this over) Hmmmmm.

Me: Nope, no squirters there. Not even a button to push.

L: Really?

Me: Tonight I will show you. You can check it out for yourself. No squirters.

L: Okay!

I plan on having this conversation again this evening, followed by a thorough inspection of the tubs. Keep your fingers crossed. Maybe, just maybe, we can get back into our normal routine. The bath is an important part of the nightly ritual and is much needed for helping him to wind down, in addition to the de-stinkification reasons.

Oh, and cheer camp? He loves it. All the older girls fight over who gets to carry him around and who he gets to sit with. Today they had a huge waterballoon fight and that's all he could talk about since yesterday. He was pretty timid at the beginning of the week (like not telling the instructor when he had to use the bathroom...) but he is coming out of his shell quite nicely. And boy can he shake his bootie!! He has another boy in his group and they hang together. I may sign him up for the second session which is at the beginning of August, and sign him up for tot tumbling too.

Guess what?

Chicken butt. (Sorry, I've been around my kids too much)

Seriously, guess what we have? It's something we have wanted for a very long time. Something important. Something small but not insignificant.

We have Ahren's BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!! They are faxing it to me today. We are also signing our new Power of Attorney (correct spelling to match new BC) and the new forms for DNA today. I still can't believe it. After almost 18 months, we are finally starting this adoption. I need to just think of it as starting a new case now, instead of focusing on the 18 months of waiting for him to become legally available. So our time clock starts over.

Hey everyone, look at the toddler boy we just accepted our referral for. Isn't he a cutie and check out the curls! He was born Jan 7th (Ashley's birthday) in 2006, so almost 18 months old.

He will be one year ahead of Peri Brynn in school and will fit perfectly between her and Levi.

Hee!

OK, so I am a bit giddy with the news. I really never thought we would get to this point. I was so afraid that they would have to pursue an abandonment case and it would be another 2-4 years before he was available for adoption. Or worse yet the US Embassy would declare him not an orphan and he would never be adoptable. Instead, we are moving forward and will probably bring him home in 9-12 months. Funny how that sounds so short now....

Scalded Monkey

Last week there was one evening when I was puttering through my usual nightime routine. Dinner was over and dishes stowed in the washer, counters wiped, etc etc and I was running the bath for Levi. (OK, does anyone know why little boys stink so badly or can get so absolutely sweaty and grimy????) He took one look at the tub and began to scream like a scalded monkey. I added bubbles, he continued to scream. I added toys. He screamed. I added colored bath fizzies and he screamed some more. So I thought the new gigantic tub in the master bathroom must just be too big and I switched to the bathtub in his bathroom. More screaming. I suggested a shower. Screaming. I ended up standing him in the tub, scrubbing as quick as I could and rinsing him off, now partially deaf in one ear from the screams. This all coming from a kid who is part fish and I have to cajole to get OUT of the tub normally.

The next day I mention to Nanny that Levi just did not want to take a bath the night before, and she looks a bit sheepish. She had him playing in the master bathtub the day before (with all the rain she has had to become quite inventive in ways to keep the little ones occupied) She was curious about the jacuzzi and hit the button. The water wasn't over the level of the jets so the thing roared like a wild animal and shot jets of water directly at his head. Poor kid flew out of the tub in terror and wrapped himself around her neck.

So now we know why the sudden fear of the tub. And shower. I even tried the kitchen sink. So now what? I don't want to further terrorize him, but he has to be de-stinkified somehow. If it would quit raining I would get a wading pool, soap him up and throw him in there to play. But no, it rains and rains and rains. I can't spray him with Febreeze (can I???) Just kidding! Last night I ended up standing him naked in the kitchen and washing him down with a washcloth while he stood on a towel. I couldn't really do his hair, but the rest of him came out pretty good (remember, a day at camp plus 2 wet pants episodes. He needed to be washed in the worst way) If anyone has any brilliant ideas, hit me with them. This could turn into a desperate situation very quickly....

Summer Parenting

The kids have been out of school for a couple of weeks now and I am already losing my mind. We bought them a big pool, but can't seem to get it set up. We moved and our whole yard is nothing but mud. We haven't been able to put up the playset or any outdoor play equipment yet. This leads to boredom. Boredom is contagious and destructive. Here is what I experienced yesterday (thank goodness I work outside the home or I would have had at least 2 of my children in straight jackets by yesterday afternoon)

Camp is out at 3 pm. 3:10 the phone rings. Ashley: Mom, Katie is being rude. Don't let her do anything tonight.

While on the phone, the other line beeps. It's Katie: Mom, don't believe anything she says, she's a liar. (Ashley screaming in the background)

I tell them both to quit, no one gets to do anything and I will be home at 4:45.

Phone intermittenly rings up until I walk out the door of work. Conversations revolve around who gets to do what tonight and how the other sister is evil, mean and should be grounded.

4:30 I am at the grocery store, picking up pull-ups (for camp pant-wetting issues) Phone rings. Do I answer it? I opt not to and ignore it. It continues to ring and ring and ring. Finally after I pull out of the parking lot, I answer it.

Ashley: (at the top of her lungs) Mom, Katie locked me out of the house. She is evil. You never punish her. You have ruined her. You have to do something RIGHT NOW!!!

I tell her I an hanging up and calling Katie to see what is going on and to get her to let you in.

Right now the bottom falls out of the sky and I can hardly see the road, the wind and rain are blowing so hard. I dial Katie.

Katie: Hello?
Me: Did you lock your sister out of the house?
Katie: Mom, she is so stupid. The door isn't even locked. She's just to stupid to come in.
I can hear Ashley screaming bloody murder in the background. I tell Katie to open the door. I tell Katie again that no one is going anywhere, they are both stuck at home until they can act like civilized human beings and I hang up.

I walk into the house, drenched, not in the best mood, to arguing. Loud arguing. I have had it. Be quiet! Right now! Sit down and listen up. This is not going to fly. As long as you two can't treat each other nicely, you will both be stuck at home with nothing to do. The choice is yours. Then I got them busy doing things.

The rest of the evening was much better. Thankfully!

Last night I made spaghetti and meatballs for supper. I usually buy frozen meatballs but I decided to make home-made meatballs. Now, if you don't know me, you wouldn't know that I grew up in the midwest where the only spices utilized are salt, pepper and garlic powder. Every recipe starts with a can of cream-of-something soup. Plus, I don't have one drop of italian blood in my body. So meatballs? A bit of a stretch. I love to cook and I try to learn new things all the time. So, I made meatballs. I made a large double batch so we would have enough for another meal. It turned out the meatballs were a huge hit and so few were left after dinner that I will have to make more to have another dinner. Levi ate 4 all by himself. He has never eaten that much before. It was amazing! So woot for me!

There is a big controversy at my house right now. I signed Levi up to go to day-camp with Ashley. Cheerleading daycamp. Yeah, it's mostly girls, but there are a couple other little boys. They spend 5 days learning chants and cheers, putting on little performances and playing lots of games. Especially for the littlest kids it is just a good fun way to expend some energy. So yeah, my son is in cheer camp this week. Ashley is loving having her little brother with her and showing him off. Katie thinks we are making him into a sissy by letting him go. (I pointed out that she is the one who dressed him up in a tutu and took pictures of him.....) So the arguments rage on. Personally I don't care. He is loving it and the activity is good for him. He is learning to follow directions, work together with other kids, and follow a structured day. These are all things he needs to learn to be successful in school. Plus, he is more timid in new situations than the girls were, and it is very helpful to him to be able to see Ashley across the gym any time he wants. He feels more secure that way. They even eat lunch together. The only problem he had today was he had too much fun and ended up wetting his pants. Ooops! Oh well, nothing a pair of dry drawers can't fix (and at least he was wearing drawers!)

A wonderful woman who I have never met mailed me a box full of donations for the orphanages. Her generosity completely amazed me! I figured I would get responses form the people I work with and my family mostly, but someone I have never met? It left me speechless. Sometimes the world amazes me with the sadness and pain it heaps on people, and then one little angel steps forward and my heart is filled to bursting with the goodness. Stacey, you are the epitome of all that is good in this world. I thank you and the children thank you!

I am thinking of naming our new house The Ark. You see, every day since our moving day it has rained. It has poured, thundered, blown, and poured some more. Our grass-less yard is nothing more than a mud hole. I can deal with that. I walk on the sidewalk, wipe my feet, and ignore the mud. But..... little boys, girls and dogs do not avoid the mud. The mud calls to them like a siren song. There is now a large pile of very muddy shoes by the back door. I have bathed each dog at least twice and I got so sick of it that I shaved off all of Max's hair (He is now a naked Sheltie) It is so wet, the landscaper cannot even think about doing something with our yard (unless he plants rice) Can you Astroturf your lawn? I am seriously starting to consider it. The mud is driving me insane. (But, the pond is full and we had a Crane hunting for fish in it this weekend. So beautiful)

One last word: when your kids spy the gigantic Quick-Set pool at Wally-World, and it is marked down making it appear to be a good deal, and the box says it takes only 30 minutes to set up......DON"T DO IT! I have been wrestling with that stupid pool for a week. The ground is so wet under it and still not settled from recently being graded that as we fill the pool it begins to list to one side and then spills over. We have emptied and re-leveled the ground twice and the stupid pool still lists to the side. I am about to set it up on the driveway since that is the only solid area we have. Dear Quick-Set, I hate you so very very much!!!!

Shameless begging (for a good cause)

I will be traveling to Guatemala soon. I have been busy setting up visits to several orphanages there and have started to ask (beg, plead, and whine) for donations from everyone I know.

The first one I will be visiting is Casa Angelina. You may read more about this orphanage at http://www.ivantaitmissions.com/ then click on the Guatemala orphanage link.

The second orphanage I am visiting is Hogar Para Ninos Un Mundo Neuvo. This orphanage is for small children, newborns to 8 years old, who have been abandoned or given up for adoption. Katie and I visited this orphanage last year and brought donations and gave of our time. It was a hugely rewarding experience!
The third orphanage we are visiting is one for girls ages 4-16. The girls are rescued off of the streets, given a home and schooling and taken care of until they can live on their own. Over 70% of women in Guatemala are illiterate so just the fact that these girls receive an education is a small miracle in itself.
One of the things we have been asked to help with is to purchase new mattresses for the girls dormitory. Here is a picture of what the beds look like now. We have contacted a reputable mattress dealer in Guatemala City and will purchase and deliver the mattresses personally while there.
The other types of things (besides money to buy necessities) that the orphanages have requested are simple school supplies like markers, crayons, notebooks, paper, pencils, etc. The children can always use underwear and socks, shampoo, soap, lotion, pajamas, and vitamins.
If anyone would like to make a donation, feel free to contact me (Wendy) at 281-863-3140, or wjarman@lexgen.com. I will be sure and take lots of pictures to share with all of you of these precious children. No donation can compare to the joy on their faces from a simple hug. These are truly precious children.

Signs from God

I have been asking God to please reveal to me a sign that we should continue to fight for Ahren, fight harder, find more ways to fight, etc etc. It is so hard. He is 17 months old and he still has not been cleared as adoptable. We keep being told different things all the time. I asked God to just show me a small sign and I will follow whatever path he has laid for us.

Instead of one sign, I got three. Here is how it happened.

On Monday we were set to close on our old house. I knew the family buying our house was from Utah, they have 4 children and I knew their last name was hispanic sounding. When we walked into the closing, it was clear the father was hispanic and the mother anglo. We hit it off right away. They are the best people! At one point, she referred to his citizenship papers and I assumed he was from mexico, as are a lot of people in our area. We got to talking about children and I explained we have three plus two on the way through adoption. They asked where from and we said Guatemala. Their eyes lit up and they announced that is where he is from. He grew up 40 miles south of the city in Chimeltanango (spelling???) He has a lot of family still there and they offered to hook us up with them when we visit Guatemala. We talked for 2 hours!

When we got home, I got an e-mail from Adoption Supervisors (the extra attorneys we have hired to help with Ahren's case) They announced that the rectification has been approved, signed by the director and released. This is the one thing we needed to make Ahren legally adoptable. I can hardly believe it! We are waiting on confirmation that the attorneys have picked up the file and submitted for a new birth certificate, but if this is true it is a miracle!!!!

Then, when I got to work on Monday morning, there was a new set of pictures of Ahren. Just one last confirmation that he is our son and waiting for us to get thru the process and bring him home.

I now have hope again. I have renewed energy to fight. I am back in the game and ready to do whatever it takes to bring this precious child into our family. Talk about a labor of love! Someday, when we are sitting with Ahren and he is wondering about his past, I can show him all the ways we fought to bring him home. The journey has been so difficult, so painful and so enlightening, but all worth it. He is worth it. Now our adoption begins a new phase. We can proseed with the legal adoption of Ahren. It will be at least another year to get him home, maybe longer. I am prepared to have patience and faith. God is good!!!!

Done!

Never, ever again. I will not move. You can't make me. The past 4 days are a nightmare of heavy rains, temps in the 90's, power outages, mud, mud and more mud. We had the movers come on Friday and they got all the furniture, applianeces and boxes of stuff. Then we planned on moving everything else over the weekend using Chris's truck and an open trailer. But the rains set in. We could move garage type stuff, but not all the lamps, pictures, etc. We had to use my mini-van for all that. Trip after trip after trip. I ended up taking yesterday off and finishing it by myself. Then I had to re-clean the old house because we had tromped so much mud through there. After 4 full days of hard physical labor in the blinding heat and humidity, I was feeling horrible. My head was pounding, my legs shaky and every inch of me is sore. I managed to finish it all in time to grab a shower and be ready to head to the title company to close on the old house. Here's where I hit a snag. I couldn't find any pants! I hadn't unpacked my clothes yet and I tore thru the house trying to locate the right boxes. I found shirts, I found dresses, I found lots of other things, but no pants. In the end, I wore stretch work-out capris and a t-shirt. It was that or pj's. (I was tempted to wear the pj's.....)

Today I am back at work, thank goodness. I have AC, a comfy desk chair and the internet. Life is good. I may not be back to normal for a while, but I am at least not sweaty. This is a great thing.

I will post pictures soon. I promise!

Almost there....

We officially (we being us and the bank) own our new house. It's not entirely finished, but it's down to the teensy tiny details. And yes, we have it in writing to finish those. Our closing was yesterday at 4pm, and as usual I got lost getting there. Why in the world are no roads straight in Houston? Geez. I made it about 15 minutes late and we proceeded to sign our lives away. The builder, who was suposed to be there, never showed. I guess he didn't want to see us. He must have snuck in after we left and signed his part. That just made me laugh. I guess we really did beat him up pretty badly! Supposedly he gives his new homeowners a very nice gift at closing. I don't suppose we will be getting any gifts. Hah!!!

We close on the old house Monday afternoon. We are in good shape getting the repairs completed (they didn't ask for many but we only had 2 weeks) Termite treatment:done Plumber:done Fire door:done Roofer:scheduled for today We are in good shape. Packing is progressing. It seems like the more stuff I cram into boxes, the more stuff we have. It is growing behind my back. Katie was supposed to pack up her room before she left for camp. What she did was to throw everything she didn't want into the hallway outside her room, then shove all her clothes into two huge boxes. Her shoes, bedding, desk, etc are all still spread all over the place. I am going to spend this evening trying to tame the beast that is her room. If you don't hear form me soon, send a search party. I may be trapped in there.....

Levi is definitely affected by the move. He isn't sleeping well and isn't eating. He is crabby which is very unusual for him. We keep explaining how the move works, but he seems to think we are moving and leaving him behind. We have shown him his new room, explained that all of his things will move with him and that we will all be living in the new house, but he is having a hard time with it. I think Friday will be really hard for him because Nanny is going to watch him at Mina's house for the day. He will be in a strange place and then not come home to the home he has always known. All we can do is keep reassuring him and showing him what will happen. There may have to be a couple of 'special' new toys as a welcome gift at the new house, too. The power of toys should not be discounted. Think like a 3-year old. "Wow, this house comes with cool new toys. I like it here". Then again it may just take a couple of weeks to settle in. That's OK. We can handle it. *Famous last words......

Dear Mr. Builder,

We love the house. We can't wait to move in. But....the experience we have had with your company has been an exercise in frustration. Let's start with last August, when we found the land and bought it. We handed you a great big check to get going but it wasn't until December that work began. Why? Well, it does take time to get permits, etc, but we lost a full month of progress because the plans that were submitted to the architectural review committee had the wrong address on them.
Then the 'little mistakes' began to add up. The floor plug in the living room didn't get added, the light switches aren't in the right places, the tile was laid incorrectly, the wrong stone was put on the columns, there is a towel bar in the art niche in the bathroom, the faucets have gold handles instead of porcelin, etc etc etc. We have never gotten a supplemental bill that was correct on the first try, ever. Even the last one we received yesterday clearly had us double-billed for something. We have been hit with charges for things that we thought were included, charged for things we didn't want, charged for things we were told would be no cost and charged for things multiple times. Not a problem, we were able to clear it all up eventually.
No Mr. Builder, what has upset us the most is not these things, but the fact that it has been 10 months. Ten long months. And do you accept the blame for any of the delays? Nope. You blame us. We are the reason it has taken so long. We have had to beg for paperwork, have had to wait on pricing and information for many weeks, had to re-order the cabinets not once but twice because you changed vendors. You have made us feel small and stupid by trying to explain what the industry standard is even though Chris is in construction. Since when is the pad under the foundation not included in the house price? Since when is it standard to leave the house unlocked every day and then complain because things are stolen? Your idea of standard is a bit off I would say. But mostly, the service we have received from your company has been very poor. No one ever goes to check on our house. I can be standing in the house and have you telling me what is being done and know you are full of shit. So the driveway went in yesterday? Gee, I am standing in the front yard and nope, no driveway. The tile guys are working there right now? Are they invisible cuz I can't see them. You say the stone is correct? Then why are the suppliers ripping it out right now?
Admit it. Our house was not your priority. You started building in the new elite subdivision about the same time you started our house and that got all your attention. Our house just got phoned in. Backburnered. Short changed. Remember that reference letter you wanted from us? Forget about it. Instead you will be seeing the document we are filing with the Greater Houston Builders Association, the BBB and several other professional societies. Your company is small change compared to my husband's. You picked the wrong people to treat poorly.

Signed,
Not so happy customers

Chaos Central

We close on the new house next Tuesday, the movers come on Friday, we close on the old house the following Monday. Katie leaves for camp this Saturday and returns on Friday (the moving day) There are boxes both empty and full all over my house. I got the plumber out yesterday and tomorrow the roofer and pest company come to finish the little repairs from our inspection report on the old house. I need to get all the utilities switched, the mail, the paper, the cable, etc to the new house. We have daily meetings at the new house to approve work going on and keep things flowing. I have a million pictures to show y'all and no time to upload them. You'll just have to be patient!
My new arrythmia meds are working better. Phew, I need the ol' ticker to behave right now so I can get everything else done! No more tachycardia (speeding heart rate) and only one arrythmia episode in the past week. I feel like a new woman!
I think the stress of the move is getting to Levi. He has been acting out this past week. Poor thing, with all the insanity his schedule is shot. More than one night he has gone to bed still dirty from a day of play. In fact, last night he fell asleep on the couch before I got the dinner dishes cleaned up. I ended up throwing him in the tub this morning while I got ready for work and he had a blast. I didn't want Nanny to think we are total heathens! (Nanny: Levi, what is that between your toes? Oh good lord child, you are growing potatos!)
Yesterday Levi once again removed hs underwear and then put on a pair of jeans. Nanny told me later she warned him that he would get his tallywhacker hung in the zipper if he didn't watch out. (Yes, she really talks like that! I love that woman) I laughed and laughed. I'm sure he had no clue what she was talking about. Luckily nothing got hung in the zipper.
I took Katie shopping for camp supplies this weekend. The rules clearly state that girls must have one piece bathing suits and to not even test this. If you show up with anything else they will drive you to Wal Mart and make you buy the ugliest old lady suit possible and make you wear it. So here is how it went.
Katie: I'm just going to wear a shirt over my bikini. That's what everyone is doing.
Me: No, it says you have to have a 1 piece.
Katie: (much grumbling) Ok, I will just get a tankini and pull the top down
Me: No, it specifically states no tankinis.
Katie: But Moooooooooom (it's a 3-syllable word) Lisa said it would be OK.
Me: Lisa is not in charge. The rules say....

Now replay this conversation 20 times verbatim. That is what it was like taking her camp shopping. I won. She has a 1 piece. It was either that or she wasn't going. I am such a mean mom!

Mama Bear Unleashed

The news we received yesterday was so very very hard. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomache. It hurt so badly I couldn't even cry. Then something odd happened. I didn't feel sad anymore. It didn't hurt. It burned....and I was mad. Madder than I have ever been. So angry that someone could do this to an innocent child. MY child! Our son! The anger galvanized me. I started researching. I made calls, I wrote letters. I demanded answers. By God I was not going to give up and I was not going to go down without a fight. I was a fearsome mother bear fighting for the life of my child.

And here is what I found. The embassy has NOT declared our cases illegal. Yes, they are flagged and will be scrutinized more closely, but they have decided to look at ALL cases more closely. This actually started a couple of months ago and had nothing to do with Waiting Angels. Ahren's case has not even been filed yet, so there is no way it could be labelled as illegal. The message we all received, although it was from a source we considered legit, was not entirely true or accurate. It wasn't meant to be malicious, it was suppposed to be a warning of how difficult things are going to be. But it still remains that it wasn't true.

So the fight continues! It's not over until the fat lady sings and I'm not singing! We will do everything within our powers (legally) to bring our son home. In the event he has to remain in Guatemala we will do everything we can to insure he has a wonderful life and is well provided for. You cannot turn off love. You certainly cannot turn off a mother's instincts. Grrrr!!!!

Ugly Monday

This is the message I received today regarding Ahren's adoption. Things are definitely looking very bad. There was a lot more information and none of it was very encouraging. If Ahren is deemed unadoptable becasue his birth mother was paid, then he will never qualify as an orphan to be brought into the US. No matter what. End of story. Now we wait and see if this is indeed true, because we have learned that information is not always correct.

Your case has been red-flagged. The status as of the arrest and the news reports of every WA case was that EVERY single case would be flagged as being ILLEGAL due to the admitted birth mother payoff. At this point, the Embassy (and possibly PGN) would consider the case invalid until proven otherwise. Some of these cases have NEVER had their POA (Power of Attorney) registered, the information is simply wrong about the status of the case and there is question whether the child is adoptable.

OK, how in the world would you prove that something did NOT happen? How can you prove a birth mother was not paid? You can prove that something did occur, but how do you prove it didn't? That is going to be impossible. We still haven't gotten proof his birth certificate has been approved. We have nothing, zilch, zero. Just worries and fears. Those I have plenty of!

A new Super Hero is born

Levi has invented a new twist on the removal of his underpants. Yesterday he removed them, replaced his shorts and then wore the (dirty) underwear as a mask. He is now UnderPants Boy! Later, after I got home, we were in the front yard talking to the neighbor when I looked over and he was standing there peeing in a hole, pants around his ankles, the sun glinting off his uber-white hiney. OK, this kid has been completely potty trained for a year now. No accidents, no issues, he even is learning privacy. He is almost 4 now. So where in the heck is this coming from? Why is underwear and public peeing suddenly an issue?

We were in the car the other day and Katie and her friend were talking and mentioned tattoos. Levi pipes up and says he doesn't want a tattoo because he doesn't want the needles. How in the world does this kid know about tattoos and needles?

We have been working with Levi to teach him to spell and write his name. He already sight reads several words, so I thought this would be no big deal. He absolutely refuses to spell his name. I ask him and he says "f o g" or some other random letters. Then laughs at me. Stinker. He also knows how to count in spanish but lately he says Uno, Dos, Tuna.... I can see it now. The notes we will get from Kindergarten. "We enjoy having Levi in class but he has the tendency to be the class clown....." My child will be the one with underwear on his head making everyone else laugh. I apologize now if your child ends up in his class!

Ahren Christopher

Every day I wonder if we will ever bring Ahren home. How old he will be. How long will we have to wait. Will it ever truly happen. People say to me, Oh don't give up. It will happen. He will come home. But reality says this is unlikely to happen. Let me tell you why:

It is illegal to pay a woman to give up her baby. In international adoptions, it is up to the US Embassy and INS to enforce that. If a woman gives up more than one or two children, red flags go up and investigations begin. It is hard to believe that women would be so poverty stricken and desperate that they would turn to this income source, but think about it. If the children you already had were starving to death and the one way you had to make enough money to feed them for a year was to get pregnant and hand over the child to adoption wouldn't you be tempted? You would be told that the baby would go to an American couple who would give it every thing the baby could ever desire, plus a future full of promise, great medical and dental care, education, everything that is not available to most children in rural Guatemala. What would you think then? I don't know for sure if this happens but I can imagine it does.

Now, when the news station did the undercover story on Ahren's agency, they have the owners on film discussing how they pay the birth mothers. They discuss it in detail, how they receive so much at this point and so much at the next point. This got the attention of INS and the US Embassy. They have announced that they will be doing an extra in-depth investigation of every Waiting Angels agency case. This would not be a problem if the case was squeaky clean and no red flags but....

Ahren is the 11th child of the birth mother

She has given up multiple other children

The Facilitator is already under investigation for illegal adoption practices in Guatemala

The whole issue with his birth certificate was suspicious from day 1

If the US government determines that the birth mother was probably paid for giving up Ahren, he will never be able to be adopted into the US, no matter what. Not by us, not by anyone. What will happen to him? I don't know. We are trying to put a safety net in place so that we can move him to the orphanage of some friends and we will pay for him to live there until he is an adult. We can only do that if the facilitator in Guat cooperates with us, and so far he is not too willing to even talk much with us.

We are not giving up. We won't give up until we have absolutely no avenue to attempt. No hope what-so-ever, no place else to turn. His very life depends on us. Poor little soul, caught in such an ugly mess. He is just an innocent little angel.

Slow Motion Craziness

I mentioned a while back that my heart is prone to skipping beats (PVC's) and was acting up again. As a side affect of skipping beats, my heart rate was high (120+ bpm) and my blood pressure was high too. They put me on a 30-day heart monitor (oh, the joys of those irritating little sticky patches) and the cardiologist put me on meds to stop the arrythmia. I feel terrific!!!! Only problem is it is working a little too good. My blood pressure is now running 90/50. Oh well, my body will adjust. I am just thrilled that I feel so darn good!!!!!

For those of you who are asking what kolaches are, they are sausages with or without cheese, rolled in dough and baked. In the north we called them pigs in a blanket. In the south they are kolaches. Whatever you call them, they are delightfully sinful grease/carb breakfast bombs.

It looks like we sold our house this weekend. The offer came yesterday and we countered back and forth a bit and came to an agreement today. They want to close just days after we move so the timing is perfect. Whew! One more thing off my back. They are a young family moving here from Utah for his job. They have 4 kids so our house is perfect. I hope we get to meet them and know them because they sound really great.

Yesterday they gave us only 5 minutes warning before showing our house. I had just walked in the door from Wal Mart with armloads of bags. I started yelling 'All hands on deck" and everyone scrambled and did their assigned jobs and we pulled out of the driveway as the realtor turned the corner. We drove around for a little bit then stopped at a store for a couple of things. Katie took Levi to go potty and when she came out her eyes were really big. She whispers to me, "Did you know he isn't wearing any underwear?" Good grief, in our rush I forgot the underwear check! The Commando Kid strikes again.

We are hoping to close on our new house June 12/13th. Everything is moving pretty quickly now. The granite countertops should go in tomorrow. Wahoo! I will post lots of pix later this week. It has been pretty boring for a while now. Did anyone really want to see pictures of doorknobs???? Smoke detectors?? The doorbell????? I didn't think so. Now the fun stuff is happening. It is finally seeming real. Ten months after signing the deal we will have a home. I swear to God I am NEVER doing this again!!!!!!!

Friday Ramblings

Here are some eclectic thoughts from my recent memory....

Why do people consider adopted children so different? Every child is unique. Every child has their own story. Why is adoption so different? I must be missing something. Maybe it's because so many people in my family are adopted. Maybe it is just the norm for us but so very unusual for others? It really amazes me. Perplexes me. Concerns me.....

Why in the world does my 3, almost 4 year old son, keep taking his underwear off and hiding it? Every day for the past 2 weeks he goes in to potty, which he handles all by himself, comes back out and later I discover he is going commando. After searching I find his underwear in the cabinet, the toy box, the tissue box, anywhere but on his bottom. It's not wet, he hasn't had an accident. He can't tell me why he does it either. I thought maybe his underwear was 'crowding' him so I got him some boxer briefs (they have them in 2t - yeah!) but they have met the same fate as the jockey style. This wouldn't be such a big deal, but he is so skinny his shorts are very loose around him, thus providing many peekaboo moments. We have had to institute underwear checks......

I have started knitting items for a charity called Warm Woolies (http://www.warmwoolies.org/) I need something to keep me occupied and I learned to knit last year and really enjoy it. Unfortunately, there just isn't much need for hats, scarves, mittens, sweaters etc in Houston. Now I have an outlet for my knitting fanaticism. I have gotten several others to join in, too. I am just about to finish my first hat/scarf set. I will post pix next week. I am a beginner at knitting, but they provide really easy patterns that even I can't botch too badly. Check it out!

I lost a bet at work and had to bring in kolaches for breakfast today. I got up thinking "don't forget the kolaches". I got in the van thinking "don't forget the kolaches". I drove down the road thinking "don't forget the kolaches". Halfway to work I realized I had driven way past the kolache store and had to turn around and go back. Arghhh!

Life on the Funny Farm

I never get to watch TV in real time anymore. The DVR has made my life so much less dependent on the clock. I only have a few shows I really like. Grey's Anatomy, Lost and the occasional Dr. Phil show. I was watching Gray's last weekend, catching up, while folding laundry, etc.
Fast forward to this week, I went and picked up Katie and some other girls from dance practice. Levi is in his carseat sitting next to his favorite girl, Melissa. He leans over, gently grasps both sides of her face with his hands and says, "I am going to kiss you...with tongue". I can't remember what happened next, but lots of shrieking ensued, the car was swerving, and all the blood drained from my head. What the.....then it hit me. Grey's Anatomy. The new guy said this to Addison on the stairs. Hmmm, I guess my little sponge was listening when I thought he was playing and not paying attention! It doesn't help that he is extremely verbal and his speech is super clear.

Katie is 14 years old. Fourteen years old with a body that makes her step-dad oil his guns. Last weekend she decided she wanted to lay out in the sun. I wasn't paying much attention as she gathered the suntan lotion, a towel, her i-pod and whatever else she needed. Next thing I know she is laying on our driveway, 15 feet from the street, in her bikini. Um, girlfriend, what are you doing???? Apparently the backyard is all shade so she HAS to lay in the front. I tell her that everyone is going to be seeing her as they drive down the street and she tells me, "Well God gave me goodies, why not show them off?" (She says this giggling because she knows it will drive me crazy.) I decide I am not going to bite and return to the house. After a little bit, I realize that Chris has been sitting in the dining room for a while and then it strikes me. He is watching out the front window and standing guard over her. She's behind the cars so he can only see her feet, but he makes the comment that so far no one has driven off into the ditch. Honestly, if anyone ever hurts one of his girls I think he will be hard to stop. I love that man! (And yes, he has guns. LOTS of guns, you hear that you boys!!!!)

How to wear out a 3 year old

One ten dollar wiggly worm sprinkler plus one energetic little boy equals a fun time. After a bath and some dinner he was begging to go to bed!

Good lord get that boy in the sun! I mean really, how white can a person be???? He looks like I coated him in powdered sugar or something!

Today's post has been interrupted....

to bring you new pictures of Peri Brynn!!!! She is 7 months old, and about the cutest little bug I have ever seen! (Yeah, I'm the Mommy!!!!) We have been back in PGN for 3 weeks today so no hopes on hearing anything for a while longer. I am absolutely twitching with the urge to go visit!

Please visit http://adventuresindailyliving.blogspot.com/ to read some of the best adoption blog posts I have ever seen. Be prepared with tissues becasue these will make you cry out of sheer joy and pain, the two emotions that are entertwined in the adopting parents hearts.

Teens vs Toddlers

A good friend of mine said something this morning that has to be the all time best statement I have ever heard. She told me teens are just a second toddler stage. That is sooo true! They are exerting their independence, but have little cognitive ability to think through to the consequences of their actions. They want to be independent but they still need to know you are right there behind them if they need you. They throw temper tantrums, they are self-centered and they are messy. The only difference is now I can't baby-proof their world.

Levi says "I don't want my picture taken!"


Katie trying to look like a thug. She looks more like Barbie with indigestion. Oh, and she wants to change the spelling of her name. She is now Kaytee. Yeah, right. Not!!!

Katie, Levi and Haleigh (who wants to be Haylee) all shooting Spiderman webs.

Levi loves Haleigh. He is turning into quite the ladies man with Katie's friends.

Floating along in a fog

Well, whatever that new medicine is that the cardio gave me it has turned me into a big floating cloud of vapor. My chest doesn't hurt anymore, and my rythym is better, so it is working. But I feel sort of like........what it must be like inside Paris Hiltons head! I hope I don't accidentally float away......

Good news: We got word that the gov't in Guatemala has approved Ahrens birth certificate and will be releasing it shortly. Pardon me if I don't get too excited. They have done this to us a couple of other times and it turned out not to be true. I will wait for definitive proof.

Bad news: The government issued a press release today saying they are going to 'very closely scrutinize all WA cases due to the allegation by Joe at WA that birth mothers are coerced and paid for the babies (Highly illegal) Even if our case moves forward it may never be approved by the US Government. Things are not looking very good at all.

Funny news: The judge asked Simone where all the cash came from she had in her house, was it the adoptive parents money. She claims that no, it's all her money. Money she earned prostituting herself. Oh yes, that makes it SO much better. Your not really a thief, just a prostitute. Well that makes perfect sense.....NOT!

I am living in a made-for-TV crime show.

Boys and Bodily Functions

I learned all about the fascination boys have for bodily functions during my first marriage (from first hubby who is and was a big kid). Burping, tooting, making fake burp and toot noises, boogers, spit, etc etc.

Now Levi has hit a phase where these things are always on his mind. I hear the word poo-poo all day long. We talk about poo-poo, laugh about poo-poo and offend people with poo-poo. (Only at home, he is not allowed to do this outside of the house) He walks around making fake burping noises and cracks up if he toots. But, the worst of it is........................he has been experimenting with the whole potty process. Last week he peed in a cup on the bathroom rug. The week before he peed in the trash can. Yesterday was the worst, though. Nanny was on the phone and didn't realize he had been in the bathroom for quite a while. When she found him he had poo-poo all over the seat, on the floor, on his shoe and pretty much everywhere else. He looked up at her and said, "I squished it!" Levi went in the tub, the rug into the washer and everything else was washed down with Clorox.

Levi likes to pee on things outside, too. He will frequently ask to go out to pee on a bush. Warning to whomever buys our house...the bushes like pee pee! I wonder if this helps keep the deer and armadillos away?

Little boys are definitely different than little girls, but they are so fun in their own way. Yesterday I called Levi my little snicklefritz and he told me I can call him that but I can't call him marshmallow. And he showed me he can count in spanish: Uno, dos, tuna, quatro....

See why I am always smiling!

Oh my aching heart

When I was pregnant with Levi, at the ripe ol' age of 39, I was healthy and happy and breezed right along. That is, until I hit about the 7 month mark and then something terrifying happened. As I lay in bed one night, my heart began to do weird thumping things in my chest. I ignored it for a while thinking it would go away but it didn't. I took my pulse and it was very irregular so we called the doctor. He said to come in to the office the next morning. So off I traipse to the office the next day and they hook me up to an EKG and then the fun began. They referred me to a cardiologist right away and I went for a bunch of tests. The one I remember the best was called a Holter monitor, which essentially is a 24-hour EKG. It records the activity of your heart over a 24 hour period. It showed that I was having PVC's (skipped heartbeats) at a rate of 15,000 in the 24 hour period. (yes, THOUSAND)
I ended up in and out of the hospital and having ultrasounds and non-stress tests on Levi every other day. I made it to about 37 weeks when at one appointment it clearly showed him in distress and they walked us over to the operating rooms and took him by C-section right away.

It took about a year for my heart to settle down and only occasionally throw PVC's. They never figured out why it happened but they consider it benign (as in it's not killing me) Now, when I get overly stressed, it acts up. My heart does strange thumping things which hurts my chest and I get short of breath. Yesterday was a particularly bad day. I never knew a heartache could be so literally painful.

P.S. I went to my doctor and got some meds and a follow up appointment with an electro-cardiologist. Ny heart issues are are due to funky electrical impulses so this guy should be the best equipeed to fix it.

Mother's Day continued

I thought I might be sad on Mother's Day this year. Ashley was in Dallas with her Dad, and Ahren and PBJ are far, far away. Amazingly, I wasn't! I had a great day. Here are some highlights.

Katie taught me how to text on my phone. Woohoo! Of course, she also made fun of how slow I am and all the mistakes I made. That just made me laugh!

We went to lunch at Pappadeaux's seafood restaurant (my fave) and took one of Katie's friends. (Teenage girls must travel in groups. It's a law) Our waiter was a guy from their school. Our lunch was very slow in coming, and Chris made the comment that the two hotties must have jumbled the waiter's mind. At the exact same time, both girls said 'where' and turned their heads. They had no clue Chris meant them. I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my face and had to hide my face in a napkin!

At lunch, Levi colored on his booster seat with a crayon. This resulted in a stern talk about only coloring on paper and my taking his crayons away. He looked at me with his big blue eyes and said, "Happy Mother's Day". Awww, so sweet, but you're not getting the crayons back!

Lunch was wonderful, the company was wonderful, the whole day was wonderful. Full of laughter and silliness. Just the way I like it!

Mother's Day 2007

I can remember crying my eyes out because I was 8 months pregnant with Katie on Mother's Day 1992. I thought of myself as a mom, but my then-husband informed me I wasn't really a mother yet. No card, no special meal, nothing. I had a bad case of poor-me syndrome. Now fast forward 15 years. I consider myself the mother of 5 children. Katie, Ashley, Levi, Ahren and Peri Brynn. Legally I am not the mother of two of them, but I don't care. You see I have learned what a mother is and is not.

A mother is not someone who simply gives birth to a child. Lots of people give birth and never mother their child, whether the child stays with them or not. A mother is the person who rocks a toddler with a cold all night because they can't sleep lying down. A mother is the one who sits in the pediatricians office and holds her child down as they stab needles into their precious little chubby thighs. A mother cleans up vomit, suctions out tons of boogers from noses, kisses boo boos better and tries to cook creative and nutritious food that is completely ignored by children. A Mother goes shopping for some new work clothes and spends more at Gymboree than on herself (and is happy about it!) A mother answers the phone, hears the word accident and has her heart torn violently from her chest. A mother feels guilt, and pain, and joy every day as she does her best to try and raise healthy happy stable people. A Mother gives and gives and gives and enjoys almost every bit of it (the occasional selfish moment is acceptable!)

I never appreciated what my Mother did for me until I became a mother. I know my children will also never appreciate me until they experience parenthood for themselves. It is the way of the world.

So here's to not screwing up my kids, to bringing home the last two so I can mother them in person, and to another year of un-appreciated hard work. I wouldn't have it any other way!

TGIF Baby!

The super sweet and uber-talented Elle included a special little box just for Levi in my Sweet Hope candy order. Elle, Levi wanted to tell you himself how wonderful these are. Thanks!!

We finally know what is wrong with Katie's knee. The MRI showed a crush injury to the bones both above and below the knee, kind of like stress fractures running vertically. She also has a fracture across the top of her tibia (shin bone) Her back is fine, and there are no torn ligaments that will need surgery. They put her in a brace and she is back on crutches for a few weeks. She is supposed to avoid strenuous exercise for 3 months. All in all this is great news! I can finally breathe again.

I need a big helping of boredom

I think back over the past few weeks and I wonder how we possibly could be dealing with all of this at the same time. I am living a Lifetime movie, only it's so bizarre no one would believe it. So today you get a big ol' helping of boredom.

I was trying to get a picture of Levi in his cute little church outfit and this is what I got. Doesn't this just scream TROUBLE!!



Oh, and does this boy have some smooth moves or what. I can pretty much guarantee you will never see him on Dancing with the Stars.


In addition to deer and lions, we have some big racoons who have discovered the joys of our pond. It's going to be a real nature preserve back there. If we do enough work we can get a tax credit for wildlife. That's my goal.

I think we must have 4-5 feet of water already. I volunteered to jump in and measure it, but Chris just looked at me like I was insane. Well, yeah, but so what??? You married me!

So far it seems like we have had way too many little oops moments on our house. The latest is the stone they put on the front columns. They ran out finishing the house and had to order some more. Here is what it looks like on the house. It is supposed to be rich and warm with lots of earth tones.

The columns are lighter and more gray. It's hard to tell in these pictures but in the bright sunlight it is quite different. Here is a column beside the house stone. This is after they tried to paint some sort of stain on the stone to make it match. I still don't like it.


Are you yawning yet? Good old boring day-to-day ramblings. I feel so much better already.

Want my autograph???

I got a call yesterday from the local NBC television station. They are the affiliates of the station in Michigan who did the 5 month undercover story on Waiting Angels. They wanted to come interview us, last night. Umm, ok. So at 7pm the nicest reporter shows up. His name is Ryan and he was absolutely adorable and so kind. He brought a film crew and we did an interview about Ahren's adoption case. They aired it as the lead story on the 10 pm news last night, and have been airing it every hour during their morning show. The story turned out wonderfully. They didn't beat up on Guat adopotions, instead they focused on Waiting Angels and the crimes they are accused of. It was an emotional, heart-felt story.

Here's the link to the story: (Lord I hate the way I look on TV!)


http://www.click2houston.com/news/13276170/detail.html

We got new pictures of our little man, too! He's wearing one of the outfits I sent to him. His foster mom tells me he doesn't like to go there to get his pictures taken, and he gives those people a frowning eyebrows face. I do see the hint of a smile but he's just more studious. He is growing taller and slimming down. Turning into a little boy. My little boy.




Get a load of that hair! He looks like he is wearing a bad wig or something. I don't think it has ever been cut. Don't get me wrong, I love his curls, but a trim is much overdue. Does anyone else think he resembles Super Fly?

A quiet weekend

It is rare that we have a truly quiet weekend around here. This was one of those blessed ones that are rare gems of family life.

On Saturday, we hung out in our jammies for a while (why can't this child ever just smile for the camera?)


We cleaned house (yes, my wonderful hubby helps!) We have to keep it in tip-top shape since it's on the market.

We played in the yard a lot. The weather was phenomenal. Warm, partly sunny with a breeze.

We gave the dogs a bath in the backyard. It can safely be said that Levi and I no longer have fleas since we ended up as wet and soapy as Jackson did. I'm not sure you can tell from this picture, but his feet are on a fence and his head is almost level with mine. I am guessing he weighs about 150 lbs and yet he still thinks he is a lap dog!

I need to trim the bushes again but the flowers are doing well. I went with bright colors this year to add a little pizzazz. Doesn't it just say 'buy me'????

My poor skinny albino child. He turns four on July 1st but these shorts he is wearing? They are a 12 month size. He keeps getting taller but never any bigger around. Same with Katie. Now that she lost some weight the last two weeks she is 5'7" and about 110 pounds. She has a 35 in inseam. I have to special order pants for her most of the time. I wish I had that problem!!!

This is Lil Slugger, the slug we discovered while working in the yard. He is Levi's friend. I put a stop to his bringing him into the house. I had better warn Nanny to watch his pockets when she does laundry. I would hate to think what would happen if Lil Slugger went thru the wash....

I am saying it out LOUD

I have never revealed the name of our BAD agency until today. Waiting Angels Adoption Services. There, I said it. Waiting Angels, Waiting Angels, Waiting Angels. Hah! Why do I feel safe revealing it now? Well because the arrested the two people who run it. They recovered half a million dollars in cash from their homes. (What complete and total idiots! Who keeps money like that hidden in their home if it's not illegal funds?) They have charged them with felony racketeering. We are now working directly with the attorneys in Guatemala to get Ahren home. Here is the undercover investigative report, parts 1 and 2. I don't have to say anything bad about these people, they pretty much did it themselves.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/13249134/index.html
http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/13256947/index.html

I have never felt safe saying anything about these people because they have threatened me, yelled at me, intimidated me. All I want is to bring Ahren home, so we kept our heads down and played nicey-nice. Now the gloves are off. These people are being revealed for what they are. Criminals. I wish I could say all the names I want to call them, but I won't. Just watch the videos and be amazed at how incredibly stupid some people are.....

Good news!

Our little PBJ went back into PGN yesterday. This is the Guat government office that has to approve her adoption. We were kicked out on April 5th because the original interview for our homestudy done 2 years ago mentions we are adopting a boy. The updates clearly state we are adopting a boy and a girl, but they needed another document from our social worker stating this. So, even though that was Easter weekend, we got ahold of her and she wrote the addendum for us. Then I had to send it to Austin to be certified by the Secretary of State's office, then it had to go to the Guat consulate in Houston to be authenticated and then I sent it to Guat where it had to be translated. (hoop jumping at it's finest) So as of yesterday we are back in!!!!!

In other adoption related news, the two owners/directors of the agency we used for Ahren were arrested this morning. They had been raided by the Attorney General's office and the Michigan state police 3 weeks ago. Yesterday they issued warrants for their arrests, charging them with multiple counts of fraud and racketeering (a 20-year felony) Okay, how is this good news you ask? The police are trying to return people's money and get our cases transferred to reputable agencies. In our situation, though, we do not have a valid adoption case. Ahren is still not legally available for adoption. The arrests don't help or hurt our chances of bringing him home, but if we can get some of the money back, we can hire someone who maybe can help.

Katie had her MRI today. Two hours of clanging and banging. She slept thru the whole thing. Poor baby, she hasn't been sleeping and she hasn't been eating hardly at all. I have tried tempting her with all her favorite foods, but she just isn't hungry and she said it all tastes bad. I can tell she is losing weight. She says at night her mind just races and she can't sleep. At least she got a 2 hour nap in today! We will find out in the next week or so what the MRI says. The orthoped is concerned about torn ligaments on both sides of her knee and a tear in the miniscus. It's amazing what they can do surgically now.

Life is never boring!

House updates

First, can you believe I actually did an entire post without mentioning the accident? It's not that I don't think about it all the time, but it is time to begin to at least pretend to be normal again! (For my dear sister Dana, I have my OWN definition of normal so shaddup and quit laughing!)

How about some house updates? Here is my (mine, mine, all mine) jacuzzi tub. Six feet of bubbling water glory. (Want to take any bets on whether I get to actually enjoy this bad boy all by myself anytime soon????)

Levi got all excited because he found lion tracks! He certainly was not buying Daddy's explanation that a big dog lived nearby and had made them. No sireee. We have lions!

Here is Levi getting his lovin from the Girlz. He isn't afraid of them at all, and they certainly adore him. Funny thing is we can't seem to interest them in apples, carrots or any other horsey treat. They just want Levi. They nibble at his ears and mouth his hair.

Here is what the house is looking like now that it's painted and the stone is on. It is more yellow than what I imagined (darn those tiny little paint chips) but I think it will be OK. Once we have shutters and a front railing, etc it will seem less of the house is yellow. They ran out of stone before they did the columns on the front, so they had to order more and do it later. We went by earlier this week and wouldn't you know it they used the wrong stone on the columns! We called the builder and they called the stone place. The stone place sent out someone yesterday to check on it. They ended up painting some mineral/dye on them to try and get it to match and now it looks worse. Not only do they not match the rest of the house, but now the columns don't even match each other! The builder said they are making them tear it out at their expense and re-do it with the correct stone. We'll see....

Bizarre dreams

I have always remembered my dreams. I can even remember dreams I had as a child. I have several dreams that I have over and over again and have been having them since childhood. They aren't scary, they are more like comfy old friends. I didn't realize this was odd until other people commented on it. I dream in color, with sound and smells and touch. I often realize in the dream that I am dreaming, and can even laugh at myself during the dream because it is so stupid.

Here is one of the dreams I had last night: I was going for a job interview. The company was located near my home which was a plus. They were running late and I had to wait quite a while. Finally, they led me back to a large room that had couches and a TV blaring. The woman asked me to put on some lipstick, but I didn't have any. The woman started talking but I couldn't hear a word she was saying because the TV was so loud and other people all started coming in. They all began talking to each other, occasionally making odd comments to me, but no one asked me any questions. Then an Asian man came in, and they led him over to me to be introduced, but he tripped and fell on top of me, pinning me to the floor. Someone pulled him up and pushed him out the door, and helped me up. Soon they led me out and I was so relieved to get away.

Okay, so what does this say about me? I am obviously a freak! Totally insane and probably destined for a rubber room. Tell me something I didn't know!! Hee!

Our addendum to PBJ's homestudy is in Guat and being translated. I hope we are back into PGN in the next couple of days. Then we wait again. It will be another 6-10 weeks before we hope to hear anything, and then it could still be another knockout for an equally stupid reason. Ahren's case is still in PGN for the rectification of his birth certificate. It has been in since March 5th, so we should be hearing something soon. It has been 8 weeks.