Adopting Ahren (& PBJ, too!)

Reality...it's what's for dinner

2012-02-12T15:17:00.002-06:00

If you know me, then pretty much what you see is what you get. I try and put a positive spin on things, but I am also quite honest about the issues we face. I would never, ever want someone to read this blog and think "Wow, she has it all together. I hate her!" I am so far from all-together that I would have to cross an international date line just to see it!

Reality. Hmmmm. Our reality is that we have more than our fair share of doctors appointments, therapy appointments, medications and interventions. Would I change anything? Not for the world. As I see it, these kids are the ones God gave me and they are mine, warts and all. It's up to me to help them be the best they can be in life and spread a little good throughout their own lives.

Reality. I yell too much and yet no one ever seems to hear me. Getting their attention is impossible at times. Sometimes I get so mad I have to walk away and do something else. I wish I was always calm and regulated so that THEY would be more calm and regulated, but it is what it is. I keep trying.

Reality. When we perform 'therapeutic parenting' are we really helping or are we enabling the traumatized child to continue in his destructive patterns? Should we set the bar higher, expect more from him, push him to stay within the rules like everyone else is expected to? Lately, since he has started school, I have been increasing our expectations of him and he seems to be responding well. I had to get tough on the teachers at school. They were giving him extra chances, rewards when he really hadn't earned them, and giving him special treatment. I understand why they did it. He is adorable and sweet and life hasn't always been fair to him, but it made him worse! He is so smart and manipulative that he took it and ran with it. He also acted up more at home where the rules are black and white. Everything here has a guaranteed consequence, good or bad. When school was full of gray areas without clear consequences, he didn't feel safe and began acting out in all sorts of lovely ways. So for now, our expectations of him are set high and we show him how much we KNOW he can do it. No excuses. We'll see how this works in a few months.

Reality. I can't take very many pictures in my house without a pile of something showing up in the background. Clean clothes, toys, newspapers, etc. I am beginning to feel like we just might be hoarding-wannabe's. Check back ten years form now and there might be 9 tons of garbage in my house and I will have adopted 37 cats and have no running water. Yikes!

Reality. Financially this was a tough month. Ashley got braces, my car needed a ton of work and new tires, there was a tuition payment due for Kaytee all on top of the normal expenses. I think I might need to sell a body part or two. Hah!

Reality. All of our grass died in the severe drought and now that it is raining again, all we have are weeds. They look pretty good when mowed, but most of the time it looks terribly ghetto. We got a letter from the homeowners association about our lovely lawn. I'm afraid if we put down weed killer we will just have dirt left. Maybe we could just paint it green.....

Reality. I haven't showered in two days, shaved my legs in weeks and can't remember when I last had my hair cut. Spending time and money on myself always comes last. I am kinda scary right now. I did brush my teeth, though!

Reality. It kicks my tail daily.

Diet Fail

2012-02-10T18:16:00.001-06:00

I was sure that removing the allergens from Ahren's diet would just be a matter of reading the labels and being careful. Um, yeah, apparently I was waaaaayyy off on that one. I find a product that does not contain wheat, but it has soy lecithin. No soy? It has modified food starch which comes from wheat. No starch? It contains soy oil. At this point I can feed him bananas and raw potatoes.

Breakfast has turned out to be the easiest meal. Bacon and eggs, rice cereal with bananas and milk, wheat free home made pancakes with real butter and syrup. Lunch is a struggle. Today he had chunks of cooked chicken, cheese, an orange, and corn chips. Dinners will be OK as long as I cook from scratch. I just have to make time to cook on the weekends and have things ready to heat up quickly.

The biggest stumbling block? Snacks and little things. Yogurt has 'natural flavoring' which can contain strawberries or wheat. All snack crackers we normally choose like wheat thins, goldfish and cheezits are off limits. Fruit chews are suspect. I did find some yummy pretzels that work, but i also found some other crackers made with spelt....and then I discovered spelt is an ancestor of wheat and has to be avoided. We have no idea if he is allergic to other nuts so at this point all nuts are out. No nut butters, no nut oils, no nut anything.

Next week is Valentines Day. I am scared to death of all the goodies and candy. I will send him with his own goodies and treat bag, but I have to trust the adults in his classroom to make sure he doesn't eat a cupcake or drink a juice box that has strawberries. At this point his worst reaction has been an extreme asthma attack, but that is bad enough. His reactions to the allergens can get worse initially as he starts treatment so we have to get this down before that point.

How do people do this? I need a freakin Excel spreadsheet to track what he can and cannot eat. I will need to put a list on my phone to reference at the store. Right now it takes me 30 minutes to find 3 items that will be OK. Thank goodness I have some awesome friends who are helping me! Thanks to Elle, Gayle and Meredith. You all are saving my son and my sanity. I owe you a million hugs and a lifetime of chocolate and wine!

Pictures and Updates

2012-02-06T13:35:00.001-06:00

Two freshly bathed brothers snug in the chair. Most of the time they love each other.

Mr. Handsome Young GQ, ready to head to school.

In January we celebrated Ahren's 6th birthday. He chose a Kung Fu Panda cake. We also ate a late breakfast at a restaurant, went bowling and opened presents. Unfortunately, 20 minutes into bowling Ahren was too tired to continue and just watched after that.

Blowing out the candles!

There are many dead trees all around this area with lots of branches falling on the ground. I have been sending the boys into the edge of the forest with a wagon to gather wood.We have been having bonfires and eating hotdogs and marshmallows. Ever since we did this in Missouri at Uncle Randy and Aunt Carla's house, they have wanted to do this every weekend.

Each boy has to have a big fire-poking stick, which inevitably ends up on fire itself. We have to watch the boys closely or they will suffer the same fate as their fire-poking sticks. (catch on fire)

Of course the dogs have to be right there in the fun. They are just smelly 4-legged boys!

In January we also celebrated Seth's second Gotcha Day. He asked for a race car cake, so I looked on line and then went with this idea. Unfortunately I had less than 2 hours to bake, cool and decorate the cake before we celebrated. It is pretty messy, but he loved it. Plus it tasted really good!

We were getting ready to put away Christmas decorations and had the empty tubs out. I turned my back for a minute and discovered Scuba Steve in my tub!

That was nothing compared to what i found in my bed one morning after I took my shower. Who put the ugly kid in my bed???? On my pillow????

Seth was Star of the Week at school last week. It involved a little blue bear spending the weekend with us, our having to document the festivities, write about the weekend and make a poster about it. (I swear teachers don't have a clue what a weekend in our house is like. To accomplish this assignment almost killed us)

Playing legos with Little Blue.

Watching TV with Little Blue, Ahren and his bear Little Brown.

Playing with Bogart and the bears. Poor Bogey is not sure he likes bears this much.

The boys invented some sort of game where they all dress up and run around our land with toy guns. We watched them the other day and laughed and laughed as we watched them run across the field in formation then suddenly hit the dirt and point their weapons at the sky, then jump up and run and hide. They played for hours. Ahren came in to take a rest but did not break character.

Visual learning and the young/special needs child. Small children and those who act younger due to special needs can really benefit from visual learning. I decided to try it out on my three boys to help avoid the frustrations we have been having getting ready in the mornings. Honestly this was driven by sheer desperation. I was ending up too fried by the time i dropped them at school and was really tired of repeating each command over and over again with no results.

I spent one morning inventing charts that detailed each step of our routine. I added an image of the time on a clock with the time printed out, then pictures of the individual chore to complete in that time window, a short description of the chore, and then velco dots where they move the image of themselves as they complete each item. Each morning I wake them up, then just call out the time and remind them to move their person. We have done this for one week and I can say that for Seth and Ahren it is working beautifully. they LOVE following the chart, moving their person and completing tasks. Levi isn't much interested in it, but he never really was the problem. he gets himself up and dressed each morning without any problem. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the charts continue to work miracles.

Birthday Boy

2012-02-06T13:08:00.000-06:00

Seth is now officially 6 years old, and for 2 months he will be 'older' than Ahren. As usual, we managed to drag the festivities out over several days. The weekend before his birthday he got to have a friend over for the day. The friend brought him the coolest rocket launching toy gun. Then on his actual birthday (a school night) we had a special dinner and treats. Then, that weekend we went out to eat at his choice of restaurant (Red Lobster) then had cake and presents.

We ordered his cake the week before but when I went to pick it up they had forgotten to make it! Luckily, the head baker jumped in, found what she needed and one hour later I went back and picked up this. It actually was better than usual since she had used cake that just came out of the oven and it was so fresh and moist. Seth loved it!

Time to open presents. These are just the ones from us. He had other presents and cards too. Spoiled kids? Naw, just really loved!

First present, a new helmet. Isn't that adorable...umm, I mean really scary???

His little brains are now safe and sound while he rides around like a crazed lunatic.

Next came the football he wanted. One just his size so he can throw and catch.

Of course there were some Legos. Like we don't have enough....

And finally his big gift, a new Razor scooter. Within sixty seconds of taking this picture he was out shooting down the driveway at warp speed, giving his Mama a heart attack.

We all had a great time celebrating Seth's sixth birthday, and he didn't seem to have any fallout afterwards. I think our little man is growing up.

Ahren, Allergies and Asthma (nice alliteration!)

2012-02-06T11:27:00.003-06:00

We had suspected for a long time that Ahren had asthma, or at least asthmatic tendencies. Every time he got a cold he would always get a bad wheezy cough. Then two weeks ago a cold, wet front moved in on a Monday and by that evening Ahren had a little cough. No fever, no runny/stuffy nose, just a cough. No big deal. Well, throughout the night his cough got worse and worse. I gave him a breathing treatment early that morning and it did absolutely nothing. I got the other boys ready for school early and dropped them off the second the doors opened and then debated on whether to run to our doctors office 3 minutes away or head to the ER 30 min away. I knew our doctors office opens early and I would make it just as they opened their doors, so as they unlocked we were coming in. it turned out to be a good call because by that point he was in moderate to severe pulmonary obstruction and heading downhill. We spent the next couple of hours fighting to get him breathing well. He received a high dose of steroids in a shot and in a breathing treatment, he got 2 breathing treatments with heavy duty meds to relax his airways (meds that were new to me) and when he finally was breathing much better, we headed to the pharmacy to get 4 new prescriptions. Two days later he was worse again and back to the doctor for another shot of steroids. We also scheduled allergy testing for this past Monday.

The allergy testing went very well. They used a lidocaine cream to numb his back so he didn't really feel a thing. We began with the easy portion of the test, the scratch test. Each little scratchy applicator is dipped into liquid allergens and then scratched into the surface of the skin. After 20 minutes the spots are measured for a swollen red reaction bump to see if they are positive. Shoot, poor Ahren didn't hardly make it to the twenty minutes and she was scrubbing the allergens off and reaching for Benadryl. His whole back looked like he had been stung by a swarm of bees. In fact, he was so hugely positive for almost everything that he doesn't even have to do the second half of the test where they inject the allergen under the skin with a higher dose. He will begin allergy treatment as soon as they can formulate his serum and we will have to have epi-pens on hand at all times in case of a life threatening reaction.

So what is he allergic to? Almost every single environmental allergen except for dogs and pigweed. He is also allergic to wheat, soy, peanuts, strawberries and celery. (Celery? Is that even possible?) So starting immediately we have adjusted his diet, alerted his school, and begun reading the labels on all food. (OK, why do they print those ingredient lists in teeny, tiny print when they are so important?) It seems so far that even gluten-free products can contain soy, or a product will say wheat-free but also state it is NOT a gluten-free product. I thought Gluten came from wheat? And what is soy lecithin? They call it a stabilizer but is it really soy and therefore off limits? I have been opting for cooking my own recipes to avoid some of the hidden dangers, plus sticking to fresh whole foods that don't have hidden ingredients.

And so, I set out to make Ahren's favorite food. Pancakes. All-Recipes is my friend and I downloaded a highly rated recipe and headed to the store. I was amazed that they had almost every single ingredient in my local grocery. So on Sunday morning, I cooked our big family breakfast and we all enjoyed Ahren allergen-free pancakes.

Then I decided to make Ahren allergen-free brownies. They turned out wonderfully! I couldn't tell the difference. It is going to take me some time to really get the hang of this diet, but I can do it. I almost messed up on Saturday while we were out running around. I needed to feed the kids and was heading for McDonalds when it struck me. The only thing he could eat was the french fries. So after a bit of racking my brian, I swung into Panda Express and got him a chicken/rice bowl. I just hope there wasn't any hidden dangers in it, but I think I can find their ingredients on the web and know for sure in the future.

Roadtrip 2011!

2012-01-29T17:44:00.000-06:00

This past fall. we decided to get brave (or possibly insane...?) and planned a road trip of epic preportions for our motley crew. We desperately wanted to see family but the thought of trying to keep 3 little rambunctious boys happy and regulated through 32+ hours of driving plus a week staying with family was a wee bit scary. (Yeah, major understatement there. We were petrified!) But we decided to try anyway. I spent weeks getting prepared. We rented a bigger van, each boy had a basket of entertainment that sat on the floor next to their seat, we had a huge selection of snacks, we had DVD players, hand held video games, books, stickers, colors, books on CD and headphones for each child. I packed minimal clothes, counting on layering clothes if it got really cold, and the fact we would have access to a washer and dryer. (And I packed a pile of knitting to keep me sane and calm)

And so we set forth.....

Over the river and through the woods

To Grandmothers House we went.

(and Grandpa too!)

The boys on Thanksgiving Day, all dressed up and on their best behavior.

Chris and his father, two peas from the same pod. Some nuts don't fall far from the tree!

Seth was attached to Grandpa from the word GO. Grandpa didn't seem to mind that he suddenly developed a second shadow.

Levi watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, trying not to get too anxious to eat while smelling all the super yummy food!

Heading out to take hay bales to the cattle. Chris's parents live on a real working ranch deep in the heart of America. They are the salt of the earth, just like Chris. You couldn't ask to meet better people.

Bye bye, off to feed hungry cattle!

Cousin Dustin challenges the motley crew to a Wii game (we brought our own Wii just to have something to entertain the crew when they grew restless. Brilliant idea! It entertained everyone!

The action in the danger zone. Food was coming out of everywhere. Home made breads and pastries, turkey, cookies, cakes, roasts, pizza and pasta, and a host of other gourmet goodies flowed out of this kitchen all week long. We didn't complain! It was the best cooking I have had in a long, long time!!!

We did a lot of relaxing. I have to say that as nervous as I was about this trip, I ended up being the most relaxed I have been in years. I felt like I had travelled a million miles away from my troubles and entered the home of perfect calm. The boys were well behaved and happy, we didn't stress about anything, and it was the most rest I can remember getting since I had kids. Seriously, it was better than any spa!

More food and family. Oh, and the laughing! Chris's family is hysterical! They had me laughing so hard my ribs are still sore!!!!!!

The end result was that the trip was the treasure of a lifetime. Good memories, good family, great food and many, many laughs. The bonfire at Uncle Randy's and Aunt Carla's. The visit to the dam nature center, even eating at the big buffet in town with the chocolate fountain. The boys still talk about it. The drive was even fine! We drove straight back (almost 17 hours) because the kids were sick and we needed to get back in time to get them to the doctor. No one whined, cried or got mad, not even once! We didn't even have to stop very often. It was a true blue miracle!!!!!

Hmmm, let's see...

2012-01-17T20:02:00.000-06:00

What has been happening around here lately....

Legos have multiplied and now cover nearly all horizontal surfaces. Are they related to Tribbles (from Star trek the original)

Somehow one large dog has decided that the bestest place to sleep in the entire house is on top of me. I wake up pinned to the bed and stiff and sore. Great, the dog loves me!

The ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) therapy Seth has been receiving has opened a floodgate of emotions. Now that he understands emotions and has a name for them, we are seeing many emotions flow out of him each day. This is a wonderful thing, but also very trying. Having a child who cries and whines all day long is exhausting! One minute he is clinging to my leg like a toddler and the next his anger flares and he is kicking the wall, all with little or no provocation. Still, I am proud of him for working through these emotions. He can tell me what he is feeling now and actually talk about it. Amazing!

Work is amazingly busy and rewarding. Each breakthrough gives me goosebumps and nearly reduces me to tears. I am registered to get my certification this year, a tough and demanding process. Wish me luck! I have written essay questions, a written exam and oral exam to complete by October. I am super-psyched to get this certification!

Kaytee begins her first semester at Texas A&M in a few days. She is registered for 5 classes, has her books and has studied the campus bus schedule. She did it all on her own. I am so proud and yet so sad. My baby doesn't need my help. Aw heck, I am just so proud!

Ashley has already earned her Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) certificate this year as a junior in high school. She is now working on an EMT certification and a Pharmacy Tech certification. She should have both by the time she graduates at the end of next year. She attends a special school in Dallas for kids interested in medical careers. By the time she is 18 years old she will be more certified than many adults in the work force. Can you say 'Overachiever'?

Ahren is going to see a diagnostic/genetics specialist soon. The last specialist agreed 'something' is really wrong, but never could define it. His last idea was to wait and see if he has new symptoms or detiorates further. Yeah, I can't sit by and wait for that! I'll keep you posted.

Levi has had a sudden burst in independence. He gets himself up in the morning, gets dressed, and brushes his teeth. He can also take a shower (complete with appropriate soapage) and get his pj's on all by himself. The only problem is that the child has absolutely no fashion sense. I hate to correct him and make him him feel bad so I am forced to let him go to school dressed in bright blue track pants and a green/brown camo shirt. At least the clothes are clean.....

Oh, one last member of the family I failed to mention. My sweet teddy-bear of a husband is still the love of my life, my rock, my soft spot to fall and the funniest man I know. I know you are jealous!

Doctors can be WRONG!

2012-01-11T18:50:00.000-06:00

  Oh my sweet Ashley. She has unfortunately inherited a thyroid disorder from my side of the family that causes weight gain, lethargy, enlarged thyroid/goiter, dry skin, hair loss, problems concentrating and depression. This disorder is well-documented in my family. If left untreated, or poorly treated the end result is a life-threatening enlargement of the thyroid gland that restricts the airway and esophagus, and cancer of the thyroid.

  The normal blood tests that look at thyroid function look perfectly normal in those suffering this disorder, because the assays only look at the presence of the hormone. Unfortunately, in our family, the hormone is there but non-functional. Normal blood work, no active hormone equals bad news.

  Ashley was diagnosed at the age of 8 years old with this disorder and began treatment. The treatment helped immensely and her symptoms resolved. Unfortunately (I am using that word a lot!) her doctors after she moved to Dallas failed to increase the dose as she grew and had a very poor understanding of the disease.

  Fast forward to the present. Her general doctor has a vague understanding of the issues and agreed that continued medication was called for, but since this was not his area of expertise, he wanted her to see a pediatric endocrinologist. It took 9 months to get her into one, and then the fun began. (Heavy note of sarcasm)

  First of all, after the med student spent 20 minutes getting a detailed history, the doctor failed to look at any of it. She waltzed into the room, her lab coat flapping open to reveal very low hung tight jeans and a tight tee shirt that rode up revealing her abdomen and tattoos. (WTF?) She then proceeded to spend 4 minutes listening to the abbreviated history and reason Ash was there, then proclaimed that all the other doctors were wrong. Ashley did NOT have a thyroid problem, it was probably something else and she needed to get off meds right away. So Ashley weaned off of the support and began to feel like crap, gain weight, and struggle with overwhelming tiredness.

  I made many phone calls trying to explain our family history to the nurses or doctor. All I got was the run-around. So since i couldn't be at her next appointment, I wrote out a very detailed summary of the family history, what the genetic basis was for the disorder, how to test accurately for it, and how to treat it effectively. I was as detailed and informative as I could be.

  Yesterday, they had the follow-up appointment. The doctor argued with everything I had written and said it 'couldn't possibly' be the same thing her aunt and grandmother suffered from because that was just too rare. OMG WTF ^^&($*%*#$&&^^&)(&*^DFC!!!! I have no words for Doctor Hussy. if you have a strong family history of a condition, and the child exhibits every single symptom of the disorder and has previously been diagnosed with the disorder then treated for it and it improved, how in the heck can you even begin to think it is NOT that?

  I am preparing to write a letter of complaint to both her superiors and the AMA. This is criminal. If left untreated, Ashley will suffer her entire life and possibly face cancer, life threatening conditions and many surgeries. All because Doctor Hussy is stuck in her own mind set.

I want to slap that woman silly. Or worse. Much worse. Needless to say, we are seeking out a new endocrinologist.

2012 Hooray!

2012-01-02T11:42:00.000-06:00

  A new year filled with hopes and dreams, resolutions and promises, and lots and lots of cooped up kiddos! We are lucky here this time of year. It has been mild and sunny allowing us to get the boys out of the house and physically active every day. I have been taking them on long walks. Our route covers two miles and goes up and down gentle hills. Boys and dogs are all tired by the time we arrive back home. Yesterday we walked it once in the morning and again in the late afternoon. Poor Ahren was so tired on the second walk that I literally dragged him the last mile. It is so much harder for him but he didn't complain. He was a trooper! Afterwards his poor little legs were so tired I sat him in a warm bath to soothe them. It is very important to keep him as active as possible to maintain as much muscle as we can.
  We take the two boxers on the walks and they are extremely well behaved, even the puppy! The boys, on the other hand, seem oblivious to my commands that they get out of the middle of the street, stop picking up trash, and stay out of the muddy ditches. Boys....maybe I should have put the leashes on them instead of the dogs! (Oooh that is sooo tempting.....hahahah)

  The week following Christmas went so much smoother than the previous week. I think the anticipation brought out the worst in my munchkins. There were many instances of pinching, hitting, kicking, name calling and even a chopstick stabbing (more of a poke). By the time the big day arrived I had lost every shred of my patience and was ready to push the tree over and run away. Christmas day was very pleasant and calm....to say I was shocked is an understatement. They shared and laughed and played happily together all day, and the next day and the next and so on. I am actually sad that they go back to school tomorrow and I have to return to work. This has been a lovely week.

  Therapy has been really helping Seth. He is starting to process some of the things that have hurt him in the past and is talking more and more about his feelings. It's always amazing when he has a breakthrough and also incredibly sad. He has made such amazing progress. In fact, when he has a breakthrough now there is very little fallout afterwards. His 'behaviors' are now limited to poor impulse control including the pinching, hitting, etc (minor offenses but without sufficient provocation) and lying. His teacher is working with us on both of these issues and she holds him to a pretty tough standard. That is great because he is a super-smarty who quickly figures out how to work the system. If she acted like she felt in the least bit sorry for him, he would run with it. Instead, he is treated fairly and just like all the other kids. There is no gray area, the consequences are black and white. He responds best to this approach.

  One of these days I will actually catch up on my posts and pictures, but for now I am just moving forward. Forward feels good. Really good.

Now it's off to scour the boys bathroom, a job that probably should require a hazmat suit. I swear, how can three little boys make such a mess. I have scrubbed the toilet so much the coating has worn off the seat. I am so glad I re-painted the walls with gloss paint that is super-washable because I am constantly washing all sorts of nastiness off of them. Dirty fingerprints, mud, toad-slime, you name it. The best idea would have been to build a floor drain into that bathroom and just epoxy-coat every surface, add a large industrial sprayer nozzle to the sink and be able to hose it down like an animal cage. In fact, I could hose the boys and the bathroom off at the same time! A brilliant idea if I do say so myself!!!!

The Holidays are tough!

2011-12-28T16:25:00.000-06:00

I have tons of pictures from both our wonderful visit to family for Thanksgiving and then the month-long preparation and celebration of Christmas. In my head I have several funny posts and several thoughtful posts. Instead of actually writing them, I just keep coming up with excuses. You see, the holidays are tough.

Oh I know, the holidays are tough on everyone, especially Moms. We try and make the magic for everyone, stretch a dollar until it squeals like a scalded monkey, decorate and wrap and cook and sing until we want to scream, and fall into bed each night feeling inadequate and like a failure. (Or wait, is that just me???) I am determined to create memories and traditions that my kids will remember for a lifetime. I carry on some traditions that I loved as a child and have created a few new ones as well.

Right now my house is a disaster. Toys all over the floors, legos covering the kitchen table, tinsel stuck to everything and enough colored sugar and sprinkles scattered on the floors to qualify us as a sugar-hazard. Did the kids have a great Christmas? Oh yeah!!!! Was it everything I dreamed for them? Heck no. I am so stressed by the mess around me that I fail to see how happy my little ones are. I see chaos and cleaning, they see a table covered with the creations we built together as a family then played with for days. Do they see the dirty floor? No, they see the remnants of decorating cookies then eating them until their mouths were brightly colored and their tummies full of sweets. Do they notice the pile of laundry calling for my attention? No, they only remember wearing their jammies all day while we played and laughed and ate our fill of yummie holiday cooking.

So why am I so stressed? Sigh. Because I am a failure at relaxing and enjoying the here and now. I know I will miss these times in the future, so how do I learn to enjoy them now? Someone please come kick me in the arse!!!!!!!

Halloween

2011-12-05T10:26:00.000-06:00

In October we had the annual Say No To Drugs Week where each day the kids got to wear something special. In years past there has been slippers day, hat day and sunglasses day. The favorite day this year was crazy hair day. Having only boys it challenged my mad hair skillz. Here is what we came up with.

The Alfalfa with gold glitter

The Golden Storm

Scary Mess with Green Hi-lights

Halloween is a huge trigger for trauma kiddos. I'm not sure exactly why, but invariably it brings out the demons and the behaviors we would love to forget. This year Ahren was totally un-fazed. He has only had very minor issues in the past so it did not surprise me. Seth began having terrible nightmares about 2 weeks before the holiday. I asked his therapist to work with him on the issue of Halloween so she did. My rule has always been that the kids had to wear non-violent costumes. She actually suggested that I let Seth dress up in scary costumes so that it took the mystique out of it. I was hesitant to try it, but figured it was worth a try.

Pumpkin carving. Always a favorite and yucky activity!

It was 80 degrees and no shirts meant no laundry mess. Just a quick wash up and we were done!

Will this child ever get teeth???

So, following the advice of the therapist, I let the boys choose their costumes. Ahren is Darth Vader (I wouldn't let him wear the helmet to trick-or-treat) Seth is a Zombie/Mummy and Levi is Jason (He didn't know who that was but saw the mask and thought it was cool.) Much to my surprise, Seth's nightmares stopped, he began to talk about the cool costumes and how they were make believe and fun, and he thoroughly enjoyed the evening. You know, parenting these kids is counter-intuitive at times. What you think would be the worst thing ever for them turns out to be the perfect thing to help them work through something. This obviously will not work for all kids, but in this case the therapist was dead on.

Birthday Boy

2011-11-28T09:16:00.001-06:00

Time to open presents. These are just the ones from us. He had other presents and cards too. Spoiled kids? Naw, just really loved!

First present, a new helmet. Isn't that adorable...umm, I mean really scary???

His little brains are now safe and sound while he rides around like a crazed lunatic.

Next came the football he wanted. One just his size so he can throw and catch.

Of course there were some Legos. Like we don't have enough....

And finally his big gift, a new Razor scooter. Within sixty seconds of taking this picture he was out shooting down the driveway at warp speed, giving his Mama a heart attack.

We all had a great time celebrating Seth's sixth birthday, and he didn't seem to have any fallout afterwards. I think our little man is growing up.

Harvesting the Bounty

2011-11-27T12:45:00.000-06:00

The drought has severely affected my ability to raise our own food. I didn't even plant a garden this year, which turned out to be a wise choice. I would have spent more in water than I would have saved. Plus, everything would have been stunted and died off early. Instead, I bought from farmer's markets and roadside stands. Peaches, strawberries, peppers, etc. Then I got out my handy dandy canning supplies and got to work.

The three pot method

One pot of boiling water (back left) to process jars and lids

One pot to cook the jam/jelly in

One extra large canning pot to process the jars.

This is hot work, just saying.

Freshly washed jars ready for grape jelly.

Most important part? Teamwork! My little helper wasn't allowed to get too close to the stove but he did provide constant commentary during the process.

One batch of grape jelly, processed and cooling. That should last us at least a year or so.

Fresh strawberries, getting prepped for jam. Note: when using a very sharp knife to cut up strawberries, do not talk animatedly with your hands. This will result in injury to fingers. Just saying.

One of my favorites: hot pepper jam. Gloves are important when prepping the many jalapenos that go into this recipe. The end product is sweet with a spicy finish and totally yummy.

Pot of peppers prepared for processing!

Pickling, freezing, canning, making things from scratch. I love it all. My next project I am wanting to tackle? Making our own jerky from some of the deer meat Chris is filling our freezers with. I'll keep you posted on that one.

Refreshed

2011-11-26T11:44:00.000-06:00

I didn't really intend to take a break but I it just worked out that way. I guess I needed it since I feel all ready to blog and get back to real life. The past month+ I have been on autopilot in many ways. I took a 'vacation' in a way, from the emotional challenges of parenting, working, and handling life. Now I am re-charged and ready to handle it all again!

I have many blog posts in my brain and on my camera, so I will be catching up in bursts.

You know you have boys when....

you have plastic building blocks everywhere

you find rocks in the sink, the dryer, the bathtub, the drawers, etc etc

play guns are part of your decor

transformers walk your hallways

strange orange-soda monsters stage surprise attacks

haircuts aren't so much done by stylists as by junior barbers (or is that 'barbarians'?)

you send them to wash their hands and more dirt ends up on the sink than down the drain

you find them all asleep snuggled together with their favorite dog and can't help but smile

LOL Moments

2011-10-26T09:38:00.000-05:00

You can't have kids and not have those Laugh-Out-Loud moments when you hear what comes out of their mouths.

Levi is sick again, second round of strep throat, third round of antibiotics. On Monday, on the way to the doctors office, we stopped to get gas. He saw a bumper sticker that said, "My boss is a Jewish carpenter" and wondered what it meant. We began to talk about jesus, the fact he was Jewish and why they killed him. Levi looked very concerned and told me, "Wow, that is way harsh". LOL!

Today at school they are having a food drive. I packed canned goods into bags and carefully instructed the boys what to do with them. As we pulled up to the school, I asked them to tell me what they were supposed to do with the food, and Seth pipes up, "Find hungry people and give it to them". LOL!

Our turtle had laid an egg a while back. According to Google it takes 60-75 days to hatch. We were cleaning the cage this weekend and couldn't find the egg. I think that it might not have been fertile and she ate it. Levi busts out with, "Oh no, our turtle is a cannibal!" LOL!

Ahren ended up on Red on the behavior chart in school on Friday. That is a drop of 2 levels and not good. I asked him what happened, and he proceeded to begin flapping his arms and stuttering something about quiet time and Christian and then dissolved into giggles. Once he got serious, I made him tell me again. It took 3 rounds before I finally got it. "I was flapping my nap towel and Christian's head kept catching it". (Interpretation: He was spreading his towel out and kept putting it on Christian's head) LOL - but not in front of him. Oh that poor teacher!

And it's not only the little ones, the big kids do it too!

Kaytee called me one day and told me she needed her Visa number. I told her to look at her card, it was on there. She asked me what card? I told her her VISA card. (Duh!) Then she told me, no not THAT Visa, the one she needed for her application to Texas A&M University. Totally stumped now, I had her read the question to me: If you are a resident alien, please provide your Visa number here. LMAO!!! (She's gonna kill me for this......)

Time Flies

2011-10-23T07:55:00.000-05:00

When you don't hear from me in a while it is safe to assume life is just a little bit extra busy and I am feeling overwhelmed. Here are some of the things adding extra load to my days:

Peri Brynn's birthday was October 10th. She turned 5 years old. I managed to not shed a single tear that day, but it still hurt terribly and my mood suffered for many, many days. Five years since we accepted her referral. Five years since I headed to Guatemala and held my 6 day old daughter in my arms. I feel completely defeated and devastated. Yes, there is hope now, and things actually look much better. We may actually be bringing her home....some day.

Seth has started a new type of therapy. Two hours one-on-one every Monday afternoon. This is a combo of ABA (Behavioral therapy) and attachment therapy. He has gone twice and we are starting to see some big emotions surfacing. I have to be super-vigilant and watch his facial expressions and actions very carefully. As soon as they begin to show I need to be right on him, helping him with them and getting him to let them out. It's exhausting.

Halloween - I have always LOVED this holiday! I love to be scared, I love to dress up, I love CANDY! Yes, I am just a big kid. But, for my little guys, this is a horrible time of year. This year I am doing things a little differently. We are making home-made costumes. I have talked and talked about the scary costumes and what they actually represent. We have visited the costume aisle many times to explore how the scary things are just plastic and rubber and make believe. We have now gotten to the point Ahren doesn't scream bloody murder the second he sees a Halloween decoration. I think we are going to do the neighborhood church Trunk-or-Treat. Only non-scary costumes allowed.

It is a daily balance to keep Ahren from getting constipated. Add to that the fact that he has been on 2 rounds of antibiotics which give him liquid stools and you have potty disaster looming. Our school has been awesome. Each day they take him to the nurses office twice a day to potty, then communicate to me what the 'outcome' was. I adjust fiber and meds accordingly each night. I also give Probiotics during and after each round of antibiotics. Recently a friend told me that Zinc helped her son with his oral hypotonia, so I have also added Zinc daily. Oh, and he was diagnosed with Asthma and is using a daily inhaler-type med. He still wheezes first thing in the morning, but the rest of the day is much better.

Levi - this boy is amazing. He is reading at 250 wpm and comprehending it. I spent an hour with his teacher the other day and she told me she has never had a second grader who could read like this. They have set up a program where he is pulled out of class every morning and sent to a special reading program where he is doing 4th and 5th grade work. He loves it and it helps him keep from getting bored. They had a big assignment for the month of October. They had to read a book, do a report and make a hat that represented the book to wear in a parade around the school. He picked the true story of the sinking of the Titanic. He ended up reading 2 books on it and doing research on the computer. He designed his hat and we helped him make it. The hat ended up 2 feet tall and was the prow of the boat sinking into the water after the ship broke apart. His report had actual photos of the survivors in Lifeboat #6 as they were rescued by The Carpathia. And yet, getting him to sit down and do his homework every night is a huge battle.

Work - oh my how I LOVE those kids I work with. I know I am not supposed to have favorites, but heck! There is one special little blue-eyed blonde headed sweetie who has totally stolen my heart. When I first met him he never smiled, never laughed and seemed totally disconnected from the world. His mama is absolutely an amazing Mama-Warrior and works tirelessly to heal her child. In a matter of months, he has become a smiling, laughing and yes TALKING little boy. He is now mis-behaving and understands what he is doing. (You should see the sly little glance and smile he gives as he does what he knows he isn't supposed to) He also is showing his own sense of humor, pulling little jokes and laughing at them. I look forward to working with him every week. There are many other patients I adore and am challenged by. The range of patients I see is so wide and varied. Grown-ups with traumatic brain injuries, children with cerebral palsy, kids with dyslexia, and on and on. I receive advanced training every Wednesday morning for 3 hours and have learned so much. We coordinate with other therapists, too, OTs and PTs and ABA's. We design our therapies to synergize with theirs. It takes a lot of effort to pull it all together but it is so worth it and so much more effective. I still have a huge soft spot for kids on the spectrum. Seeing them bloom is the most rewarding thing ever, and knowing that I might have played a tiny part in that is amazing.

Just so no one feels left out, Kaytee and Ashley are awesome, beautiful, independent women and I fear for the men that fall in love with them. It is not easy to keep up with those girls! They are too smart, too driven and too focused to make life easy for a man. I am loving it!!!!!! I don't think their Step-Daddy is going to have to 'clean his guns' for these girls.

Oh, and for my sweet hubby, who I am still crazy in love with. I love you more than CHEESE!

RAD induced Paybacks

2011-10-02T11:47:00.000-05:00

  First, I want to clarify that I do not write about what goes on here to brag, complain, seek sympathy or embarrass anyone. I write because I would never be able to handle some of this if it wasn't for the people who went before me and shared their stories. It was only through reading their blogs and talking to them that I even had the courage to tackle a traumatized child. So I share what goes on here to pay it forward. Oh, and it helps me put things into perspective. Poop just seems so much FUNNIER in type. LOL!

  So this past Monday I met with Seth's teacher and the counselor. The counselor has a 30 year old son who she raised for a family member. He came to her as a terribly messed up 10 year old and they spent many years dealing with the fallout of RAD. She truly GETS it and we are so blessed to have her a tour school and backing us up.
  The first couple of weeks at school went really well for Seth. He loves school, is the first one ready every morning and is learning so much. He is making lots of friends and seemed, on the surface at least, to be settling into the new routine. Then the fires came and we were all thrown for a loop. No school for a week, bouncing back and forth between me taking them to work, Daddy picking them up, or me staying home. Things were a bit crazy for all of us. One day they announced at 6am school was cancelled, which left us NO time to make a back-up childcare plan. But, again, everyone seemed to weather it pretty well. Still, I have been on high alert watching for signs of anxiety and stress.
  During this time we were battling Ahren's bathroom issues. He got a HUGE amount of attention at school. Escorts twice daily to the nurse's office, Mommy having to pick him up early (I got the other boys too so they weren't left out), etc etc. Well, you can guess where Seth's little mind went, and actually it is a pretty normal response to a sibling getting so much attention. He calmly announced to me that he would 'probably' have an accident too. (Is anyone as boggled as I am that he would actually TELL me this?) I tried to spin it how proud I was that he didn't have 'accidents' anymore and how grown he was and that I just knew it wouldn't happen to him.
  Well, that worked about as well as handing him a roll of TP and saying 'Go for it!'. The very next day he had an 'accident' in his pants. (Note: the 'accident' was actually a tiny smear of poo about the size of a dime) He didn't let any of the kids in his class know he did it, just the teacher. Of course when he got home he was announcing quite loudly and proudly. We talked calmly about it, again stressing the positive.
  During these few weeks we also began to find small items in his pockets and backpack that did not belong to him. Each time we asked nicely about them and he hemmed and hawed and gave us various stories. Thank goodness this kid is terrible at lying! I began collecting the items and told him I needed to help him return them to their rightful owners, and that it was against the rules to bring toys to school and exchange them. I did not accuse him of stealing, just made it about a school rule and that the 'other' kids would end up in trouble for having them. If they gave them to him, then he could be in trouble for having something at school.
  This is when I made the appointment to meet with his teacher and the counselor. We spent an hour last Monday going over the behaviors he uses, how to spot them, how to talk to him, all the ways we could think of to make him less anxious and more successful emotionally. The teacher shared that she had heard him telling disturbing stories to the other kids, stories about a brother who was murdered and things like that. (All un-true, for the record) She wondered at the time, but now saw that it was another sign of his anxiety. I made sure Seth knew we were meeting, and was even there when he came back to the classroom after lunch. I wanted him to know that we all were there to help him.
  Well........on the surface he was so happy to have the attention, but deep down he was angry and afraid we would get to close to his real feelings. So he began to SHOW us how he really felt. In school he acted up at quiet time, disturbing the other kids, and then on another day decided to chew up paper and spit it on the floor. Each time when she asked him about it he wouldn't tell her the truth. She never accused him of lying but did tell him she knew the truth and he had to drop his bear (behavior chart). For me he saved the big guns. He pooped his pants in the evening 3 times this week. Once we caught him before he could change and twice we found the poopy drawers hidden, but not so hidden we wouldn't find them.
  Here is the part I like. I sat with him today and asked very nicely what was happening. he told me that he kept waiting too long when he was outside playing and that's why he had the accidents. (It took a while to get there, along with many denials that it wasn't him. Too bad he is the only one who can wear underwear that small) So, I sweetly told him that it was my job as his Mommy to help him be successful so I was not going to let him play outside this week. That way he would be closer to the potty and wasn't that wonderful? Oh goodness gracious the wailing and crying that followed. Nooooo, he wanted to play outside. Could he earn it back? I told him he wasn't in trouble, it was an 'accident' so I was just HELPING him. I had to step away for a minute and Chris and I laughed so hard hiding in the laundry room and listening to him wail. We weren't laughing at him, just amazed at how his little plan had backfired so wonderfully on him. I love these therapeutic parenting moments. Sometimes it just comes together in such a way that they teach themselves a lesson, and those are the BEST lessons.
  His wailing lasted about 10 minutes and there was not one single tear involved. Then he sniffed loudly a couple of times and jumped up smiling and ran off to play, having forgotten all about why he was so unhappy. My guess is that each evening when we remind him he can't play outside he will act like no big deal and play happily inside, safe in the knowledge that Mommy and Daddy are his safety net.

RAM*

2011-09-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

Seth has a new diagnosis. It has taken a long time to pin this one down. It has been camoflauged with many other diagnoses and issues. But today, I feel we really, truly came to the perfect diagnosis for him.

His new diagnosis?

*RAM

*Random Acts of Madness

Let me tell you how we finally found this diagnosis. It all began one early morning. I got the kids up and started in on the routine to get ready for school. I fixed Seth what he wanted for breakfast. Cereal and chocolate milk. Yum! As i did several other chores, I watched them eat out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly I saw Seth with his hand in the glass of chocolate milk.

Seth! He snatched his hand out so fast milk droplets sprayed all over him and he looked like a deer in the headlights. "What are you doing?' Answer: Stirring my milk. Arghhhh. Don't stir it that way, use your spoon.

Then I saw that he was eating the soggy cereal with his fingers. Seth! Again the hand is snatched back and the eyes get big. 'What are you doing'? Answer: Eating cereal. Don't eat it that way, please use your spoon. Double arghhhh!!!

Next, I am in the closet pulling out outfits. Seth is around the corner from me, but he doesn't know I am here. Levi walks past him and I clearly hear him say, 'I hate you'.

SETH! I round the corner and he looks totally shocked. I inform him what privilege he loses and he begins to cry and claim he is SORRY, it was a JOKE, and he DIDN'T do it.

When I went to work and told my co-workers, who are all trained in special needs kids, what Seth had done this morning, they all proclaimed he has RAM.

I agree. The PERFECT diagnosis finally.

This is how our morning goes

2011-09-27T07:35:00.000-05:00

Planned Schedule

3:30 am Chris gets up to get ready for work
4:00 am He kisses me goodbye and tells me he loves me. I try to go back to sleep
5:00 am I get up, knit and watch DVR shows for an hour, drinking in the calmness
6:00 am Get dinner prepared and into the crockpot
6:30 am Jump in the shower and get ready for work. Possibly interrupted numerous times as small people wake up
7:00 am Anyone still sleeping has to wake up
7:10 Prepare breakfast
7:15 Kids eat breakfast, I feed dogs, rat and turtle, put lunches in backpacks, etc
7:30 Get kids dressed, perform daily shoe hunt, double check folders fro homework
7:40 am Out the door
7:45 am Drop kids at school

Reality

6:45 am OMG I overslept, throw on clothes, brush teeth and hair, throw on makeup
7:00 am wake kids
7:05 wake kids again
7:10 pull blankets off of kids and turn lights on
7:15 Literally drag them out of bed and prop their semi-comatose bodies at the table, place food in front of them
7:16 Stop whining, eat your breakfast
7:17 STOP WHINING and eat your breakfast
7:18 clean up spilled cereal
7:19 No More whining!!!!
7:20 Throw food at pets, hopefully they all get some
7:25 Grab outfits luckily laid out night before, begin stuffing kids into clothes
7:30 Where are their shoes? I have 7 different shoes, none of which match. Contemplate starting new fashion trend of mis-matched shoes - keep searching
7:40 Grab backpacks, last pair of shoes not on a kid, 3 boys and my purse and dash out the door.
7:43 Turn back around, run into house and grab my lunch, head to school
7:50 Drop kids at school and head to work. (Sniff shirt to make sure I don't smell.....)

Today was an 'As Planned Day' and I love those. But the truth is, no matter how much I prepare the night before, or how well organized things are, we end up with more days like the Reality list. Oh well, we eventually get there and everyone is happy. isn't that what life is all about?

Ahren's Accidents

2011-09-20T10:14:00.000-05:00

  It had crossed my mind that maybe Ahren was using Seth's most notorious method for getting attention and pushing people away, but only briefly. First, Ahren has ALWAYS had huge issues with constipation. He has been on meds fro three years to help him go on a regular basis. I am not talking the run of the mill episode of constipation, I am talking bloody tears even WITH the medication. His muscles are weak, even those in his intestinal tract, and they just do not move waste efficiently. We have fought hard to keep him regular and not let him get a blockage or develop encopresis*.
  I had noticed that during the first week of school we did not see one single BM from him at home or school. Each day I added more fiber and other 'moving' foods and that weekend he went 9 or 10 times, each one very large. Then it was labor Day then we had the rest of the week off for the fires. He had no problem at home.
  Back to school and again he was getting backed up. I implemented the same measures but this time, by Thursday, he was pretty blocked up and after lunch, recess and then PE, the liquid waste from higher up in his intestines made an end-run around the hard part and he was blind-sided. Accident #1. I thought that maybe I had given him too much assistance and that resulted in his stools becoming too loose. I backed off some and he seemed OK.
  Next week the exact same thing happened, same scenario. Only this time the poor guy went to the bathroom in time, but someone was in the stall. He tried to go to the girls bathroom but didn't make it to the potty. Accident #2. Mommy schedules a doctors appointment and prays he is OK for now.
  The doctor is concerned he has crossed over into *encopresis, a situation where chronic constipation dilates the bowel and reduces the nerve sensations in that area. He is losing the sensation of needing to go. We worked over the weekend to get him cleaned out with little success. This week we are continuing meds, plus probiotics and fiber, and adding prescribed potty times. The school nurse gets him every day after lunch and takes him to her office and he sits on her potty. Seems like a good plan, right?
  Accident #3 happened yesterday at the end of the day. Luckily I was home and could immediately go get him. I also took the super nursing staff a case of baby wipes and a bunch of clorox wipe packs. Bless their hearts they were all hugging me and telling me it was OK. I just HATE this! Is he losing function because of his muscular dystrophy? Will it get better or not? Is he going to be the kid in diapers at school, soon to be in a walker or wheel chair?

  Oh, and the frosting on the cake? My little intentional pooper told me last Thursday that he just might have an 'accident' at school, too. I told him how sad I would be since he has done such a super job, and also told him it is awful for this to happen to Ahren. It's embarrassing and the other kids might make fun of him which would really hurt his feelings. Sure enough on Friday he came home with dirty pants in his backpack and a note from the teacher. Now get this, he managed to get the tiniest smear of poop in his underwear. Then went to the teacher and whispered to her that he had had an accident. She helped him get his back-up clothes and he went back to the restroom, cleaned himself up and changed clothes. Then quietly placed the dirty clothes in the bag in his backpack and returned to class. Not one kid ever realized what he did. Of course, the first thing he announced to us that night was, 'I had an accident at school', all the while wearing a big smile.

I'm sure the school is loving us.......

Oh my aching heart

2011-09-14T19:25:00.001-05:00

Ahren, sweet, adorable, big eyed, captivating small boy. Oh Ahren. He is struggling big time at school. Today I got a call from the nurse. Actually it was the third or fourth call from her since school started. Oh how I LOVE this woman! She has taken Ahren under her wing and made it her mission to help him.

For the third time in three weeks of school, Ahren had a major potty accident. The first was just #1, but the next both included explosive #2. Each accident has involved the teacher, the nurse, the assistant and the janitor. Each has included a complete change of clothes, including shoes. And each has been devastating to this Mommy. (Ahren is not upset at all. He accepts the situation and is just, well, Ahren)

We tried to implement a system where each time he needed to potty #2 he went to the nurse's office and she helped him. That worked well for a bit, but today he just didn't have time to get there. He ran to the closest bathroom but someone was in the one stall. So he ran to the girl's bathroom but it was too late. Disaster. The teacher found him a little later and called the nurse. Who called the assistant. Who called the janitor. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Poor baby!!!

Does anyone have any thoughts? Ideas? Solutions? At home he has much closer access to the potty and doesn't have this much trouble. How do we help him? Is he losing some function or is it a situational issue?

Oh my Mommy heart aches. I do not want him to be known as the kid who always messed his pants in school. Kids can be so cruel and the NEVER forget!

Finally got this pic off phone

2011-09-12T16:05:00.000-05:00

This is how the sky looked a couple of days ago from our neighborhood. That is the Sun behind all that black smoke. Thank Goodness they are making progress against the fires.

Society of Samaritans is accepting donations

2011-09-12T11:00:00.000-05:00

The local Society of Samaritans, or SOS, is gladly accepting all food, hygiene and household products at this time. I just got back from dropping off our load of baked goods, diapers, toothbrushes and paste, deoderant, tampons, the fixings for a spaghetti meal that would feed about 50 people, and 6 bags of dog and cat food. They were so appreciative. I got there just as they were beginning to assemble sack lunches for the firefighters and they were so excited over my cakes and brownies. In fact, they were so nice that we are going to make a monthly donation to them for our community. What better way to put my couponing to good use!

If anyone out there wants to still donate, I can give you the contact info.

Warning - RANT

2011-09-11T18:06:00.000-05:00

Today is an historic day. One I am trying to impress on all my children so that No ONE EVER FORGETS! So far, the little guys do NOT get it. Not even a little bit. Oh well, there is time.

Right now, we are dealing with the here-and-now of the fire in our little community. I have spent the last 24 hours couponing, shopping, buying and cooking. I have also called the local YMCA that is the designated center for feeding the firefighters, the three local churches that are hosting evacuees, the national Red Cross number, the local volunteer fire department and anyone else I can think of who might be coordinating donations. There is a good reason the evacuees here are unhappy. That reason is that the relief efforts SUCK. Everywhere, except the local volunteer fire department, either had no one answering the phones, directed you to another number that rang dead, or told me that there was no one available on the weekend who could answer my question. Seriously! I called the dang national Red Cross number and was told that NO ONE was available on the weekend who could tell me where donations were taken. Only my local volunteer firefighter station could help me, and they directed me to a small, local, community based program who was more than GLAD to take my donations.

WHAT THE HECK?

I have food, diapers, toothpaste and brushes, deoderant, soap, more food, shampoo, drinks, shoes, personal items and much more. The news is full of people BEGGING for help and yet...YET, no one can tell me where it should go.

I am one ticked off Mama tonight. Come Hell or high water, tomorrow all of our donations are going to the local agency, the teeny-tiny community based group who is there to help. Chris thinks that a wildfire is just not important enough or big enough to get people to help. Well God help us all, since it feels a lot like HELL here these days.........

Fire Update

2011-09-10T17:04:00.000-05:00

We are still at home. Yesterday was a bad day. The winds picked up to 15-30 mph and switched directions. The total burn area went from 12,000 acres to 22,000 acres overnight. They have used the term 'extremely aggressive' to describe it. They are now using many firefighting planes and helicopters, the largest a DC10 that drops 12,000 gallons of fire retardant in a single load. I learned something new about that. The retardant only slows down the flames, and makes them smaller so that ground crews can put the fire out. It's the firefighters on the ground who do the most important part and have the most dangerous part. The heat has been rising back up here, too, causing many firefighters to suffer heat exhaustion. They are saying it will be back up in the 100's by the beginning of the week.

We missed school all last week and they are trying to decide if we will have any this week either. The smoke gets horrific by the afternoon each day and the fire is constantly moving and growing, threatening new areas, including schools. One of our high schools is being used as the firefighting command center, and the other was the evacuee site until a couple of days ago. The local YMCA in Magnolia has been using volunteers to cook around the clock and provide everything the firefighters need. The evacuees are being taken care of by the Red Cross. Businesses and individuals have opened their doors to people, given out clothing, food, drinks and gift cards, and there are legions of people providing emergency housing to large animals and pets. We are a small town with a HUGE heart. Tomorrow I have volunteered to bake 200 servings of cookies and brownies and drop it off to the command post. I also have clothing and shoes to drop off at the evacuation center.

Wildfire update

2011-09-08T18:32:00.000-05:00

Still burning away, still way too close to my home, still causing sleepless nights and stressful days.

This is how this fire thing has been going. As the winds die down at night, the firefighters gain considerable control over the fires. Serious control, like 80-90% contained. Then a new day dawns and the winds pick up, change direction a bit, and the fiend is off again burning in a new direction and threatening more people. The skies are dark with smoke. Large black plumes rise from new areas of burn, turning whiter as water hits the fire. One area dies down and another springs to life. The entire city can now smell the smoke, even 50-60 miles away.

The evacuation center was located between us and the fire and that made me feel a wee bit safe. Then last night they moved it to a spot past our house. We are now in between the fire and the safe zone. No, NOT safe. The evacuation center is crammed full tonight. Not even a single parking spot left. People who had been allowed to go home were evacuated again today as the fire flared up in the same areas.

The hardest part is the lack of reliable news. Where is it burning, which way is it moving, who is in the direct line of fire? There is no info making it to us that gives us that info. You would think that would be important so we would be prepared to evacuate! But no, no news, no details. I fully expect a knock on the door and a bullhorn blaring from the street in the middle of the night and we will have mere minutes to load up and get out. We are ready, as ready as we can be. Still, it would be so nice to have advance warning......

If you don't hear from me in the next 48 hours, we have evacuated. We will be safe and sound. All physical belongings can be replaced. Our lives and our family will be intact. That's all that matters.

Down, down down into a burning ring of fire....

2011-09-06T19:12:00.000-05:00

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, it appears that our sweet, small burb has made national news, and not in a good way. We live in Magnolia, Texas, the site of a raging, voracious wildfire that in 24 hours has consumed 7800 acres of land. More than 8,000 people have been evacuated and the schools are all closed for us. Don't worry (I am doing enough of that for all of us) we are safe. We happen to be on the back side of the fire. Even so, I sat up for hours last night watching the golden glow over the tree line, listening to many, many sirens, and calculating how much I could stuff into a mini-van in 3 minutes.

All the while, my sweet hubby snored away, oblivious to the threat and my fears. Well, except for the point at 2 am when I rudely poked him and pointed out that there were a lot of sirens that sounded way to close to our house. That resulted in 20 seconds of mumbling and then more snoring. Is it wrong to be upset because someone remains calm? Why didn't he share my panic? I could have used a co-hort in crisis right about then.

So the fires are within a 2-3 mile point of our house. Many of our friends have had to evacuate. The smoke has permeated our home and burns our eyes. It is dark, like a cloudy day, but it is actually clouds of smoke. Frankly, it feels a little bit like Hell. (Especially the part where the kids have no school....LOL!)

Too close for comfort. I doubt I will sleep again tonight. Fires are blazing up again all along the path it already travelled, since the brush is extremely dry and they can't put enough water on it to soak it.

Scary. Scary. Scary.

Oh Ahren

2011-09-05T16:22:00.001-05:00

  For the first time in 8 years we do not have an in-home sitter watching kids in our house. We signed the boys up for the very-cost-effective after-school program run by the YMCA. They stay at their school (I like the idea that no one is driving my kids around) get a snack, do their homework and play until one of us picks them up. Levi and Seth LOVE it. But Ahren? Well, he has an issue. (But of course, it was never meant to go smoothly, right? Someone had to have an issue.)

  It seems that there is an older girl, probably 19-20 years old, who has special needs and is the daughter of one of the teachers. She still attends the high school and they bus her to her mom's school at the end of the day. She waits in the after-school program for the 20 minutes or so until her mom is done and then they leave. It appears that she has the mental capacity of a small child. She is non-verbal but makes loud keening noises when excited. More than anything, she wants to play with the other kids.

  Ahren developed a huge fear of her and we were stumped as to why. All he could tell us was that she kept smiling at him and he was scared. The teachers intervened, the counselor tried to help, and even the Principal stepped in. Still, we could not figure out why he was so afraid of her. He has seen many special needs kids since he spends every Saturday at work with me. Of course, they were all closer to his age and size. It seemed that he wasn't being overly dramatic for attention, either, since he was shaking, crying and truly scared. Each day, once she left he was totally fine and loved the program. I have to admit I was a bit embarrassed. We teach tolerance and acceptance, that God makes people just the way he intends and that we should love people for what is on the inside. So why was my sweet boy being so, should I say, MEAN to this girl?

  I decided to step in and try and work things out. I went to school before the last bell and waited outside his classroom. Once they called the Y program kids, I walked with him to the cafeteria. Hew began to tremble and cry silently as we entered the room. He also got me in a choke hold and I was surprised he had that much strength! We sat down on a bench and I spotted the girl. She was staring intently at Ahren, and moved to sit close to us. She had a Barbie doll that she kept waving at him to try and get his attention. This made him more upset so we moved across the room. She followed us, all the time smiling and trying to get Ahren's attention. Then, frustrated by his lack of interest she moved off and tried to play with some other kids. When she couldn't get their attention, she smacked one boy upside the head with her doll, much like a toddler will do when they can't express themselves with words yet.

  Lightbulb moment. Ahren, does she hit kids often? Yes Mommy, every day, and she pulls hair and slaps them too. Is that why you are scared? Yes, she is always smiling at me and I think she is going to get me. Ahren, do you realize that inside she is really just a big baby and she hits because she wants to play and can't talk? Oh, mommy, she is half grown-up and half baby? Yes, honey. If she hits, tell her No, No, just like you would a little baby. Oh, I can do that.

  And ever since then he has been fine. One more child will go out into the world understanding the special needs of another person and adjusting their mindset to accept them. (Does anyone else see the irony that Ahren is a special needs kid himself?)

Better late than never!

2011-09-05T08:24:00.001-05:00

I refuse to feel guilty because I am

A) Too busy to blog
B) Completely lazy
C) Uninspired
D) All of the above

Sometimes life just gets in the way of things. Things like blogging, shaving my legs, and dusting.

Two weeks ago we had the first day of school. Did you hear me woohoo-ing? Yup, that was me. The school has been awesome and we hand-picked the teachers for Ahren and Seth so that they had a good fit. Seth's teacher is calm, very experienced and will keep very strict boundaries. Ahren's teacher is warm and loving but not easily fooled. She will push him and keep him on track.

Ever try and get three excited boys to pose for a first-day-of-school photo?

The first day of school went very well. No one got lost, no one cried (nope, not me. Maybe a wee bit teary, but no crying) Ahren obviously didn't quite grasp the concept because he asked at least 3 times if he got to come back tomorrow.

Second day of school and Ahren had an accident. The 'urinal' usage issue. I spent the evening giving him a 'how to aim your toot' lesson. Considering I am ill-equipped for such a lesson I feel I still managed quite well. Hit the water!

Ahren also had some issues with going #2 at school. He began holding it, which is a bad thing considering his constant constipation issue. Over the first weekend he went 7 times, just catching up from the week. We decided to add a fiber/probiotic to his daily dose of miralax. Unfortunately that got him moving enough that he had to go at school. He went to the bathroom but tried to pull his pants down without un-doing them and ended up peeing and pooping as he struggled. His teacher found him and called the school nurse, who called the janitor and a teacher's helper. Thirty minutes later he was all cleaned up, in his back-up outfit and back in class. The school nurse has now suggested that if he needs to poop he should come to her office and use her potty. Poor kid, coordination is just not his forte!

I think I forgot to tell you that we have a working diagnosis for Ahren of Muscular Dystrophy. The definition fits his symptoms the closest so that is what we and the doctors are calling it. He has good weeks and bad weeks. We keep tweaking the supplements and therapies and he is doing well.

We ended the second week of school with Ahren doing a face-plant at school and getting a fat lip. The nurse called me and she didn't want to send him on to the after school program (she has a bit of a crush on him I suspect) so I left work early and picked him up. He looked just fine to me but I am used to his bumps and bruises.

I knew Seth would be on his best behavior at first. In fact, I was counting on that honeymoon period. He slipped up a little last week when he had to drop his color from green to yellow for not keeping his hands to himself. He didn't hit, but was poking another child with his finger while trying to tell them what to do. (Mr. Bossypants lives on)

Unfortunately, on Friday, he came home with a girl's bracelet, a necklace and a red toy car. He claimed he got all three from the treasure box. I happen to know that they do not give more than one treasure at a time, so I asked him about the items. I have now gotten 4 stories of where they came from. Anyone else out there smell a rat? The truth is that he got the mardi-gras style beads from the treasure box and the bracelet and car by some other means, most likely stealing, since he has no true explanation of how he came to have these items in his possession. So tomorrow he will return the items to the teacher and tell her how he got them (no idea what story he will give) I will have already warned her. This should be interesting.

Not Blogging?

2011-08-28T18:00:00.000-05:00

The funny thing is I have sooo much to blog about. So many things to tell you and so many photos to share. Time. I have no time. School started last week and although I am more organized than ever before, it is a huge time suck. I am back to waking at 2 am to just get a little time to myself. Oh the joy of one stolen hour while all is quiet, the chance to watch a loved TV show (or maybe just a little trash TV) the chance to be quiet with my own thoughts. Sigh....I love that stolen time so much. It is very worth a little tired and cranky the next day. Heck, even when I don't steal that time I am tired and cranky. And hot. Still hot. I think we hit something like 40+ days over 100F. I am starting to think I live in hell, and not just because of the heat.

One quick 'first day of kindergarten' story and then I am back to fixing dinner. Everyone headed off in high spirits and good attitudes. Unfortunately, Ahren had an 'accident' the first day. He wet his pants. Not a big deal and he was not upset in the least about it. I wondered if he just didn't know to ask to go, or didn't know where it was or what was going on, so I asked him about it. It took about 20 minutes of sidetracks and confusing info to finally figure it out.

He didn't so much 'wet' his pants as wet ON his pants. Apparently he had NO clue how to use the urinal, so he stepped right up, dropped his pants to the floor and began to pee. Only thing he forgot to do was aim! He pee'd all over the floor and his pants! Oh poor baby! I then attempted to give him an aiming lesson. I must have been successful because he has been dry the rest of the week. Only Ahren!!! LOL!!!

School, Laughs, and Stinky Boyz

2011-08-20T17:46:00.000-05:00

  School starts this Tuesday. We had Meet The Teacher night this week and I am thrilled with our assigned classes. They let me help pick the teachers and have been 100% supportive of everything I want. We are so lucky to be in such a wonderful public school and with such competent and loving staff. Levi wants to start TODAY, Seth is ready to go and so excited, and Ahren....well, Ahren just wants to wear his new shoes and be able to sit next to girls. LOL! Seriously, that is all he talks about. Shoes and girls.

  Our box turtle, Jack, has been doing wonderfully. He eats everything, gets so excited when he sees me coming, and will even eat out of my hand. Then suddenly, the last few days he has been very quiet and resting inside his log home. I thought it was because the puppy roughed him up a bit this week when the boys accidentally left him on the floor and let the dogs in. I thought he was traumatized. But, this morning, when I went to feed him, I found an EGG in his cage! Jack is a Jackie!!! I have no idea if it is a fertilized egg, but i buried it in the damp rocks over the heater and left it alone. In 2.5-3 months, we may have a baby turtle. How cool is that!

  I tested Levi on my reading program at work to see what his level was and how his comprehension was. That little too, who is entering 2nd grade, read at 250 words per minute and 100% comprehension. For reference, college level is 300 words per minute. Good luck to his teacher keeping him occupied and not disrupting the rest of the class! He asked me what 'embodiment' meant the other day, and was reading (accurately) the labels in Latin on plants recently. Dang, that big ol' egg head is full of brains.

  Seth has quit the bodily-waste problems of this past spring. Not one incident in ages. I am so proud of him! Apparently, before I realized it, he had progressed to another method of punishing me. I began to lose earrings. Only one of a pair at a time, and I thought I was losing my mind. Then, I began to find one mangled earring here, one smashed earring there.... and it dawned on me. I began locking my bathroom door and then soon after that he went on the seizure meds. Since then not one single earring has disappeared. I still have not found all the others. but the destruction of them has stopped. So far I have not discovered any other 'Mommy-testing' behaviors. Is it the medicine? Has he run out of creative methods of testing me? Has he finally accepted I love him, unconditionally and forever? Heck, I don't know, but I will take it! he has been so happy and fun lately. In fact, on Monday, we will be dropping off levi and Ahren at friends' houses and taking Seth, the best behaved of the bunch, with me and Kaytee to the mall. That decision is totally based on who is behaving the best, and Seth wins. I can hardly believe it, but it's true! He has been an angel in public and so much fun to take along with us. My dear sweet boy has come so far!!!!

  The other night, Chris looked at me and said that he thinks Ahren and Seth both have Native American blood in them. Totally confused, I just looked at him. He then announced that they both belong to the Black Foot Tribe, and pointed to their feet. Ugh, black feet caked with grime. And I mean BLACK! Nasty, stinky, dirty boyz. All I can say is I am happy they have had so much fun!

Under Attack!!!

2011-08-19T18:59:00.000-05:00

  We live in southern Texas, just outside of Houston. I'm sure, if you have watched any news at all, you have heard that we are experiencing record drought and heat. Today was day 17/18/20? of over 100F heat. No measurable rain has been had since January. Fires are raging across the land, nothing to stop them except dedicated firefighters. Last week a fire sprung up within 2 miles of our home. We were on alert to evacuate, but they were able to contain it. Unfortunately, a barn full of Arabian horses was in it's path and 12 horses died. I see the burned barn every day as I leave our neighborhood. So scary and sad.
  Every living creature in the area is striving to invade our home. Ants, bees, mosquitos, flies, little furry things, and larger furry things. They all want in. It is a daily battle to keep our home to ourselves. We feed and water the deer each day, which is helping them to survive, but how long can they go on? I feel like we are experiencing Armegeddon! If you have never had to deal with something so severe, then you just don't know what it is like. We can no longer water grass or plants. We have low water pressure (picture a severely anemic shower trying to wash off the stink that develops with extreme sweating) Thankfully the schools have air conditioning and once it starts next week our kids will be safe. Running errands is exhausting. Every time you re-enter the car you crank the air and hope it cools off enough you don't pass out or melt. Then just as it gets tolerable, you shut it off and enter another store. It's like Hell in Texas.
  I am cranky and smelly and ugly and sweaty and, well, just plain TIRED of it! But what can I do? I guess the only thing to do is to warn everyone away from us until it cools down and we are acting nicely again. Have pity on us. We are all baked to a crisp.

Amazing Experience

2011-08-16T06:43:00.000-05:00

See the man in khaki, leading the elephants? That is Darryl Hoffman, world renowned expert in elephants and large animals. He also happens to be the husband of my buddy Deborah and the father of Levi's friend Dylan. We got to spend the day at the zoo with them and it was the most amazing. once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I have pictures to prove it!

This is Tessa and her baby girl Tupelo, on their way to their daily bath.

We got to watch from right outside the enclosure as they started bathing them. Tupelo was more interested in our kids than the bath at this point.

She wanted to smell them and touch them, just like a human kid meeting other kids would do.

All of the elephants receive training as part of their enrichment program. In fact, these elephants are treated like royalty. Their poop never even hits the ground. They have people around the clock just for pooper scooping. Every day they have special events planned for the elephants to give them enjoyment. They give them toys to play with, fruit frozen in large tubs of ice to eat, watermelons, etc.

They are just about to open a new section of the elephant area that will triple the size of their space and also give them a small lake to swim in. There are trees and shade areas and large wooden scratching posts, too. These animals are very loved and doted on.

Oh yes we did! We got to go in WITH Tessa and Tupelo!!! You have no idea how huge these animals are until you stand right underneath one. Get a load of Ahren's eyes in the above photo. Her skin was soft and thick and textured like large orange peel.

They are surprisingly nimble for such huge creatures.

We also got to bathe them! Seriously, this was the most exciting, amazing thing, to be actually scrubbing an elephant and her baby!!

That's Dylan in with Levi. Dylan was our tour guide for the day. He knows the zoo inside and out and proved to be an excellent tour guide.

Bubbly baby.

Even my big kid was loving the experience.

Thank you so much Hoffmans for the experience of a lifetime!!!!!!

The sub-basement of hades...

2011-07-31T14:34:00.000-05:00

is also known as my boy's bathroom. No one else dares to venture in there for fear of never being able to escape. I wipe it down frequently with bleach wipes and then every week I head in there in my hazmat suit and give it a good scrubbing and detoxification.

I used to wear rubber gloves, but have more recently gone to using a long handled scrubber. That way i don't have to get up close and personal with the mess. Believe me, the handle cannot be long enough!

So today I attacked the bathroom and I found:

1) #1 all over the seat, the hinges, the floor around the commode, and the side of the trash can next to the commode.

2) #2 on the TP holder, toilet seat, the flush knob, the edge of the counter top

AND, amazingly......

3) #2 on the shower wall 6 1/2 feet off the floor. (And I confirmed it was #2 with the sniff test)

OK, I ask you, how in the WORLD can someone get poo in that location without serious effort? I can only imagine some small person flinging poopy drawers at the wall. But...I have not FOUND any poopy drawers for several weeks. I don't even WANT to think how it got there.......

Hope

2011-07-30T18:00:00.001-05:00

  Hope is such a wonderful thing and yet when it is dashed hurts more than anything. Understandably we strive NOT to get our hopes up so we won't be hurt, but invariably we do it anyway. (Or at least I do) Maybe hope is all I can hang onto some days, so it's better than nothing. Or maybe i am just a naturally hopeful, optimistic person.

  Lately we have had some things to be hopeful about. The first is that the US government is re-doubling efforts to get the grand-fathered Guatemalan children finally processed and home to their forever families. The last big visit down there was less than successful. They determined that one huge stumbling block to being able to advocate for us waiting families was the fact that the people in the group advocating for us did not have a legal position in order to demand to see and work on our adoption files. Well, that was solved by us waiting families signing a legal document giving them the authority to intervene on our behalf. Now they are going back to Guatemala, documents in hand, and demanding progress. I am carefully hopeful. I know that Guatemalan authorities do not always follow the letter of the law (theirs or ours) and they are not always rational. (OK, I am being kind with that. They are usually downright difficult in all areas) So soon we may have a bit of info about our most loved and hoped for little girl, Peri Brynn.

  The other most amazing thing that has brought us hope has to do with Seth. I found a child psychiatrist nearby who was willing to take him on as a new patient. Our great therapist has done wonders helping us tackle a lot of behaviors, but he didn't really dig into the reasons he is like that or try and help him work through them. He might be able to better control the behaviors, but he has not worked THROUGH any of his issues in therapy with him. The psychiatrist is a woman, very knowledgeable and actually spent an entire hour talking to us and Seth. I was really afraid that she would see some of our worst issues and want to just medicate the living daylights out of him. Instead, she congratulated us for all the progress he has made and came up with a BRILLIANT plan.

  She told me about research that shows that young brains that have suffered traumatic situations are like a machine that fritzes out, and that by using anti-seizure meds that slow down the electrical impulses in specific portions of the brain, you allow the brain to continue to develop and actually HEAL itself. The temporal lobe is the home of impulse control, of which Seth has NONE. He has had success with ADHD meds but those work by sedating the frontal lobe and slowing the child down. The brain doesn't continue to develop quite as quickly and the child suffers the side-effects like slow weight gain, etc. So, instead, you use a very low dose of specific anti-seizure meds, the child gains a longer time window in which to think through his impulses and curb them, yet the brain develops normally and there are fewer side-effects.

  Seth started on half of the lowest dose for the first week, then up to the full lowest dose the second week. This child is still very active but HAPPY and has not gotten in trouble in 10 days. That is an all-time RECORD for this boy!!!! He even told me he FEELS better. He hasn't been having nightmares, which were occurring 2-3 times a week before, and he is still eating and sleeping like a champ.

UPDATED: The anti-seizure med we are trying is tegretol

Hope. Hope for Peri Brynn, hope for Seth. Hope for normal lives, full of their own hopes and dreams and happiness. Hope is a wonderful thing.

Life is Brutal

2011-07-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

  Oh hey, there you are, the small group of loyal readers who wait for my occasional posts lately. Sorry, life keeps getting in the way. I love you, I really do, but all these small people demand my attention. Then there is that pesky full time job, plus house work and 5 acres to keep tamed. I never catch up. never ever ever. I even have dreams of dirty houses and the show Hoarders. No stress there!!!!!

  So, one HUGE change here is that I found a new psychiatrist for Seth. We spent a couple of hours there recently and have a whole new game plan. It seems that (no surprise here) that a traumatic background (as in lost families, etc) can change the brain of a child. It turns certain portions of the brain into large 'fritzing' sections when exposed to stimulus. Zzzzz...Zzzzzzzz...ZZZzzzzz. That portion of the brain that handles impulses is the temporal lobe. Often, the activity perceived in the child resembles ADHD. No impulse control, high activity level, etc etc.

  This doctor believes that by slowing down the activity in the temporal lobe, you allow the child to attain impulse control and also allow the brain to mature. He opinion is that ADHD meds work by sedating the frontal lobes, which brings about a slower, more calm child. But...it does not allow brain development to occur. Instead, you slow down the synapse pulses of electricity in the temporal lobe and give the child the chance to react rationally and accurately. They learn and grow normally and the trauma damaged parts of their brains HEAL. In a few years he will be NORMAL. That is what she told me.

Oh Great Succotash Limes!!!!!!!! Is that even possible? I hate to even get my hopes up. Normal??? How good is that?????

So 10 days into the meds and Seth is a different child. He has not gotten in trouble at all this week. He is calm, he sleeps much more, he is sweet and regulated and NORMAL.

I am holding my breath..........

What NOT to do in this heat

2011-07-24T18:15:00.000-05:00

  Most of you are also experiencing huge temps around the nation. Your high might not be the same as our highs but I still feel for you. If you are used to 80 degree temps then 95 feels awful. We are a bit more used to the heat, but still, we have our limits. Today hit 103F, not including the heat index. That hit somewhere around 110F.

  So what fun activity did we plan for the day? Why moving Kaytee out of her apartment, that's what! She can't move into her new place for 3 weeks so everything came home and got unloaded into the barn. Oh, and did I mention that her apartment is a 2nd and 3rd story unit? With outdoor stairs? In the heat????

  I did have a flash of brilliance and hired 2 men to help carry everything down and load it into our trailer. Too bad we couldn't bring them home with us to unload. That was all us. To top it all off, her room mate grabbed her sparse furnishings and fled without cleaning anything at all. Not the kitchen, not the food in the fridge, not the bathrooms, nor the floors, nor even take out the trash. I feel like dumping a bag of trash in her room and leaving it, while the rest of the house will be spotless. But I won't. Instead we started cleaning today and will go back tomorrow and spend the day finishing everything. Clean bathrooms, clean kitchen, clean fridge, clean floors, clean blinds, clean oven, clean carpets, clean everything. I think I inhaled too much bleach today because my sinuses feel like hamburger. So do Kaytee's. She was scrubbing and packing like a trooper today.

  Now we get to do it all in reverse in 2.5 weeks. Yep, yay us! Oh, you know you want to help! It's sooo much fun!!!!!!

Ch-Ch-Changes......

2011-07-19T18:38:00.000-05:00

You know how the economy is recovering (NOT) and lots more jobs are available (NOT) and how the recession is in the past (NOT) and how all the stimulus money spent by the government helped spur lots of infra-structure development (NOT)? Well, it has impacted us in a very personal way.

The beach house that we enjoyed so much is for sale. The boat is sold, the jet ski's are sold, the golf cart is sold, and at the end of this month the house is sold. We had one last hurrah at the beach to celebrate and now we say Goodbye.

We are sad, but still hugely blessed. It could be so much worse. We are the lucky ones who HAD a house to sell. Let's just hope that it turns around for all of us. Amen.

Introducing......

2011-07-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

The latest addition to our family

BOGART

Bogart (Bogie for short) is a Gemini, born on May 31st. He loves long walks, smelling toes and peeing on the rug. (He fits in perfectly!)

He joins full-blooded big brother Buster (same breeder, same sire and dam).

He had us at hello.....

Wait, it's mid-July already????

2011-07-12T07:38:00.000-05:00

Good grief this summer is flying by so fast! I just realized that I hadn't ordered the kid's school supplies from the school (conveniently pre-packaged and in-expensive) and now it's too late. That means I have to go find all the stuff myself, fight the crowds and go to several different stored to try and get everything. I am kicking myself!!!
Everyone is good here. Still no rain, worst drought in history combined with record high temperatures. Water rationing and burn bans are in effect. Every day you hear of another fire racing through the parched countryside and pray it is stopped before it takes any more lives or homes. Thousands of acres have already burned and no sign of it letting up anytime soon.
We spend our days swimming and holing up in the AC. So far no one has gone bonkers but it is only a matter of time before the kids can't take it any more. We try and do at least one big outing a week to help with the boredom. (Big outing might actually mean visiting the chicken sandwich shop for kids craft time followed by lunch....) We have also been setting up a lot of play dates. Ours are not the only stir-crazed kids these days!

We have some fun and exciting posts to share when I have time. One big outing for a birthday and one new addition to the family (No, not another child...LOL!)

Posts coming soon......

Do you ever wonder.....

2011-07-03T17:42:00.000-05:00

Why we end up in the place and time we do? Why things are just so no matter how hard we try to make them into what we desire? Why the important people in our lives are there, what purpose they serve and what we contribute to the relationships? Why is one relationship so easy and another so difficult? Why we love with no borders and give with no reservations and still get hurt time after time....and yet continue to believe and hope and think good of people?

I always think the best of people until they prove me wrong. Even then, they might have to transgress quite a few times before I give up on them. It's just the way I am wired. Unfortunately this also means that when someone breaks my trust I am stunned and terribly hurt. I NEVER see it coming and I usually blame myself for the hurts.

A long time ago, during the early years of my life, I was involved in something pretty terrible. I was young enough that I knew it was wrong but not quite sure of why or what to do about it. Someone hurt two people very near and dear to my heart. My sister and my Aunt. I was locked in a laundry room, unable to do anything to help, and it left a huge burden on my soul. Ever since that night, I have fought like a tiger to never, ever be that helpless again and to never, ever let anyone hurt those I love again. I became the great defender. But, that fire within me didn't extend to protecting myself. Other, yes, but me? I was not worthy of fighting for. I deserved all the bad things that might come my way.

I suppose that is why I have fought so long and hard for Ahren and Seth and Peri Brynn. That fire burning deep in my soul has given me the energy and will to keep going against insurmountable odds even at the darkest of times. I fight when many others have reasonably given up. I fight when the odds are stacked against me. I fight for the underdog each and every time.

Why am I not a victim and instead a survivor? I don't know. Personality traits I was born with? A strong family who held strong values and showed me the higher path? All I know is that those who do not know me well can be intimidated by my force, my passion, my drive, but they don't really know me. Inside I am a terrified little girl locked in a laundry room, hoping for a savior.

Never judge others quickly. Never assume to know their motives. Never, ever think you know what is really behind another's actions. That pushy outspoken woman just might be hiding the terrified child within.

A Series of Triggers

2011-07-02T10:39:00.000-05:00

  This time of the summer is full of lovely triggers for my little ones. it starts off with Kaytee's birthday June 16, then Father's Day followed by Chris's birthday June 23rd. Then a week later, on July 1st is Levi's birthday and then the 4th of July. You can imagine how things have been going.
  Ahren seems to have managed to just roll right through everything without blinking an eye. He has been doing so wonderfully lately. The combination of neuro-sensory therapy, neuro-supplements and lots of martial arts PT seems to be making a huge difference. Suddenly, he is running again, and climbing and doing things for himself willingly. He is making wonderful progress. He doesn't even fall down except for about 5 times a day now. It used to be 30 or more!
  Seth. Poor little bugger. He is still suffering. I have to remind myself how much better he is than a year ago at this time. He really is about 95% normal now. Even without ADHD meds. But....well.....he has a gift for driving me insane! That 5% dis-regulated little trauma fritz in his brain is very powerful. If it isn't bodily waste issues then it is sneaky destructive behaviors. Last night he managed to get a Guatemalan keepsake of Ahren's off a shelf 6 feet in the air. How he did that, I have no idea. Nothing else on the shelf was disturbed and the shelf itself is hung on the wall so no lower shelves he could have climbed. (Part of me thinks he may just have levitated, his head spun around and pea soup shot out of his mouth....LOL!) He took this handcrafted woven ball and placed it...........in............the...........TOILET! Of course he then lied about it. I didn't even ask him if he did it. Once we found the ball he began spinning lies faster than a worm can spin silk. At that point it didn't matter what his reasons were or what he was trying to tell me. Levi was a sweetie and washed the ball for Ahren very carefully in the sink. Seth earned the right to not watch TV and to sit on the couch next to me until I deemed it safe to let him get down. Believe me, he got to sit there bored out of his gourd for a nice long time. Then I put him to bed and he didn't make a peep.
  And then this morning I found one of my most favorite earrings in the boys bathroom broken in two pieces. Yup, you guessed it. My trauma fritz boy got back at me. So today he is on a very, very short leash. (No, not a REAL leash, that would be cruel!........but hey, that might actually work......) A proverbial short leash. He gets to stay close to me, not have any privileges and enjoy my bad mood. For once a good case of the crabbies is coming in useful! Unfortunately my sarcasm is lost on the boy. All that talent gone to waste. Sigh....
  I think this afternoon will be full of chores so one small boy with a fritzy brain can pay back the people who he has harmed. There are tons of weeds to pull, floors to sweep, dusting to be done and 4 dogs who need baths. I think hard work might just be the best thing for a fritzy brain. I'll let you know how it turns out.....

Working on the Spectrum

2011-06-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

  I have a secret to admit. I LOVE working with kids on the spectrum. Seriously, they never cease to amaze me. Each and every one is so precious and yet I feel their struggles, the challenges, the difficulties. Oh how I want to help them! Even though they are the most difficult patients for me to treat, they are my favorites, by far.
  I have been researching the immune system connection more. it appears that many, many kids on the spectrum also have immune issues. Most have an over-reactive immune system. Some trigger during early childhood sets them off and they are never the same again. In many cases it is a night and day difference. I can understand why immunizations were thought to be the cause since they are a big immune challenge. Other things that can set them off are allergic reactions to bug bites, medicines or food.
  In some cases the immune reaction is so totally overwhelming that the immune system actually shuts down and the child is left with little to none immunity to our world. In the scientific world we call that the dose-hook effect. These kids remain immuno-compromised and suffer from every infectious agent they encounter.
  A group of doctors has tested kids on the spectrum and found that the attenuated virus particles found in many immunizations can still be found in spinal fluid years later in these kids. That is NOT normal. Those particles should have been destroyed as the immune system built it's defenses against that disease. Instead, it is not destroyed, but stored away in vital fluids, still capable of making a mess of organic systems.
  Another recent theory is that base-down prism lenses will help a child on the spectrum focus on the task in front of them. The lenses are only used for 3-4 months, just long enough for them to learn the focusing skills they need. It helps them tune out all the other stuff happening all around them. I have seen it work and it was amazing. Attention to detail, attention span, focus, it all improved. Once we removed the glasses, gradually, the child retained the skills to focus. Amazing!
  I am brought so close to tears every day with these little ones. My heart is theirs, my soul is theirs, my love is theirs. I want to make a difference in their lives and I think I am. I just wish I could reach out to all the other kids out there and work a little magic.....

Are You Freakin Kidding me?

2011-06-27T15:15:00.000-05:00

  I am having THAT kind of day. You know, the kind where it would actually be more fun if a big truck ran over your foot. And there is only one reason this day has been so not-fun, and his name rhymes with Beth.

  Ever since Christmas time we have been dealing with bodily-waste control issues. It has ebbed and flowed (pun totally intended!) but never totally gone away. Then one day a few weeks ago, not having any other options for helping our little man, we decided to just completely ignore the issue. We told him so, too. It doesn't hurt ME if he has poopy pants. I don't have to sit in it. I don't have to smell it. Heck, I don't even have to clean it up. If he wants to enjoy his own feces and urine, then more power to him.

  And it stopped. Not a drop of pee, not a squiggle of poo, not one extra pair of underwear that needed to be decontaminated before it could join the laundry.

  We rejoiced (not in his presence of course) and patted our smug selves on the back for our superior parenting of this challenged child. We raised our arms and hooted for ourselves!

  You can see where this is going.......

  Today i was cleaning out some old things from the bonus room off of our bedroom. Back behind my craft cabinet, tucked in between the giant safe and file cabinet, I stumbled upon a secret. A hoard of poo crusted underwear, most also with enough dried pee to make them crackle when bent, and a wad of yellow, crusty paper towels. I began to pull them out, one by one. Four, five, six, seven. I felt my blood pressure rising. I had to stop and breathe deeply for a few minutes before I could even leave the room.

  The problem is that I have no idea how old these are. Pre-'we don't care' phase, or post-'we don't care' phase. I did ask him about it, but as you might have guessed I got a lot of 'I don't know' and 'I can't remember'. I do know he pooped his pants last Friday while Kaytee was watching them and threw them in the trash to hide them.

  So we decided he is back in pullups and will have to start kindergarten as the only kid in pullups.

Amazing Girl, I mean woman

2011-06-26T16:55:00.000-05:00

Kaytee is heading off on a mission trip later this summer. This time it is to help out in a very poor town in The Dominican Republic. There they will do repairs on homes and paint a school, throw a kids carnival for the residents, and help to stock the school with supplies. This is a school that is run by a charitable group and serves the poorest of the poor. If anyone out there would like to make a donation, or say a prayer for the safety and health of the kids on this trip, I would so appreciate it!

As part of the trip, each participant is required to write a personal testimony. These will be shared with the residents and at a church service. Kaytee read me hers and I cried like a baby. I really have the most amazing children, each and every one of them.

Personal Testimony
by
Kaytee Nelson

Growing up, I had always believed in God, as my family had a Christian upbringing. I believed that heaven and hell were real but didn’t really think much them. My parents divorced when I was four, and throughout most of my life that brought me a lot of confusion about where I belonged. As I grew older it felt as if I were just going through the motions of life. I still believed in God, but I did not know Jesus. Although I was very happy, at times I felt miserable and a sense of emptiness within.

By the time I was in 8^th grade, my mom had been remarried for almost four years and her and my step-dad were starting the process of adopting a baby boy from Guatemala. This brought my family and I so much joy and excitement. I went to Guatemala several times with my mom to visit my new brother, Ahren. At the time, adoptions were taking about 6 to 9 months to complete, but not Ahren’s. It seemed as if everything that could possibly go wrong with an adoption, went wrong. This tore my family apart, and my relationship with God. I blamed God for putting my family through all the heartbreak that came with his adoption. While other families were bringing home their babies within 7 months, our adoption was taking years to complete and we were never really sure if we were every going to bring this little boy home. In my eyes this was my little brother, so when I got the news that we may never get him home I shut down. From that moment on I ignored God and the emptiness in my heart.

As that summer rolled around I started going to church occasionally. Although I was still numb inside and ignoring God, I decided to go to church camp. By this time we had been in the process to adopt Ahren for 2 ½ years, and I had lost all hope in it going through. While at church camp we did an exercise where we were told to take a rock from this jar and throw it into the ocean. This was to symbolize something that we could not handle alone, and by throwing it into the ocean we were just giving it God and letting him handle it. So that’s exactly what I did, I prayed to God about Ahren’s adoption, that I would no longer think about it or doubt God on his decision. The rest of camp went great. I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and the sense of emptiness was starting to disappear. When we got back from camp my mom was waiting for me outside the bus like all the other parents. As I stepped off she told me that Ahren’s adoption had gone through and in 2 weeks were going to get him and bring him home. That was some of the greatest news I have ever received in my life. All because I stopped doubting God and started trusting him, the greatest miracle had happened. Ahren has lived with us for almost 3 years now and he is a blessing that saved my life.

Since accepting Jesus Christ into my heart my life has changed drastically. I learned that I needed to start running to Him, instead of from Him when times get tough. I still serve the Lord to this day and no longer regret or question any decision he makes for my life. He’s opening doors and giving me a desire to encourage others in their walk of faith. He fills me with peace and happiness and in Him I find purpose.

Pictures

2011-06-21T01:58:00.000-05:00

Levi loves animals and they love him. Look at that killer pit bull. Scary huh?

I never get good pictures of Ahren smiling. Every time he sees the camera he puts on the cheesiest smile. I guess a big plate of food is the key to a great smile!

Another rescued turtle, found on the road. This time it is a box turtle. We are keeping him inside for now since the severe drought is very dangerous to this type of turtle. He seems to have adapted beautifully and is eating well, very active and beautiful. He has a log to hide under, fresh water, and a pool to float in to keep hydrated. We also get him out every day for exercise.

Here he is taking a snooze in the pool. He was lying like this, head and legs on the edge and eyes shut. That is one happy turtle!

Buster, the lap dog. LOL!

I speak in a foreign tongue

2011-06-20T08:45:00.000-05:00

  I am cleaning house today. This is especially interesting with three small boys and one of their friends here for a play date, but I am getting it done. I get ready to mop the kitchen tile and announce to the boys 'Do Not come in the kitchen, I am mopping the floors'.

  One small boy, instead, hears "Come in the kitchen because i am doing something really cool and you do NOT want to miss this."

  I begin mopping, get about halfway done, turn to rinse out the mop and hear SPLAT behind me. The kind of loud splat that bare skin hitting wet tile makes. I turn to find small boy flat on his back on the floor.I do not help him up.

  Instead, I ask him, 'Why do you think I ask you not to come in here while I am mopping?' He says he didn't know the floor was wet. I ask again, he talks about what he saw on TV. I ask again, he hems and haws. Finally he says it's because he will fall down. Ya Think? I tell him that I am the Mom and here to take care of him and keep him from being hurt. I say these things to protect him, not to be mean. He looks like a deer in the headlights. I hope his backside stings for a little bit so maybe it will sink in, but i doubt it.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1......

2011-06-20T08:31:00.000-05:00

5 min to take a shower
4 shedding dogs
3 rambunctious boys
2 teenage girls
1 full time job
and not enough Mama to get it all done!

  I am looking for ideas to save time and energy and make more time to enjoy my family. The things I already do are cook all the meals on Sunday for the whole week, all boys laundry goes into one big communal closet sorted by size, pack my lunch the night before, run kids through showers like an army drill (seriously, I can get three boys clean in under ten minutes).

  I also do the ordinary stuff like pick up a little each night, do an extra chore every morning, etc, but it is getting away from me. The biggest problem is the sitter we are using for the summer is less than ideal. The boys love her but the house is absolutely wrecked every day. I have tried to find another sitter but no luck so for now I leave her notes every day and have to pick up the slack.

  Oh, and two of the dogs will be leaving. Kaytee's tiny pom will go back to school with her and the pit bull we inherited is being re-homed.

Help!

Never Believe the RAD Kid

2011-06-17T20:10:00.000-05:00

  Those of you with RAD experience already know this. RAD kids do not tell the truth. They don't tell the truth when they are in trouble (understandable), they don't tell the truth when they are NOT in trouble, they don't tell the truth when asked a simple question, they don't tell the truth when asked ANY question.

  Knowing this makes parenting different and challenging, but easier in the long run. Just never believe what they say and don't freak out about it. It is what it is.

  But........other people do NOT know this about them, so anyone who is put in a position of being in charge of a RAD child needs to know this. Really know this.

  Enter babysitter, a 19 year old girl who thinks she has TONS of experience. Said 19 year old has also confessed to being terrified of water and not able to swim.

  Yesterday, I set up an excursion out of the house for the boys. We put all of their fishing gear together and told the sitter to take them to the lake in our subdivision and let them fish off the dock. Blocks from our house, well known to them, and lots of catfish that bite. A good time was in store for all.

  Babysitter could not figure out how to get to nearby lake. So instead she takes them to large lake in nearby county. (First mistake - do NOT take my kids where I have not approved)

  Kids try and fish, no fish. No surprise since we had only catfish bait and they are now in non-catfish waters.

  Seth is hot. He begs to go swimming. Babysitter asks him if he can swim and he says a definitive yes. He then proceeds to tell her about the swimming lessons he has had (Non existent) and show her the strokes he knows. (Picture flailing arms and head movements) She is convinced and allows him to jump off of the dock into the lake.

  He immediately sinks, resurfaces, paddles a little doggy-style and then goes under again. When he surfaces he is clearly panicking. Arms flailing, gasping for air, water splashing everywhere.

  At this point the sitter pulls him out of the water by his shirt (remember she cannot swim) since he is close to the dock.

  I did not learn about this until a day later and I was NOT happy. Then I began to think about it and I realized that maybe he learned from a natural consequence. I asked him about it and it did scare him. Wahoo! Maybe he learned a lesson! Oh those natural consequences. They are golden.

Peri Brynn (aka PBJ)

2011-06-14T19:31:00.000-05:00

  I know a lot of you are anxiously waiting for an update about what is happening with Peri Brynn's case. I had talked to the coordinator of Guat adoption information several months ago and she was going to find out specifics on our case and let me know.

  Also, about 8 weeks ago Senator Landreau led a delegation to Guatemala to touch base and get updates on the progress of the cases still in progress. She had meetings set up with all the key players and hopes ran high.

Quick aside: For those of you not well versed in the intricacies of the current Guat adoption climate, here is a quick primer on the who's who.

PGN: National organization that oversees the welfare of children. Previously the only government body who oversaw adoptions. Once you had PGN approval the adoption was complete on the Guat side. PGN has always been notoriously unpredictable.

CNA: The new government authority tasked to oversee adoptions so that they meet the international adoption guidelines. Started 3 years ago, the organization has had numerous staff turnovers, never established a clear adoption protocol and never (to my knowledge) actually completed ANY adoptions.

Legal system: Guatemala has a unique system of local legal jurisdiction. A local judge can over-rule other judges opinions. The local judges fight amongst themselves for control constantly. Most are corrupt and only look out for their own interests.

  Back to the story of Peri Brynn. Following my request for information I have received absolutely nothing. No information at all.

  Following Senator Landreau's visit we waited and waited to hear how it went. After many weeks we finally got a very carefully worded message. The message it conveyed was that 'We would not give up. We would keep trying'. The details showed that all of the promises made to the US in December had not happened. Not one single thing they promised. The Guat contacts argued amongst themselves about how many cases there are, where they are stuck, who is responsible, how to fix it and about any other tiny detail they could use to blame someone else. There were many lies, much subterfuge, and lots and lots of finger pointing. The only thing NOT happening is any cooperation.

I knew I should never have begun top hope again. Hope is for fools......

Gone fishing, be back later

2011-06-13T08:59:00.000-05:00

Crazy Busy

2011-06-12T08:19:00.000-05:00

  Life here has been crazy busy and really, really good. Once the end-of-the-school year scramble settled down, the boys have all been having great days full of swimming, playing, wrestling and eating. Oh yeah, lots of eating! I think one main element to how well behaved and calm they have been is the increased level of physical activity. They have 3 hours of martial arts a week, swim for hours every day, and have been outside a ton (even though it is hitting 100 degrees every day)
  I have kept Ahren and Seth on the Neurobiologix supplements but took away the niacin from Seth. He is still not on any ADHD meds but he is doing OK. He still has episodes of spinning out of control but he can reel himself in if I tell him to. Most of the time he is high energy but not frenetic energy. Maybe the supplements are actually working. The doctor told me it would take 1-2 months but I got so excited when he showed results the first few days......now I am really seeing the results. He may actually be able to start Kindergarten medication free.
  Ahren has started Neuro-sensory and Vision therapy. I take him to work with me every Saturday and he works with the other therapist for an hour. Afterwards he is exhausted and usually falls asleep in the car on the way home. It's too early to see results but I am very, very hopeful.
  Levi is his normal, sweet, comical self. This morning he turned on the TV, found a cooking show, and picked a recipe he wants to make today. So later we will have posts over on Cookin with the Boyz.
  There have been no potty episodes for almost two weeks. Ever since we began ignoring them and giving him more loving attention. Amazing. Completely opposite of what my insides felt and wanted to do, but oh so effective. I swear we live in the land of opposites. Now if that just worked on getting rid of Mr. Bossypants. He actually told a police officer they met the other day what to do in his job. It might seem cute to people now, but when he is 13 it's not going to be anything like cute. More likely to get him a punch in the nose.

I Always Forget.....

2011-06-03T18:38:00.000-05:00

  Seth has had a much better week. I agree with my commenters that he is getting too close to big feelings and is pushing me away in an attempt to save his heart from more breakage. (Thanks Ladies, you ROCK!) I think the biggest trigger for him was that I ordered all the legal forms to finalize his adoption. I didn't tell him about it, but I think he overheard his Dad and I discussing it. That is a HUGE milestone, one that brings him that much closer to forever with a family, and that scares the living daylights out of him. He has to push us away RIGHT NOW before we have the chance to hurt him.

  So what have I done differently this week? Well, for starters I dope slapped myself in the head for forgetting that the more un-loveable a hurt child is being, the more they actually NEED love. So I have kissed him, hugged him, looked him in the eyes, smiled my biggest smile every time I saw him, cuddled him, listened to him, and never, ever mentioned the potty issues. And not one single time this week have we had bodily waste in an inappropriate place.

  Is he fixed? Heck NO!!!! He will cycle back through his big feelings and pull out the same or new (and worse) behaviors. It is just NOT that simple. But for now, he is regulated and flourishing. Traumatized kids are like onions (and so are Ogres) You peel away layers but there is more underneath. Plus it doesn't smell so good and it might make you cry!

Commando or Laissez Fair

2011-05-31T19:33:00.000-05:00

I am a woman divided. The issue of the bodily waste continues in both liquid and solid form. I have 2 very opposite ideas of what we could try. But which is better? How do i know without trying one and then the other? But if I choose unwisely it could cause WORSE problems. Here are the two ideas I am considering:

1) Commando Parenting: Lay out the expected behavior in clear, concise terms. Failure to comply results in a loss of a privilege in the form of anything that does not constitute the basic essentials. Food, water, clothing and shelter. Everything else is fair game. Privileges must be earned back by good behavior.

Why I don't think this will work: Traumatized kids have the constitution of a bulldog and can outlast any parent once they dig their feet in. I think this will create a battle in which I will lose, but he will too.

2) Laissez Fair Parenting: Ignore completely the potty issues. No comments, no discussions, not even blink an eye when bodily waste shows up in the wrong place. He knows it gets to me and that is his power. Take the power away, make it a non-issue.

Why I don't think this will work: he may feel unloved by me if I ignore this attempt at control and garnering attention. He may then escalate behaviors in an effort to get the reaction he craves.

So what works? I have no clue. Maybe a combo of the two? Not show him a reaction but also in some way acknowledge the issue? I made him clean up the poop this weekend and he was so happy to do it and begged me to take his picture. Say wha???? He was NOT upset, he was glowing. I didn't accuse him, just brought him to the bathroom and pointed out the poo and handed him the clorox wipes. You would have thought I handed him a trophy. So now is he going to do it MORE to get my attention or LESS because I was not upset. I really do NOT want to experiment to find the right answer.

Please, please, please, Parenting Fairies, reveal the answers to this frazzled mom.........

And more pix....

2011-05-30T16:48:00.000-05:00

Easter Egg Hunt

That crafty bunny hid eggs all over our house!

Little boy 6-pack. Pardon the pasty skin.....we are pigmentally challenged around here.

Why can't they just smile for the camera??????

Action shot!

Oh the glare off that white skin!!!! I'm blind!!!!!

Where are those eggs???

Two pounds of hot mess all wrapped up in cuteness.

Going, going, gone! I had waaaaay too much hair. Thick, wavy/curly hair. Entire zipcodes could have resided in there.

Remember when I said we had started Seth on supplements and the changes were dramatic? Well they were originally prescribed for Ahren and his neuro-muscular issues, but the doctor said to try them on Seth so we did. The first few days I could not believe how well they worked. Then they started to lose their umph so I added 500 mg of niacin, which also seemed to help at first. Then after about 5 days his behavior was worse and he was having trouble sleeping. I took him off of everything and he has returned to 'normal' levels of craziness. But....Ahren seems to be slowly improving! He went to a party at Pump it Up, the indoor blow-up jumpy things play place and jumped for the whole 90 minutes. The next day his legs were really sore, but he DID IT!!!!!! Normally he would have played for about 15 minutes and then sat and watched the other kids.

Here is what he is on: Neurobiologix micelized D3 drops, Advanced neurotransmitter support, Neuro Nutrients and neuro immune stabilizer. The two middle ones are capsules that you open and mix into a drink with the D3 drops. The last one is a cream that you rub into the skin. So Ahren will stay on the supplements, but not Seth.

Chocolate milk full of neuro supplement yumminess!

And more pix....

2011-05-29T13:39:00.000-05:00

Levi's end-of-the-year First grade performance. They did a play about being happy with what you have. It was adorable and sent a great message. Every child had a speaking part, too, which is pretty awesome. Of course we got there right on time and we had to stand in the back there were so many people already there. It made it difficult to get good photos but I still snapped a million!

Levi played the role of 'a gentleman'.

The show included a dance number Levi was in, and although he adamantly disputes this fact, he dance WITH a girl, holding her hand.

Waiting for his turn to speak.

We went to the third annual crawfish party at our friend's ranch out in the Texas countryside. It involves lots of good friends, good food, and motorized fun. We took the boy's 4-wheelers so they could buzz around the pastures.

I love this picture because it looks like Seth is riding a big 4-wheeler all by himself.

This picture shows who was really driving. We are a bit crazy, but not THAT crazy.

Mother's Day with a pile of boys. You can only see part of Seth's left sleeve. Being the littlest one he ended up on the bottom of the dogpile.

I got a pic with 4 of the five. Sadly, we didn't see Ashley that weekend. I miss that little booger!!!!!
Oh, and see that belly on me? Say goodbye to it. I joined the martial arts class with the boys and have lost an entire size in clothes and 10 pounds, not to mention quite a few inches. Kuk Sool Won is my new love!

Catching up in Pictures

2011-05-29T09:53:00.000-05:00

Ahren now wears glasses and is getting Neuro/Sensory and Vision Therapy

He finished speech therapy and is still doing physical therapy

Goal: ready for kindergarten this fall

Coloring Easter eggs with the babysitter. Why they like to crouch on the kitchen island to do everything is beyond me. And why they have the container of Ranch seasoning? Who knows....

Awww, they made special eggs for the family.

I see Kaytee and Ahren, Seth and Buster, even Aspen.

Apparently more than eggs got colored.....

Guess what I found in my kitchen sink one day?

This time it was Chris who rescued this one. He had fallen into a hole behind our garage and the dogs found him. (her?)

After a bath in the sink and a quick examination to make sure he was healthy, we took him out to our pond and released him. This one is a red-eared slider.

The Great Turtle Rescuer

This is one beautiful turtle.

Showing how far he can pull his head and arms into his shell.

The Great Turtle Rescuer in his natural habitat with his trusty side-kicks.

(Buster thinks he is a lap dog)

Last weekend Kaytee and Levi assisted me in a huge grocery run. Armed with the store ads, the coupon binder and lots of time we headed out to save some money. I am not one of those coupon magicians who walk out with $500 worth of stuff and spend only $3. I do not need 37 bottles of mustard even if I can get them for a penny each. I only buy what we really use and what we can store. I watched one of those coupon shows where the woman bought 100 boxes of cereal and all I could think of was how stale it would be by the time they got to the end of the supply. Buying it just because it is cheap is not wise. Saving money on something you really need is another thing. Just my philosophy. Feel free to bash me with your 400 cans of tomatoes.

So our final tally using the manufacturer coupons, store coupons and additional store promotions was...........................................................just under $140. WOOT!

A Green Bum

2011-05-29T08:45:00.000-05:00

  Ahren has never been dry at night. Well, occasionally he will have a dry night, but maybe once every couple of weeks. Normally he is soaked by morning. We do all the things you should do to help a child stay dry at night. Limit fluids, have him go last thing before crawling in bed, etc. It seems to have something to do with his muscle/neuro issue and is beyond his control. The normal pullups and diapers do not come big enough to fit him. He is 50 pounds and has a very round, full booty. The older kids style night time pants are expensive, still leak, and end up living perpetually in a landfill somewhere.

  So I set out on a mission to find a cloth alternative to this dilemma. I searched and searched and was having zero luck finding a cloth diapering system for a child this big. I found tons of awesome systems for smaller kids. Cute little diaper covers, all in one systems, pocket systems, pre-folds, pads, liners, but nothing in a size that would work.

  Then one day I found a website called clothdiapers.com. They had everything to do with cloth diapering and voila! They had XX-large training pant covers. I got two kinds, Scott Potty and Bummi Covers. Both are a waterproof cloth that is not like the old-fashioned plastic pants, but much softer. They have soft cloth around the elasticized waist and leg opening. The best part is they are big enough that he will be able to use them for at least another 2 years.

  So that solved the outside, but what about the inside? One regular cloth diaper is not nearly enough to soak up the volume of pee this boy can put out. I got a dozen cloth diapers and some really cool fasteners called snappi's and then I began to experiment.

  First night I used one cloth diaper as the outer layer with a folded cloth diaper in the front target area. Result: soaked sheets and an unhappy boy.

  Second night I tried the same thing but I stuck a large thin feminine pad in between the two diapers. Results: less wet bed but still wet and an unhappy boy.

  Third night, same two diapers but an additional diaper folded and placed front to back. Ahren hated this because it was too bulky between his legs. So I added a twist to the third diaper at the center of the crotch to make it narrower and he tolerated it, barely. Results: small wet spot on the bed.

  At that point I was ready to try anything. I experimented with a chamois-type towel in the front but it was too bulky. I tried various other absorbent items and methods of folding/wrapping/twisting the diapers, but I only succeeded in making him look like the stay puff marshmallow man.

  For now I am going with the 2 diaper method and then adding either the third diaper or a feminine pad. I am getting better at getting them positioned and fastened the right way and we have gone several night with no leaks. I feel bad about using the fem pads since they also go into the landfill, but at least they are much smaller. In the meantime I continue to experiment. I have an idea on how to sew a pad using the diapers and a chamois material for extra absorbency. Maybe I should order a Sham-Wow???? I bet they never thought of that use for their late night marketing!

Tough Times Around These Parts

2011-05-28T08:07:00.000-05:00

  In order to try and get Seth caught up in weight we have temporarily taken him off his ADHD meds. The supplements we are using had fantastic results at first, then those slowly went away and now we have just a slight improvement with them. I also added 500 mg of Niacin a day but that has not made a difference.

  Add to this that I am working long hours and now Levi is out of school and the result is one completely unregulated little boy. The upside is that he has gained over three pounds. Yeah! The downside is that he has ripped the curtains and curtain rod off the window in his bedroom. He intentionally rolled a heavy office chair over his brothers as they sat on the floor playing, hurting both of them. He has been saying cuss words almost daily even though he knows they are wrong. He has broken, ruined, or otherwise destroyed many, many toys.

  The worst though? The absolute most AWFUL part? He has pooped on everything in this house. Toys have poop on them, the bathroom has poop smears everywhere. There is poop on his sheets, his headboard, many pairs of underwear, diapers, doorknobs, doorjams, shirts, socks, walls...... I walk around with a tub of Clorox wipes at all times. I also make him wipe it up if he is awake.

  The other night he got sent to bed early. He got up three times to potty and finally after almost 2 hours I told him to stay in bed. A little later Chris went to check and smelled that un-mistakeable odor. He asked Seth and Seth claimed he just forgot to wash his hands. Chris followed him to the bathroom and saw that he had poop all over his hands, so he checked his pants. Yep, full and very played in. He had laid in bed, intentionally pooped in his pants and then PLAYED in it, getting it everywhere.

  I was LIVID. Part of me just wanted to tear up his butt but I know that would be counter productive. (Oooh though, I wanted to soooo badly. Just human i guess) Instead, we got him cleaned up and I let him know how angry i was and how disappointed in him we were. Then I told him if he was that angry about having to go to bed and didn't want to go to sleep, he could stay up with me while I watched my shows. This entailed him sitting on the couch next to me, but I wore headphones to listen and he had no sound. (These were MY shows, not kid shows) He was not allowed to go to sleep. We sat there for a couple of hours and every time he started to close his eyes I poked him or made him stand up and jump around. I kept reminding him that this was his idea and he had showed me exactly how much he wanted it with that lovely poop. By the time I finally allowed him to bed he was miserable and practically asleep on his feet.

  After every episode (and there have been a LOT lately) we talk it through, but it is very fake on his part. I can tell when he is just saying what I want to hear and when he really gets it. So far all fake.

God, please grant me the patience, wisdom and grace to get through the incredible pooping party of 2011......

An Idea is Forming

2011-05-16T07:38:00.000-05:00

  Sorry for no pix in a long time and very fast, short posts. You know the drill. Blah blah blah, new job, five kids, dirty house, etc etc.

  I have an idea forming in my brain. It started as I began my new job and several things all hit me at the same time. We work with a lot of kids who are special needs. Seems neuro-sensory problems and vision issues go hand-in-hand a lot of the time. Makes sense. The brain runs the visual system, so if the brain-vision connection is not working correctly, it needs to be fixed. That makes sense.

  What surprised me though, is that many of these kids with sensory integration issues or on the autism spectrum also have immune issues. They do not fight off infection, they react oddly to vaccinations (either no reaction or over-reaction), they have some sort of immune challenge.

  So what does that mean? It was long thought and somewhat still believed that immunizations had something to do with autism. The anectodatal evidence is that a toddler gets his shots, then immediately begins to show the symptoms of autism. Over and over again this would happen. Coincidence was not enough to explain it. So they thought thimerosol, a preservative in vaccines, was the cause and they removed it form most childhood immunizations. But....the rate of diagnosing autism spectrum disorders continues to climb.

  What if the vaccines did not CAUSE the disorder, but instead an underlying immune system issue was to blame? The vaccinations or even an infection could become the catalyst for progression of the other issues. And why is the rate climbing? Is it because we have now polluted our environment and added so many artificial components to our food that we have triggered our own bodies to revolt against themselves? One last immune assault and whammo, the perfect storm ensues. The neurological system becomes completely disregulated.

  What do you think? Tell me about your kids. Could there truly be a link here?

Slept it Off

2011-05-09T07:14:00.000-05:00

  Well, little over-achiever fell asleep yesterday afternoon shortly after 3 pm. slept until 8 pm, woke up. ate a bite and fell back asleep right away. He slept until 7 am this morning. Gee, I wonder if all the effort to create so many 'presents' for me and hide them all over the house wore him out?

  Anyway, he is happy, sweet, and in a great mood. Although he spent a lot of time this weekend 'gifting' me, he was also very calm, not overly wild, and not fits or rages. Not quite as calm as he is on the best meds, but noticeably calmer, more controlled and regulated. Could these supplements really be that good? I am going to talk to the doc at my head office who suggested them and get more info. I am also going to see if we can sell them and mail them out or hook other people up with a distributor in their area. If they really are this good then I am going to share with all of you! There are different combos for different issues, and I need to learn that too. Right now Seth is on 4 supplements plus a childrens vitamin by the same company. Unfortunately the chewable vitamins taste like garbage, so we are going to switch that. Two of the supplements are powder I mix into his drink, one is a drop I add to his drink too, and those don't have a taste to them. The last one is a topical cream. No pills to swallow, no fighting to take them.

  I am hoping and praying and crossing my fingers and knocking on wood and holding my breathe. This could be a miraculous answer. Or too good to be true........

Props to the Boy!

2011-05-08T16:30:00.001-05:00

  Mother's Day, the one and only day of the year dedicated to those of us who squeeze babies out of our bodies, endure mounds of paperwork. more security checks than those who visit the president, months of delays, heartache and lost referrals, long nights with sick babies and long days with traumatized kids. The other 364 days of the year are clearly in honor of our young. This one day of the year is so full of importance and meaning and expectations.

  One small boy did not let me down. He went totally above and beyond the highest expectations. He pulled out all the stops. Really out did himself. He set the bar so high I don't know how he can ever top it. Just to be sure he completely overwhelmed me with his generosity, he started yesterday.

  My husband discovered 5 pairs of urine-stenched underwear hidden behind things while he gathered clothes for the laundry. Sweet as my husband is, he knew it was intended for me and silently washed them and never told me. Gosh I love that man! Unfortunately that was completely unsatisfactory to the small party boy. His special presents went un-noticed. To him, that is like throwing down the gauntlet.

  So today, he upped the ante. When I went to get him dressed today I realized the entire front of his underwear was crusty and yellow. I sweetly told him to take them off, deliver them to the laundry room and get clean ones. No argument from him, and that was that. We went to lunch at a local mexican restaurant that is family owned and run. Good music, great food and fun, fun, fun. Later in the afternoon I walked past the boys bathroom. What I saw was a pile of toilet paper on the floor, the roll of paper next to it with poo all over it. Next to that, 3 feet from the toilet, was a foot long smear of poo on the tile. I gathered the boys and asked them who might have had a little 'accident' in the bathroom. Levi looked me in the eyes and said not him. Ahren looked me in the eyes and said not him (plus I knew Ahren had done his one poo of the day earlier in a different bathroom) I looked at Seth and he began stammering, rolling his eyes all over, and swaying from side to side.

  I had an idea. I looked at the poo, and proudly proclaimed that since I am indeed a scientist, I would get my 'kit' and solve who the owner of the poo was using science. Seth immediately burst into tears. I told them all that if the guilty party would fess up right now, all they would have to do is to help me clean it up. But....if they didn't and I had to test it and find out, the guilty party would be in ENORMOUS trouble. Seth sobbed harder. I asked him again if he had made the mess. No, no, no, he was not the one.

  So I went and got cotton swabs, the special bottle of drops and the spray fixative. I swabbed the sample (Seth is by now sobbing like the world is coming to an end) I added the drops to wet the sample, and I sprayed on the fixative. The sample looked green under fluorescent light. Bingo! It was Seth's poo. By now Seth was purple in the face, soaked with sweat and beside himself. I announced that my fantastic scientific skills had solved the mystery!

  Seth now broke and admitted it was his poo. (No shit Sherlock, pun intended!) I asked his Daddy (who was trying sooo hard not to laugh out loud) what punishment the guilty deserved. Hmm, we decided we were both so mad that we just didn't know WHAT to do to him! He sat there in his misery on the couch while we discussed many serious consequences. (OK, we might have had a little too much fun with that part......but hey, this has been going on since Christmas and I am so OVER it!) We finally decided to send him to bed for a nap. He was asleep in less than 5 minutes and has now been sleeping for 90 minutes.

While he was sleeping, I discovered 4 more urine soaked pairs of underwear hidden, plus a pair of short. Several were still wet. See? He really did out do himself. How one small boy can produce that much urine in 24 hours amazes me. And to think, it was all for me. I am soooo touched.

P.S. The 'KIT' was a vial of eye drops, Q-tips, and a small sample size bottle of hair spray. I am such a CSI!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Operation Chub Chub Update

2011-05-07T18:18:00.000-05:00

  First, let me tell you that going without any meds is HARD. He is doing a fantastic job of holding it together most of the day, but be evening he is a hot mess. He absolutely cannot control himself. He twirls and spins and bounces on the furniture. One moment he is upright and the next upside down. he has absolutely ZERO impulse control. Yesterday he was caught standing at the top of the slide peeing on his brothers head below. (Poor Ahren, he thought it was raining....LOL!) In desperation I talked to the head doc I work for at the neuro-sensory clinic. She recommended some neurological supplements to try. She said they may not be the total answer but they could help. I was ready to try anything!

  I loaded up on the 5 supplements she recommended, each bottle a 2 month supply for a child his size. (Dosage depends on age/weight, so a bottle goes a long way for a teensy guy like him) We started them today. One is in drop form, one chewable, 2 are capsules you empty into food (he never even noticed so they must not taste bad) and one is a cream you rub into their skin. I dosed him this morning and said a silent prayer.

  This afternoon I had a doctors appt so I took him with me so they could weigh him. I knew what our scales at home said, but I wanted a direct comparison. Unfortunately, last weekend was cold so he was wearing jeans and today was HOT so he had on shorts. I am sure that affected his weigh in. The great news is he is UP 1.6 pounds in one week! (I knew he was also recovering form being sick so that is really not that amazing. I think his actual gain from his baseline is more like a pound.) Pretty good!

  You know what the absolutely amazing, stupendous, fantastic, miraculous news is? He was totally calm, quiet, polite and well behaved. He sat quietly on my lap and then moved to a chair. Then we dragged him on several errands and grocery shopping and he was perfect. The doctor even asked me what I had done to him, and when I told him we were going med free he was dumbfounded. He wants me to show him the supplements because he has never seen anything like this before. I am not convinced yet, because I don't believe anything could work that well the first day.........but, maybe, just maybe, we have figured out something. If his brain chemicals are off, and we can right them with this type of neurological support, well then HOORAY.

  I am going to wait a few days to tell you what they are exactly, because I don't want everyone to run out and buy expensive supplements and 2 days later I say, Uh Oh, My bad. If he continues like this for the next few days, I will hook everyone up!!!!!

Operation Chub Chub

2011-05-02T07:21:00.000-05:00

Seth had a doctors appointment Saturday morning. It was a routine re-check for his ADHD meds.

He's a Goofy Goober

  The first surprise came when they weighed him and he was down a pound. He seems so much bigger to me, but he did have a cold last week and that might explain it. The next surprise came when they measured him. She got 45 inches. He was only 40.5 inches in December, so she measured him again. Yup, 45 inches! I guess I didn't notice because he has been wearing shorts. Sure enough, size 5T jeans are highwaters on him! That's 3.5 inches in less than 5 months. Wow!

  The doctor was very concerned about his height to weight ratio. He cut his dosage in half, told us to not medicate him on weekends and try to fatten him up. We have one month to get his weight up or they will have to switch his meds.

  So Operation Chub Chub begins. I got a gallon of chocolate milk, a quart of heavy cream, protein powder, eggs, cheese, tofu, real butter, fresh rolls, dark meat chicken and anything else I could grab that was fattening in a healthy way. He will be getting 5-6 small meals a day, plus as much milk and juice as he will drink. No sodas, no koolaid, no sugary non-healthy drinks that fill him up but add no value.

  Yesterday was Day 1 and he ate like a champ all day. Twenty-nine days to go.

House Detective

2011-04-28T07:48:00.000-05:00

  In my every day life I wear many hats. All Moms do this, some juggle more hats than others, but we all do it. One hat I wear almost daily is that of House Detective. You see, my house is inhabited by someone named 'Not Me' who seems to be hell bent on destroying things, making messes and wreaking havoc. This little person, Not me, is very very quick and silent. He is really, really hard to catch.

  Just this week he filled the tub with water and toilet paper, smeared poo on the wall of the bathroom, dunked a shoe in the water, and threw plastic easter eggs all over the living room. I have tried to catch him in the act, no luck. I have interrogated all of the witnesses, but never get anywhere. I have offered rewards for anyone who can give me information leading to the arrest of Not Me, but no takers.

  I think I am going to have to set up a sting operation!

My New Job

2011-04-27T19:04:00.000-05:00

  You might have guessed by now that I went back to work. I fully intended to stay home with my kiddos but the most excellent, wonderful, perfect opportunity fell into my lap. I said No at least 4 times before I finally accepted. I am now working for the Neuro-Sensory Center of Houston. I am actually going to run a satellite clinic (which is already set up) near my home. The training I have been receiving is all in preparation for taking over the clinic. I assume the leadership role on June 1st.

  So what is a Neuro-Sensory Center? They specialize in working with all sorts of kids with visual, neurological and sensory disorders. It is specialized therapy for very special kids. I am learning at an extraordinary rate and loving every second of it. No one has ever taken me under their wing and taught me so much, and at such a quick pace! I didn't learn this much in two years of vision therapy as I have in just a few weeks. I still have much, much more to learn.

  One quick funny and then I have to go. There is one special sweet boy that I have connected with. This little guy, who I will call S, has serious neuro-muscular issues (oh my heart) and is really struggling. He is adorable and smart and full of energy. The first day I met him he demanded to sit in my lap the whole time he worked. I agreed. The next visit he quietly found me, took my hand, and led me to his therapy session. He had me at hello.

  Today he was working with another therapist and I was working with another patient. I was standing there explaining a technique when suddenly I felt two small hands on my behind. I looked back to see S grinning like a fool. i gave him a quick hug and sent him back to work. Afterwards his Mom apologized but I told her no problem. S and I were tight, and I didn't mind. I gave him a huge hug before he left and watched as his grinning face disappeared into the parking lot.

1000 OMG!

2011-04-24T18:28:00.000-05:00

  We went to the birthday party of a dear friend yesterday. The little guy is also an adoptee and turning 2 years old. Coincidentally, he looks just like Ahren at that age, so he is a fave of mine! We had games and fun, cake and singing. Ice cream, an egg hunt and lots of good times. We then retired into the house for the opening of presents. All went smoothly, which is amazing given the number of small fry in the room. Once the presents were finished, the kids began to play and the adults to talk.

  There was a toy box full of the little guy's toys and the kids began to explore. Just as the room came to a lull, Ahren shot to his feet, holding a small battery operated back massager in his hand. He then loudly, and quite clearly announced,

  " This is a vibrator!"

  My mouth fell open and my head fell to my hands. The group began to guffaw with hilarity. Lots of comments were sent my way accounting for my taste in early education and the importance of basics. I am never going to live this one down.

Post 1000, at my expense!

Post 999......

2011-04-23T18:36:00.000-05:00

  I can't believe I am about to post my 1000 blog post. How can I have that much to say????? Oh well, it might not have been riveting, but it was real, and honest and totally true. This is the legacy for my kids. My feelings, the events, the struggles, the joys. All of it, in realistic black and white. I can never convey how much I love these kids. That is not possible. No way. No words describe that kind of love. Fierce and protective, total and complete, deep and encompassing. I really have no words that fit.

  Ahren.......Genetic testing results. I had high hopes for this set of testing. I wanted so badly for an answer. Some direction for us to go. Unfortunately, the genetic testing only covers 126 known mutations. It does not look for insertions, deletions, or duplications. It leaves a huge amount of genetic errors out. Ahren tested normal for the known mutations. We already knew that he did not fit into any known category. This just confirmed that.

  Several times recently people who do not know us well have commented that he seems totally normal. They look at me as if I am TRYING to find something wrong with him. Like I am a monster who needs the attention a sick child would bring. It hurts me so much. You have no idea.

  If they lived with him, they would see him fall many times a day, hurt himself and struggle with normal activities. They would see that his speech is worse than before. That he won't try and eat anything that requires chewing. That he cannot do what he did 6 months ago, he cannot keep up, he cannot participate.

  He has no reflexes below his hips. None. They pound and pound and no response. He drools, he struggles, he tries so hard. He looks so happy and normal, but he is not. It just keeps getting worse. My heart aches to help him, to protect him, to make him complete. I love him so very much. He is not normal, no matter how he appears. Do not expect him to be normal. He just can't. My sweet boy......

Wee Butterfly/Hummingbird Garden

2011-04-18T07:45:00.000-05:00

I am not doing a vegetable garden this year but I did want to add onto my butterfly/hummingbird garden. This one is tucked up against the house and protected by a large hedge. There is a water faucet right there for convenient watering and over the past few years I have amended the soil so that it is less red clay and more real soil.

I mentioned yesterday that we drove a long way to a specialty nursery (I picture it somewhat like the nursery Elle works at) and bought lots native plants. Salvias and celosia, pentas and lemon verbena. Many things I had never even heard of, but would attract the butterflies and hummers. Luckily it didn't hit the triple digits but it did hit 90 degrees.

While we planted and worked the boys entertained themselves quite well.

And because of the extreme drought, even though these plants are supposed to be deer-resistant, we fenced it in for now. I'm sure the homeowners association will ding us, but until we get things going and the rain finally comes, my sweet little plants are safe. Even as we worked butterflies began to swirl around us and this morning I saw hummingbirds on the plants. I have a soaker hose twined all around them and next is a nice cushy layer of mulch.

I do love to garden.....

I knew there would be fallout

2011-04-17T08:40:00.001-05:00

  Later I want to tell you all about my week of training to work with special needs kids, but right now I need to focus o n my own special child for a bit. I knew he would struggle with having me gone this week and there would be fallout. I tried my best to talk him through each day, give him extra love in the evenings and to never leave in the mornings without telling him goodbye and how much I love him. I knew it would not prevent the fallout but in my wee lil brain I hoped that somehow it might help him to begin working through the anxiety and start to have a tiny bit of understanding of his own self.

  I finished training at noon yesterday (Saturday). When I got home the husband had laundry churning away, had gotten all three boys to martial arts and had fed them lunch. (Lord I LOVE that man) We got organized and headed out to a specialty plant nursery located southwest of Houston (we live north of Houston, so quite the drive) As we were grabbing DS games and such to occupy small peoples I smelled a nasty-ness from the boys bathroom. Ah, yet again someone had done a large nasty poo and failed to flush. Around here that is totally normal so I thought nothing of it.

  We tooled around the nursery for an hour, loaded two wagons up with plants, then paid and headed home. Boys played outside while I made dinner, then played inside until bed. Bedtime was easy-peasy and I was thinking that the day had been really great.

  It is now Sunday morning and the fallout has appeared, but this time it was unique. This child is brilliant, a very very smart child. I am amazed at his brain power (and a little scared that I will not be able to stay ahead of him later on) He is running around in his tighty-whiteys and ask he passes me I notice a large white lump in the back of his pants. My first thought is that the poor child has a dryer sheet in his pants, so I ask him to come to me so I can get it. He freezes, he starts to back up and stammer. This is clue #1 that whatever is in his pants is there on purpose. I ask him to come to me, and he fights it but finally comes over. I look in his pants as he whines and cries. Guess what I found? A wad of poopy toilet paper stuck to his butt cheek.

  Now this is where the brilliance plays in. He knows that if he poops his pants he will have to wear a diaper, but he needed a way to punish me for being gone. The smarty pants figured out a way to get poop in his pants without technically pooping them. The messy toilet paper just accidentally fell into his underwear. Yesterday. Before we left for the nursery. Eeeew!

  I had him sit on a chair next to me and think about why he did this and he couldn't get up until he could remember (after cleaning him up first). Of course this was NOT going to happen. I kept telling him he wasn't in trouble and that I wanted to help him but without knowing why I was stuck. He hemmed and haw'd, he scratched his arm and talked about bug bites, he changed the subject fifty thousand times, his eyes rolled around until I wondered if they would fall out of his head. Finally, I asked him if he wanted me to guess why he did it. He did.

  Honey, I think you were upset at Mommy because she was gone this week. You felt you needed to show Mommy how bad you felt and this is how you did it. More than anything you just were scared and mad and that is OK.

  His little eyes filled with tears and I scooped him up and hugged him tight. I told him it was OK to be upset and mad, but he needed to talk to me and get lots of hugs instead of showing me with poop.

  Baby steps. I know this is not the end of the poop wars. I know he still has a long way to go. But today I am very proud of him!

More training on Special Needs

2011-04-16T18:58:00.000-05:00

I need to make this quick. Three little boys need to be slowing down and heading for bed, but I had to make one quick post.

This week of training was amazing. I learned so much and met some amazing kids. I am working with a Neuro-Optometrist, a specialist in the brain -eye connections. Oh my, it is sos exciting. I will post much more soon. It will be soooo helpful.

Love you all!

Garden Plans

2011-04-14T19:41:00.000-05:00

  I love to garden. I have a set of raised beds (the soil here is nasty, so raised beds help a lot) inside of a deer-proof fence that is my garden. Each year I plant the plants I love to eat plus a few new choices to try out. I love puttering around in there, picking fresh produce and enjoying the outdoors.

  Unfortunately, the last two years we have suffered a severe drought and extreme heat which is not good for a garden. As much as I have tried to nurture the plants, most of them have failed to produce. I have gotten very few tomatoes, four servings of green beans that were tough and sunburned, no watermelon, no citrus, no peaches, no peas, no onions, no peppers. I did get a lot of cucumbers last year, but that has been the only harvest I have gotten.

  this year we are still in a severe drought, maybe even worse than years past. The temps are already higher than those the last two years. The cost of plants/seeds, fertilizer and water, water, water, far out-weight the produce i have been able to harvest. So this year, my garden will lie fallow. No plants, no green sprouts, no produce. Instead, I will use the money I am saving to visit the farmer's market. I will miss the joy I get from the garden, but not the anguish over the fight to keep the plants form burning up.

This weekend is supposed to hit triple digits here. I may not miss my garden that much if it stays this hot.

Mama Bear Blew

2011-04-13T07:42:00.001-05:00

  Sigh. I try very hard to do all the best things for my kids and to protect them from the ugliness of some people. The docs told us that we should get Ahren into some sort of physical therapy so I have been researching that and visiting offices. I have not found anyone near our home that will take him or that has experience with his type of issues. So instead, we signed him and myself up for the same Martial Arts that the other boys take. I figured by me being out on the floor with him I could help him and he would be much more likely to participate. This is week #2 for us in the family beginner class. Up until last night it was going great! The owner and instructors knew our situation and were so supportive and kind.

  Last night there was a substitute instructor, a man who I have seen around but don't really know. He ran the class like a boot camp. When we didn't do things fast enough for him, he kept making us stop and do push ups and sit ups. He yelled a lot and he moved very, very fast. Everyone was struggling to keep up so we did a lot of sit ups.

  About 30 minutes into the class I saw Ahren flag down the instructor and ask him if he could get a drink of water. (Note here: Ahren's kidneys struggle to keep up with the waste products of his disease. He has lots of crystals in his urine and we prevent kidney stones by having him drink large amounts of fluids every day) The man told him No, he had to wait until the whole class could get a drink. My mouth dropped open for a second and then I began to move. Luckily the other instructor called for a water breeak right then, having seen Ahren asking. Ahren went to get his water and I went to talk to the man.

  I approached him and began to tell him that he cannot tell Ahren he can't have water, but before I could explain why he cut me off and denied he told him no. Well, now, hell's bells I heard him with my own ears! So I tried again and told him that Ahren has to have access to water, and at that point he cut me off again. Oh no he dint! BAMMO. Mama Bear appeared out of no where. My finger went up into his face, I turned red and my voice was steely. I told him to never, ever tell my child no again or we were leaving. Then i wagged my finger under his nose and told him Do Not Tell My Child No! And I stomped off.

Clarification: I only told him he could not say no to getting water. Our kids get told No plenty of the time and know to take it with grace. But water for a child with kidney issues? Do not deny him that!

  Not my best moment, but boy was I ticked. He wouldn't even let me explain. Then after class he disappeared so I didn't have the chance to explain then. Coward. Do not mess with my baby boy, especially once I learn how to kick his butt martial Arts style........

Today was Hard

2011-04-11T18:19:00.000-05:00

  As Essie says, kids 'no likey change'. This week will be all about change. New schedule. New sitter. New routine. Less Mom. I feel horrible about doing this to them and yet, I need this time, this training, this focus. I need to grow as a human being to enable me to be the best I can be for them. They don't understand this. I don't expect them to. Their world is narrow and focused on me. But if I cannot be the best I can be, I cannot be the best Mom I can be. That's my view of the situation.

  So this week I head off to expand my horizons, in a very meaningful way, and I leave behind the most important people in my life to fend for themselves for a few days. I feel so guilty, and yet I am so psyched. That makes me feel MORE guilty. Darn guilt. I live with it 24/7, in my dreams, under my skin, between my very cells. Guilt.

  Guilt arises from our desire to be perfect, to be better, to be the best. If we cannot meet the criteria, we feel guilty. So what in the world is a perfect Mom? Perfect to whom? Perfect how? When? In what way? Who defines perfect????? In all honesty, perfect is whatever we Are Not. It is something else we desire to be, to attain, to control, but it is not possible. Not in our minds, not in others minds, not anywhere. Perfect does not exist. Never, ever, not in a million years. No perfection.

  We need to give ourselves a break. We do the very best humanly possible. Better than most. Above the curve. Greater than the masses. We deal with the most challenging kids, the ones everyone else gives up on, the ones no one wants. We need to remind ourselves of that. Our bar is set way higher than the rest. We cannot judge ourselves by their standards. These are not ordinary days, lives or emotions.

  We need to be kind to ourselves. Nurture ourselves. Love ourselves. No one else understands. We need each other. I love you my friends.

It was a hard day.

Sarcasm is Lost on Them

2011-04-11T06:21:00.000-05:00

  I love sarcasm. Love, love, love it. I can wield the sarcastic comment like a light saber (or as my kids call them light saver). Swish, swish, cut right through you. Unfortunately my lil guys do not get sarcasm. It is wasted on their little heads.

  I mentioned Mr. Bossypants. He corrects me all the time. My usual response is a snarky one intended to point out how ridiculous what he said was. It backfires every time.

  Mom, when you tie your shoes you have to pull the strings.

  Really? Cuz I never would have known that. Thanks for pointing that out. (dripping sarcasm)

  You're welcome Mom! (happy look on face)

My sarcastic talents are wasted here.......

A Little Clarification and Mr. Bossypants

2011-04-09T13:02:00.000-05:00

  After I thought some about my post yesterday about vision therapy with kids on the spectrum it dawned on me that I was not clear enough about the connection. You see, there is no connection. Vision problems do NOT cause autism and autism does NOT cause vision problems. The training is for being able to effectively work with all kinds of special needs children IF they have a vision problem that therapy can help. Our normal ways of working with kids do not apply in many of these cases.

  Take for instance, the non-verbal child. He knows sign language and can communicate quite well, but we have to know it too or we have no means of communicating with him. That leads to frustration and break downs. No bueno.

  I am so excited to continue this training. I have such a soft spot in my heart for special kids. I love helping them in any way I can.

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In our house we have a young man who I will refer to as Mr. Bossypants. This young man seems to think he runs the show around here. He orders everyone around, corrects everyone else's mistakes, and let's everyone know how it's supposed to be. If you say anything, his first response is, 'No, it is such and such' even if he says the exact thing you just said.

Example: Driving along the road today we saw a house that obviously was hosting a small child's birthday party. I said, 'Oh look, they are having a birthday party'. Mr. Bossypants replied, "No, they are STILL having a birthday party".

Mr. Bossypants also feels it is his duty to tattle on everything he sees, hears, smells or imagines. All. Day. Long. Every tiny detail. Stupid stuff. Dumb things like 'he looked at the door' or 'he yawned, make him stop'. He sits directly across the table from a brother and I hear it at every meal, 'he is looking at me'. Well, now, Mr. Bossypants, maybe I should make him wear a blindfold, or better yet why don't I just get a stick and poke his eyes out so he cannot look anymore. I mean, how could he? Look straight ahead of him and see you? The nerve of that kid!!!!!

Mr. Bossypants also has a problem with me when I do not understand what he is talking about. He will tell me, 'You know that thing that I saw with the red on it? What is that?' Now I have no earthly idea what thing he saw, and cannot answer his question. If I say I do not know, he just re-states the question LOUDER, as if I just am hard of hearing. If I again can't answer him, he will growl at me, tell me I do too know, and re-state the question over and over. He must think I am the Mommy edition of Google because he will NOT take 'I don't know' as an answer.

Mr. Bossypants is also a master of the obvious. He likes to get everyone's attention and then state some little factoid like he has just discovered a new planet. This morning it was that he knew what kind of knife I was using to butter his toast. 'It's a butter knife' he proudly told everyone. I swear he then sat back and waited for the applause to begin, or a parade or maybe a ray of sunshine to gild his bossy head. If he doesn't get immediate recognition of his superior observation skills, then he gets extremely grumpy and snarky. It must be so hard living in this ordinary family when you have such super-observation powers like his! I am just thankful that I have someone beside me 24/7 who can point out all the obvious things around me. I don't know how I survived without him! I might have had to resort to buttering toast with my toes.....

Awesome Special Needs Training

2011-04-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

  I have spent the last day and a half training to do Vision Therapy with Special Needs kids. I had worked with some at my old job, but most of the kids were normal except for a vision issue. This training was in-depth and expansive. It was also EXHAUSTING!

  These two sessions were all about kids on the autism spectrum. How to test them, how to connect, how much to demand of them, what realistic goals to set, and much much more. We tested a 4 year old non-verbal autistic boy who also has sensory integration disorder. By the end of the testing I had him smiling at me and making some eye contact. Then we worked with a 7 year old who was a little higher on the spectrum, moderately verbal and a little more mature. I had him high-fiveing and laughing at my make-believe handling of a huge trophy to give him. (The mother was absolutely amazed at how well he did)

  We worked in teams of 2-3 adults per child. We did HOH (hand over hand) to teach therapies. We adapted therapies to work standing up or sitting down or whatever made the child most comfortable. We did NOT ask questions, but instead made observations that would lead a child to the right choices. I learned that we are building new neurological pathways for these kids where none existed before, so we intervene a l ot at first and then slowly withdraw our cues until their own brains make the connections.

  Next week I return to work with kids with CP and those in wheelchairs. A totally new area for me. I will also learn how to work with several other major issues. I am so excited! My brain needed this stimulation and I needed some new tools in my arsenal. Once I am done with all this training i will share it all with you. The case studies we went over were mind-blowing! The progress is slow and takes a lot of hard work and dedication, but I think we all understand those concepts.

  Now I am going to find my jammies, eat a bite of dinner, and do a face plant in my pillow.

Top Five Annoyances from RAD

2011-04-07T10:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I mentioned that the therapist wanted me to list the top five behavioral issues we wanted to work on with the boys. Oh boy was that hard, because 1) there are way more than five, and 2) it changes by the day/hour. I was able to make my list and here it is:

1) Boundaries. They lack any sense of boundaries. My space is invaded continually all day, every day. No privacy, no moment to think, no phone conversations, no personal space. The pic above is what I see when I take a shower. Is it any wonder I prefer to go stinky some days?

2) Constant non-sense chatter. Talking just to be making noise, not holding a conversation or even asking a question, just jabbering. Unless you have actually dealt with this you would never understand how they can manage to talk for hours at a time about nothing. I think water boarding is kinder.

3) Lies. All kids lie, usually to stay out of trouble. These kiddos lie for no apparent reason and with no incentive to it. If I ask them anything they glaze over, eyes begin to roll, stammering starts and out comes a lie. It's incomprehensible to me. It takes way more energy to lie than to just answer the question truthfully. Definitely some sort of short circuit in their lil brains.

4) Voice modulation/baby talk. These go hand-n-hand at our house. One child had no idea how loud or quiet his voice was and would also scream out baby talk at random moments. I would have him 6 inches from my face and screaming his words at me (not mad, just loud talking) and then when he would be in the back seat of the van he would whisper trying to tell me something. We used a visual system to help him learn and modeled the right tones. He is 95% better now, but we still have to remind him at times.

5) Rages over absolutely nothing. It's zero to fifty in a split second. I say something perceived as negative and WHAMMO their head spins around and they levitate off the bed. Ahren rarely ever has a rage anymore. He is so so so much better. Seth's have decreased immensely in both number and severity. I see lots and lots of progress here, but we still have a ways to go.

So while I was typing this one child chattered at me the entire time, climbed on and off my lap several times, kissed my arm, my back and my cheek and said Mommy at least 25 times. (No exaggeration) Sometimes I have to remind myself how far they have come and try and focus on the positives before I lose my mind!

Could this work?

2011-04-06T11:20:00.000-05:00

  The use of imagination and thinking outside of the box is the best tool I have for parenting this motley crew. I take what I learn from others, then spin it to fit my boys. it is trial and error most of the time, but I feel so happy when I stumble across something that really works.

  Today, I think I stumbled into a real genius move. (That is definitely tempting the fates so I figure by tomorrow I will be eyeball deep in bodily waste and begging the Reality Fairy for forgiveness)

  One small boy has many nervous habits. Shredding his food, picking his nose until it bleeds, putting his hands in his pants, just to name a few. This child will be heading off to kindergarten in the fall, and I know that a child walking around with both hands stuffed into his underwear all the time is not going to fly. I have reminded him constantly (he seems completely unaware that he is doing it) told him I would tape his pants to his shirt (never did, but did seriously consider it) put a diaper on under his underwear so his hands didn't just slip in there, and talked, talked, talked to him about how it will affect him outside of our home. None of this made any difference. None at all. I was bracing myself for daily calls from the school and my child getting labeled by his peers as a pervert.

  And then, as I was cleaning out the winter clothes, I saw it. Lightbulb moment. Overalls. I almost let out a little hysterical giggle. Overalls, he can't get his hands into his underwear without some serious contortions. No mindless hands-in-pants nervous habit. He can still get them on and off for pottying. Unfortunately I only have one pair so if they work, I will be heading to the Osh Kosh outlet store and stocking up. Once we break the habit he should be fine from then on. Today is Day 1 of the great overalls experiment.

Ugh, I just looked over and although he is so adorable in the overalls, he has a bloody nose. One step at a time.

  That reminds me of something the therapist asked me. He wanted me to make a list of the top 5 things I wanted to work on for this child. Then we would systematically address one at a time. That list was incredibly hard. There were so many annoying, poor behaviors to choose from! On any given day, it could be any of a large number of behaviors that might be the most annoying. Can you pick the top 5 things you would want to fix? Let me know what they are. I am interested to see......

Monday...Again?

2011-04-04T11:03:00.000-05:00

Lately time has been flying by at an incredible rate. I just finish breakfast and it's time to start dinner. I lay down to sleep and it's already the next afternoon in a blink. I (hopefully) have a few min to throw up this post and get back to my project I started yesterday. (For the record, cleaning out all the toys, sorting, donating and discarding as needed equals No Fun!)

Aspen, the dog who was so bruised and beat up after being spayed, bounced back in a few days. The vet who did the surgery finally talked to me. Apparently she hadn't been back to that clinic that week, so when the 'vet' wouldn't come out, it was because they were a substitute and didn't have a clue what to tell me. Anyway, the talk I had with the real vet went really well. Apparently the bleeding happened when Aspen woke up and began to thrash about wildly, causing the bleeding and bruising. The bulge under the surface was the line of internal sutures. The vet triple stitched it since Aspen is a very, very active dog and very muscular. That made it much more prominent. All in all, not the best experience but I am comfortable with it now. We had a heck of a time keeping the stupid e-collar on her. She chewed on it, pulled it off, figured out how to bend it over so she could reach her stitches and just caused mayhem all the time. I had bruises on my legs where she would come charging up to me and ram me with it. She got stuck in many places trying to force the thing on her down the path she was determined to go. She's a sweet girl but not the brightest bulb in the fixture!

We have about 10 days left before we can expect the genetic testing results for Ahren. It sounds odd, but I really hope we get an answer and know exactly what we are dealing with. He has lots of symptoms that all add up to some sort of syndrome, most likely originating from a genetic source. The ataxia (loss of balance) hypotonia (weak muscles) extreme flexibility, lack of reflexes/diminished reflexes, ocular motor apraxia (inability to move his eyes without moving his body) abouli (lack of motivation) colored marks in the whites of his eyes, ears are low set and slightly rotated, delayed motor skills, no loss of cognitive skills, and a bunch of minor things that may or may not be related.

Go check out our other blog, Boyz in the Kitchen where we explore food and cooking, taking it one adventure at a time.

Time to lighten things up

2011-04-03T16:31:00.000-05:00

Isn't that just the most pathetic looking face you have ever seen?

For some reason, all the Trauma Mama's I know have been struggling lately with regressions, increased poor behaviors and lots of kid's poor choices. I know it has been true for us and not just limited to the RAD kids. Even my 7 year old totally 'normal' son has been a handful! So instead of hashing through yet another one of our 'issues' I am choosing to ignore the bad stuff and focus on the funnies. Here are a few lighter moments from recent past......

Ahren, sitting in the backseat of the car, playing his DS while we wait for Levi in the car rider line. Suddenly he bursts out, 'Now that was really mature you guys!' Then he asked me what 'mature' meant.

Levi got a book at the book fair at school on Thursday. By Friday morning he was on Chapter 9, by the end of school he was on Chapter 15, and he finished the book before dinner. All 21 chapters. He is a first grader. Wow! Chris went and bought him an e-book and I will be loading it up with good books for him to read. We also made a reading nook in his room. A bookshelf, bean bag chair and lamp.

The dogs dug a huge hole in the backyard, so Chris bought bags of dirt, filled in the hole and then put a fence around it. Two minutes after he walked inside, Aspen was inside the fence digging like crazy at the fresh dirt. It's a good thing I was outside because I was laughing watching Chris flail his arms and yell at the dog as she sent dirt flying.

I cut the two younger boys hair the other day then rinsed them off and plopped them in the big garden tub to play and soak off the stinkies. I told them absolutely NO standing up in the tub or they would fall down and get hurt, then I went to vacuum up the hair and clean up. Several minutes later, as I walk back to the bathroom I hear loud giggling and hear a huge splash. Uh oh. As I round the corner I catch Ahren standing on the ledge/pot shelf above the tub ready to do a cannon ball. My heart skipped a beat and I screamed at him to get down. The bathroom had water all over it, up to the ceiling. Guess that wasn't the first cannonball. I reminded them that I told them not to stand up, but they told me they didn't stand up IN the tub....

Levi has learned how to text with my phone. He likes to send really silly and weird messages to his sisters. They love it and always write back. That is so sweet!

We have been cleaning out flower beds and getting spring plants in the ground. The boys love to help, although their help is sometimes less than helpful. I had them pulling weeds in one bed and before I knew it two bushes got yanked out and chopped up. Doh!

I know there has been more funny stuff but I just can't remember any more. Can raising RAD kids give the parents PTSD? I am voting YES!!!!

So Sweet....and yet

2011-04-02T16:29:00.000-05:00

  I had the most wonderful conversation with another Mom of children with issues. I first wrote 'adopted children' but since I know first hand not all children with issues or even RAD are adopted, I figured I would be more general/correct. Crystal, it was AWESOME talking to you. Her son and my son seem to be two peas in a pod, with many, many of the same behaviors, hang-ups and quirks.

  One thing we both have dealt with is the overwhelming, suffocating 'love' these kids dish out. I don't want to seem ungrateful in any way. I am so very very glad that my son shows me affection. He might be in-securely attached but he does not hesitate to show his love. But.....sigh....he uses it as a way to manipulate. For instance, if another child says he loves me or stops for a hug, this child immediately is all over me, kissing my arms, back, shoulder, and declaring his love. If we are out anywhere, he will look up at me adoringly and loudly tell me, 'Mom, I love you', eliciting many awes from the people nearby. No matter what I am doing, and believe me there are very few boundaries he does not cross, if any, he will lay on me, rolling around and petting me, grab my face in his hands and tell me how much he loves me. The more involved I am with what I am doing, the more demanding of my attention he gets.

  The most recent expression of this tenuous attachment is the use of Ma'am that the martial arts school teaches. They told the kids that they show respect by saying ma'am and sir and that they should always respect their parents. I thought that was an awesome idea, until it was put into hyper-drive. Do you know how annoying it gets to hear ma'am 200 times a day? And then to have the child also point out that they said ma'am and requires positive affirmation of their uber-awesome respect? How can something so respectful make my skin crawl? I am to the point I wish he went back to saying he hates me! (Not really......well, maybe slightly true)

  I feel so guilty for letting this behavior bother me so much. I read about all these parents who would give their kidney to hear those words, even just once, and here I am COMPLAINING! What an un-grateful slug I am!!!! (Note: he just came over while I am typing to squeeze my face in his hands, kiss me and let me know he loves me) Please feel free to hurl rotten fruit in my direction......

Eeeeeww....Gross!

2011-04-02T15:35:00.000-05:00

Today's post has nothing to do with poo.

Seriously.

No poo.

Instead, I bring you the story of a water heater gone over to the dark side.

Our home is only 3 1/2 years old. Way too soon to have major appliances and systems breaking down. Unfortunately, no one told one of our water heaters that. Over the past year one of them has given us many problems. The builder still covers the unit under warranty but we have to pay labor every time they send the plumber out. After several visits and months of sometimes working/sometimes leaking and making messes, we finally just turned it off and got by with just one water heater. (Hey, sometimes when you ignore a problem, it goes away. Right? Yeah, not so much.)

So earlier this week I was a laundry tackling fool, cranking through load after load of dirty clothes, towels and bedding. I was kicking laundries buttox. That's when I noticed that there was water seeping through the ceiling in the kitchen. Oh craptastic! I dashed upstairs and ran into the attic to see that there was water all over the floor right in front of the water heaters. I looked everywhere but couldn't find the source of the water. No water was leaking form the heaters, none from the pipes, the roof, nothing. All I could do was go back downstairs, turn off the water to the whole house and call Chris. When he got home he checked too and could not tell where it came from, so he turned the water back on and when he did, a huge wad of snot-looking stuff shot out of the emergency release valve on the bad heater.

The next day Chris called the builder who made arrangements to replace the defective water heater. Apparently turning off a defective heater full of water is not such a good thing. When they began to unhook it, all the nasty stagnant rusty water in the heater drained down into our pipes. No one told me this could or would happen. I found out the hard way. I turned on the tap and something looking like root beer began to flow out. I flushed all the taps for 30 minutes before the water was completely clear again.

I took this picture after 15 minutes of flushing. Anyone want a glass of water????

Boomerang Effect (also known as Fallout)

2011-03-31T13:09:00.000-05:00

  There are certain things that happen around here that will most certainly result in some very poor behavior from small boys. Any disruption to the routine, any 'fun' event like a birthday or party, an illness, visits from family, etc. Each boy reacts in a different way, but it is usually pretty predictable.

  Seth has an issue with each time we have to spend time with Ahren for doctors visits, therapy sessions or testing. The last three times we have had to focus on Ahren he has done the same thing : pooped his pants. The incident when he threw the poopy drawers into the dryer and I started it? That was on a day we spent downtown seeing doctors. The day I spent with Ahren getting his MRI? Hidden poopy pants in my closet. The day we had to visit the specialist after the zoo? Poopy pants he then played in at the doctors office. So when I had to spend 6 hours with Ahren on Tuesday getting another set of testing done and then speech therapy, I knew what my punishment would be.

  But......he made it through Tuesday just fine. It helped that he got to go to a friend's house and spend the day there with our beloved Nanny, and that the other boys were very jealous of him. Then yesterday I could see him winding up and beginning to unravel, but we made it through and had a great/hard workout at martial arts last night. (Oh the joy of the martial arts!)

  And then today......KABOOM. The uglies swung around and smacked us good. Nasty behavior and talk this morning, lots of demands, and then the inevitable. I found him secretly trying to wipe the poop off of his rear end. He swore up and down he didn't poop his pants. He tried his very best to convince me of it. In fact, he made up a story of how the poop was stuck in his bottom and he had to dig it out and that is how he got all messy. Well either the boy has a serious intestinal issue or the Poo-Punishment had struck. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is probably a duck. A dirty duck in his drawers, that is. So I calmly cleaned him up, then fetched him a diaper and diapered him up. We had discussed this in the past. Non-threatening and calmly, that if he had trouble then we would supply him with the right gear to handle the issue. If poo cannot go in the potty, then it needs to go into a diaper. Plain and simple. We love him and will provide him with whatever he needs, we are his parents and that is our job.

  Well, I am telling you if you felt a disruption in the universe this morning it was the fury that spewed from that small boy. He screamed and cursed and said every mean thing he could think of, he kicked and smacked and spit and rolled around like a scalded monkey. But....he did not get off the bed and he did not take off the diaper. (The bed is our safe zone for big tantrums. He can hit and kick and roll around and not get hurt) It took almost an hour until he was calm enough to come out and talk. I had him wear the diaper for another hour or so, then let him change, talking to him calmly and lovingly again.

  Now he is calm, regulated and happy. It's almost like the wild electrical activity of a seizure, how the rage tears through him like a storm, and then once it is spent, everything is fine again. He is once again a charming, respectful, happy little boy. I am so proud of him for being able to work through the rage while staying in the safe zone. He is understanding some of the boundaries and I think he actually appreciates them, deep down. They help him to feel safe.

One quick funny story: Levi was talking about someone he met, and he was trying to describe him to me. He told me that he had really thin ankles, and he was from, you know, that place where all the African Americans were.

Me: thinking hard, a place where all the African Americans are? Stumped.

Levi: Oh I know, Africa. He was from Africa!

Well, how very PC of our boy! LOL!

I Can't

2011-03-30T12:42:00.000-05:00

  Does anyone else have a child whose first response to everything is 'I can't'? I struggle with this since I am a very Can Do type of person. Heck, last Saturday I took a woman's self defense class and for 2 hours I beat the living daylights out of bags, pads, and instructors. I learned to throw a much larger person off of on top of me if they managed to get me to the ground. Never sis I say I Can't. Instead, I said, 'No guts, no glory' and ended up a sore, sweaty mess, but very happy.

  Ahren approaches everything cautiously. I am not sure if it is because a lot of things are difficult for him, or if that is just his personality. Put on your shoes...I can't. Wipe yourself....I can't. Open this pack of crackers.....I can't. What really amazes me is that he is also a master manipulator. He bats those big eyes and smiles his sweet shy smile and people do anything for him. At the neighborhood Christmas party he had two women making his ornaments for him. All the other kids had to make their own! That made me laugh. But still, he is off to school this fall and how is he going to manage? I will have to have a talk with the teacher ahead of time. Not to tell her to help him, but the opposite. Make him do things for himself. He is perfectly capable of slipping his shoes on and off, etc. If his teacher helps him he will never want to try for himself.

  I recently learned that he is quite capable of eating some foods that he had been avoiding for some time. He would not eat anything he had to really chew. Meat or chewy candy, anything needing chewing. Nope. Nada. Couldn't. Then we saw the speech pathologist and started work on improving his speech and chewing/swallowing and miraculously, he could do it for her! He still struggled a bit. Beef jerky is still beyond him, but raw carrots and apples are a go. I think the master manipulator got me. I felt sorry for him so I gave him the soft food choices he wanted instead of challenging him. I was worried he would choke. Oh well, I know the heimlich. No guts, no glory.

The Truth is so Very Complicated

2011-03-28T13:49:00.001-05:00

  I know that RAD kids have problems with telling lies. It's some sort of self-defense mechanism gone awry. Still, knowing this and not being ticked off by it are two different things. I guess what gets to me the most is the absolute absurdity of the lies and how totally un-productive they are. I mean, I can totally understand a kid lying about breaking the lamp so as not to get into trouble. That seems logical. Telling a lie about something inconsequential blows me away.

  Case in point. This is the scenario in my kitchen this morning. Son, what do you have in your mouth. Answer: nothing. Now I clearly saw him chewing and only asked out of curiosity but now I am on alert. Whatever it is, he thinks it is a problem. So I press the point and immediately begin to get stammering, eye rolling and blinking, and parts of sentences that make no sense. I tell him, calmly, that I think he has gum in his mouth and he starts telling me he is sorry. I ask where he got it, he tells me in the bedroom. Is that where the rest of the gum is? Yes. I search. No gum. Next story is he put it back on top of the refrigerator, so I look and again no gum. (Now I am getting ticked because if he is climbing up on the counters to get on top of the fridge then he was in dangerous position) I send him to his room to think about where the gum is. Finally he tells me that it is hidden behind my bed. I find a mostly empty pack of gum and several empty wrappers. I have no idea where the gum even came from. Never did get that out of him.

  Now, the gum chewing before breakfast is a minor no-no. It would have elicited a very small reaction of 'spit it out and don't do that again'. Instead, this child is on restrictions all day. No electronic games, early bed, no sweets. Plus they get the joy of listening to me remind them about lying every half hour or so all day. Maybe it will sink into that little wonky brain, maybe not. In fact, i really doubt it will. This will need to be repeated many hundreds of times and then, maybe then, it will dawn on him that lying makes things worse.

  Do any of you have any secrets/tools/tricks to help them learn to stop lying? I will try anything short of dancing naked in downtown rush hour!

Update: it is now 4:30 pm and my day has been challenging. Take one child on restrictions, add a pit bull puppy who ate a child's expensive shoes, a bedroom door that mysteriously got locked and the key conveniently lost, a prescription that had to be picked up from the doctor's office to go get filled, another dog who threw up on the living room floor, a plate of ketchup dropped on the dining room floor and freshly washed sheets that got peed on and you have my day. So far. There are still hours to go. And I wonder why I never get anything accomplished around here......

Skinny Kids

2011-03-27T16:55:00.001-05:00

I have a lot of experience trying to keep weight on kids. Almost 19 years of experience now. Kaytee was my original weight challenged child. She was always in the 95% for height and about 15% for weight. She was always growing taller, just never any bigger around. Today she is just a hair under 5'10" and weighs 114 pounds. It's funny, though, she doesn't look scrawny, more long and lean. it's just how she is built. And boy can that child eat! It makes my mama's heart happy to see her gobble down a home-cooked meal when she visits.

Then along came Ashley who was very sick for the first two years of her life. She couldn't tolerate breast milk, formula or soy based products. She had intestinal bleeding, projectile vomiting, infections, hospital stays, you name it. Keeping food in her was a challenge! She had many food allergies that caused her to vomit and have other intestinal 'issues'. She was also very tall and although she grew well, keeping the nutrition going was an issue!

And then, Levi joined the clan and once again we had a tall, skinny child whose height to weight ratio was poor. At the age of 3 years old he got a bad intestinal bug and ended up in the hospital for a week. They almost sent him home with an NG tube (a tube down his nose to his stomach to provide liquid nutrition) but at the last minute we got him drinking. I still had to take him in to the doctor every day for almost 2 weeks to make sure he didn't lose any more weight. That was a scary time and really taught me that a child who has no extra body fat reserves is at risk.

Ahren has his own food challenges. He is not skinny, more stocky and round than my other kids, but because of his poor chewing skills and constant constipation issues, we have adjusted his diet in many ways. The speech therapist/swallow expert has further modified what he eats. I am happy to report that we have been able to maintain h is healthy weight through all of his challenges.

When Seth came along he had some serious eating issues. He fought tooth and nail at every meal to control everything. He would work himself up so much that he would end up vomiting his food. He is never going to be a very big person, but at the age of 4 he weighed 28 pounds and wore a 2T. He was a master at manipulation through food. I feel so sorry for his other mother. She tried so hard to feed him good food, but it wasn't about that. He craved control and that was an area he could take it. No matter how hard she tried, he won, even though it was at his own expense.

When he came here we completely threw the eating rule book out the window. He could graze all day long, choose what he wanted (from many healthy choices) eat a little, get up and walk around and then return to the food and eat some more. No, this didn't teach any good eating habits, but what it did was give him all the control and get him to start feeding his body. Then, slowly, slowly, slowly, we added some rules. Now we are back at the point that he has to eat at the table, not get up and leave the food, choose from limited choices (peanut butter or ham sandwich for lunch) and not leave his food just because he wants to go play. In one year he has grown 4 inches and gained 10 pounds. The average growth at his age would be 1 inch and 2 pounds. Also, with some reflux meds and a lot of patience, he does not throw up any more. In fact, he loves to try anything and everything new to eat. He loves spicy food and is fearless about new foods. He is still way too skinny for my liking, but he is growing very, very well. I will just continue to try and fatten him up!

I can practically see his spine! And yet, his legs have gotten very muscular. He is on his way!!

Very Good Days

2011-03-26T08:15:00.000-05:00

  Lately we have been having many very good days. The kind where at the end of the day you are not exhausted, you are still smiling, life is good and you look forward to another day with the kiddos. Why? I don't know. Once we got back on track after spring break things just seemed to fall into place. I have been making the effort to point out to each boy how great they are doing, what fun it is to be with them and how wonderful our days are. I am hoping to stretch this good spell as long as possible. It has definitely helped that the weather has been awesome and we spend a lot of time outdoors. Sunshine, fresh air and lots of physical play is a magical combo.
  Ahren started speech therapy this week. After 2 sessions he is already showing improvement. It helps that he is head over heels in love with the therapist and will do anything she asks. We have been practicing at home, too. The improvement I see is in his ability to say his L's now. He is really trying. He also has exercises for strengthening his jaw muscles. I'll post some pics later. He is eating up the special attention he gets.
  Ashley had a really spectacular Thursday this week. First, she had interviewed for a job and they called and hired her on Thursday. Way to go Ash! Then, the new laptop that my hubby bought for her arrived at her house. I thought he had gotten a re-furbished off brand laptop, but instead he had splurged and gotten her a re-furbished MacBook Pro with all the bells and whistles. When she opened the box she squealed in delight and immediately posted pics on her facebook. When I talked to her she was so excited she sounded like Minnie Mouse!

  Oh, man, I knew I shouldn't have said anything about how good things are. The two little ones just got into a slap fest and called each other nasty names. For no logical reason. Now there is crying and door slamming, lying, and ugly garbage talk. (Their favorite thing lately is to tell me I think they are ugly) It's good to know things are normal around here.

They called him Snapper

2011-03-24T14:10:00.000-05:00

On the way home from school yesterday we saw two cars pulled over on the side of the road. Two women and several kids were all huddled around something in the road. As I passed I saw that it was a turtle and in danger of getting run over. I pulled over too, and asked the women if it would be all right if I took the turtle to our pond. They said yes, but to watch out, it was trying to bite. I picked him up by the shell, avoiding his claws, and deposited him in the back of my van. The women were in awe that I was not scared to pick him up! I have to admit, he was quite ferocious and his claws were very long! We took him home and I washed him off in the tub so I could see if his shell had any damage. Besides a few little chips around the back edge of his shell, he was perfect. (A cracked shell can cause a turtle to get a serious infection and die. You can patch them with fiberglass, though, so they will heal) For the record, he really loved the bath. He stretched out and shut his eyes and just let me gently wash off all the mud and grass. After Chris got home, he and the boys took him out to the pond where he happily scooted into the water and swam off. He is a snapping turtle, indigenous to this area, and will live very happily eating little fishies in the pond. He will get quite a bit larger, though, so we won't be doing any swimming in there.

You can all call me The Turtle Whisperer!

Seriously?

2011-03-22T17:58:00.000-05:00

We are working hard to get back into our normal routine. We NEED routine. We NEED boring, no surprises, same ol' same ol'. Without routine, all is lost. My sanity, their manners, progress. You know, all the important things.

Yesterday morning Seth said a bad word. I explained that the word was not allowed to be said in our home and that he was absolutely not to ever say it again. Well, 3 minutes later guess what came out of his mouth? I told him that since he now knew this was an unacceptable word, that he had to have a punishment. For his punishment, I sent him to brush his teeth and get rid of all the nasty in his mouth. I thought that was such a great punishment! Seth didn't, though. He immediately began wailing and screaming and throwing toys, then proceeded to hit himself in the head over and over. Oh boy I just wanted to snatch him up and turn him over my knee! Instead, I scooped him up and held him like a baby, gently rocking him until he calmed down. Then I sweetly asked him what was so bad about brushing his teeth. He looked totally confused. So I re-counted how he had said a bad word twice, and that I had sentenced him to brush his teeth to get rid of the nasty. So what was so bad about brushing his teeth? His answer: nothing. Well then why did he have such a tantrum? He looked even more confused. We ended up talking for a while about how if he would actually listen to me, he wouldn't have to throw a tantrum and everything would be fine. But if he didn't listen he was actually getting upset over nothing. We talked about it several times during the day, too, just to try and drive the point into his brain. It always amazes me how his brain works. He is super smart, but when the wiring shorts out he has one, and only one, reaction. Total meltdown. How do you un-do that? Will he ever get beyond that? It's bad enough at age 5, but what about when he is 15? Will he have any self control? Is he going to end up in prison because he has faulty brain wiring? I worry so much about his future. He is such a sweet, adorable little guy with so much going for him. It breaks my heart to see him struggling.

Let's all take a big collective sigh of relief

2011-03-21T15:03:00.000-05:00

We survived Spring break 2011!

Where is my prize....

A boy and his Gremlin? Buster has turned out to be the best, most perfect dog for our family. We use him in a lot of therapeutic ways. Learning to care for and have empathy for an animal is an important step in a RAD child's emotional well-being. Here is a living thing that depends on us, even more than our kiddos, and they get to help care for them. Of course, you have to have the right animal. One that loves kids, can handle the occasional over-zealous child, is calm and even tempered, and has boundless energy. That describes Buster to a T. A plus is that he thinks he is a boy not a dog. He climbs playground equipment, plays with the horses and sleeps under the covers.

Have you ever had a good idea that goes terribly, horribly wrong? Yeah, well I had this bright idea that i could get some free time to bake a batch of cookies by giving the boys some cans of shaving cream and sending them outside to play with it. I could then rinse them off with the hose, plop them in the shower and have clean kids in time to start supper. Brilliant, right? Then the back door flew open and in bounded this. A shaving cream coated dog, who ran all over shaking and spreading the stuff everywhere. My house now smells faintly menthol-y.

Kaytee and her new baby, Aubrey. That is one teeny, tiny little puppy. She is smaller than Ashley's guinea pig and she is already over 12 weeks old. I told Kaytee that absolutely, under NO circumstances, was that dog coming to live with us. She's bringing her to me for the night tonight so I can flea bathe her. Kaytee is afraid to do it so it's Granny Wen to the rescue!

Boyz.....

2011-03-20T06:17:00.000-05:00

Levi and Seth have been taking Martial Arts. I love that they stress manners, respect and self discipline. Ahren tried it, but he just couldn't do it. He doesn't seem to mind. He likes to watch them instead.

The Tooth Fairy has been getting quite a workout at our home lately.

March Madness has nothing to do with basketball

2011-03-18T09:22:00.000-05:00

The only March Madness around these parts is the out-of-control herd of small boys. There are no basketballs involved (I almost wrote no 'balls' involved and then realized that it could be interpreted a different way, which made me giggle. A sure sign early dementia has hit me)

Conversation in the car:
Boy: Remember that place with all the planes?
Me: Do you mean the airport?
Boy: No, no, no, no the one Daddy took us to.
Me: Daddy took you to see airplanes?
Boy: No, No, No, No the place with the pets.
Me: A place Daddy took you where there were pets and airplanes?
Boy: NO NO NO (getting very irritated at me) the place with the train that was on the road with the cars
Me: Planes, pets and a train on the street? (very confused now)
Boy: (now yelling) NO NO NO we just went there but you wouldn't let us ride
Me: (light dawning) Do you mean the zoo?
Boy: YES! (big sigh)
Me: (how dumb can I be, that was totally obvious) What about the zoo?
Boy: Nothing.

I wish I hadn't used all the vodka to make vanilla extract. Then again, that was probably a wise choice considering all things.

I feel like one of the Mama monkeys we saw at the zoo, with a small child clinging to her all day long. If one child isn't rolling around on top of me, another one is. They hang on me, sit on me, touch me constantly, play with my hair, stroke my face, etc etc. A little cuddling is nice, but I feel like I am their big security object (which I am). I know anxieties are high this week, with Spring break and all. I knew this was coming. Still, I am exhausted and grouchy and we have 3 full days to go.

Activities we have done this week: (Note: budget and behavior keep us close to home)

The Houston Zoo
The Dollar Store (twice)
made necklaces
played at the park
went out to lunch, restaurant had large sand play area (sand in the queso, yum)
The Children's Museum (we have a family membership)
went out to lunch with many other kids/families
martial arts classes
outdoor play, lots and lots, involving mud, mud, mud
played with the horses, fed them carrots
play dates with friends, Levi had an overnight outing
Ashley is here (YEAH!!!)
a little shopping
new DS games (Overstock.com, I love you)
67 temper tantrums, slammed doors, hitting, tattling, annoying behaviors, kicking, spitting, hair pulling, incessant yammering, fake tears, screaming, etc etc. Too much fun equals fallout.

Going to try and go bowling today. I am wondering if it is such a wise idea to hand large heavy objects to small crazy boys. Watch for us on the news......

We saw the specialist

2011-03-16T17:01:00.000-05:00

  I am going to make this a short and sweet update. All of Ahren's basic bloodwork was fine, the MRI was totally normal and he scored just a little lower on the neuro-muscular test scale. Next step is a comprehensive genetic screen looking for deletions, mutations and small replications that are linked to known disease states. This involved getting one tube of blood. We should have the results within 4 weeks. The next test after that is a muscle/nerve conduction test. This will again require sedation. Oh joy. Better that way though, than seeing him all freaked out like with the MRI. The doctor was so nice and really genuine. I guess in the end his expertise is worth the delayed timetable. He even offered us his personal work e-mail address to keep in touch and ask questions.

  We spent the morning at the Houston Zoo. The weather was perfect. Cool shorts weather, which is the best time to see the animals. They were all out and most were moving around. We managed to cover everything we wanted to in just over 3 hours. Then we ate a home-packed picnic lunch and headed to the med center for Ahren's appointment. The traffic was horrific and I ended up getting out of the car in the stand-still traffic and running with Ahren down several blocks to get to his appointment on time. Just as we got to the building entrance Ahren tripped and skinned both knees. I dragged that poor crying, scraped up child onto the elevators and up to the office. (He didn't even bleed. I had his hand and saved him from really hitting the pavement. But according to him he was dying!)

  The doctor's office is where the very worst event of the day unfolded. As we sat in the exam room, we began to notice a certain odor. It got stronger and stronger. Chris asked Seth to walk over to me and that's when it hit me. A wave of noxious stench so powerful I saw the wallpaper curl up. Sure enough he had pooped his pants. I tried to get him to sit still while the doctors were in there, but noooooo. He had to hop all around, spreading the fumes like a gas chamber. When we left the office we still had to hit the lab for the blood draw. As we were sitting there waiting to be called, I looked over to catch him with his hand in his pants. I pulled him towards me and realized he now had poop all over his hand, his shirt, his shorts and his leg. I pulled out the only supplies I had in my purse. Kleenex and hand sanitizer. I got some of it cleaned up, but I know I missed a lot. For the record, I can catch vomit in my hands and not wince. Blood doesn't phase me. Pee all over, no problem. But feces? Oh man. Nasty!!!!!

We finally got out of there and when we reached the van I pulled out the pack of wipes, spare clothes, and a plastic bag to contain the putrid clothes. I'm not sure we could have driven home without all that gear and being able to de-contaminate thoroughly. I can still smell poop. I want to scrub my hands with Clorox and sand paper. Maybe an acid bath that removes a few layers of skin would help. All I know is that one small boy is headed for a very warm, very soapy bath very soon. Head to toe de-poopifying. I am afraid to even guess where else the poop is hiding.......

Insecure Attachment

2011-03-15T13:54:00.000-05:00

I can say with certainty that Seth is attached. It's been over a year and there was a lot of hard work involved, but he is definitely attached. But (there is always a but) but....it is an insecure attachment at this point. What do I mean by this and how do I know? Well, he is attached, genuinely loves us and demonstrates appropriate interactions with all family members, but he is still fearful of losing us and has a lot of anxiety.

All day long he seeks me out and needs to know I am still there. I cannot go to the restroom without him finding me and asking me something, just to hear me answer him. I can tell him exactly where I am going, have him watch me walk into the bathroom and still, 30 seconds later he has to be at the door asking me something. Same thing if I am on the phone. He knows he is not supposed to interrupt me, but he cannot help himself. He is compelled to ask me something just to get an answer so he knows that I still am available to him and that I know he is there. If I cannot or do not answer, he will crawl all over me just to be sure I KNOW he is there and have to respond physically. I think of him like a little bat, sending out little sonar bleeps all day long, pinging off of me to let him know I am there. The more anxious he is, the more bleeps he sends out. One day after he got in trouble (pretty big trouble, not the routine stop annoying your brother sort) he literally hung off of me all day long, repeating over and over 'I love you'. He knew he had upset me and it made him very, very anxious.

He shows his anxiety in other ways, too. I have mentioned before that he tends to shred his food when he eats. It took me a while to really figure out why he does this. At first I thought it might be that he needed smaller pieces to chew, or that he had trouble with certain textures. Nope, pure nervous habit. He will sit down to eat, then talk incessantly, wiggle all over in his chair, and shred his food with his fingers. I don't think he is even aware he is doing it. He doesn't do this nearly as much any more, but if he is feeling extra nervous we can bet he will shred everything on his plate and eat very little.

He also has nervous habits like picking his nose until it bleeds, or having his hands down his pants constantly. These also increase in relation to his anxiety level. When he is really anxious they become almost like nervous tics. He doesn't know he is doing it and is helpless to stop it. I can't tell you how many times we set out in the car and by the time we get somewhere his face and hands are all bloody and he doesn't even know it. You would think it would hurt, but he seems surprised when I show him the blood. He will even fight with me telling me he DID NOT do it and it's not because he is denying it. He doesn't realize he did.

Most days now we see only minor anxiety in him. He was able to handle some really big things lately with little or no ramping up. Even when he gets upset now, he calms down in a matter of minutes with very little intervention from us. Of course, what upsets him is not always logical. In fact, I laugh some days at the silly things that he gets all riled up about. I understand, though, that often the deeper emotions pop out in odd ways. He isn't really upset about the silly thing at all. It's just a safer outlet than revealing the true things that get to him.

One big thing we have worked very hard on is keeping the happy memories of his previous home alive in his heart. He had some deep hurt that we have worked on letting go, and have been developing an understanding that their home was just a stop on the way in God's plan. He now accepts that they loved him but he was meant to come to us. We talk about it a lot. He also loves to hear the story about how each child has come to us, either from my tummy, on an airplane, or picked up at a convenience store. They each have their own special story because each is their own special person!

Progress is measured in the number of moments he is calm and happy, not leaps and bounds, but it is still great progress.

Ahren Update

2011-03-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

Oh Ahren. I utter those words so often! He is such a beautiful, happy, ornery, silly boy. Some days I still have to stop and just stare at him and convince myself he is really here. Working as hard as we did for three years to bring him home leaves some deep scars on a Mama's heart.

So where are we in figuring out his physical diagnosis?

See below:

We spent 2 half-days with a speech pathologist having every speech, fluency, language and swallowing test done she had in her arsenal. Last week i sat down with her to get all the results. (BTW, if anyone near here needs a speech professional I absolutely LOVE this woman!) The final results are that Ahren has no problem swallowing yet, but he does have difficulty chewing effectively. The muscles in his jaw are weak, so we will be doing strengthening exercises for that. The other issue is that he has a moderate fluency disorder. He has good vocabulary for his age, but when he has to put together a sentence or find the words to free-express himself he cannot find the words. It's sort of like stuttering and sort of like aphasia combined. He knows the words but cannot find them at the time. If you give him a choice to pick from he can easily voice himself. He also has great difficulty with many letter sounds that he should have mastered by this age. He will be starting twice a week therapy sessions to help this.

On this Wednesday we finally see the pediatric neuro-muscular specialist again and go over all the test results, discuss diagnosis and the plan for further testing and/or treatment. I am thoroughly ticked that it has taken so many, many months to even get to this point, but the upside is that by going right to the best specialist available in the southern U.S. we may have saved time in the long run. It was a calculated risk, but I still don't know if we chose the right path. I do know that whatever is wrong has only progressed a small amount in the last few months, thank goodness. He will no longer ride his bicycle, which he used to love. He doesn't climb into the play fort either. He will still go outside and swing, but that's about it. His speech is worse now than 6 months ago. The difficulty finding words is new, but the enunciation of certain letters is the same. The chewing issue is also nothing new. Shoot, the child's favaorite food is mash-a-tatoes. He would live on those if I let him.

One thing that the speech pathologist shared with me is that he is most certainly yanking my chain on some things. He is perfectly capable of chewing small bites of meat, which he showed her quite willingly. Here at home the only meat he would eat is things like soft meatloaf, diced chicken and so forth. He actually ate chunks of ham and small bites of beef jerky for her before he tired out. Now I need to push him, to insure he doesn't lose function from non-use. Little booger! Beef jerky. Really?

I will let y'all know what we find out later this week. I also have updates on Ashley, Aspen and all the other players here at Chez Chaos.

Oh, and I am the biggest loser of all time. I forgot my Dad's and my Sister's birthdays recently. Now I have to try and figure out a way to apologize and make it up to them, and not make them think I have totally lost my mind, which I have, and not seem a total blonde ditz, which I also am, and let them know how much I really, truly, and completely love them, which I do. (Does that sentence seem clunky????? Oh well, it matches my brick of a brain right now!)

Spring break has begun

2011-03-12T08:57:00.000-06:00

This is not what you are thinking. Well, if you are thinking that this is a very large bottle of cheap vodka, then you are correct. But this is not my plan for surviving Spring break! (Even as tempting as that sounds) It is being transformed into the very best Vanilla Extract.

Madagascar Vanilla beans, split open

(reported to be the world's best beans)

Add 3 beans to each cup of Vodka

Store in a cool, dark place. Shake every few days. In several months I will have really, really yummy vanilla extract for cooking. I can't wait to make home made ice cream. You can keep adding vodka to the bottle as you use some, then eventually add more beans. It's a renewable source.

The Toothless Texan

2011-03-11T15:13:00.002-06:00

Fibbing and such

2011-03-09T16:45:00.000-06:00

  Oh the little ones with issues, how they try me so. If it's not one, then it's the other. They are awesome at the tag team tantrums. The past two weeks have been especially trying. I am not sure what has spurred the recent craziness since none of the normal triggers are present. Nothing has changed, no new routines, no holidays/birthdays/vacations, nothing. I guess sometimes they ramp up 'just because'.

  There has been a huge spike in anger, lots of door slamming, talking trash, telling me No when I ask them to do something, and all around poor behavior. I can't even count the number of tantrums brought on by NOTHING and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. No logical reason anyway. They hit out of the blue, like a tornado, and rain destruction on all in their path. Sometimes all I can do is duck and cover and wait until it passes.

Here is an example: I asked one boy to come into the kitchen. Whammo, kaboom, pow, his head blew off and venemous lava spewed forth. He wasn't in trouble, I just wanted to ask him a question. It didn't matter. I could have told him he had just won a new car and probably still gotten the same response. I made him sit next to me until he had cooled off, then asked him how he could have handled that better, then asked him my question - what would you like for breakfast.

On another occasion, one child 'borrowed' something that wasn't his. I then told him that I would have to take one of his things to pay them back, and I told him I was going to take his remote controlled helicopter. Oh the screaming and hitting that ensued! Only problem is, this child, not any of the kids, owns an RC helicopter. I was just joking. I actually laughed at that tantrum it was so absurd. Afterwards I pointed out the joke and he laughed.

  And then there is the lying. Lies about little things, lies about bigger things, lies about nothing. It doesn't matter why, it just is a lie. All. The. Time. Normal consequences have no impact on this. Logic has no impact on this. Rewards for the truth have no impact on this. The only solution I can come up with is to NOT ask them, but just TELL them. As in, someone took my phone out of my purse and I found it in the bedroom. No one is allowed to get into my purse. Therefore everyone will do the following to help them remember this rule. (Insert punishment here) I like to use punishments that take a little while and hopefully benefit everyone. Things like pick up dog poo, pull weeds, put away clothes. (OK, things that benefit ME, but I deserve it!) Oh, and I talk, talk, talk all the time they are working. They may stop fibbing just to shut me up!

  Has anyone else noticed that kids with trauma issues do not understand humor? According to the experts, the development of humor is part of the ability to think outside of oneself and a part of normal development. It starts very young, when a small child will laugh when you put his shoe on your head and call it a hat. He sees that this is not true and gets the humor in the situation. Our traumatized kids do not think like this. They see the shoe and think, that's not a hat. Ahren gets humor now, but it took a long time for him to get it. Seth is still struggling with it. Sometimes he gets it, and other times he is totally lost. He can see humor better than he can do humor, though. He tries so hard to be funny and it is so sad how far off the mark he usually is. If he does make us laugh, he is so pleased and proud of himself, even if it was accidental. The other day I asked him what our phone number is, something we have been working on. He replied 877-cash-now and I belly laughed out loud. He then proceeded to repeat that about a million times, and also point out to me how he made me laugh. Each time I tell him it was indeed funny, and why. He will eventually get it, but the poor kid does not have a future as a comedian.

  The other thing I have been thinking about is how normal behavior modification absolutely does NOT work on these guys. Sticker charts, rewards, earning points, none of that works. They just do not have the ability to think beyond the moment and weigh the outcomes, good or bad. The type of behavior therapy that has worked for us is the visual cues coupled with verbal cues. Seth had a very hard time modulating the level of his voice. Everything was either a whisper or an ear-splitting yell. He had no clue if he was too loud or too quiet. So we developed a chart, using Mario characters. Bowzer was the 'outdoor' voice. Mario and Luigi were conversation voices, one a little louder than the other, and Princess Peach was a quiet voice. The chart hung everywhere and we would refer to it often and point out which voice he was using and which one was appropriate. I even modeled the voices for him so he could hear the differences. It took about a month but he got it. He is so much better now. No more screaming he loves me in my ear and no more whispering from the back seat of the van. It helped the other boys too. Only on rare occasions do I have to remind him to use the Mario voice, or Peach voice.

Boyz.....

2011-03-08T11:58:00.000-06:00

Someone needs to invent a Shower Shovel....